Til Death Do Us Party
By Rhino7
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This story is mine, as are Mikayla, Liam, Rose, and Katherine, and also the Djinn Heartless idea.
This is just a bit of nonsense that I thought up some time ago. Originally, it was going to be from Leon's side, but Cloud is starting to grow on me, so I thought I'd exploit his awkwardness for this.
This story will be in three chapters and is merely intended for humor; so beware the occasional nonsense and considered OOCness that was necessary to make it work.
Constructive criticism welcome and appreciated!
..:-X-:..
"And as soon as it draws blood—wham!" Yuffie smacked her palm on the table, "—you go out like a light!"
"I think you've been reading too many science fiction novels." Aerith remarked coolly.
"I don't think that's it." Cid commented from the computer. "That would require her to actually read once in a while."
Tifa snorted at that, but Yuffie threw her shoe at him. "I do too read!"
"Sunday comics don't count." Cid snorted, catching the shoe so it wouldn't damage the monitor.
The group was at Merlin's that evening, enjoying the rare hour where no Heartless attacked Radiant Garden. Aerith had actually managed to convince Cloud to join them…though how long that would last wasn't certain. He simply didn't fit in. That was all there was to it. Not that he had tried very hard to anyway. So while Yuffie and Cid traded playful insults, Tifa goaded them on, and Aerith shook her head at their behavior, he loitered near the wall…wondering how long was long enough to slip out without being rude.
"It's true!" Yuffie jumped to her feet. "I saw it last week when I was out on patrol with Squall!"
"Well, he ain't here to back you up, so I call bullshit." Cid pointed at her.
Tifa finished sewing shut the hole in her glove, slipping it on to make sure it held. "And I've never heard of a Heartless knocking you out with a scratch."
Yuffie took that as fighting words, "Well, open your ears, lady. This thing was five feet tall, had blue tattoos all over it, and these weird claws—like an eagles!—and it barely touched the guy and he was down for the count."
"Maybe he fainted." Aerith shrugged.
"He was a veteran." Yuffie remarked, deadpan.
"Tattoos?" Cid lifted an eyebrow.
"Shut up." Yuffie growled. "I know what I saw! Merlin told me it might be this thing called a djinn. A new kind of Heartless that traps you in a dream-state until—"
"Bullshit." Cid interrupted her.
Aerith looked over to Cloud. "What do you think?"
He paused, wrongfooted by his sudden inclusion in the ridiculous conversation. "I…don't know." He glanced the other way.
Aerith deflated a little at his dismissal, but what did she expect? He didn't care about djinn Heartless…Whether they existed or not wasn't of importance to him. The only good Heartless was a dead Heartless in his opinion…talking about it didn't change anything. Yuffie and Cid ignored his lack of response and kept jabbering. Tifa glanced his way but then rejoined the other two.
He and Tifa hadn't spoken much either since their falling out. He hated that she didn't trust him anymore…but he understood why she didn't. He had never really talked to her about…anything. He had actually avoided her, and ended up digging himself a hole. Still, the fact that she had basically ended their friendship because of it hurt. But he could never tell her that…because…Hell, he just couldn't.
The door to the house opened and Leon walked in, gunblade awkwardly held in his left hand and closing the door with his left elbow. And there was all the more reason for Cloud to be on his way. As much as he and Tifa hadn't gotten along well lately, he had gotten along with Leon even less. He was sure it was because Leon and Tifa had started becoming…something complicated. Yuffie and Tifa glanced over at his entrance.
"What happened to you?" Tifa greeted from across the room.
"Hello to you too." Leon grunted, setting the gunblade against the wall and finding the others' eyes on him. "What?"
"You're right handed." Aerith commented.
Yuffie leaned sideways in her chair, "Your right hand is still attached, so why are you lefthanding the gunblade?"
"Because shut up." Leon mumbled at her, getting a smirk from the young ninja.
Cloud could already feel the tension in the room rising. He and Leon could be civil, sure, but the hostility was there, unspoken, boiling under the surface…It was like how it had been with Tifa just a few weeks ago. At least she was starting to cool off now.
