On a fine day under the sea, Mr. Eugene Krabs was counting his money at his office desk as always. He loved the smell that wafted towards him after each dollar flipped forwards. Having all that cash was euphoric in a way. You might even say it was...arousing. "Ahh...I'll tell ya, there ain't nothin' better than relaxin' with yer life savings," said Krabs with an erect crustacean cock.

"Er…" Squidward stared awkwardly as his boss began to pleasure himself by wiping his ass with a nice crisp Benjamin. "As much as I love seeing you have your 2:00 meeting, I'd like to know whether or not I'm getting my raise."

Krabs stopped and looked up at his cashier. "Sorry, Mr. Squidward. I, uh...I'm afraid I can't afford to be handin' out more money to either of ye."

"Can't afford to-?!" Squidward angrily yelled at his boss, "Mr. Krabs, you're literally ejaculating into a $500 bill!"

"I don't know what yer talkin' about," said Mr. Krabs as he scooped up the last of his gross crab semen into a $500 bill.

"You're one of the richest bastards in Bikini Bottom, and you own the most popular and successful fast food chains under the sea! Yet your restaurant still has a giant hole in the ceiling because you hoard your money and refuse to spend it!"

"That's not a hole!" Mr. Krabs tried to defend himself. ""That's the, uh, s-sunroof I had installed!"

"Spongebob's pet snail is in desperate need of expensive surgery that his insurance doesn't cover. It'll cost him about $10,000. You pay him a nickel an hour. That's not even close to minimum wage, Mr. Krabs!"

"It's not like that snail has long to live anyways! He's already 17 years old!" Mr. Krabs angrily replied, "Look, this is my restaurant. Yer the one that chose to work here because no other place in this town will hire yer unpleasant ass and unsightly big nose. So ye can either take yer paychecks or start workin' fer free!"

"...Whatever, I give up." The squid started to head towards the door. "I'm going back to my job so I can afford the bleach I'll use to kill myself."

"Wait! Squidward!" Krabs cried out to his employee, "Be sure to let Spongebob know I want to talk to him next!" Once his door was closed, the shameless crab went back to circlejerking himself.

-MEANWHILE-

On the same fine day in Gravity Falls, Oregon, Mr. Stan Pines was counting his money at his office desk. "Ha ha ha!" he laughed heartily, "Another job well done. Gotta admit, I really outdid myself this time with that exhibit. I dunno who that 'Hair Lamby' gorilla was, but stuffing his corpse and displaying it sure brought in a whole crowd of teenagers!" He removed his button-up shirt to caress his crusted nipples with a pair of dollar coins.

Soos, who had been watching in silence the whole time, waited for Stan's orgasm to subside. "Heya, Mr. Pines! Um, I was wondering if we could-"

"AAUGHH!" shouted Stan in surprise and began dressing himself again, "Soos?! How long have you been standing there?"

"You let me in about ten minutes ago. I started talking and you kinda...went on to something else."

Stan's eyes widened in realization. He now remembered opening his office door and seeing Soos' chubby, badger face, and he mentally slapped himself for letting his mind wander to such perverted activities. "...Yyyyes. Well, uh….uuhhmmm. Yeah. So whaddya need anyways?"

Soos smiled. He breathed in and out through his nose and said, "Well, Mr. Pines, I was wondering... could I maybe get a raise?" He got the last bit out a bit quickly and flinched as he waited for his boss to respond.

"A raise?" Stan raised his voice a bit. "What do you need a raise for? You live with your grandma. Besides, I pay you plenty."

"I-I know, but…" Soos stammered nervously and tugged at his hat rim, "Well...it's just that Christmas is coming up, and there's this new game coming out soon. It doesn't have to be a huge raise, I mean...I could do more work if that'd be ok."

Stan stared at his repairman for a while and sighed. He stood up out of his office chair and walked around his desk, looking into Soos' eyes and placing a big sweaty hand on his pudgy shoulder. "Look, Soos. You know you're like a son to me, don't you?"

Soos' eyes lit up. "I...I am?"

"Of course you are, Soos. That's why I can't give you a raise, you see. I don't have any more work that needs to be done, and if I give you more money for doing the same amount of work, then I'm not teaching you responsibility. That would mean I would be failing as a father, right?"

"W-well… I guess you're right."

"There ya go, Soos! Already becomin' a man, I see! Now, off you go! I need some private time!" Stan rushed out as he pushed Soos out the door.

"Oka-" Soos was cut off by Stan slamming the door and locking it.

Stan let out a deep sigh and went back to his desk. "Finally, some alone time. Being boss sure is stressful on this old body. Time to give it the attention it deserves…" He wiggled his trousers off and began handling his dick with one of those cardboard tubes you keep loose change in. He slid it up and down on his shafty cock and singed off his nipple hairs with sand paper. He kept at it for several minutes, moaning and gasping the whole time until his eventual orgasm showered his office in cock juice.

At this moment, somewhere in the woods of Gravity Falls and the depths of Bikini Bottom, two wormholes were forming, pitch-black and bursting with magic energy. It's as if these two were meant to be brought together by the will of the Universe itself.