Willy Wonka Meets the Health inspector
A fic by Megan Gallagher
The sky was blue and cloudless above the small British town, but to the inhabitants of the great Wonka candy factory, it didn't particularly matter. Because, rain or shine, the factory churned out pound after pound of miraculous candy for the world to enjoy. On this particular day, however, one individual was not toiling away in the bowels of the factory, but was instead sitting on the front steps, staring blankly out at the front gates. For the first time in fifteen years, Willy Wonka had failed to convince the European Health Agency of the superfluity of inspecting his factory. There would be an inspector arriving that afternoon. He stared down at the pointed tips of his boots and sighed.
It was the first time in his entire life that it had ever occurred to him that maybe he couldn't just do whatever he wanted.
The door behind him clicked, and a few moments later, Charlie Bucket sat down beside Wonka, looking up at him in the way that had always inwardly surprised the candymaker. For Charlie was much more intelligent than he first looked.
"Mr. Wonka?"
"Go to school, Charlie."
His mood was terrible; there was no point in even wandering the rooms of his great creation. Worst of all, he dreaded the health inspector's arrival. A cold, middle aged, portly man with thick glasses and a skeptical frown, most likely. He could already see the look of disdain on this individual's face. How could he possibly explain Oompa Loompas, Wonkavision, and a magical, rocket powered glass elevator to someone like that? They would not see the genius, only the impossibility of his creations. And, worst of all, there was no way his brilliant mind could come up with, that would enable him to show this mysterious adversary how to believe in magic, and trust in him.
Finally, Charlie left the candymaker's side, opened the creaking silver gates, and departed for school. He looked back once at the desolate look on Wonka's face, as concerned as a child could be, and walked on. Wonka barely looked up.
Long hours passed. Three times, the Oompa Loompas attempted to coax him inside, even going so far as to threaten a strike and a move to Slugworth's Candy Company. But no one could budge him. Finally, a small figure appeared at the end of the long road, striding up toward the gates. Wonka stood, smoothed his long coat, and began what seemed to him the longest walk he had ever taken.
Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, the amazing Chocolatier...
Veronica Lightfoot pushed her black rimmed glasses up slightly on her nose as she gazed at the enormous central smokestack of the Wonka factory, spiraling up into the sky. She wrinkled her nose, looking at the smoke billowing from it, but as she inhaled, she was pleasantly surprised by the unmistakable scent of chocolate. The silver behemoth before her unnerved her slightly. She was the only woman at the local health inspector's agency, and as such, she always ended up with the oddest assignments. Inwardly, she was amused, thinking of her coworkers, the stiff, middle aged, portly men, attempting to hoof it through this monster. But at the sight of the figure striding toward the gates, all thought was banished. This was the great Willy Wonka himself, the same eccentric genius who dazzled her discerning palate every weekend when she visited her favorite corner store for the sole reason of obtaining even the tiniest square of his amazing chocolate. She smoothed her skirt and took a deep breath, wondering just what she was getting herself into. And, most importantly of all, she hoped dearly that she would not have to fail him.
She had already inwardly decided that she would do whatever was necessary to ensure a passing grade for the factory. But stories of mysterious creatures, unusual inventions, and a river made of chocolate unnerved her. How could she possibly deem anything like a chocolate river sanitary? But she had come to the great silver gates and could think of nothing else now. She must quell her anticipation now and make ready for the adventure so few had taken.
Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, the amazing Chocolatier...
Wonka had not looked up from the tips of his boots since he saw the figure approaching the gate. So his surprise at the figure before him now was apparent. She smiled at him for a moment, shyly, then banished her humanity and became the health inspector. He saw her assume the mask and his heart sank. He opened the gates and admitted her, distantly polite.
"Mr. Wonka." The woman said professionally, "My name is Veronica Lightfoot, and I will be conducting a search of your premises for any improper practices or unsanitary conditions. Do you understand that a failing grade does not necessarily mean a permanent shutdown of this facility?"
He did not answer, but instead looked at her expectantly.
"Mr. Wonka?"
"I'm sorry, that was a little unclear. Would you care to repeat that in English this time?"
She sighed, but before she could respond, she found the man before her giggling, apparently giddy at her frustration. This was going to be more difficult than she thought.
"I'm sorry. Please come in, make yourself comfortable. You'll be here awhile." He smiled then, and she couldn't help but be mystified by this highly unusual creature before her. He was almost childlike in a way, but she knew, he had to be more intelligent than he looked. He just had to be…
Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, the amazing Chocolatier...