"Is that blood?" Aerith commented.
Tifa sat up in her seat, looking over. "What did you do?"
"I—nothing." Leon lifted his shoulders, "I used a Cura. All better. See?" He lifted his right hand. "Leave it alone."
"Tell 'em about that freaky Heartless we saw last week." Yuffie jumped in. "The one with the tattoos. Tell them about how it barely touched the guy and he passed out."
Leon gave her a flat look and then looked to the others. "We saw a Heartless…with tattoos…and it barely touched a guy and he passed out."
Yuffie threw her other shoe at him, which he ducked.
Cloud took the opportunity to slip over to the door and step out. The cool night air of Radiant Garden greeted him and he sighed with relief. He had promised Aerith that he would start trying to be more present around Radiant Garden, maybe even 'hang out' with the Restoration Committee…but it was time to admit that it just wasn't going to—
"Where are you going?" Aerith had slipped out the door after him.
He paused in his steps, halfway toward the Bailey already. "Getting some air."
A glance back showed that she wasn't biting the bait.
"There's air in there." She nodded toward Merlin's house, hands loose at her sides. "Why are you leaving?"
He swallowed and scanned the Borough, giving a light shrug. "It was a little crowded."
She exhaled and walked over to him. "If Leon said something to you—"
"No." Cloud shook his head, "I'm still in the 'silent treatment' phase there."
"I'll talk to him—"
"No, Aerith." He lifted a hand, "Please. I know they're your friends, but let's face it…I don't get along with them."
"If you spent more than five minutes at a time around them, maybe you would." She put her hands on her hips.
He frowned at that. "I can't."
"Can't what? Try?" Her eyes looked upset. "You get along fine with Cid and Yuffie. Or at least you don't mind being around each other. You and Tifa are…getting better. And Leon just ignores you now instead of picking a fight. It's as close to acceptance from him as you're going to get at this rate."
"At this rate?" Cloud looked at her. "I don't know how to do better. Aerith, I'm not cut out for social situations like this. I'm not a…social butterfly like you."
"Nobody is asking you to be a social butterfly," She sighed, "But things would go a lot easier if you didn't sulk in the corner refusing to talk to anybody."
He exhaled and closed his eyes briefly. Her argument made sense in theory, but not in practice. In reality, he and Tifa were going to continue not talking because Tifa didn't want to talk to him. In reality, he and Leon were going to continue cold-shouldering each other because Leon sided with Tifa on the whole argument. But…in reality…Aerith wasn't going to let this go.
"Please…come back inside." She pressed gently. "If they really can't stand you for just half an hour…then at least give Leon the satisfaction of kicking you out properly." She teased, a grin quirking the corner of her mouth.
Cloud looked at her and tried to come up with an excuse not to besides 'I can't' or 'I don't want to' and failed. It didn't matter what enemies he defeated or how many battles he fought, those dewy green eyes of hers could get him to do anything.
"This would be a lot easier too if you would just admit that you WANT to be friends with them." She continued to argue. "You and Leon could be friends if your thick skulls didn't get in the way…and as far as Tifa goes—"
He huffed, "Fine."
"Really?" She blinked and clasped her hands together in front of her.
"Yeah, all right." He conceded. "I'll…I'll try harder."
Even if I don't want to.
Even if I don't deserve to have friends like that.
Even if I don't deserve to be with you in the first place.
One of the cylindrical columns of Cid's claymore security system expanded a few yards to his right with that identifying cling-clatter noise. Aerith started slightly and they both looked over at the sound.
Heartless.
But none of the shadows moved under the moon's light, and Cloud pulled out his heavily bandaged sword, moving between Aerith and the spot where the security system had been activated. Aerith backstepped and suddenly pointed to the left.
"There!"
He turned just in time to see one of the shadows launch itself out of the darkness. The shape was roughly humanoid, roughly five feet tall—or long, considering it was flying at him horizontally—and large talons stretched toward him.
