I actually had this one uploaded before, but than I didn't like it anymore, because I think it's too casual with a few things about German history and figured it might be considered insensitive or offensive. But then...well, I changed my mind again, because I saw someone even put it in his favourite list and I know many people make jokes about this. But...please tell me if it's offensive to anyone. I'm going to take it down then. I mean - I (obviously) don't have a problem with jokes about the NS-time, but I'm just not sure if it's my place to make them, considering that I'm german myself. So - if it's offending anyone then - say it. I take it down then.
Okay. A small little Oneshot inspired by a sketch of Mitchell and Webb I saw yesterday. Totally random.
(Please, don't kill me for my crappy English- I'm still practicing. This is just my second attempt to publish something in English.)
The skull
They had been retreating for days on end now and Ludwig was exhausted as he fell to the soft ground next to his brother. They couldn't tell what might be going on in the world – they just knew that they had to walk back. One foot in front of the others and all that next to each other. They'd only have to keep going to find the next outpost. Ludwig and Gilbert were robbed of their car and their weapons, after having been lured into a trap. Gilbert's fault. Stupid Gilbert had to follow the good-looking lady – who turned out to be an armed partisan with equally armed back-up. Being nations, of course, they couldn't be killed by a small group of soviet partisans and soon enough they had escaped the place of crime.
Now they were lying next to each other in the middle of a field, their uniforms filthy and without any idea which way to go.
Ludwig tried to read his map. He had to narrow his eyes, to try to make something out on the stained piece paper. Suddenly his brother poked his side.
"He, Lutz. You know what I wonder?" He asked surprisingly serious and Ludwig took down the map, looking at this brother, who was lying next to him.
"What?" He asked, indignantly. He didn't want to talk. Things were bad enough as they were and he couldn't stand Gilberts complaining anymore. About this and that and why the whole thing just wasn't awesome and whether he could have Ludwig's socks today, because he lost his and he was getting cold feet. The answer stayed "no." Sometimes Gilbert was just as difficult as Feliciano sometimes.
Gilbert, who was fiddling around with his SS-cap shrugged, almost thoughtfully.
"Well…I just looked at this cap…and I wondered…" He stopped fiddling with it and looked at the front. "Well…didn't you ever notice something weird about them?"
Ludwig looked at Gilbert's cap, his own lying on top of his rucksack next to him.
"Yes. Yours is wrinkled." He deadpanned.
"Well – ja. But that's not what I meant you Besserwisser." (wise-guy) The albino drawled. "No. I meant – the badge. There's… a skull on them."
Ludwig was confused. He didn't know why Gilbert told him that. Of course they had skulls on them. There had always been skulls on them.
"I mean…these are skulls." His brother repeated. "Actual skulls."
"Ja…well, of course, there is a skull on them. I thought you'd like the skull." Ludwig said. "It's a Prussian symbol after all."
"Ja, I know – and the symbol being Prussian is awesome and all that – but…don't you think that could make us…you know…the bad guys or something?"
Ludwig shook his head. This was becoming more and more ridiculous by the minute. Not that he didn't appreciate the few moments in which is brother actually thought about things – but right now they had to sleep so that they'd reach the next outpost soon enough. This wasn't the moment to wonder about something like badges and skulls and good or bad.
"Gilbert – we're not the bad guys. Why would we be the bad guys? Everything we're doing is completely alright. After all – we're just getting back at the world for World War I and the Treaty for Versailles. You know what the boss said – we're defending our honor and our future."
Gilbert sighed. They both know what "we" meant, these days. It meant they were fighting for Ludwig's honor and Ludwig's future. Germany was still there, even after Prussia had become a federal state.
"Well…it does sound just…but…"
"Was?"
"Well…I'm sorry to get back to it…but there are little skulls on the front of our SS-caps and I just think – that's not right. I mean…when I think of skulls…I always think of the bad-guys. I mean – I do like the bad-guys and they are really awesome most of the time…but hey. Why skulls?"
Ludwig's brow wrinkled in confusion.
"I…I'm not with you." Ludwig stated. "Ich weiß nicht was du meinst." (I don't know what you're talking about).
"Well…what do you think of, when you think of skulls – personally." Gilbert started to explain. "Because…well I think of death and executions and beheadings and cannibalism and – pirates."