Upon entering the factory, he immediately slid the long black coat from his thin shoulders, pulled the pair of enormous sunglasses he wore from his face, and discarded both in the center of the entranceway… then cast a hasty look in the direction of his uninvited guest. Clearing his throat, he picked up his discarded articles and placed them carefully on a side table. He then offered to take Veronica's coat, and laid it too on the table with a nervous smile.
His eyes were deep blue, strikingly beautiful, and wore the expression of a deer in the headlights. It was making Veronica feel terrible. She adjusted her glasses again, a nervous gesture, and, without realizing it, her mask of professionalism slipped just slightly. It was then that those velvet blue eyes pierced her own, staring directly into her soul.
"We… should begin the inspection, Mr. Wonka."
"Indeed we should. Follow me." He wore an enigmatic smile, and Veronica knew that she had already failed her first task. In the presence of Willy Wonka, she simply could not remain impartial.
Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, the amazing Chocolatier...
Veronica Lightfoot had been five years old when Wonka opened his first candy shop. She had lived only two blocks away, in a little flat with her mother, and every weekend, she was allowed to run down to the store to buy one treat for the week. She had always gazed, mystified, at the men behind the counter, always wondering which one was Willy Wonka, the man behind all this wonderful candy. It took her nearly five years to get up the courage to ask. By that time, Wonka was preparing its move to the enormous factory a few miles away. So a ten year old Veronica shyly stepped up to the counter for what would be the last time, and asked one of the aging employees if she could be directed to Willy Wonka himself.
"Oh, Mr. Wonka never comes out here. He says he needs to be alone with the chocolate and away from the crowds…" Then the man picked up a chocolate bar and handed it to Veronica. "I'm sure, if you taste this, you'll know he's right."
Her heart had sunk a little that day, knowing that now she would never get to meet the great Willy Wonka. She walked home, miserably munching away at the chocolate, and knowing, inside, that the man at the counter had been right. Better to leave the enigmatic chocolatier to his chocolate…
Sixteen years later, she found herself arguing this same point to a group of forty year old men, all wearing white shirts, khaki pants, little black neckties, and thick, plastic rimmed glasses. Why inspect Wonka's factory? What was the point? He was so far ahead of anyone else, technologically, that there was no way to be fair to both him and the competition. But they had insisted she go, even gave her the choice between inspecting Wonka's factory, or the unemployment line. So she went. And now here she was, standing in the front foyer of Wonka's candy factory, in the presence of the man she had dreamed of meeting since she was five years old. It was funny; she had always imagined him as being much older, and perhaps a little less strange. But he couldn't really be more than… 10 or fifteen years older than she, and he definitely looked more youthful. Veronica thought of her own appearance, stiff, ordered, long brown hair locked tight in a bun, black cat-eye glasses perched on her nose, pressed white shirt, and knee-length khaki skirt, all topped off with a pair of flat-soled brown shoes, sensible, but with little pointed toes. She looked like the epitome of a governmental drone. What she wouldn't have given to look as fancy and comfortable as the candymaker, for despite the unusual, antiquated formality of his dress, he looked quite a bit more at ease. She also noted that all sense of apprehension had evaporated from his demeanor. He had seen her slip, and now he was as confident as she had ever seen a man be. She wished she could say the same for herself.
"Tell me, have you ever tried my chocolate?" Wonka asked, suddenly.
"Oh, yes! I… I mean… yes. I have." Veronica looked at her shoes.
"Oh good. Then you'll enjoy yourself!" He replied cheerfully, and directed her to the end of the hall. She noticed the ceiling descending lower and lower until the both of them were hunched in a tiny alcove. She stared incredulously at the door. It was roughly the size of Wonka's hat, how were they ever going to enter the room beyond? She looked up at the candymaker expectantly, hoping for an answer. But he simply stood, hunched over and leaning on his cane, looking back at her.
"Well?"
"Well what?" Veronica was rapidly growing exasperated again.
"Aren't you going to ask me why the door's so small?"
"Fine, I'll bite. Why is the door so small, Mr. Wonka?" She asked dryly.
"To keep all the great big chocolaty flavors inside!" He replied cheerfully. And then he proceeded to push the entire back wall open, and what met Veronica's eyes next was paradise.