Yuffie's oversized shuriken slammed into the side of it, and the Heartless tumbled across the cobblestone. The shuriken boomeranged back to the ninja as she ran out of Merlin's front door.
"I told you! Ha! I sooo told you!" She pointed as she practically dragged Cid out with her.
Cid must have seen the activation on one of the computer monitors where he kept tabs on the security system. "All I see are normal Heartless." He grunted.
Aerith gasped and backed up more toward the house, "There're more of them."
Leon followed Yuffie out into the Borough as roughly five or six more claymores activated. The shadowy masses seemed to sidestep the columns and Cloud squinted in the darkness. They almost looked like they were swimming through the air around the claymores…In that unnatural way that the Nobodies moved.
The first one that had attacked got to its feet. It had regained its wits and hadn't appreciated the counter. It hissed and charged again. This time Cloud set his feet, gripped his sword, and swung around. The blade caught just under the Heartless's left arm, slicing through it. The creature shrieked and doubled back, talons flexing.
"Don't let it cut you!" Yuffie backflipped away from another one, which had launched toward her. "We saw this last week! They send you into a dream—"
"Yuffie!" Leon barked at her, decapitating the Heartless that was after her. "Pay attention!"
Cloud finished off the first Heartless with one smooth thrust through its ribcage. It buckled and collapsed into purple smoke over his blade and he withdrew, squinting and trying to estimate how many were taking part in this attack. It was so damn hard to figure in the darkness of the late evening.
"Cloud!" Tifa cried out in warning.
He half turned just as another of the creatures reached him. Too close to attack, too fast to block, and too dark to properly see—
Claws tore into the flesh of his shoulder and the world went black.
..:-X-:..
"No, he's still asleep…I'm not waking him up…Because he's grumpier than you in the morning…Dad, please, you are such a grouch when you wake up—Yeah, last time I almost called a young priest and an old priest…" A woman was saying.
Cloud opened his eyes, feeling groggy as he stared up at the helicopter blades…But helicopters didn't fly indoors…Those blades belonged to a…ceiling fan? He blinked, watching the disks spin a few times. His head was pounding and it felt like he was lying on a couch.
What had happened? More importantly, where was he?
Something the size of a marble landed on his chest and he looked down. A…piece of cereal? He paused and looked around, finding himself lying on a brown couch in what looked like a modestly furnished living room. Another piece of cereal hit him from nowhere.
"Rose, Liam, stop it." The woman reprimanded, "…Nothing, they're just playing with their food…I know, I know…Dad—Dad, I know!"
Utterly confused, Cloud slowly sat up, looking back over the couch toward the other room. The living room was directly connected to a moderate kitchen area, definitely decorated by a woman…But that wasn't what got his attention.
What got his attention were the three kids sitting at the table watching him while an older girl, still in her teens, leaned against the counter in that teenaged girl way with a phone against her ear.
What the Hell—
The teenaged girl glanced over, looked thoroughly unsurprised to see him, and spoke into the phone, "Oh, nevermind, Operation Cheerio woke him up…Uh huh…I will…Dad, you're gross…Yeah, love you too, bye." She hung up and looked at him flatly. "About time you regained consciousness."
The three younger kids at the table were snickering. The teenager had her brown hair up in a ponytail that trailed over her shoulder, dressed like a normal teenager…And Cloud had no idea who she was…or the two little girls and one boy eating cereal at the table.
"What?" He managed to garble out, climbing out of the couch to his feet—
And nearly tripped over the scattered children's toys all over the floor.
"It's eight thirty." The girl said—as if that should mean something. "You told Dad you'd be over at eight…I'm charging you for this hour, y'know."
She was the…babysitter? Then whose kids were those? They probably belonged to the same people whose house this was…not that he had any fricking clue about that either.
"I don't…know how I got here." He replied honestly, looking at her.
"Well, my theory is aliens," The girl remarked in that deadpan tone. "but Liam thinks you're a robot."
The little boy—Liam apparently—bobbed his head, "Like the Terminator!"
The little girl who looked about Liam's age swatted his arm. "No he's not!"
