That Hae Soo girl. She could be so... so exasperating with her almost seemingly incessant nagging and lecturing. He wasn't destroying the towers again, for goodness sake. He was building one, stones of his own wishes. Did she always think so badly of him? But then again, had he really given her a reason to think of decently of him? Well, he supposed he had saved her from a beating. He couldn't just stand idly by while someone innocent was beaten for something as trivial as a hairpin, and he had called her his person. Now she's asking what he wished for? She didn't want to know, and he didn't want to tell her.
The 4th Prince, Wang So, found himself almost wanting to roll his eyes as she found one thing after another to scold him over. He had just informed her that he would be moving soon to the palace, and he wouldn't be running into her as often anymore. She had sounded almost disappointed at this news before she sarcastically added on that she wouldn't have to deliver food to him anymore. What was her deal with him anyway? She was difficult to figure out, but then again, so were most people. People skills weren't exactly his strongest suit.
"Oh, well I guess I won't have to deliver rice to you anymore," Hae Soo said with an air of snark in her tone. "That's great." She folded her arms and turned her head away from him.
Was this girl serious? "You didn't do it that often," Prince So scoffed back at her. "Stop trying to take credit."
Soo still didn't turn to meet his eyes before that mouth of hers started talking back to him again. She certainly could speak recklessly when the time called for it, and it didn't matter if he or anyone was else was of royal status or not. She'd already bruised his younger brother's face and got away with it, so far anyway. It intrigued him and at the same time surprised him. Most people would be beaten for speaking to royalty the way she did or hanged for so much as even touching the face of a prince, and he didn't even want to get started on how she ended up in the royal bath, but this girl didn't seem to have a care in the world about that. She let him have it. This Hae Soo girl had no fear.
"Please lead a quiet life in the palace," she began, still looking away.
Prince So found himself looking back at her again curiously. Quiet life? And what exactly did she mean by that?
"Don't threaten to kill or not kill people all the time," the girl continued without missing a beat. She turned her face back toward him, still not quite meeting his eyes. "Don't glare at people like you do when they don't listen to you."
So placed his hand on his thigh, tilting his head slightly and looked directly at her. Really? The audacity she had speaking the way she was to him, but he let her continue, wondering what else she'd have to say. Soo stared straight back at him confidently and their eyes met. She wasn't even phased by the fact that he was a prince, or even over the things he'd done. What did she think he was? A child? She was certainly reprimanding him like one.
"Be especially careful not to draw your sword over nothing." Hae Soo paused. "Oh yeah. Don't destroy something someone worked really hard to make! Hmmm, what else is there," she wondered out loud.
"That's enough," the Prince admonished, raising his brows, widening his eyes and clenching his teeth. He had definitely heard just about enough. She really had a habit of back-talking and lecturing.
"Eat your meals properly," the girl's voice spoke up again, only this time much softer and not so lecturing. Her eyes averted, and her tone took on an almost concerned but shy expression. "Sleep well, too. Try not to have bad dreams if you can."
The Prince's eyes softened considerably over this girl's concern for him. It wasn't the first time she'd shown him that was worried for him and that she cared, and even understood him. When she'd found him just yesterday wrecking the prayer stones as his remorse and grief had taken over to be replaced by rage, and just a couple of nights prior... It was the night she'd found him in a nightmare.
***Four Nights Ago***
The 4th Prince collapsed in his room at the home of his 8th brother, Prince Wang Wook, completely exhausted from everything that had transpired that night. The Exorcism Rite, him taking the place of the Crown Prince, the performance, the assassins who were let into the palace the harsh wound he'd received from a sword slicing through his arm, the battle in the palace, the chase through the woods, the battle with the assassin and losing the only lead they had thanks to that damned girl and Wook. It wasn't just that though. So couldn't shake the image of his father fearing for Moo's life over his own. The concerned cries of the Crown Prince's name coming from the King's mouth as he raced over to the princes played over again in his head.
He had pulled off So's mask in a panic only to find him there and not Crown Prince Moo, not even bothering to stop and check on his injury or see if he was even alright. It was there that So realized just where his father's priorities lay, and he was not among the top of them. The 4th Prince had felt the stinging of tears his eyes and that hurt of yet again a parent that could care less for him, which had come without warning, and now he was having to control himself. He couldn't fall apart in front of his father.
Noticing this, the Astronomer, Ji Mong, had taken it upon himself to ask if the 4th Prince was alright. So stood up and glanced at the King, who had said "So-yah" so softly, that it made his heart twist painfully. Instead of staying, he promised to find the assassins and ran out from the palace, no longer able to face his father. Instead, he buried his feelings as far down as he could and took off after the escapees.
Here now, So was drained. He placed a hand over the dressed wound on his sore arm that his half-sister, Princess Yeonhwa, had taken upon herself to treat for him and sighed as it throbbed with a dull pain. This night had not turned out at all like he'd expected, and the Prince had had enough of being awake. Being awake meant more time to think about things, and the more he thought about them, the more the wound ever present in his heart seemed to grow and ache. But it was nothing he could ever show openly to anyone.
