You and My Ranch Tooth

Takuya sat on the couch, staring out the window watching the rain falling from the sky. Why can't I get the courage to ask Izumi out? He pondered; I know I have feelings for her, but why can't I come forward and just tell her? God, she sure is pretty. I wonder if she likes----

His thoughts were interrupted by a nasally shout of "Ranch!" It was that stupid ranch tooth again. Why did I have to give into corporate propaganda? Thought Takuya, Ever since I ate that ranch burger, that stupid tooth has been following me around. This is about as bad as the time Kouji was in that shampoo commercial.

FLASHBACK:

Takuya was sitting on the couch, watching a trashy daytime soap promoting incest and witchcraft, when a commercial came on.

"Do you want your hair to be silky-smooth?" asked a female announcer, "Then buy Sensual Hair by Martin Cordo. It'll make your hair so thick, it'll strangle you while you're asleep!"

What appeared to be a woman was taking a shower while the announcer was talking, Takuya took extreme interest on the woman in the shower and then she shouted, "Yes! Yes! YES!!!" and the person turned around. "She" was really Kouji!

"Oh God!" shouted Takuya as he barfed on the floor, "Someone please cork my eyes!"

END OF FLASHBACK:

"Ranch!" shouted the Ranch Tooth as it hopped on the couch. "Would you just go away?" muttered Takuya, "I'm having enough problems without you getting in the way."

"Ranch?" asked the Ranch Tooth.

"No, a ranch burger won't make me feel better."

"Ranch?"

"I said no!"

"Ranch?"

"Argh!" Takuya knocked the tooth over and said, "I've got to do some serious thinking." He opened the front door and went outside in the pouring rain. He walked a few blocks away, trying to sort out his conscience. I like her so much, why do I keep getting cold feet? I mean, it's not like she's the ugliest girl ever created and I would go out with her just to cheer her up. Heck, even if she was the ugliest girl in the world, I'd still be in love with her. She's so nice and gorgeous. At that, he sighed, picturing Izumi in his mind.

Takuya continued walking down the street, as he reached the corner he saw Izumi standing there. She was dressed in her regular outfit and was holding an umbrella, Takuya licked his lips and thought, Here goes nothing.

"Takky!" said Izumi cheerfully, "What are you doing out here in the rain?"

"Nothing much," said Takuya, "I've just been thinking about stuff." He looked at the ground and said, "Izumi, there's something I have to tell you ----"

"Ranch!" shouted a familiar voice. Takuya looked across the street and saw the Ranch Tooth standing in front of a barbershop. "Oh, great."

"I see you've got a Ranch Tooth," said Izumi dryly.

"Yeah, he's just a load of fun." Said Takuya unenthusiastically.

"Ranch!" shouted the tooth.

"Listen, there's something I've got to tell you," said Takuya to Izumi, "I ---"

"Raaaannnch!" called the tooth.

"You're ruining everything!" shouted the boy.

"Ranch!"

"Sorry, my Ranch Tooth is calling," growled Takuya. He stomped away from Izumi and went across the street to the tooth. "Ranch!" said the tooth as it saw him approaching. Takuya grabbed the tooth, and slammed it against the building. "Listen, you over-grown hunk of enamel!" snarled the boy, "I was just about to confess my feelings to Izumi and you screwed everything up!" He put the tooth down, grabbed the side of its head and said, "Now come on, we're going home and you'd better not say 'Ranch!' or I'm going to cover you in soda, make you get cavities and take you to the dentist!"

Takuya had gotten in the shower when he got home; the hot water hitting his body was nowhere near as hot as the anger that boiled within him. Stupid Ranch Tooth! He thoughtas the days event's played again in his mind. He then added thoughtfully, well, at least tonight's poker night at Kouji's, what could go wrong? Once a month, Kouji hosted a poker game at his house, where JP, Kouichi, Takuya and himself could play a game of poker while killing time better spent doing homework or playing a mindless video game. Izumi and Tomoki never attended the get-together because the former thought it was a mindless game that men play and the latter because he thought it was too confusing.

That night, Takuya, JP, Kouichi and Kouji were seated at a table in Kouji's house playing poker. Kouji twirled his bandana on his left hand and had a cocky smile spread across his face. "Come on, bro," he urged his brother, "Let's see what you've got." Kouichi revealed his bad poker hand and said, "I guess I'm out now." Kouji grabbed his brother's poker chips and said, "Come to poppa!"

