If you only knew

I knew you were going to leave the Academy sooner or later. And that was fine, although I wish I had said a couple of things to you before you left.

I wish I had told you , the things that meant the most to me … like our time together at the light house. At the time, I felt like I could tell you everything without being afraid or being judged, well ….. almost everything. I had one that I couldn't tell anyone, not ever to you Zane.

I wish I can tell you and I know I should but what if you don't understand. If you know that I love you … what would you say? Will you say anything at all? You're the curse that I can't do with out. You're the one that I dream about. I won't let you in but I won't let you out. Zane you are all I could think about.

The thing that terrified me the most was that you might not understand and that you would leave me forever. And the thought of loosing you and loosing everything we have would drive me insane. I can't risk that. I can't risk loosing your friendship over some little crush I have.

When we used to talk, it was all fun and games. Then one day everything changed. I was fooled by your good looks and charms. I kept telling myself 'it's not meant to be over.' But, the more I rejected it, the more I began to grow, more and more in love with you. It may sound silly… yes … I know, but you're the one that seems to make my heart feel whole.

I wish this would all just go away. No more suffering … no more pain.

The one that I love is no longer here but his memories still stand here. I should be happy, yes I know. But my insanity is starting to grow.

Zane! Who could of thought, that I would fall for you, this hard. Last night I had another dream about you, but this one was different. You looked totally like someone else. You were wearing a black jacket and your eyes … your eyes were sooo cold and your smile was no real smile. Whatever that dream was … was just soo weird. I don't understand it.

When I first met you, I thought you didn't like me much. You would always be talking to my brother and I had never seen you smile. But then I come to the academy and you were the first person to greet me. That was when I first saw your beautiful smile. I was happy … happy because I know you enjoyed having me around.

Wow and I thought that 'love at first site' was a bunch of crock.

Well I don't know how you feel about the whole love thing. Actually you are not the type to act all loveyyy dovvey. So, maybe it was a good thing I never told you my secret.

You are… "Hey Alexis are you there!" As her friend Jasmine waved her hand in front of her face, interrupting her thoughts.

"Unn …oh sorry, Jazz. I was thing about something."

"Well if you are done, we can head back to the dorm before it starts to rain."

"Alright" Alexis was about to get up and something fell out of her pocket. She bent down to pick it up and it was her PDA.

'I wonder if Zane still has his PDA.'

Alexis sat back down and started typing a message.

Zane

The last few years I spent with you at the academy was great but I never had a chance to thank you. Thank you for always being there for me and comforting me whenever I felt alone. I felt I can tell you everything, without being afraid or judged. I hope you felt the same way. So whenever you need to talk, remember I will always be here for you. Sincerely, Alexis.

'Maybe one day I will tell you my secret but for now I'm just happy to stand by your side. And, Zane … I hope that will never change.'