I'm pretty sure my mom might be pregnant. Homer, first of was lying,
"Your mother just broke her leg," and then, when Lisa directly asked him whether Mom was pregnant, he said 'maybe'. Of course, my younger brother Bart had to joke about it,
"Man, Homer, you're a machine!" Lisa turned to Maggie and said,
"Did you hear that Maggie? Another baby in the house," Bart said something about racing them, so I punched him and joked,
"Really, Bart? You wanna crawl around on the floor racing Maggie and Possible Sibling?"
He answered with the most intelligent of comebacks (I'm not the baby; You're the baby! Baby Elspeth!), and I laughed and asked Homer what he was like when Mom was pregnant with me. platsHe started talking about the turbulence of the late 70s', and I zoned out until he started talking about what actually happened.
Apparently Homer worked at the mini-golf place while dating Mom. He also seemed to have no desire to move up in the world (-and a job I loved). That seemed to be the end of that snoozefest, so Bart, Lisa, and I went outside to play some croquet. But, sadly it wasn't over, and next thing I know, Homer's yelling at us to get back inside. I went back inside; I want to know how I got my weird name.
"Your mother was living with her two wicked sisters..." He continued. Man, Homer is an asshole! Spoiling the end of The Empire Strikes Back for everyone? Awful. But afterwards, then the most important thing ever happens. I really don't want to know the details, but Mom and Homer went to the mini golf place Homer worked, and I was conceived in a castle.
A little while later, Mom called Homer from this fast food joint she worked at (Mom worked at a fast food place? She never seemed like the type), told Homer he had to take her to the doctor, because (drumroll please) she was pregnant, bum-bum-BAH!
After some boring things (Dr. Hibbert had an Afro? And Grampa was the one who convinced Homer to marry Mom?), Bart and Lisa were back, and ready to interrupt the marvellous story of my birth with an argument about little Simpson's name- Ariel, or Cool Mo Dee. I said that, obviously, the best name was Valentine, after Valentine Wiggin. Then Homer interrupted me, saying
"You know, I had this very same argument with your mother, twelve years ago... I glared at him, but allowed him to continue, after stretching myself on the couch after Bart and Lisa ran off.
"If it's a girl, what do you think of the name Cora?" My mother asked
"No! Kids'll call her Cora Bore-a!" Homer replied
"Clementine?"
"Clammy Clemmy, "
Mom sighed, and said, "What about Elspeth?" And in that moment, it was like angels had come down from heaven, with the utter perfection of the name Elspeth. Of course Homer said yes, and then the boredom of before came back.
So apparently my parents got married in a cheap joint across the state line. And they spent their wedding night in Grandma Bouvier's house, and Homer bought way to much stuff for little baby me. He tried to pay for rent and all that by getting a job at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, but that failed, so he got a job at the Ye Olde Springfield Candlemaking Shop, a door-to-door salesman, an attack dog dummy, the list goes on.
Then, after a repo man came to take all my things away, and Mom's ring, he left and got a job at the Gulp-n-Blow. Lisa started crying, and Homer started to calm her down, but thankfully he got back to the story. So Patty and Selma told Marge about where he was working, and Marge came to him and talked to him all romantic, and then a Homer marched straight to SNPP, and told Mr. Burns he would be the perfect employee, blah, blah, stuff not about me, blah.
So he gets a job, and he heads over Mom's house, but Mom was at the hospital, delivering the Greatest Person on Earth, Elspeth Jacqueline Simpson. And that's where the story ends. Well, not the entire story. I want to live at least 22 more years!