The City of Ikebukuro.
A commercial and entertainment district of Tokyo and the largest city in Toshima ward. It is also home to many myths, including the headless Black Rider who rides a noiseless pitch-black motorcycle, strange people, including an underground doctor in love with a monster, a sushi-selling Afro-Russian, an emotionally detached serial slasher and movie star, and a serial killer who wears bizarre movie costumes, and the infamous "color gangs" that fight for territory in the city.
It's been months since the last events and everyone in the city are back to their usual daily lives.
The team called the DAN ARMY, led by the Mister Jerk himself Dan Mandel, are currently stationed in this city and are task to eliminate the Emotionless spotted in the city. During their stay in the city, Dan accidentally bumps into Shizuo Heiwajima, the strongest man in Ikebukuro and got into a war of words. This would culminated into a fight and much to everyone's shock, Dan managed to go toe-to-toe with Shizuo and never even once used his Gift, their lasted for nearly seven hours before both fell in exhaustion. And after the battle, both Dan and Shizuo complimented each other for their strength which shocks everyone because it's something they rarely do, the two become friends later on.
Like they said, men bonds through fighting. And every battle forms a bond, it also forms friendship.
One night in the city of Ikebukuro, we see Dan walking down the pavement, holding a box of milk and a grocery bag holding a box of cookies. Dan is currently wearing his black t-shirt with the word "JERK" written on it, white pants and black shoes. Unbeknownst to the jerk, a strange creature is following him from the shadows.
"Another horrible day." Dan grumbled before smiling, "Made slightly better with cookies and special lactose-free milk." he said patting the carton of milk.
The strange creature then cuts off the bottom of grocery bag with it's claws, stealing the box of Miss Alps Chocolate Chip Cookies. Then, hidden in the bushes the creature eats one of the cookies before spitting it out.
"Hiss! Hiss! Hiiiissss!" the creature let's out a disgust hiss.
Dan began drinking the milk straight out of the box, then the creature throws a sharp fang towards him which cuts the box in half and drenching Dan with milk.
"Hey! What the-!" Dan exclaimed in shock as he was drench in milk.
The a woman walks by pass him, "Umm, drinking problem much?" she asked with an amused tone.
"There wasn't even a verb in that sentence!" Dan yelled at her, "Just a lousy gerund." he grumbled before looking at the sharp fang on the concrete as he picks it up, "Where did that sharp tooth came from?" he asked. He then shrugs before dropping the fang back on the ground, "Oh, well. At least I still have my cookies." he mused as he reaches down the bag only to discover the bottom has been cut off and his cookies are gone, "What the?!" he gasped as he peaks through the bag's hole, "I can't believe this!" he exclaimed in disbelief.
He then picks up the fang again, he stares at it for a few minutes before, "XENOMORPHS!" he yelled in anger which echoes through out the city.
DAN VS XENOMORPHS
bzzzttt...
The next day, we see a RV driving around the city of Ikebukuro, inside we see the entire DAN ARMY with Chris driving the wheel. Chris is currently wearing a black leather jacket over a white shirt, blue pants and brown sandals. Right next to him is his wife Elise, she is currently wearing her white t-shirt with red cuffs, blue hip-hugger jeans and red & white sneakers.
"So... let me get this straight...'' Elise began, "You were attacked last night... by a Xenomorph?'' she pointed out indecorously.
"Yes! I was attacked by a Xenomorph! Do I have to repeat myself?!" Dan exclaimed angrily on his seat.
Chris turns to him, "A Xenomorph?'' he asked.
"Chris! Eyes on the road!" Elise exclaimed in panic.
Chris looks back in front before swerving the RV to the side narrowly dodging a truck, much to everyone's relief as he spoke again, "Are you... are you sure it was a Xenomorph?" he asked again.
"Of course! It stole my cookies and exploded my lactose-free milk!" Dan grumbled.
Denton let's out a chuckle, "Hehe... oh, how I love to see that." he said. He is currently wearing his blue jacket over a white shirt, dark-blue jeans and red & white sneakers. He then earns a smack at the back of the head courtesy of Brick, "OW!" he yelped.
Brick is currently wearing a gray fitting t-shirt, black cargo pants and dark & shiny military boots.
Honne tilted her head, "Do all Xenomorphs do that?'' she asked. She is currently wearing her standard IS uniform with an over-sized sleeves.
