Hello everyone! Welcome to day 14! TW for violence, mentions of childhood abuse and sexual abuse because it's the Red Room. Also panic attacks, flashbacks etc

BRAINWASH

Both Clint and Natasha had been brainwashed before. And whilst Natasha's was further in her past, she had a lot more difficulty with it than Clint did. Whilst they both got nightmares, panic attacks and flashbacks to the pain they had brought whilst brain washed, Clint's had been through magical means instead of conditioning. Meaning that, although deeply troubling, Clint would never lapse back to that state, unless Loki decided to come back to Earth.

But Natasha was different, her flashbacks were painful and intense and sometimes, very rare though those times were, she would lapse back into that conditioned state.

The triggers could be small, like a tall dark haired man passing her on the street.

Whilst in that state, she would be convinced that she was back at The Red Room, that she was an agent and assassin made to do their bidding. It also meant she reverted back to her brutal, sometimes barbaric ways.

Most of the times, Natasha had been able to lock herself in a safe room and contact either Phil or Clint to come get her when it was over. It always ended with Natasha bloody and broken, her hands ripped to shreds as she tried to escape the room.

This time though, her and Clint had been sparring in the Shield rec room, when out of nowhere she had frozen.

Clint had stumbled into her and backed up, frowning and instantly on edge.

"Natasha?" He asked softly, seeing the moment her gaze snapped up. Her eyes were full of rage and she growled as she launched herself at him.

"My name is Natalia, and I am here to kill you."

Her movements were flawless, conditioned into her for years and years, all the grace of the ballet dancer she'd once been. But her body was packed with strength as she threw him up against the wall.

He briefly saw stars before her hands were around his neck, forcing him to his knees as she squeezed the air from his lungs.

Clint struggled, his nails drawing blood as they dug into her skin. But Natasha had always been slightly better at hand to hand than him, and her body was hocked up on rage and adrenaline, whereas he was slightly tired from hours of sparring.

His ears roaring as she squeezed her hands around his throat tightened, he managed to briefly throw her off balance and slam his hand into the panic button on the wall before she was on him again.

The sirens blared around the rec hall and the shutters began coming down on the windows and doors.

He had locked her and him in the room, but unfortunately, they hadn't been the only agents in there and there were three sets of eyes on him.

One of the men stepped forward, a gun in hand. "Barton?!" He growled, taking another step forward.

Clint managed to throw his hand out to stop the man, ducking a furious blow from Natasha. "It's not her fault, don't shoot her!" He exclaimed, dropping to his knees and rolling forward as her fist came towards him.

"Find the med bag, sedate her!" Clint shouted, catching a blow to his shoulder. With a grunt, he grabbed one of the batons they'd been using to spar with, and cracked it behind her knees.

With a furious yell, she stumbled.

Clint hit her again, the baton smacking into her shoulder.

If anything, it just made Natasha angrier as she whipped the baton from his hands and slammed it down over his head.

Clint grunted, his vision swimming and blood in his throat. When the next blow came, he slumped and saw nothing.

She then turned to the other three agents in the room.

Agent Hill was the one woman and she was rummaging in a bag and came up with a needle in her hand, they made a decision silently and the two men advanced towards her whilst Maria walked around the back to try and get the drop on her.

Natasha rained down on them, not needing the baton as she tossed some of Shield's best agents around like toys.

She threw one man into the wall, not watching as he crumpled as she turned to the next fight.

He was at least six seven, built like Captain America and deadly in his own right.

A grin pulled back on her face, teeth shining as she let out a yell and ran towards him.

Natasha grabbed his wrist and twisted, hearing a snap. The man didn't show any signs of pain as he fought with all the weight of a small truck.

Each blow he landed seem to do little to no damage to her, and each one she landed sent another wave of pain through his body.

Natasha grinned and let out a throaty chuckle before she rolled under him and grabbed his head. She smacked it hard against the ground and when he managed to get to his knees, she jumped. Her legs wound around his neck, her thighs squeezing down around his throat. He struggled under her, his face turning bright red before he stilled under her body.

Almost purring, Natasha turned to the last person standing.

Hill stepped forward, her hands up in surrender, the needle hidden in the waistband of her training pants.

"Natalia." The woman spoke. "You've done very well here, but it's time to stand down." Hill said cautiously. "You've taken them all out, it's time for debrief."

Natasha halted, her head tilting to the side.

"I do not know you." Natasha frowned.

"Yes you do. You're still foggy from your last memory wipe, but I own you, Natalia, don't you dare forget that."

Natasha blinked rapidly, stepping forward.

"No…" The redhead whispered, but her confusion had been what the agent wanted.

With an efficiency to rival even Natasha herself, Maria slid the needle into the side of her neck and depressed the plunger.

Natasha growled and pulled herself back, her eyes clearing just as she dropped to the floor.

When she next came around, she was herself. She was also drugged up to the eyeballs, and had restraints around her wrists, ankles and waist.

She glanced over to the side, confused to find herself alone. Usually Clint or Phil would be there, but instead there was just Agent Hill in the doorway.

"You look like crap." Natasha murmured, struggling through the fog to try and understand what happened.

"So do you." Maria quipped, slowly walking towards her and pulling out the plastic chair.

"What happened? Why am I tied up? Clint always stops them." She frowned, giving a slight tug on the leather.

"You don't remember." Hill exhaled slowly at Natasha's blank look.

"You…regressed, I guess the word is. You attacked Barton, myself and two others." She said hesitantly.

"I…shit." Natasha cursed, pushing her head back against the bed.

"How many did I kill?" She whispered. "Is Clint dead? Did I kill him?" She hissed, anguish all over her features.

"No one." Hill said quietly. "You didn't kill anyone. You…knocked Barton out, threw Agent Kenzie into a wall and knocked him out. You choked Agent Lewis out. I sedated you." She shrugged.

"I…no on died?" She whispered, suddenly seeming oh so vulnerable compared to the furious force she'd been fighting hours earlier.

"Say what you will, Natasha, but I think some part of you knew it wasn't real. I've seen you kill, up close and personal. But I've also seen you incapacitate others. You know the difference down to a tee. Barton was knocked out, yes, but he will be fine. You took out Agent Kenzie, threw him head first so he wouldn't snap his neck. You choked out Agent Lewis enough to render him unconscious, not enough to stop his breathing."

"I…you're saying I had some control?" Natasha asked, incredulous.

"I'm saying I think subconsciously, you knew you weren't really there." Maria said gently.

"How did you manage to sedate me?" She asked quietly, the anguish still clear in her eyes.

"I…pretending to be your higher up. I confused you enough to get you to drop your guard a little." Maria shrugged.

"Clever. I would've thrown you around like a toy otherwise. Quick thinking." She murmured, looking exhausted.

"Yeah." The unspoken thank you hung in the air.

"I'll get someone to take these cuffs off. You can head down to your room if you want, or see Barton. But Natasha…you are going to be taken off duty for a while, you'll be seeing the therapist every day, and I promise you, we will get that shit out of your head." Maria said softly, but still firm.

"Thank you, Maria." Natasha whispered, looking up to meet her gaze.

"Of course, Romanoff."

SO

This will be a two parter, next part will come tomorrow and will be a little of the aftermath and Natasha going to see Clint.