"Then maybe alien-robot?" The older girl shrugged.
Cloud lifted his hands, "Whoa, whoa, whoa…I'm not an alien…or a robot…or an alien-robot…I just need to know how I got here…and where 'here' is."
The older girl narrowed one eye at him and slowly smiled. "You Cloud. Me Mikayla." She gestured to herself like he was a monkey with a learning problem. "Liam," She pointed to the boy, "Rose," pointed to the girl, "and Katherine." She pointed to the much younger little girl…the only one actually eating her breakfast.
Rose and Liam found Mikayla's little act amusing and laughed at her.
"Now, scurry on before Dad has to set up for the party all by himself." Mikayla waved a hand at him.
"Party…" Cloud repeated.
Clearly, they had him confused for someone else. Had he stumbled into some alternate world or something? The last thing he remembered was…Heartless. A Heartless attack on the Borough outside Merlin's house. He had been fighting them with the Restoration Committee before…what? What had happened? It was all blurry.
As much as he tried to remember, nothing was coming back. He was only becoming more certain by the minute that he had never been in this house before. There was nothing familiar about it, aside from that lingering sense of déjà vue that he dismissed as disorientation. Kidnapping was ridiculous, and the air had that vague aroma of a fresh rain and cut wood: it smelled like Radiant Garden.
So where the Hell was he?
Mikayla chuckled…probably thinking he was just playing some sort of game. This was no game, he wanted to say, but she spoke before he could. "The house with the balloons on the front porch." She said, as though to a slow person.
Outing himself was probably not a good idea, he pondered. Whoever they were mistaking him for, at least they were mistaking him for somebody friendly. If he just played the part, maybe he could figure out from context clues where the Hell he was, get out of here, and find a way back to Merlin's. Easier said than done…but it sounded better than freaking out a house full of kids.
"O…kay." He mumbled, awkwardly turning and stepping down the hallway.
A small decorative mirror was hanging against the wall and he absently glanced at it…and immediately double took. His reflection was…still him…but…not right…Gawking, he squinted at the mirror. He looked like he'd aged nearly twenty years…The mirror had to be messed up…the lighting or something…And there was a dark, three inch scar just over his collar bone that he didn't remember having before. He blinked and stepped away from the mirror, looking at it again. From back here, he almost looked normal.
Shaking his head, he looked down at himself. He was still him…just—A ring. There was…there was a ring on his finger…Lifting his hand, his eyes grew to the size of dinner plates at the plain little band around his ring finger…
Dear God…
Refusing to look at the mirror again, he kept walking down the hall, his mind scrambling for some anchor to logic to latch on to. Strange house, strange kids, strange mirrors, and now this strange ring…strange ring that looked like a wedding ring…No, he would remember something like THAT happening…This was all some big…messed up...impossible mistake.
The first door he came across opened into a small garage, where an aged white pick up was sitting idle next to a mass with a sheet thrown over it. Still gathering no clues about whose house this was, he slowly walked into the open space.
"Oh, and Cloud." Mikayla swung into the doorway.
He staggered slightly. "Yeah?" He tried to recover.
She looked deadpan, "Watch out for Tabs. She's still…camping."
Whatever that meant.
"Right." He replied uncomfortably.
She disappeared into the hallway and he turned around, looking at the truck. Well, now what? That girl knew his name was Cloud…And he didn't know of any other guys named 'Cloud' running around…Which made this predicament all the more confusing. Running a hand over his head, he walked around the truck and eyed the sheet-covered mass. Tires were just visible under the edge of the material.
Curious, he crossed over to it, glanced to the door, saw no one, and lifted the sheet.
The shiny black hide of Fenrir greeted him.
Cloud froze.
"What the Hell…" he murmured, peeling more of the sheet back until the cloth tumbled away.
No doubt about it…That was Fenrir…HIS Fenrir…sitting here in John Doe's garage. What was she doing here? He frowned, tossing the cloth aside. It was marginally different…One of the rearview mirrors was crooked, and the kickstand looked like it had been replaced…And it was dusty…He had never allowed the motorcycle to get dusty.
