Devil May Ed: Subsistence
Written by Soryujo
(Note: I do not own Ed, Edd and Eddy, nor do I own Metal Gear Solid 3 Subsistence or Devil May Cry)
Grozynj Grad
(Eddy and Double D have logged on as Ocelot's, but Eddy is angry about the placing)
Eddy: Double D, we've got a problem
Double D: What's wrong?
Eddy: HOW COME I'M JUST A FOOT SOLDIER AND YOUR OCELOT?!
Double D: Well I had a better game play record then you did.
Eddy: How? You never killed anyone! All you did was sneak around!
Double D: That was the point of the game. I don't like Ocelot though, and you wouldn't let us use KGB
Eddy: Where's lumpy? I thought he would be with us today.
Double D: Uh… well another guy is online. Maybe it's him.
Eddy: It says he's GRU. Lumpy knew we were going to be the Ocelot's today.
Double D: Is that Raikov?
Eddy: Huh?
(Eddy looks at Ed, he's logged on as Raikov but is wearing a red coat and doesn't have his hat on. He is also carrying a sword)
Eddy: HA HA HA HA! That's awesome lumpy!
Double D: Ed, what did I tell you about hacking the sprites?
Ed: THIS PARTIES GETTING CRAZY!! (he walks up to a jukebox and punches it)
Double D: Where did that come from?
Eddy: Dude, I've seen this somewhere before!
Double D: Where?
Eddy: I don't remember. All I know is that is some awesome camo!
Double D: Ed, log on as an Ocelot so we can start our game.
Ed: (He pulls out two handguns, one black and one white) Let's dance! (He starts spinning and firing)
Eddy: SHIT! DUCK!!
Double D: YAAAAHHH!! (They both run for cover)
Eddy: Now I remember! He imported Dante! He even got in Ebony and Ivory!
Double D: That isn't good Eddy! He doesn't remember that we're supposed to be on a team!
Eddy: Wait, I'm forgetting some-- (Eddy is killed by a sword, he respawns a few second later) REBELLION!
Double D: Not again! I told you that I didn't want to be Ocelot!
Eddy: No! That's what just killed me!
Double D: Okay, enough of this! (He pulls out a revolver and ricochets the bullet off the wall and into Ed's head, he clutches his stomach and collapses)
Eddy: Holy shit! Double D that was awesome!
Double D: Eddy, why did he clutch his stomach during a headshot?
Eddy: Huh? I dunno.
Double D: It's a fake death pill.
Eddy: Oh! I'm on it! (Eddy walks behind Ed, kicks him awake, and holds him up) Oh Ed, STOP SCREWING AROUND AND LOG ON AS AN OCELOT!
Ed: Aww… but I like this camo!
Eddy: Yeah but if we tried to do GRU then Double D would end up as Raikov. I know it's fitting but--
Double D: Eddy, enough with the gay jokes!
Eddy: Fine! Just hurry it up skunk pits!
Ed: Okay… (he logs off, 1 minute later another foot soldier appears)
Eddy: Okay, gangs all here! What do we have Double D?
Double D: Jimmy and Sarah were challenging us to a fight in Northeast Grozynj Grad. We'd better hurry up.
Eddy: Who are they logging on as?
Double D: They didn't say.
Eddy: Anyone coming with us?
Double D: No, that's why I asked Ed to log on.
Eddy: Heh, we'll get them. An Ocelot never lets his pray escape! (He salutes) Damn! Double D, please do the hand sign to humor me.
Double D: Sigh… (He does the hand sign) There. Now lets hurry up. Next time, we're on as KGB.
Eddy: Yeah, you with Stealth camo and an RPG would be pretty awesome
Ed: ONWARD! (They go through a door)
Eddy: It's quiet… too quiet…
Double D: Well it says that 2 humans are with some CPU characters around here, but I don't--
Eddy: GRU! 12 OCLOCK!
Ed: SAY HALLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND! (Ed goes apeshit with an M63 and kills several CPU characters)
Eddy: Nice lumpy!
(A Raikov sprite walks up)
Eddy: OMFGLOL! JIMMY IS RAIKOV!!!! (He starts laughing behind his controller and accidentally shoots Ed)
Ed: Agh! (He clutches his gut and collapses)
Double D: Ed, stop playing with fake death pills!
Jimmy: HEY! Don't mock me! I'll make you pay for insulting my teddy bear! (He pulls out an AK-47)
Eddy: Jimmy, you're kinda outnumbered, plus, Double D has a Single Action Army
Jimmy: AAAAHHHHHHHHH!! (He fires wildly, in the opposite direction of the Eds)
Eddy: Vibrating controller too much for you Tinkerbell?
Jimmy: Hang on, gotta reload and-- (Eddy shoots Jimmy with an M37) Agh! (he flies backwards and dies)
Double D: Now you see the dangers of leaving virbrations on.
(Ed gets back up)
Ed: What about Sarah--AHHHH!! (Ed collapses)
Eddy: ED! What got him?
Double D: Sarah!
Eddy: Huh?
(A Reiko sprite appears from behind one of the tanks holding an SVD)
Sarah: What did you two do to Jimmy?
Eddy: Blame the controller, it's got more of a recoil then the real gun!
Double D: I'd trust you to know Eddy.
Sarah: (She shoots Eddy in the hand, he drops his M37) You two better not ignore me, or I'll blow you a new one!
Eddy: You need to be at close range to do a hold up brat! (He pulls out an M1911A1 and shoots at Sarah, she runs behind the tank)
Double D: Nice shot Eddy! Brilliant! No wonder you're Ocelot!
Eddy: Shut up and shoot her!
Double D: We're playing as KGB next time?
Eddy: Fine!
Double D: (He fires his Single Action Army, the bullet ricochets off the tanks and kills Sarah) There.
(The screen blanks out for a second, after that mission complete is written on the screen with Double D and Eddy striking a victory pose)
Eddy: Wait, why isn't Lumpy respawning?
Double D: Someone logged on as GRU? But who-- (Someone starts shooting at them)
Eddy: RUN FOR IT!
(Ed starts chasing after them in a Raikov sprite hacked to look like Dante)
No, there will not be another part. That was just stuck in my head and I had to get it out.