After not posting anything new in years I finally got the urge to write again. This was inspired by a comment I read that Fenris could never really love a mage. I disagree. I think they complement each other nicely. I don't use a beta so hopefully there aren't that many mistakes. Enjoy.
He recognized the knocking at his door. Hawke was the only one who knocked so softly. Varric and Aveline had a much more aggressive, demanding knock. He didn't bother to go let her in, as she always let herself in anyway. It was only a moment when he heard the sound of the door opening and closing echoing through his dilapidated residence. He wasn't surprised at her presence. Her visits had become routine.
Every time she had a rough day or simply needed some peace, she would come and sit in front of his fire. She knew he was the only one who wouldn't pester her with small talk or ask her questions. It was the least he could do for her. She had never once pushed him for answers, even though he more than owed them to her. It was one more reason he hadn't been able to push her out of his heart no matter how hard he tried or how much time passed. It had already been two years since that night and he could still feel how perfectly her body melted into his. There was no sense in dwelling on it tonight. It wasn't likely to change the situation.
He watched in silence as she took her normal seat and stared into the fire. She had told him once that it calmed her to watch the flames dance. It was why her preferred attack magic was fire. They sat in silence as was the norm until she surprised him by calling his name. "Fenris" It never failed to send shivers down his spine at the way she spoke his name. "Hawke" he replied. "What am I doing?" "At the moment you are sitting in front of my fireplace." She chuckled at his intentional misinterpretation of her question.
"I have always believed that there were other mages like Bethany and I. That could be free and be trusted to act in an honorable way. That there were mages that would never resort to blood magic or consort with demons. I also know that although I have always lived free and despite its obvious flaws, the circle is needed. Mages need a place to train. A place to learn to control their magic where they are safe and someone is there in case something goes wrong. Bad mages are born just the same as the worst of regular people. I have tried my best to help the mages of Kirkwall, only to feel betrayed when they all turned to the things I despise. Even Anders, who I can tell used to be a good man, has aligned himself with a spirit. I know that Justice isn't the same as a demon but Anders is obviously affected by his presence. He becomes more and more unstable and I worry he may do something foolish. He is blind to the dangers we mages present. He thinks that only the desperate turn to demons. He refused to acknowledge that it only makes things worse and gives the Templars justification no matter the reason behind the choice. How do I help them knowing what they are doing? I don't know if I can anymore. What if you are right and in the end, we all fail. What if I am doomed to become what I hate?"
She turned to look at him then, her eyes filled with tears and he felt his heart break at her pain. He wasn't sure what answer she wanted from him or if the question was rhetorical, but he needed to be honest with her for once. She deserved no less from him. "Hawke, since that first year I have never doubted that you are the one mage that would prove me wrong." Her face lit up at his statement and she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his slim elven waist. He hesitated at the sudden contact and he felt her stiffen as she suddenly realized what she had done.
He knew he should push her away, tell it was wrong, but he found himself unable to find the words. Instead he wrapped his arms around her as she had him and just enjoyed the moment. Soon after she relaxed as well and they stayed that way for a while, enjoying each other's embrace. It was Hawke who finally broke the silence. "Can I ask you to make me a promise?" "If it is within my power, I will try." "If I fail to live up to your faith in me, if I fail and a demon slips in, promise me you will kill me."
Fenris was unprepared for the pain that shot through his heart at the thought of Hawke's death. He gently pushed her away from him so he could look into her eyes. "What?" "I don't know what the future holds for me or for us. If all you can ever give me is friendship then I will gladly accept it from you. I hope that no matter where I go that you will be with me. If Danarius ever shows his face, I would lay down my life to protect you. I trust that you would never let me live like that. The others wouldn't have the strength, but I know you at least care enough to realize the Hawke you know would already be gone. I protect you and you protect me. I think it is a fair trade and this way neither of us ever has to be alone."
Fenris was speechless. Never had anyone but her ever shown such faith and trust in him. He wondered what he had done to have been blessed with such a wonderful woman in his life. He knew she loved him and hadn't been with anyone since that night they shared so many years ago. He knew that he loved her just as much. Isabella had made it known on more than one occasion that she was more than willing to warm his bed but the thought of betraying Hawke in such a way or replacing his memory of her touch with another's had kept him from accepting the offer. No one would ever replace her in his heart or his bed.
He wanted a real life with Hawke but he could never truly be free until Danarius was dead. Even then he wasn't so sure if he would be able to finally stop looking over his shoulder and live as a true free man, but no matter what happened he knew he would always remain at her side. He knew his answer. "I will always be here as long as you have need of me."