Still reeling, he crossed over and opened the garage door. The short driveway spilled onto a black asphalt street. Nothing but trees and grass and a few other houses dotting the road as it looped around toward…Radiant Garden: he knew that skyline anywhere.
Relieved to see at least one familiar sight, he returned to Fenrir, kicked up the stand, and wheeled it back toward the road. He barely missed clipping the mailbox and paused when the name on the side of it caught his eye.
Strife.
He had a mailbox? Wait…this was his address? Which meant—
Cloud turned and followed the driveway with his eyes, looking at the exterior of the house for the first time. It was a two-story house with off-white vinyl siding, a wrap around front porch, red shutters pushed away from the windows. This was…his house?
In WHAT universe?
Dumbstruck, he stood there staring at the house like an idiot for a full minute before shaking his head. He was hallucinating. That had to be it. Something had happened during that fight with the Heartless…yesterday?...and now he was seeing things…impossible, absurd, ridiculous things…
He averted his eyes from the house and swung a leg over the side of Fenrir. The familiar feel of the bike eased the knots in his stomach slightly, but not much. Maybe if he just didn't look at the house and that incriminating mailbox, it would realize that it wasn't supposed to exist and it would go away.
Because that made so much more sense, he thought dryly.
The key, which had been hanging in the ignition, turned over the engine with a twist and he almost started forward when he remembered his cellphone in his pocket. Whipping it out, he opened his contact list and started scrolling for Aerith's number.
Wait, this couldn't be right—
Aerith was the first contact in the list, but under that was…Arthur…Who was that? He didn't know any Arthurs…And then Biggs…and Cid…Dale? Evelyn? Leon…Merlin…Mikayla…Pam? Dozens more that he didn't recognize…Tabs—there was that name again-Tifa…Yuffie…
Pursing his lips, his finger hovered over the call button but then he closed the phone and pocketed it. This was seriously messed up. He wanted to try and figure this out before getting Aerith or the others involved…
Yuffie's words about djinn Heartless came back to him as he started driving Fenrir down the road. The Heartless that they had been fighting before he blacked out sure matched her description—oh, this was ridiculous…A scratch from a Heartless sending him into some screwed up mindwarp made about as much sense as a wormhole sucking him in…or a mailbox with his name on it…
It was all he had to go on though…even if the landscape he was driving past looked as real as any day he'd spent in Radiant Garden before now. He could see the skyline up ahead. He could just swing into town, find Merlin's, and hopefully get to the bottom of this before this nonsense started making sense.
Balloons on a front porch came into view.
Mikayla had said that he—Cloud—was supposed to be helping her father for some…party. More hallucination, he assumed, but the curiosity of it was almost enough for him to consider stopping to see…He glanced toward the Radiant Garden city skyline, hesitated, and then decelerated, bringing Fenrir to a rolling stop on the curb in front of the strange house.
Same size, same basic structure as the first house, the house he'd woken up in. Only this one was brick and had a smaller porch…and no kids running around it or throwing cereal.
Damn…fricking…curiosity. He cursed inwardly for allowing himself to get pulled into this and killed the engine. Fenrir fell quiet and he slid off of it, standing uncomfortably by the mailbox. He looked at the box, but the name must have been on the other side, because there wasn't—
A low whistle came across the front lawn.
"It's been a while since that thing has seen daylight."
Cloud glanced around and located the source of the voice. He didn't recognize the man at first, half leaning out of a green jeep with bags in his arms, but as soon as he turned, Cloud felt both relief and further confusion.
"Enjoying the freedom until Aerith gets back…or is this a midlife crisis thing?" Leon remarked, lifting the bags out of the jeep.
So much wrong in those ten seconds that dumbly staring was all Cloud could do.
First and most disturbing, Leon had spoken to him without any bite or narrowed eyes…He had sounded downright…friendly.
Second, whatever delusions Cloud was having about looking older, it was afflicting Leon too. He looked Cid's age.
Third, midlife crisis?
Fourth, Aerith gets back from where?
