It was then that I realized there was no going back. It helped a whole lot. I watched as the welts on my skin expanded where the scissor had been. For a brief moment, it was only that. The sound of the blood flowing through my veins and rushing to my head was louder than anything I've ever heard. The small flicker of white that I saw when I made the first slash was gone. Did it take away any of the pain? No. Did I do because my friends think it's cool? No. For attention? Trust me, this big ass forehead gives me enough attention that I know I don't want. I did it because…I needed to, and it's the closest I know I'd get to feeding my desire. It's kind of like seeing some fresh baked cookies that your mom made sitting on the counter. It's aroma teases and tickles your nose. You know you want a bite of it's heavenly goodness and even though you aren't hungry, you take one anyways because of that urge. That urge, that desire for something just always seems to impact our actions. Our responses to what we want sort of shapes life and can shape who we are. My name is Sakura Haruno and this is my story.
I would say that it all started when I was five years old. That was the day that my parents died…or were murdered, whatever you deem an appropriate way to call their passing. You see, my parents worked as private investigators.
One day,a woman named Ayano, suspected her husband of infidelity. Lately, he had been angry, making secret phone calls, and coming home late. Ayano decided to call up my mom and dad to see what the problem offered to pay big money too. So, my mom and dad took the job of course. They had me and my two older brothers to take care of, they were always searching for something greater,and they really couldn't say no to what the lady offered to pay. That, was the biggest mistake my parents had ever made.
One night, my mother couldn't find my brothers and I a babysitter, so she decided to stay home to take care of us while my dad did his investigative work. Turns out, Ayano's husband, Daichi, wasn't cheating on her. He was running a drug father wanted to get as much information as possible on Daichi, so he went in as an undercover client. Before he did this, he called my mother and told her what he found out. My mother then decided to take my brothers and I with her to confront Ayano with this information.
When we got to Ayano's house , she seemed very nervous. Ayano quickly invited my brothers and I into the kitchen for some cookies. The kitchen was right next to the living room, so I was able to hear everything that happened.
"Ayano," said Mother. "I have good news and I have bad news for you. The good news is, your husband is not cheating on you. However I'm sorry to inform you that he is participating in some illegal activities."
"What kind of illegal activities?" asked Ayano.
"Well,from what my husband has discovered thus far, he is the leader of a drug cartel. Apparently, they have recently received a large shipment of Crystal Meth which can explain your husband's unusual behavior." Ayano took a deep breath.
"I fucking knew that cock sucker was up to no good. He's such an idiot. I should've known that the huge package of marijuana that he had in his "work briefcase" wasn't for a party after work! What the actual fuck? He told me ,years ago,that he was done with this shit," she yelled.
I had never heard so many bad words coming from the mouth of a beautiful grown woman! I remember looking at my brothers,Yahiko and Sasori with wide eyes. They are 11 years older than me, fraternal twins to be exact. They simply laughed.
"Woah,I was not expecting that!" exclaimed Yahiko while taking a bite of his cookie. Sasori hit him over the head.
"Shh! Don't talk so loudly you dumb-ass. Look at yourself. You look like a fucking child with those cookie crumbs all over you. We are supposed to be the toughest guys in school and you look like a such a pussy right now,"said Sasori.
"Jesus Christ, Sasori, I like my fucking cookies. Alright? Now get that stick out your ass and be quiet. I wanna hear the rest of this." We all quieted down and heard mom speak.
"I'm sorry. Ayano, just sit down and breathe. Right now, I will make the call to the police station. You can go to another room if you'd like," she offered.
"Police? What do you mean police? You're not going to call the police on Daichi. Fuck you. He may be an idiot, but I love him and he loves me. Plus, I would get in trouble too, you cunt! You probably are going to get me arrested and take my Daichi for yourself!" yelled Ayano.
"I'm sorry miss, but it's protocol. I have to. I'll make sure that you will stay safe."
"I swear to God, If you call the fucking police-" warned Ayano.
"Please calm down"
I suddenly heard a loud crash. My brothers quickly shot up from their seats. Sasori put a hand towards his pocket.
Ayano continued, "Don't tell me what to fucking do, bitch!"
After that, there was more yelling coming from the living room followed by a lot of crashing. The noises travelled elsewhere because the voices yelling at each other ,were muffled and less we heard screaming. My brothers looked at each other in the eyes and nodded. Then they both bent down to my level.
"Hey Saki!" exclaimed Yahiko. "How would you like to have the rest of my cookies?" He and Sasori smiled at me. That was the nicest they had ever been to me.
"What? Why are you guys being so nice to me?" I questioned.
Sasori smiled. "Because we love you, sis. Now we need to hurry and check on mama and Miss Ayano. Promise to stay here?"he said in a sweet voice.
"Okay, I pro-"I started. My voice was cut off my three loud bangs. My brothers ran out into the living room.
Sasori shouted,"Where are they?"
"Let's check outside" I heard Yahiko say.
After about thirty seconds of waiting, Ayano stumbled into the kitchen with bloody hands and a gun.
"OH MY GOD, MOM" I heard them both shout.
Ayano steped closer and closer to me. "And now I have, you three to deal with."Ayano grabed a kitchen knife and sauntered slowly towards me. Her face was bruising up, her long silky black hair was now a mess, and blood was coming from her pretty pink lips.
I remember that my heart was beating like crazy. She looked like what I imagined the scary woman from Daddy's ghost stories to look like. She came closer and closer. From the corner of my eye, I saw Sasori and Yahiko creep into the kitchen with their finger to their lips. I had never seen my brothers look so scary. Their eyes were bloodshot red. Yahiko'S, usual goofiness was completely gone. They moved quickly ,but like zombies. From this point on, everything was in slow motion.
