His almond eyes were closed as he tried to keep focus; he had to concentrate, concentrate, concentrate. The music flowed through his headset. Only a few feet from the mixer, Miyavi was taking a good listen to his latest single. He set the headphones down. "Nope, let's do it over. The whole thing!"
It had been a few days in the studio already, but Miyavi wasn't feeling satisfied with the recording sessions. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a long, exasperated sigh. There was most definitely something missing from his life, but what was it? The man had fame, money, he could take home anyone he wanted, and he had more lollipops than Enric Bernat could shake a finger at.
He toyed with his lip ring, chewing on it lightly as he returned to the sound booth. He watched the other musicians scurry to prepare for more recording as he picked up his acoustic guitar and began tuning it once again. Today would be a long day for Miyavi…
After the recording sessions were completed for the day, Miyavi went back to the rental property set up for him. He invited his long time friend Maya over, and it was there that the two made dinner and chatted casually for a few hours before Maya passed out on the couch and Miyavi went to the bedroom. It was then, while he was lying in bed, that he realized what one thing he desperately needed in his life- someone to lie by his side each night, someone to care for him when he was stressed, someone to love.
The next day, Miyavi had decided to take his lunch break at one of his favorite Western style restaurants. His was leaning back in a corner booth, taking in the dim lighting and quiet atmosphere when he noticed someone was staring at him. The young star was used to it, but the look in this stranger's eyes wasn't the usual look of admiration or longing. Rather, the stranger seemed fear-stricken. This reaction to his presence was mysterious, considering the fact that Miyavi was used to squealing fangirls and things of that sort. It was in Miyavi's naturally curious nature to approach this stranger, to take that risk, and to find out what he was really all about.
Miyavi stood, his neck craning at an odd angle so that he could see this stranger who had chosen to sit upon the tatami mats laid out on the floor on the other side of the room. He approached the other man calmly, but when he went to speak a goofy nervous grin poured onto his face and he somewhat mumbled, "Hello, I'm Miyavi. Pleased to meet you." Instead of bowing he held out his hand in a western manner.
"What are you doing? My boyfriend will kill you if he sees you anywhere near me. But since you just gave me your name, mine's Ruki." Miyavi didn't know it quite yet, but meeting Ruki would become very important to Miyavi's future happiness.

At this time, Ruki had been dating Reita, although it was being kept under wraps because the GazettE wasn't sure how it would affect their album sales as a fledgling band. Miyavi was already gaining fame in the Indies scene and had become a member of PS Company. Ruki tried introducing Miyavi to many different Japanese men, but it seemed that Miyavi wasn't finding that connection with any of them. First, there were members of Undercode Productions and other members of PSC that Ruki tried introducing him to, such as Riku, Ishi, and Nao. Although Miyavi and Nao had gotten along best out of the group of bachelors, he just didn't have that exact "thing" Miyavi was looking for.
As time passed, Miyavi began to feel more and more stress mounting. Everything was piling up; the upcoming album release, tour, the scores of random interviews and performances he would have on Japanese television, magazine photo ops and commercial spots. The closer it got to the upcoming album release date, the more depressed and irritable young Miyavi got.
Ruki could see all of this going on, and both he and his boyfriend Reita tried to spend as much time with Miyavi as they could. Unfortunately, the GazettE was off to do their first US tour, and so Miyavi was alone once again. He went through the motions, letting every mundane thing in his life distract him from the true pain he was feeling.
When the GazettE returned from their US tour, a few things had changed. Ruki and Reita were no longer dating, and Reita had brought home some American girl. This wasn't of much interest to Miyavi at first, until he went and visited the flat for the first time since the tour.
Miyavi knocked on the door with his right hand; an unwrapped and pre-licked lollipop was occupying the other. Apparently, Ruki, Reita, Aoi, and Uruha weren't home. When the door opened, Kai had answered. Kai had a warm-hearted expression on his face. His dark eyes were darting back and forth between Miyavi and the bowl of cookie dough he had been mixing. Although his hair was a mess, he was in his pajamas, and he was wearing a stained up apron, Miyavi found himself instantly speechless. The young man just shook his head at Kai and blushed. "Gomen," he managed before taking off full speed down the steps. Kai merely frowned and closed the door before returning to his perfect chocolate chip cookies.
Later that night, Miyavi was enjoying his evening off. He had gone to one of the local host clubs; there was a particular host he liked to see whenever he was crushing on someone because this host always seemed to give the most stable love advice. Miyavi strolled into the club and took his seat in the usual booth after checking in and paying the up-front fee.
The host he liked so much happened to be Yukihiro. The two had some sake while glazing over light conversation and skipping forward to Miyavi's newest crush. Miyavi explained it like this: "I went to the GazettE's flat today, and Ruki wasn't home….but I was so happy because the only person home was this beautiful dark-eyed angel baking cookies. He was so polite, but instead of talking with him or even giving him my name, I froze up and fled the scene!"
Yukihiro's head tilted to one side. "This new guy you like…he's a member of the GazettE, ya know? Please take care of him for me."
It struck an out of tune chord in Miyavi that Yukihiro would switch to such a formal tone in the middle of their conversation. Yukihiro was never this serious. Miyavi scratched the back of his head. "You close friends with the GazettE?"
Yukihiro laughed. "Just the drummer. He's my little brother…but I suppose you didn't know that since us hosts usually don't mention family while we're on the clock."
Miyavi's eyes popped wide open. "He's your brother? Sumimasen; I had no idea! I will do my best to take care of him-if we ever get to be a pair. I don't even know his name yet." Miyavi chuckled nervously.
"His name is Kai," Yukihiro said gently. "I can make sure you two get to see each other often, if that is what you would like. I've known you long enough that I know you wouldn't dare hurt my little brother." Yukihiro winked at the end of this statement, showing that this was just a jest, not a threat.
When Yukihiro had said he would make sure the two would get to see each other more often, Miyavi didn't think that he'd end up seeing Kai that night. Yukihiro called Kai and said that Miyavi was going through some hard times and needed company, and Yukihiro claimed his schedule was full and he couldn't get Miyavi in tonight. He also asked Kai if he would visit him and make sure he's alright.
The rapping of knuckles on the door pulled Miyavi from his drawing. He went to the door, unknowing and uncertain of who was behind the layers of wood and steel. When he opened it and saw Kai standing there, he figured that as soon as Kai recognized him he would think something strange was going on, but if Kai did remember his face, he showed no sign. Miyavi invited him inside in a very formal manner and asked him if he'd like some refreshments.
Kai's smile widened; although he found it somewhat charming, the over formality of Miyavi was making Kai want to laugh. "This guy's nuts," he thought. He took a seat on the tatami mat in Miyavi's living quarters, figuring the sooner he got this over with the better.
As the evening moved forward, the more Kai learned about Miyavi, the more interested in the man he was. Kai knew the guy was an old friend of his brother, and so whenever he could read Miyavi's feelings of sorrow, Kai would have to fight back tears of his own. When all was said and done, Kai left Miyavi's house deciding that a second visit would be necessary, but Kai was thinking that his interest in the other man was more like that of a counselor's interest in a certain subject.
As far as Miyavi goes, he felt a little refreshed. Kai seemed willing to spend time with him…but the uncertainty was tearing Miyavi apart. He didn't know if Kai had any genuine interest in him as far as dating partners go, or if he just thought that Miyavi was mentally deranged.
Miyavi was curled up in his bedcovers that night, tossing and turning a little more than usual. If Kai wasn't attracted to Miyavi, he didn't know what he was going to do…Miyavi began playing with the idea of setting himself on fire in his dreams that night…