I fell in love with a human. One of the stupidest and greatest things I have ever done. He was sweet and kind and I tried to resist him but I couldn't. It was so simple and easy at first. Dinners, movies, mini weekend breaks. I even met his parents. I was so happy I didn't even noticed the years passing by. We had been together almost three years when he proposed. It was then I realised I couldn't stay. He didn't know what I was. Id used very little compulsion on him, only keeping the vampirism a secret. Realistically I couldn't do it for the rest of his life. Turning him wasn't an option for me. I wouldn't force this life on anyone. So I compelled him to forget about proposal and to return the ring. I told him I loved him but we want different things and that he agrees. He thinks I am just another girl he loved in his youth before finding The One. He married a few years later.
There has been a number of loves in my life. However, none of them have been the love of my life. It is hard when time is infinite. There were a few fleeting moment and a couple of flings. But nothing serious. I soon learnt that while I maybe immortal, time in one place can be fleeting and meaningful, long lasting relationships are the things dreams are made of
In a way, I suppose I loved Matt but Tyler was my first grown up love. There wasn't anyone for a while after that. I like to think I could have loved Jesse. He was cute and a nice guy. At the very least, I would have at least perused something.
Back in college, there at been a brief period where I had developed feeling for Stefan. We found ourselves sharing feelings. We tried not to act on them at first. Out of some kind of misplaced respect for Elena. Being in love with someone and not being able to do a thing about it is the hardest. I couldn't help but love him though. We just weren't compatible in that way. We tried but we were just meant to be friends. It hurt for a while; I had convinced myself that he would be it for me.
After we parted ways, I found Enzo again. It wasn't anything at first. We were barely friends. At times, I felt like his keeper, making sure he didn't kill anyone when feeding just so we could stay in one place for more than a couple of weeks. As much as his persistence on feeding on humans irritated me, we had fun. Genuine, honest to God fun without any inkling that we should be something more than friends. Over the years, we discovered we both "died" around the same time of year, so created our own little tradition of celebrating our deaths. Sometimes we would use it gain freebies at a restaurant under the guise of it being our anniversary, very rarely did we need to use compulsion; people love celebrating love. Other years we would just get blind drunk. This would more often than not be at the cost of the bar, or bars. But something was different that year. I didn't find out what it was until years later but there was something. I could tell he had been drinking before I met him that night. He was upbeat, even for him. I know now he was over compensating. At the time, I just wanted to be feeling as happy as him so played catch up. Looking back now the night is memorable for so many reasons, bad and good. I'll spare you the gore details; I imagine you know where this is going. It wasn't awkward or strange. It just felt right. At least until the following morning when we both woke with ridiculous hangovers. That may give you a fair indication of how much we had drunk. We quickly agreed it was a one time thing. We were lying to ourselves of course. It had awoken something. An unconscious and mutual attraction. We tried not to act. Or more to the point, I did. Stefan and I had tried the friends to lovers thing, it didn't work. He was more confident in us. He had every faith that it could work and if it didn't, we would still be friends.
We had a blissful few years together. We agreed early on that it wasn't going to be anything serious. Just two friends who are attracted to each other enjoying themselves. And for a long time it was. Then there was this moment, nothing major, we were just having breakfast. And he had this look in his eye. I had that look, when he had talked about the girl from the Whitmore cells. It wasn't casual for him anymore. For me it still was, only just. I didn't want to fall in love again.
I broke his heart. Then left.
I spent the next couple of decades alone, travelling. Stefan would check in with me every now and again.
When things with Adam ended, I needed a friend after that. Someone to distract me. Stefan should have been my first choice, but Enzo knew the pain loving a mortal. It wasn't fair of me to go running back to him, I know. Nevertheless, he wouldn't judge me for what I had done. He would understand. And he did. He listened when I needed to talk and provided the alcohol in between. We soon fell back into our old routine and with it came old feelings. Feelings I was now prepared to embrace.
I fell for him completely. He was my everything. I thought you were wrong. That it was he who would be my last. And for so long he was my world and I his.
Things fell apart slowly. It wasn't even anyone's fault. We grew as people but grew in different directions. The love was still there, is still there I guess, but our timing wasn't right. We needed to start learning to be separate people again.
And so I'm ready to find out. Ready to see the beauty that the world has to offer through your eyes. I am ready to find out if you are the last person I will ever love.