Fifth…what the Hell was he talking about?
"Er…what?" Cloud finally managed.
"We're at T minus three hours until they get back. Help me out." Leon replied, nodding toward the remaining bags in the jeep as he walked toward the house.
A friendly Leon was a Leon to be wary of, and Cloud suddenly wished that he had gone with his first instinct: to just beeline to the city sect of Radiant Garden.
"They…" Cloud repeated apprehensively, moving slowly up the driveway.
"Last I heard, Yuffie was driving, so it's probably really T minus two hours." Leon continued.
Okay, so maybe Cloud and Leon had never gotten along…but Cloud at least knew the man to be sensible…This was not sensible behavior. He was acting like—Whatever. Cloud shook his head and decided to just keep playing along…or go insane.
"Mikayla said…to watch out…for Tabs?" He tentatively attempted, taking the remaining bags out of the jeep and following Leon inside.
They walked into a large kitchen that wasn't exactly messy…It was organized. Less of a messy room than of a room thoroughly used, including print outs, notes, and childish drawings stuck with magnets to the fridge. Leon snorted with a grin as he set the bags on the counter top. Cloud set his bags down as well.
"Kids." Cloud muttered, thinking back to the toys at the first house and the drawings all over the place at this house. "We have kids."
Saying it out loud made it sound even more…outlandish.
"Hm, memory loss does come with old age." Leon ribbed at him, "But you don't get to claim the plural. Or did you forget how long it took you guys to have Rose?"
Again…so much wrong that Cloud just stared at the other man.
Leon noticed him staring and snorted. "You know, you're not supposed to drink the water in the bong." He snapped his fingers in front of Cloud's face as though to snap him out of it.
Djinn Heartless-induced mind-warp suddenly wasn't sounding so farfetched.
"Rose is my daughter." He mumbled, thinking back—which one had she been?
The sarcastic teenager had been Mi…Michelle? Mikayla, right. The boy was Liam. Two girls, Rose and Katherine…Katherine had been the smallest one…
Leon squinted one eye at him. "Are you okay?"
He sounded genuinely concerned and it wrongfooted Cloud for a moment.
"I…don't know—Yeah." He shook his head. "I'm fine."
Yuffie had never said what had happened to the random guy after he went 'out like a light'. She hadn't sounded mournful or pained about it, so surely the man hadn't died or remained in the coma…Which meant Cloud would eventually wake up from this…right? He hoped so, because this sudden thrust into…normal life…was almost too much to handle.
He sighed and rubbed his forehead. His statement placated Leon, who went right back to…whatever he was doing…Planning a party? 'Leon' and 'party' in the same sentence was…well about as ridiculous as everything else Cloud had seen in the past hour. If he really had been shoved into some 'dream-state' and this was a delirium, he would just have to ride it out and wait for it to pass…Then things could get back to normal.
"—still camped out just outside the tree line. Tifa wouldn't put up with the smoke otherwise." Leon was talking.
Cloud blinked. "Hm." He grunted noncommittally.
"Just remind her what's going on and tell her to put away the hard stuff before Mikayla brings the kids back over. She usually remembers, but you know her." Leon went on.
Utterly lost—again—Cloud looked at the other man. "Where…again?"
He left off the 'who' and the 'what in the world are you talking about' because he had the feeling Leon was already noticing something off about him.
"Just on the other side of the trees. Red teepee, you can't miss it." He answered.
This must be the 'Tabs is still camping' thing that Mikayla had mentioned.
"Okay." He awkwardly moved toward the door.
"Tifa, Aerith, and Yuffie will be back in about two hours, so I'll get the grill going while you're talking Tabs down…Because last time you were on grill, Aerith didn't speak to me for a week." Leon chided.
Forcing himself not to overanalyze THAT statement, Cloud just gave a vague nod and left the house. He moved across the yard toward the treeline behind the house, glancing back a few times to reassure himself that there really was a house there, with a domesticated-Leon tottering around inside.
This day was getting weirder by the minute.
And it was about to get a LOT weirder.