Stephenie Meyer, Edward, and Bella died. Everyone else lived happily ever after. The end.
But it wasn't, really, because Edward and Bella banged their way to hell and had a freak vampire baby, somehow, because REAL vampires can't get it up. Only Bella knew that she had been slipping Edward special death-formula Viagra so she could have his mutant sparkly children. Satan, however, did not approve of Edward's girliness and sent him to the moon, where he could neither bang Bella nor harm innocent people's intelligent minds.
Bella was traumatized and sold her body to the demons of hell.
Edward cried and sparkled like the faerie he was.
Stephenie Meyer burned forever in hell for creating such horrid characters.
Truly, it was the happiest ending anyone had ever known.