"This one did." Dan replied.
"But how... How did you it was a-" Chris was about to ask again when he was interrupted.
"It was black and scaly! And it has a long tail!" Dan rudely interrupted.
"It was just probably an Emotionless, after all, we haven't gotten rid all of them yet in this city." Mandy pointed out. She is currently wearing a white jacket crop top over a black midriff top, white ladies boy shorts and white knee-high boots.
"I'm not talking about an Emotionless, I'm talking about a Xenomorph!" Dan insisted, "Plus, I didn't see it. Ergo - Xenomorph.'' he clarified.
"If you didn't see it... then how do you know it was a Xenomorph?" Denton asked indecorously. Dan couldn't find an answer to his question, he just grabs Denton's drink before throwing it outside the RV, "Hey! Not cool!" he exclaimed as Kafuu let's a chuckle.
Kafuu is currently wearing a yellow open Hawaiian shirt over a white top, a tropical Hawaiian short pants and black sandals.
"What's not cool is that you're trying to confound me with your stupid logic, when what I need is help with a problem!" Dan stated.
"I don't throw your drinks!" Denton argued.
"May Trixie interrupt?!" Trixie spoke. She is currently wearing an orange track jacket over a pink shirt, purple jeans and white shoes. "But Trixie is wondering... where are we going?'' she asked.
"Where going to the Xenomorph's hideout!" Dan replied.
"Xenomorph's had hideouts?" Ninja Dave asked in confusion. He is currently wearing a traditional ninja attire including the mask.
"Wait a minute! Where in the world did you get the idea of Xenomorph having a hideout?!" Elise asked indecorously.
"I talk to a very, VERY shady guy last night and told me that there's a Xenomorph hideout in this city.'' Dan replied with a blank look.
"And you believe in him?'' Mandy asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Of course.'' Dan replied much to everyone's disbelief, "Chris, stop the vehicle, we're here.'' he announced.
The RV then stopped in front of an old, abandoned pub as everyone got off the vehicle with Dan walking ahead of them.
Elise then ran towards Dan, "Dan! Listen! I know that this city is a lot of things but I know it's not infested by aliens! So, I'm telling you right here, right now that there are no Xenomorphs in this city!" she reasoned.
Dan ignore her and kicks the door of the pub open, they were welcome by the sight of of Xenomorphs occupying the entire pub. But the odd thing about these creatures is that they're occupying the pub like customers, some Xenomorphs are seen sitting by table playing cards, some are in front of a karaoke booth and some are at a bar, complete with Xenomorph bartender.
The team, sans Dan, are shock of what they just discovered.
"Oh my God... Dan was right..." Elise muttered.
"Of course, I'm right!" Dan exclaimed as he walks forward before pointing a finger at the creatures, "Hey! Which of you, ugly alien reptiles stole my cookies and exploded by lactose-free milk?!" he demanded.
The bartender Xenomorph responded by throwing a glass aside before pointing it's claws at the team, "Hiisss! Hiisss!" it let's out an angry hiss.
And with that, the Xenomorphs charges at them.
Dan let's out a smirk, "So... that's how you wanna play, huh? All right team, let's go them!" he commanded.
"Do we even had a choice...'' Chris muttered.
And with that, the team charges at their targets.
(Play Authors of Pain Theme - Pain by CFO$)
Mandy was the first to strike, she brought out a silver-colored hand blaster from her jacket and began blasting one Xenomorphs to another via head shot. She then charges towards a Xenomorph, she jumps a little before kicking the creature directly on the face before crashing down the floor, she then go on top of the Xenomorph and blast it's head off. She then charges her weapon before firing a beam towards a group of Xenomorphs, blasting them to pieces.
Denton rushes forward with a grin on his face, "Time to attack!" he exclaimed as he jumps and curls himself to ball which literally turns him into a ball, a blue billiard ball, "Super Rolling Speed Ball!" he roared and with intense speed, he runs down, topples many Xenomorphs in the air and flattening them when he rolls over them. He then charges towards a group of Xenomorphs bringing them down like bowling pins.
Trixie brought out her wand, charging it with Equestrian magic before pointing her wand at the creatures, shooting out red beams at them with different effects one would turn small, one turns chubby and one would become very thin. Another Xenomorph charges towards her, Trixie casted a spell on herself which created illusions of her which confuses the creature. Taking advantage of the creature's confusion, Trixie fires another beam at the Xenomorph turning it into a teacup.