As my five year old self inched closer and closer to the wall, trying to process the whole situation and get away from the ghost lady, I saw Sasori reach into his pocket again and pull out a long blade. Yahiko copied Sasori's actions and pulled out a similar one. Ayano didn't seem to notice a thing as she backed me up into the corner.
"You better hope your good for nothing detective of a mother baptized you or some shit. I would hate for it to be my fault that your soul burns in hell." She took me by the collar and lifted me high off the ground. That's when Yahiko came at her from behind. He reached his arm over her shoulder, and glided his knife across her neck. I watched as Ayano's green eyes slowly lost their light. Her fingers loosened from my collar and I fell, and I fell. It seemed like I was falling forever. All I could do was look into her eyes as I fell into this deep dark whole.
It seemed like I was falling forever, until, the back of my head collided with the vision went blurry as I sunk to the ground, but I could still see Ayano. I couldn't wrap my mind around how her beautiful green eyes now seemed so different, but looked exactly the same. It kind of reminded me of my brothers. How when they came back from outside, it seemed that they were different. Something was gone. Something left them. I didn't know what it was. These were my exact thoughts as I watched Ayano. The blood spewed from her neck like the sprinklers at the park near my house, that cooled me on a hot summer day. The blood splashed on my face and it seeped into my favorite white polo shirt. I watched, as Sasori flipped her over and repeatedly plunged the knife deep into her body, over and over again.
Splash. Splash. Splash. That's all I remember before I blacked out.
I woke up sometime later. Yahiko had an icepack held to my head.
"Where's Mama?" I asked. My head hurt really badly and I felt dizzy , like I was gonna throw up.
"Mama is gone, Sakura," Sasori said without looking at me.
"Where did she go?" I questioned.
"Sakura, she left. To the same place Miss Ayano left to, only different, only better. Mama went to go talk to the stars outside with Miss Ayano. They wanted to ask the sky for advice because they were having an argument. But something happened, the moon came down and asked mama if she wanted to be a star. Mama said yes and Miss Ayano got really jealous… and then she came in here to-" Yahiko's voice cracked. Sasori put his hand on my shoulder.
"Why did Mama leave us here alone? Why didn't she say goodbye?" I asked with a wrenching feeling in my gut.
Sasori responded, "Mama didn't leave us all alone. She's always gonna be with us now that she became a star in the sky. She's always gonna be here now to watch over us. Even when we get old and start our own families. She's gonna be there, with us, always. I know I keep repeating myself by saying she's always gonna be with us, but I need to make sure that I convince you, Yahiko, and myself. If you wanna say goodbye, I'll take you outside to say goodbye. Sakura, I just want to let you know that you may not hear Mama, but she'll hear you. Okay?"
"Okay,Sasee. I'll say goodbye later, but Yahi,can you take the ice off, my head hurts really bad. I need some medicine candy." I said.
The rest of the night was a blur. I learned that Daddy went to join Mommy too ,so we moved from America, to Japan to be closer with the rest of our family. Later, when I was old enough to understand, I learned that my mother and father didn't become some celestial and magical dots in the sky. They were murdered. My mom was shot three times by a woman who was mentally unstable. That's what my brother's realized and we raided the Ayano's house for money. She had bottles and bottles full of medication that she wasn't taking. As for my father, Daichi wasn't stupid. He knew that my mother and father had been following him for weeks. My father walked right into Daichi's trap and was beaten. According to the information my brothers received, Daichi broke my fathers' arms and legs so that he was in extreme pain and couldn't move. Then he doused him in gasoline as well as the rest of his drug warehouse. He got to the exit, lit a match, and burned the whole entire place down.
Thirteen years have passed and sometimes, I find myself looking into the sky, talking to them. Telling them that I want to avenge them. Telling them that I love them. Telling them that I need them. Then I go back into my house and put on a picture perfect smile. I can have my brothers knowing that I remember that night, and how the images of Ayano's dying body are burned into the back of my eyelids. I can't let them know that, I have these urges. I can't have them thinking that they need to protect me. I must be perfect for them, for me, because the truth is too much to deal with.
Before I go to sleep, I look in the mirror. I have perfect skin, perfect silky, cotton candy colored hair. I'm at a healthy weight and my body is toned from being captain of the soccer team and captain of the basketball's cheerleading team. The welts in my arm are fading and will be gone by tomorrow morning. I'm still very short though, my forehead is large,and my breasts and pretty small. I shake my head and ignore my imperfections. I've learned, that in order to be perfect, you've got to be in control. I need to be in control. So, I embrace what I was born with. I'm sorry if I'm not the perfect heigh, I'm sorry that my boobs are kinda small. That again, is what I was born with. So I embrace my large forehead along with all my imperfections. All of the except one, my eyes. Looking back at old family photos, they were beautiful. My eyes were green, a beautiful green, it resembled an emerald. They were shiny, sparkling, and beautiful.
Now my eyes, are the same color, but different. I look at my eyes in the mirror and I see forest green. These are eyes that I wasn't born with and I don't like what they have to say. They say ,hidden, overwhelmed , and powerless.
Hey guys, I decided to write this and it is now like 2 in the morning. I don't know why, but I just really wanted to write and post this. Sorry if it's bad, this is my first shot at a story. Please read&review. Hopefully it doesn't exactly suck. Leave suggestions etc. Thank you lovelies 3