Aphre picked at her breakfast, pushing it around in the wooden bowl more than eating it. Rae sat in between her and her parents. Mamae was silently feeding her, not even stopping to ask her daughter if she wanted her to. She had seen the change in Aphre since her brother had left, her lover too, it pained her to see her daughter like this. Her daughter that had always been so passionate, the Dread Wolf had broken her, it was what he did. Fen'Harel was not to be trusted, as man or wolf, he was no friend to the elves, to anyone.
She daren't say anything to Aphre, as much as her daughter claimed that the wound had healed, she refused to use the man's name, only the god's. Maybe it made it easier to distance herself from him, but to Daema it seemed more like denial, even after all this time, she simply denied his influence in her life. Something had been building under the surface, an uncontrollable, grief driven anger, and she feared for whoever was on the receiving end of it when it finally reared its ugly head.
The only time she witnessed any softness in her daughter anymore was when Aphre looked at her own. Raeah was a Creators given blessing, it was what everyone in the clan called her, though they didn't realise quite how literal their words were. Light flickered in Aphre's eyes whenever she looked at her daughter, but even then it was a mournful gaze; she had once said that Raeah's eyes were identical to Solas', making even hard to look her own daughter in the eye. It all worried Daema, Andros, too, but there was little they could do to help when she turned them down at every opportunity. She went about her duties diligently, doing everything that the Keeper asked of her, and finding the time to raise her daughter, too. Though the dark circles under her eyes betrayed exactly how she was handling her responsibilities, and Daema wasn't sure how long it was before she cracked under the pressure, and let forth the fire within her, but she was concerned for whoever was on the receiving end.
The Keeper had set her with the task of solidifying relations with the people in the nearby villages, travelling to taverns and alienages alike, to gauge the reputation of the Dalish and try to influence those who could be potential trade partners. Aphre reluctantly agreed. As the First to the Lavellan clan, she wasn't left with much choice in the matter. Any matters of the dignitary sort were designated to Aphre, not only in preparation for her responsibilities that drew ever nearer as the Keeper grew older, but because it was her duty to take on what the Keeper could not.
So she set off, leaving her daughter, Raeah, in the care of her mother and father. Her chest tightened every time she left her proudest creation behind, but she knew that she had a duty to attend, one that she had been primed for years to take on. And though every excursion, every favour, became harder for her, she knew she had to carry on, for Raeah, if no one else. She had sent ravens to Krem and Caedri, letting them know that she was travelling, on the off chance that they would be near enough that they could meet, though it rarely happened.
It had been almost two years since Aphre had returned to the clan with Caedri, Krem and Dorian. First Krem had left, the Chargers had a new job, and as much as Aphre didn't want him to leave, and the Tevinter himself hadn't wanted to leave, they both conceded that he had a job to do, as callous as it felt to them to admit it. So he left. Caedri and Dorian left not long after, to start a new life in Tevinter, only after Dorian had proposed, of course. Though Aphre was delighted for the pair, she couldn't help but feel… left out, but not a word about how she felt slipped past her lips. She wanted nothing more than to be happy for them, to celebrate their new life, the fact that they were finally able to leave the Inquisition behind, and all the burdens it had laid on them, but an indescribable bitterness lashed across her tongue every time she gave it too much thought. She would never have such a life with Krem, not with all the wishes and prayers in the world. Krem was effectively banished from the country, he was never to return to Tevinter, upon his life, it was something the pair of them had come to terms with, though it didn't make it sting any less.
As someone who had always been told that the Creators had given her a great future, Aphre couldn't help but feel as if her life had remained stagnant, while her loved ones had moved on, flourished in her absence, that she had no choice but to remain. To remain with a child that reminded her of the man that she hated, the god that wanted to destroy the known world; to remain with the knowledge that her brother, her beloved brother, had finally moved on without her; to remain without the man that she loved; to remain and take on a role that she no longer felt fit for, a role that she had violated the main purpose of. It all felt wrong, as if it was all some cruel joke by the Creators, as if she hadn't been punished enough, perhaps this was punishment for her involvement with the Creator's enemy, Fen'Harel. Perhaps she deserved all of this. It had been so long that she couldn't seem to tell anymore.
Her previously indomitable spirit had grown weaker, the fire that had once burned in her very soul, cast out from her doe eyes had all but gone. She went about her duties listlessly, carrying on because she didn't have another choice. Fen'Harel's lupine eyes still haunted her dreams, though whether they belonged to demons or the god himself she hadn't discerned, nor had she tried to; she didn't have the energy anymore.
She was tired of fighting.