Brick puts on some dark latex gloves before grabbing two Xenomorphs by the tail before lifting them up high and began smashing them on the ground like a ragdoll, after smashing them one last time, he threw the creatures aside. He then noticed Mandy having trouble with a group of Xenomorphs, he flips a knife before throwing it towards her direction, teleporting him towards her. Upon appearing on front of her, Brick brought out a grenade and throws at the creatures which then exploded, killing them.
Brick turns to Mandy whom smiled at him in appreciation.
Kafuu casually walked towards a horde of Xenomorphs, his creepy smile is a lot creepier. He then charges forward with a glowing fist as he punches a creature directly on the face sending it flying, then light-green aura forms around each of Kafuu's hands which then turn into a claw-like shape before striking down two Xenomorphs with two slashes. Kafuu then turns around and breathes out a surge of fire, incinerating the creatures.
Meanwhile, Honne is seen to be having fun. She was hopping on the heads on one Xenomorph to another, "Wai! Tanoshii!" she cheered. Then suddenly a set of claws appeared from under her sleeves as she let's out a demented smile before slashing the creatures at the back, killing them instantly. She then drops down and charges forward as she swipes her claws, beheading another Xenomorph.
Ninja Dave then brought out a chain-grapple and quickly setting it on fire using his kii powers. He then began to use the chain-grapple as a whip, swiping and tripping many creatures coming towards him while receiving third-degree burns. Ninja Dave then brought out two swords and began to hack-and-slash his way towards the hordes of Xenomorphs, cutting them, slicing them apart and decapitating them on the process.
Elise charges forward with a sword and gun in hand. She aimed her gun at one Xenomorph before shooting it on the head, she fires a shot towards another one on the chest area, she then jumps forward and landed in front of another Xenomorph. The creature swipes it's claw at her but she blocks it with her sword before jabbing her gun at it's jaws before blowing it's brains out.
Chris made a mad dash towards a hordes of Xenomorphs, jumping on a table before dropping himself towards the creatures with a powerful elbow drop which sent them flying. Chris then got up and brought lawn mower, via hammerspace, he then charges forward mowing down every Xenomorphs coming towards him before smashing the vehicle on top of one creature, killing it.
Dan charges forward with an army of "Dan" clones towards a hordes of Xenomorphs. One Dan snaps a Xenomorph's neck like a twig while two more Dan team up and tears another Xenomorph in half like a piece of paper. As Dan's clones continues to beat up as many creatures, the real Dan is busy pounding the bartender-Xenomorph. Dan brutally punches the creature's face non-stop, deforming it in the process before finishing it by stomping on it's face, crushing the poor creature's head to bits.
Upon witnessing many of their brethren getting annihilated one by one, the remaining Xenomorphs decided to bail the place by escaping through a purple portal.
"Yeah! That's right! Run away and never come back, you bastards! That's what you get for stealing my cookies and exploding my lactose-free milk!" Dan exclaimed with a face of satisfaction.
bzzzttt...
After the battle, the team looks around at the carnage that they just caused.
"This is the reason why we are called the most "murderous'' team in the Coalition.'' Denton grumbled.
Honne giggled, "I don't mind." she quipped.
Chris then approaches the shaking Trixie, "Hey Trixie, are you okay?" he asked in concern.
Trixie let's out a deep breath, "Trixie is going to be okay but it will really take a while for Trixie to get used to this.'' she replied earning a nod of understanding from Chris.
Elise then stood beside Dan, "Dan... after all of this, I don't think I will ever doubt again.'' she commented.
Dan scoffed, "You should be." he said before turning to everyone, "I'm getting hungry, how about we go some place to eat.'' he suggested.
Chris' face lights up like a bulb, "Oh! Oh! Then can we go to-" he tries to suggest but was interrupted.
"Say Burger Queen and I will hurt you.'' Mandy threatened with her arms crossed.
"Say Wendi's and I can't be responsible of what I'm gonna do.'' Honne also threatened with a cute glare.
"Say anything and I will punch." Dan said which earns him weird looks from everyone, "What? I want to be part of the conversation.'' he reasoned.
A/N: Inspired from Jexi the Hunter, Hope the Victor and David the Almighty Paladin. If the OCs are not created by moi, then it's not mine.