Lolz lyke dis b mai first fic so b nice lolz
-SistahPayLess
Jim wept pathetically as he unhinged his bra. Why are my breasts so perpetually large? He thought through his despair. Steve the vending machine guy laid there on his back, straddled by his lover. Steve didn't know what he liked more; sex with Jim, or clipping his toenails while taking a bath in a mixture of KY Jelly and raspberry jam and wanking off to the tunes of John Phillip Sousa. In the end, he decided that sex with Jim was the best. After all, how many people were lucky enough to almost get asphyxiated by such enormous breasts? Steve was grateful for the 87.4 times it happened everyday. Jim, most commonly known as "the-one-that-makes-every-teenage-girl-blush-and-giggle", respected the sexual favor, accepting that this was probably the closest thing he was going to get to actual sex with a female. As Jim inserted his throbbing proboscis into Steve's uterus, he whispered raggedly into his ear,
"Ride me like a mackenzie monkey on holiday in France." Steve, completely overwhelmed by this demonstration of masculinity, whispered,
"GET HER DONE!" before getting her done. "My spleen wants your cum!" Steve yelled as Jim came. Or, at least, Jim thought he came. In reality, he was passing a kidney stone. When they had both recovered slightly, they sat, back-to-back, discussing their future.
"I want your child." Jim said suddenly, tears welling up behind his Power Ranger mask.
"Oh, Jesus!" Steve exclaimed, gruffly grabbing his lover and forcing Jim's face upon his sweaty chest, "I JUST CAN'T QUIT YOU, DWIGHT!" Dwight took his face out of Jim's ass for a couple seconds, and cried like a fat kid stuck in the doors to get into a candy store. He made out with Steve passionately, and ended up accidentally transferring some of Jim's ass hairs into Steve's mouth. Thankfully, Steve had never been more aroused in his life, and when he managed to get Jim's hunk-tastic body off of him, he promptly went and made souffles for everyone.
If Jim and Dwight spontaneously go through three stages of pregnancy before begotting a set of alien twins, move to Chapter 2.
If Jim and Steve continue to experiment on each other, incurring the Six Degrees of Separation Between Kevin Bacon Game, go to Chapter 3
If Pam has an orgasm while watching Dr. Phil talk to Stephen Hawking talk about his sex life, go to chapter 13.8945