His heart stayed hidden behind a mask, just like his scar. After all, he was the wolf-dog prince of Shinju. Famous for being scary and cruel. He had an image to uphold, didn't he? His body drained of energy, and his heart weighing heavily in his chest, So lay down on the bed and closed his eyes, hoping to sleep off some of his anger, frustration, and misery. Sleep overtook him quicker than expected, darkness and peace for a while, and then came the flashes of screaming, crying, flames and howls filling his dreams, and the Prince could not wake. His nightmares weren't just his imagination conjuring fearful images. His nightmares were his life, his reality and there was never any escaping that.
Hae Soo sat in her room dressed in her white sleeping robes, the candles all still lit from when the 8th Prince, Wook, had been in her room earlier. He had told her it would help her to not have bad dreams since she had encountered something so scary. Yes, the 4th Prince was actually terrifying uttering death threats and holding a sword to the side of her neck, but she could see something in the depths of his eyes stirring there, like a storm just barely brimming the surface, as if there were more to him than just cruelty, and she didn't know why but a strange curiosity kept drawing her to him.
She sat cross-legged on her bed, clutching the butterfly hairpin she had found left behind at the palace bath the night the 4th Prince had disappeared angrily after the girl had seen his face by complete accident. It was such a pretty piece and she wondered why someone like the 4th Prince had it? She fingered the coral colored pieces surrounding the butterfly and glanced downward at it.
Soo wondered to herself that if maybe she returned it to him, she might be able to make amends. After all, the forest and assassins ordeal had truly gotten him upset, but why he had gotten as upset as he did, she did not know nor understand. After his threats, all she could do was mutter tearfully that it wasn't a crime to want to live. He had seemed slightly shaken by her words.
Maybe if she showed him she found the hairpin for him, things might become a bit better? Maybe? Hopefully. Soo wasn't sure, but she sat and listened to the quiet stillness of Prince Wook's residence and was certain that everyone was asleep. Soo climbed out of bed as quietly as possible, still holding the hairpin tightly in her hand, the white sleeve of her robes slipping over her hand and hiding the fact that she was holding it.
"Should I just take it to him? He's probably still awake. He usually always is. I'll... just go and see, and if he is, I'll tell him he dropped it, and I just wanted to bring it back. Yes. That's what I'll do. Maybe he'll actually stop with the death threats," she scoffed to herself.
Soo opened the door and began to tiptoe quietly down the hall making her way toward the 4th Prince's room. She could hear a noise, some sort of muffled sound, coming from within, and she drew her eyebrows inward, the sounds nagging at her curiosity only pulled her closer. The noises were coming from the 4th Prince's room, and Soo put her ear to the door and listened. It sounded like he was gasping for air, like he was terrified of something. There was a whimper, followed by an almost keening cry. What was going on in there? Was he alright? Had he gotten hurt worse than he let on? Hae Soo felt her heart lurch hard in her chest as the Prince let out another cry. He sounded terrified and so very sad. Was he even awake?
Soo's heart pounded heavily in her chest as she grabbed at the doorknob and opened the door very carefully. There was a candle lit on a table next to his bed. She could see that 4th Prince was deep in the throes of sleep, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. There were beads of sweat lining his forehead, sliding down his face, and he was trembling. His breath gasping and muttering unintelligible words. It took Soo everything she had to not go to him and wake him because it was clear that he was definitely having a bad dream, and she wasn't sure why, but she felt a strange urge to take it away from him. To comfort him.
The candlelight had somewhat illuminated his face showing just how vulnerable and desperate Prince Wang So looked in his sleep, tangled in his blankets and an expression on his face as though he were about to cry. It was even more vulnerable than the night she'd accidentally encountered him in the royal bath.
Something in her made her want to go to him and rub a hand over his forehead, smooth the anguished furrow in his brow and calm him, but she knew better. After all, this was a man who held a sword to her neck. She slowly began moving toward his bed till she was in front of him, unsure if she should try and wake him or not. He seemed very deep in his nightmare.
"EOMEONI!" The 4th Prince cried out, without any impending warning of waking up, as he flew up in bed, his eyes wide open, sweat soaking him, chest heaving with every gasp of air he took, and Soo did not miss the glimpse of tears in his eyes as her own eyes widened in complete shock, surprise and fear. Her hand flew to her mouth. His abrupt awakening was the last thing she had expected. Soo backed up quickly as So seemed to come to now, and he locked his sharp eyes with her fear-filled ones.
Prince So blinked rapidly, the blurry but obvious image of that girl standing in front of him, her large eyes even rounder and more wide than usual, before she turned tail and ran out as quickly as possible, her long dark hair flowing behind her. The Prince ran a hand down his face, trying to register what had just happened, as he wiped away sweat mingled with tears and cursed himself. He realized he'd been stuck in another nightmare, and she saw him. The nightmare that had been his childhood and his life. Something he could seemingly never wake from. It haunted his waking eyes and it lingered in his subconscious that only manifested into vivid, horrifying dreams in his sleep. So rose to his feet, his body still trembling from the aftermath and looked around the dimly lit room.
