There was a darkness that existed just beneath his skin and if I closed my eyes and left my hand to fall just above his heart, I could feel the battle of good against evil as he waged an inner war against his demons. His soul, fractured and stitched together again, still shone with a brilliant light that on good days would eclipse the dark and he would laugh and smile as if the end of the world was not upon us yet again.
Nobody said it would be easy to love a man who had seen the depths of Hell and lived to feel the cold terror evoked by such memories. However, that did not make him unworthy of love. To be truthful, I loved him even more for the raw courage and strength he displayed simply by waking each morning. He was a fighter, a hero, a man willing to sacrifice anything and everything to save just one more life. Some would assume that he was striving for forgiveness for his past transgression, but I knew that was not so. Helping others, risking it all, was simply a part of him. The forgiveness of others did not concern him as he would never forgive himself.
I understood his selflessness, his bravery, his determination and his love. They were all traits that made me fall in love with him in the first place. I have always understood that he had been made for great things, both terrible and wonderful. I, more than many others, understood this because my existence began many years before his was even a thought.
I've always loved my father's creations. I've walked among them for much of my life, providing comfort to both those with and without faith. I understand the difficulty of having an absent father, the pain of being abandoned. God abandoned me a very long time ago, my crime being the very thing I was created for. My name is Eloa and I am the angel of compassion and sorrow.
I was born from the tear shed by Jesus as he knelt over the grave of Lazarus. I fell from Heaven not long after, when foolishly I attempted to bring Lucifer back to Heaven, to get him to repent. Lucifer was a clever being. He used his tears to seduce me, and though I begged our father to save me, he would not. I remember the feeling of frigid cold licking its way through my being as we descended. Many think Lucifer runs hot, but in face it is the opposite. He always preferred the cold. Many centuries later and I can still hear his laughter. I spent one thousand Earth years in Hell with Lucifer. I watched him as he created a race of demons he despised in the vain efforts of seeking revenge on a father I prayed to nightly for guidance.
Compassion is a gift when surrounded by innocents in need of comfort and understanding. It is a curse when locked in a land of despair and torture. There were many nights I feared I would lose my mind, or worse, tarnish my grace by giving in to Lucifer's seductions. He wished to corrupt me, turn me into a weapon that he could use against both Heaven and Earth, but I refused. Thus I spent one thousand years running and praying, pleading to any who would listen to help me. I had nearly given up hope, was prepared to utter a final prayer, when by some miracle I was raised from my prison.
My father and many others may have ignored my prayers, but my brother, Castiel, had not. Castiel came for me when all the others were content to let me rot. He held me as I cried. Even though he himself could not understand the emotions that I felt, he still tried to comfort me by allowing my shaking hands to clutch onto him, my tears to fall and my grace to tentatively reach out to touch his own grace. Its purity soothed me as I tried to forget the horrors I had seen. When I had at last fallen silent and my shaking had ceased, he began to speak. Castiel told me that he had heard every prayer, that he had never stopped trying to free me despite the orders against it.
He had defied orders. Trepidation wormed its way into me. I knew the punishment of such a crime. I did not, however, expect what he was going to say next. Castiel would be exonerated for his crimes on the condition that I never returned to Heaven. I could keep my grace and wings, could even be visited by Castiel, but never could I return home. Though the thought pained me, though I longed for the comfort of my people, for my brother I consented. I spent the next centuries that followed amongst the inhabitants of the Earth.
My mission was to comfort, console, to show my father and all of my siblings my love and devotion by committing myself to spreading love and miracles in His name. When he could, Castiel would join me for a short time. I would proudly show him the positive growth man had made, mourn the losses and convey my hope for them. In turn, Castiel would share what news he could of Heaven while allowing me to bask in his grace. Spending so many years alone made me desperate for the security that came with being in the presence of another angel.
With the passing of time and Castiel's friendship I slowly managed to put my time in Hell behind me. No demons were after me and Lucifer was locked in his cage. At last I had begun to feel safe. That is, until I felt the shifting of energies and a sense of foreboding began to permeate my being. A darkness had begun to settle over the world and I could very clearly sense what was behind it. Needing answers, I called the only friend I could, but the once comforting flutter of his wings only heightened my anxiety as he settled next to me.
