When All's Said And Done
By Polydicta
When all's said and done, what's left to say and do?
Disclaimer:
All fiction is derivative and fan fiction doubly so. I make no claim to own any part of any of the following, all I have done is an attempt to put together the elements in a novel fashion, using words and ideas like Lego ™ bricks.
There is no money involved – all I do is to share what I do for my own amusement.
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Chapter 1: When All's Said and Done
To an outside observer it would have presented a strange sight.
The Gryffindor common room was filled with people. Ron, McGonagall, Dumbledore and Lord Voldemort were playing bridge; Harry and Hermione were snuggling together on the sofa in front of the fire with Neville and Luna doing the same at the other end of the same long couch; Lucius and Narcissa were playing a game of Mousetrap™ with Dobby and Winky.
Crabbe and Goyle were both working feverishly on lap-top computers writing their doctoral theses … barring about three people in the world, anyone looking over their shoulders would totally fail to understand the longer words, let alone the mathematical equations they were spewing into the texts. Quantum theory is at best obscure, but this was on the far side of arcane.
Other unexpected groups were dotted around the room … Ginny and Susan Bones were sharing time with Draco Malfoy, who's hair was freshly washed and sticking up like an insane brush. Padfoot was curled up in dog form on the rug, enjoying the fire.
Remus was in the corner drinking butterbeer with a couple of dementors. They were playing dominos. Snape was watching avidly, his hair clear of the foul, sweat-smelling anti-inflammability potion it was usually slathered in.
Colin Creevy, most disturbingly, had Bellatrix asleep on his lap while the Lestrange brothers were involved in a complicated game of wizarding strip-poker with Amelia Bones and Cornelius Fudge. Who could know that Fudge wore acres of lace and satin next to his skin?
Antonin Dolohov was being used for target practice by the Weasley twins who were banishing every-flavour beans that he had to catch in his mouth.
Into the middle of this strange gathering flew Hedwig, carrying a letter.
Deftly, Harry retrieved the envelope. It matched the heavy, cream stationery inside. The writing, clearly word-processed and printed in an overly ornamented, looping font using lavender ink, took him a few moments to decipher.
"Can I have your attention please, everyone?"
All activity ceased as the room fell silent, all eyes on the young man with the snowy owl on his shoulder.
"This is a letter from the Department of Unrealities. To make a long letter short, it seems that not only are the books and films complete, along with the cartoons, comics and computer-games, but all the possible fan fictions have been written.
"The only thing outstanding is the occasional role-playing scenario, but we don't need to make personal appearances for those since the dungeon-masters fill in as required.
"So, Hogwarts will, finally, go back to being a hotel and we can all get on with our lives. I guess Tom and I would like to express our thanks for these great few years, and Hermione and I will be hosting a get together on this date next year at our new pub, the Broken Wand, situated in the basement of Grimmauld Place."