Kouichi stepped away from the table, sighing morosely and the game continued. Takuya was about to make a move when he saw a certain figure wearing a cowboy hat sitting on the chair next to him, Oh nuts, he thought. "Ranch!" shouted the tooth. "Who let him in!?" grumbled JP as he made his move. "Ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch," chanted the tooth as Takuya made his move.

"Tell your stupid Ranch Tooth to shut up!" shouted Kouji as he slammed his fist down on the table. "Ranch, ranch, ranch," said the tooth quieter. "This is about as lame as the time Takky forced us to watch The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai!" complained JP.

FLASHBACK:

Everyone was in Takuya's house watching The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai. Izumi had fallen asleep, Kouji was busy arm-wrestling JP, Tomoki was playing a game on his Game Boy Advance and Kouichi was reciting lines from Hamlet. Takuya was the only one who had taken any interest whatsoever in the movie cheering and saying, "You go, Buckaroo!" "Can't we watch something not as lame?" asked Tomoki, "Like maybe a Star Wars movie or something?"

"Buckaroo Banzai isn't lame!" protested Takuya, "It's a staple of the 1980's, proving you don't need big budget special effects to capture an audience."

"It still sucks." Said Kouji as he won the arm-wrestling match.

"Ohhh!" groaned Takuya.

END OF FLASHBACK:

"Sorry guys," said Takuya, "I just can't get rid of this Ranch Tooth!"

"I'm sure you'll think of something," said Kouji gruffly, "Now hand me those chips!"

After the poker game (Which Kouji had mysteriously won) was over, Takuya went home with the Ranch Tooth, who kept saying "Ranch!" the whole time.

That night, he had a nice dream where he shipped the Ranch Tooth to Morocco. Then a nasally voice echoed through his mind, "RANCH!"

"Gahh!" shouted Takuya as he lapsed back into consciousness, "You stupid tooth!" He sat in bed, thinking about what he should about his Ranch Tooth, when an idea ran through his mind. "I've got it!"

The next day, Takuya went into his bedroom and said to the Ranch Tooth, "Come here, boy!" "Ranch?" asked the tooth as it came forward. The boy punched the tooth in the face and threw it into a box, he ran over to JP's house, dumped the box at the door and rang the bell and shouted, "Delivery!"

He ran away, JP took the box inside, opened it up and a bloodcurdling "RANCH!" boomed throughout the block.

Takuya said, "Now that the Ranch Tooth's out of the way, I've got to tell Izumi how I feel about her."

He walked into the park nearby and saw her standing by a fountain, he approached and said, "Izumi?" She turned around and asked, "What is it, Takuya?"

Okay, let's just get this over with, said Takuya to himself, Let's hope this works. "Uh, Izumi?" said Takuya, straightening his hat and jacket, "There's been something I've been wanting to tell you for awhile now."

"Really?" she asked, "What is it?"

"Well," said Takuya, "It's just that you're a very nice and beautiful young women, and I respect your kindness and beauty. Any guy would kill himself to have a girl like you. In fact, I don't think there's anybody else like you in all the world, I don't know if there's anyone who's as modest, kind, or as pretty as you." Oh man, did I really just say that?

Izumi sighed, "I have something I've been wanting to tell you, too. I'm in love with a boy." Takuya could already feel his heart sinking.

"A kind boy," continued Izumi, "One with rugged good looks, a positive outlook on life and a stubbornness that makes him really cute."

"Kouji," said Takuya with tears already forming in his eyes.

"No, silly," said Izumi, "You!"

Takuya felt the tears immediately dry up and he said, "I love you, Izumi Orimoto."

"I love you too, Takuya Kanbara." She said.

The two hugged each other and kissed. After about a minute, Takuya removed his lips from hers and asked quietly, "So, tomorrow night's good for you?" "Sure thing, Takky," responded Izumi. Their hands locked into each other and Takuya walked Izumi home.

Meanwhile, JP was dressed in rags while fleeing from the Ranch Tooth. "HELP!!!!!" shouted Junpei as the Tooth gained speed on him. "Ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch!" chanted the tooth as it followed JP down the street. "HELP! SOMEBODY CALL THE COPS!" the boy shouted, "THIS CRAZY THING WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Ranch!" shouted the tooth as it gained on JP. "AHHHH!"

A/N: So, what did you think of my first Takumi fic? Please Read, Review and Git-R-Done! There's more chapters to come!