"Pirates are fun!"
"And I didn't say we're not fun. The SS is very funny indeed." Gilbert admitted. "But you might look at it every way you want – but – pirates are still the villains. I mean…there is nothing good you can think of looking at a skull."
He thought about it.
"What about good, aryan skull-shape?" He asked. He had been told that he had a nice skull.
"And I don't say, your skull ain't pretty. You look cunning, brother – even covered in grease and dirt and wounds and scars and whatnot right now…but even the heads in Rassenkundebüchern still have their skin on." ("ethnogency books") Usually he had seen all these models with their skin still covering their bone.
"Oh…hmm.. it could be the skull of someone evil. Someone we killed, because he wanted to kill us."
"Yeah – but these skulls don't exactly feature a tag saying 'this man was seriously a bad guy that's why we killed him in the most awesome way' – it might also be a child or someone who just didn't do anything wrong."
Ludwig thought about it and noticed Gilbert was right for once.
"Whereas the allies-" Gilbert started, but Ludwig interrupted him.
"Hey – don't tell me you've been listening to their propaganda once again. Not everything Francis tells you in these interrogations can be true. Not when the boss says otherwise. Of course they call us the bad guys."
"Ja, sicher – but they didn't design our uniforms, Ludwig." Gilbert explained. "And theirs also looks kind of…nice. You know? With stars and stripes and lions…and remember the wonderful cape Francis is wearing. And well, even the soviets have their sickle."
"Well, and what's so great about a sickle now?" Ludwig asked, completely lost.
"Nothing. But it's…it's better than a skull. Actually – I don't think…there's anything worse as a symbol – than a skull."
"Well…I don't know. How about – a roasted potato?" Ludwig tried and Gilbert looked around, genuinely confused.
"Well…but I'd feel much better right now following the banner of a Prussian Röstkartoffel than retreating with a skull on my forehead."
"Tell me about that." Ludwig agreed. Invading other countries was really fun compared to being chased back home. "But who cares, anyway? It's not important right now."
"Now, I'm sorry, Lutz, but – I just remembered something I once heard." Gilbert explained. "Francis once told me that the allies say – that history is written by the winners."
"And what would Francis know about winning?" Ludwig wondered. "All he knows about is profiting from the side-lines and making me pay him money after I invested so much time in figuring out the best way to pull a sneak-attack on him in the WW1."
"I'm just saying – that'd mean that they'd make sure that symbols are remembered in a negative way and everyone thinks of the defeated enemy as a…you know? Bösewicht. A bad guy."
"So…"
"Well, if the allies do win – which might really be the case right now – then we actually did half of the work for them – already. – With these skulls."
"Ja! And the guys with the potato are really screwed." Ludwig agreed proudly.
"Well, that's true – but they don't exist."
"So? Where are you going with all this?" Ludwig wondered and Gilbert sighed.
"I just mean – look at us. Remember the beginning of the war? When we were winning every battle, took over all these countries and both of us had more power than ever before? The time when the allies had almost lost?"
"Ja. Sure."
"Well…have you ever read a book or … watched a movie…?"
"Of course."
"Now. I've never seen a movie or read a book, where the goodies started of really well – and were defeated by the bad-guys only to make a glorious return and win eventually."
"Neither have I…" Agreed Ludwig. "I…do miss the theaters…"
"But that was not my point." Gilbert explained. "But I did see quite a lot of movies, where the bad guys start off very well – but are defeated by the goodies after all. I'm just a little worried about…you know? Our narrative position in this war."
Ludwig nodded. Finally he understood what Gilbert meant.
"Well, don't worry, Bruderherz." He reassured him. "I found a way to make sure that no one can ever hate us…"
"And what is that?"
"Italy. He the good, naïve, male damsel in distress and I'm protecting him all the time."
"Your point being?"
"As long as we have him by our side – we're the good guys." Ludwig explained. "As long as he fights for us – no one could ever hate us."
"You mean…our reputation is relying on Italy?" Gilbert asked, horrified. "Solely on Italy?"
"Of course – and it will work, as long as he doesn't surrender to anyone." Ludwig explained and took his map back up. "And he won't, because he knows what he's in this plot for. Or could you ever imagine Germany having a bad reputation in the world?"