"You seem troubled, sister. What is it that bothers you?" Castiel had recently acquired a new vessel and I was not yet used to his new gruff voice. I turned to face him, assuring myself that Castiel's true face was indeed the one that hid just below the surface of the vessel's skin before taking a deep breath and staring directly into his eyes.
"I know they're trying to release Lucifer." A flicker of surprise and something I could not detect flashed through his eyes before he resumed his typical neutral mask.
"What makes you say.."
"I know the signs!" I couldn't help but interrupt, my façade of calmness cracking as fear and anger coursed through my veins. "I remember the feeling of his presence! The seals…how many of them have been broken? Is anything being done to stop it?" The tears were falling freely now, soaking into my wings as I wrapped myself in their comfort. I faltered in my stream of questions when Castiel help up his hand to silence me. With me quiet he began to explain all that he knew about what was going on, including Heaven's involvement and two humans by the name of Sam and Dean Winchester. The anger broke forth again, but I restrained myself until he finished.
"Castiel," I fought to keep my voice steady. "They cannot mean to actually bring forth the apocalypse. They cannot mean to release Lucifer! These people, our father's creations..they have flaws but there are many who are good people. They have faith in us, devote their lives to His service. Surely our father cannot want this. Where is he?"
"He..he has disappeared, Eloa. Nobody has heard from Him in many years." Castiel would not meet my eyes and I felt the cold feeling of betrayal as I realized that he had been keeping that information from me. At that point I realized that I had risen during my outburst and after a couple of deep breaths I sat myself beside him again.
He had met me at the top of a hidden waterfall in Greece, which had happened to be the first place he had brought me after raising me from Hell. It was the only place we met. Isolated, quiet and serene, it was the perfect place for two Angels of the Lord to spent time together. We could enjoy the beauty of our father's creations for the true miracles that they were. I tore my eyes away from the rushing water to look at Castiel. His gaze was fixed on the swirling depths at the bottom of the waterfall, his jaw set in a hard line. Tentatively, I reached out a wing to his, lightly brushing them together. This captured his attention and he turned to face me.
"Castiel," I whispered. "do you side with Heaven or man?"
"I..I have thought long and hard about this matter. I used to believe wholeheartedly that Heaven had the best ideas, the best intentions. However, I have spent a lot more time on Earth lately and have met two exceptional men who have changed some of my views."
"Two men,,this Sam and Dean Winchester?"
"The very same. Those two are," he paused to chuckle. "Let's just say that they don't quite accept the idea of fate and destiny. In fact, they'll do anything to escape it."
"Are they going to try to stop it?"
"Stop both the demons and angels from freeing Lucifer? Yes, they are."
"And you, brother, are you going to help them?" I was sitting so that I faced him directly. My hand reached out to gently grab his chin so that he could not move his gaze from mine.
"My loyalty lies with the Winchesters." He said it proudly, if in a shaky voice. I understood that he was once again testing his luck by defying Heaven.
"Take me to them." He must have misinterpreted my tone of voice because at once he became fearful.
"Eloa, don't harm them, Summon the garrison to punish me if you.."
"Castiel?" I had to shout to cut him off. "Hush, brother. I don't wish to turn you in. I have spent much of my life on this planet. I am as much a citizen of Earth as I am of Heaven. If Lucifer rises, he will destroy mankind, which I happen to love unconditionally. Not just that," here I had to pause to collect myself. "But do you really think that I personally would be safe if Lucifer comes back? He wants me and he is not going to let me go again. I wouldn't be able to run forever. Castiel, you are loyal to these two men and I am loyal to you. Take me to them and the four of us will stop the apocalypse."
Castiel's fingers stretched out to wipe a tear from my cheek. His time on Earth must really have been helping him learn the extent of emotion because he no longer appeared confused when I expressed them. He heaved a sigh.
"My sister, you are far too young to face such troubles. You are far too pure to be surrounded by such evil." His lips pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead, and in a flurry of wings we departed.