No one was talking to Clary, Isabelle and Alec. When they went to see Robert, Maryse or any other adult in the Institute, they just wore their stupid fake smiles and acted like nothing happened or stopped talking to each other immediately. Jace was still under the supervision of the Silent Brothers and none of the three friends– especially Clary – have been allowed to see him for weeks. Clary insisted on staying at the Institute but her mother wouldn't let her. She needed to go back home every single night at 9 pm. after practicing with a guy called David who came from Idris like two weeks ago. She didn't even have time to think of Jace while practicing, she was busy jumping off roof tops and climbing ropes. The practices were hard and they lasted long, she needed to be equal to the other shadowhunters at her age in a short time.
At nights she looked at the ceiling of her bedroom for sleepless sad hours silently praying for Jace. She didn't also know who she was praying to. God, the Angels? She just did it. She was not frightened of Jace, she didn't think he would go around shooting fire balls everywhere and burst into flames while walking next to her. She was worried because she knew that the fire in his body might hurt him. She partly blamed herself for it. Did she really have to stab him? Could she be able to find Sebastian if she tried to? She also blamed team good. Why didn't they ask Raziel the side effects of being stabbed with this sword? Of course they didn't know she was going to stab Jace with it, but still, why not just ask! So, she was blaming only herself, but it felt good being angry at someone. She would be mad at any other person for stabbing Jace, just stabbing him without thinking through it, but no one was mad at her. They were just looking at her with sad eyes. If the old Lady next door knew what was going on in Clary's fantastic [not great/amazing/fantastic] world, she would give her cookies and pat her shoulder, saying "there there, it's all going to end", but the old lady didn't know what was going on, and Clary was living with shadowhunters. Awesome. Some hugs might have helped her deal with everything going on. Silence and the waiting was awful.
She needed to see Jace, she needed to see him, like really "need". Just see! Maybe hear his voice too… She could be able to get permission from David. He was a friendly but a strict teacher, she didn't know how this combination was possible. Maybe he would give her a one hour permission if she used the puss-in-boots look. She just needed a hat and… No that was a stupid idea. Definetly not doing that, plan Z. You are starting to act like a five-year-old Clary! You are trying to do something seriours here! Maybe she could get help from Izzy or Alec… They would check if anyone was coming while she was talking to Jace or watching him sleep. No, not a good idea either. What if they wanted to see Jace first? They were his siblings, they had the right to. No way. She needed to do this by herself. She needed to go on this mission of love by herself and only herself…