"Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there is a tomorrow. Maybe for you there is one thousand tomorrows, or three thousands, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around in it, let it slide like coins through your fingers. So much time you can waste it. However, for some of us there is only today. And the truth is, you never really know."
Prologue
They say that just before you die your whole life flashes before your eyes. To be honest I'd always thought the whole final moment mental life-scan thing sounded pretty awful. Some things are better left buried and forgotten. Maybe you could say you can think about possibilities. There are so many what-ifs that even your mind can't cope with all of them. Maybe I could have loved more or laughed more. Maybe I could have told my parents I loved them or just hugged them more. Maybe I could, maybe I couldn't. But that's not up to me anymore. In this case, not even my master of the universe would be able to change things.
I remember the fear, the lights, the sounds, the scream, the glass, and the dreadful moment. Maybe my choices weren't the best ones but I did what I had to do. My mind is clean and peaceful. My heart is heavy but happy that I followed it. You can't change what is done but some of your choices can change lives even if you are not aware of it.
I remember Christian screaming my name but I couldn't bring myself to answer. His despair was obvious but I couldn't comfort him. Not when I was comforting myself. It sounds selfish but I didn't have choice, did I?
If only I could tell him everything I wanted. I wanted to tell him I love him, that I will never leave him and that I will be always here for him.
Maybe, just maybe, now I'll have peace. Just maybe, I could start all over and be happy again, be free, be my own master of the universe but in fact I wouldn't. I wouldn't change anything.
But I am starting to lose myself, lose my mind and lose you. So maybe we should start several months back. When it all began and when it all changed, even if I didn't knew. Yet. But remember, your life can change in the blink of an eye.