'Le Divorce'
This is based on the episode The Lorelais' First Day at Yale. The part is the scene between Luke & the divorce lawyers. I've changed around some of the dialogue.
(Lorelai never came to the diner yet).
The lawyer, the first Mr. Stein, spoke, "Mr. Danes, a marriage contract is a contract like any other."
"As the higher wage owner, Nicole wants a fair settlement," The second Mr. Stein added.
"But I want nothing from her, so there's nothing to settle," Luke replied, trying to keep calm. "Mr…what's your name?"
"My name is Stein," Mr. Stein 1 answered.
"I thought you were Stein," Luke said, getting confused.
"I'm Stein as well," Mr. Stein 2 replied.
"Well then I'm confused," Luke crossed his arms.
"Mr. Danes, I'm an impatient man, I'm a busy man, I'm a sensible man, I'm a skeptical man," Mr. Blodgett piped in.
"Oh, you're four different men, huh? Well are they all named Stein, too?" He asked, beginning to lose his cool.
"If there's one thing I've learned in business, it's that no one wants nothing," Mr. Blodgett replied knowingly.
"Why won't you hire a lawyer?" Mr. Stein 2 asked.
"Why? Because lawyers waste time and money. They're needless middlemen who slither into people's lives when they're at their most vulnerable so they can clamp on and suck like leeches until everyone but them is distraught and penniless," Luke began to rant.
"Well, I can see why the marriage went bad," Mr. Stein 1 quipped.
"Here's fair warning, Mr. Danes - if you don't hire a lawyer, you could wind up getting absolutely nothing," Mr. Blodgett warned.
"That's what I want!" Luke said, getting angry and raising his voice.
"There he goes again," Stein 1 rolled his eyes.
Luke stomped into the back room and aggressively dialed a number on the telephone.
"Hello?" A familiar female voice answered cheerily.
"I'm going crazy down here," Luke complained.
"Well that's nothing new, now is it?" Lorelai joked.
"There are lawyers," Luke added bluntly.
"Give me five minutes," She replied seriously, her tone quickly changing. She knew that Luke plus lawyers equaled trouble, and she knew that Luke kept that baseball bat behind the counter for a reason.
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She arrived at the diner in a few minutes. She sat down at the counter, passing the table of suited men speaking their official law jargon. Luke already had a cup of coffee waiting. She spotted it.
"Man, coffee in advance, this must be serious," She said, glancing over her shoulder.
"They keep bothering me about wanting nothing and not having a lawyer," Luke shook his head, frustrated.
"Well, there's an easy way to settle this. Just tell them what you want, they'll probably get off your back," She shrugged.
"That's just it, I don't want anything," He replied.
"There's probably something. I don't know…a toaster, some knick-knacks. Something," She said.
"Nothing," He shook his head.
"Luke, I hate to sound like them, But I'm sure there's something, anything, there's gotta be some thing you want," She pressed.
"Can I lose you in the divorce?" Luke asked, getting fed up with the lawyers' presence.
"Uh, no," She answered, confused
"Then there's nothing I want," He said, and walked back over to the lawyers, barely realizing what he just said.
Lorelai sat there, baffled for a second. Then comprehension dawned on her face as Luke yanked her over to the table to be his "character witness". She smiled and began to explain how much of a hermit Luke was.
END
Author's Note: That's it. I hope you aren't too confused. I just wanted to add a cute little L/L twist to that scene. Reviews are welcome!