"What just...? That girl... What was she even doing here?" he wondered aloud his head still a bit clouded from sleep, and he listened as he could vaguely hear her footsteps running away from him fast. "I must have really scared her," he half-scoffed, half-laughed to himself. He rubbed his forehead with his fingertips, waking himself up.
So walked towards his door, opened it up and left the room, fully awake now and curious as to where she might have gone. He walked quietly down the hall, searching for any sign of her, and an open door drew him toward it. He peeked inside to see candles lit, but no sign of her.
That must be her room. I wonder where she went? Wonder if I can catch her? She's got some explaining to do, and maybe if I can just bring myself to talk to her properly... she won't be so scared.
The Prince surprised himself. He'd never really wondered or worried about these sorts of things before, so why would he be now? What was it about this girl that tugged his curiosity so much? What was it about her that made him save her before she fell in the riverbed? What was the strange sensation he was having in his chest as he clutched her close while on his horse, and what was it that made him want to put a stop to it as he watched a sword slice ever so slightly into the side of her neck? It confused him, and he didn't even want to try and work all of this out in his head. Right now, his priority was finding her.
So left the house, finding himself outside. The chill night air and the visible puffs of his breath suggested the impending winter coming. He rubbed his black, robed arms and continued his walk, still searching for her. The cold was almost refreshing as he walked, allowing himself to clear his mind from that horrible nightmare and the lingering emotions that usually followed.
He was unsure of how long he walked before he came across what appeared to be small towers made of stones with flickering flames of lit candles adorning the top. It was obvious that someone had taken a long time to build them. It didn't look like something one could put together in a matter of a day. The vision of them intrigued him, and So wondered what exactly they were for.
Something white caught the corner of his eye and he turned toward it, catching the figure of a girl standing in front of the stone towers, her hand on her chest and catching her breath. She had not noticed him there yet, and so he stood quietly, cloaked in the blackness of the night while she huffed and puffed, trying to gather her composure. Yep. That was her. He felt one corner of his mouth turn up at the sight of her. She could certainly be amusing, even at the worst of times.
"Whew! I thought I was dead there for a moment!" Hae Soo wheezed out, and So could feel the other corner of his lip turning up in a small smile now. What a strange girl to have such an effect on him.
The Prince wasn't sure how long he stood there observing her before he noticed she'd calmed down and much to his surprise, she raised her hands in prayer, standing in front of the stone piles serenely. The candlelight flickered off her face, making her appearance look like something soft, warm and inviting. He took it upon himself to approach her now.
The 4th Prince cleared his throat loudly, walking up to the girl with his hands behind his back, his head tilted and a smirk on his face. "Just what did you think you were doing coming into my room like that?" So inquired, causing the girl to jump and squeal, whirling around to face him.
"Oh, oh-oh, I-I, well, uh, you see," Hae Soo stammered, a panicked expression on her face, and then her tone dropped, becoming very shy and quiet. "I heard noises coming from your room, and it sounded bad, so I just wanted to check on you and make sure you were alright. I'm sorry if that was wrong of me. I didn't mean any harm."
So blinked, unable to respond. He was taken aback by this. Nobody had ever checked on him before over anything really. When he was left to starve, left to fight wolves in the Kangs' hopes he'd die, covered in injuries that never properly healed, held as a hostage and kept under the thumb of the Kangs, and as for nightmares, well... He'd always had those. Nobody had ever been concerned for his well-being while suffering through anything, let alone nightmares and night terrors. He had always endured those and everything else on his own, but this girl? The Prince felt something new and strange stir in his heart as he stared into the flickering flame of the candlelight.
Hae Soo had turned away from him now falling silent and gazing back at the prayer stones before once more bringing her hands up in prayer, her eyes closing. So observed her silently for a few moments.
"What exactly are you doing?" the Prince found himself asking, only this time it was about the strange stone towers.
Soo let out a short laugh before inclining her head back at him. "I'm praying that you won't threaten to kill me this time, Wangjanim. You know, for coming to your room without permission," she half-joked.
So just rolled his eyes and scoffed at her, not bothering to grace her with a response to that retort. He guessed he'd had it coming. Instead, he took a few steps forward so he was standing closer to her and the strange stone piles.
"So, what exactly are these?" the prince asked, his curiosity still getting the better of him.
"These are called prayer towers. They are things that mothers build for their children," Hae Soo began explaining as she lowered her hands and turned toward him to catch his eye.
For once, his face didn't hold that furious and harsh expression. He didn't look sad or frustrated. His gaze was soft and inquisitive, the usual lines marring his brow were smoothed, and Soo continued her explanation.
"Each stone represents a wish. Mothers come here with a stone to build onto the tower and then say prayers and offer wishes for their children."
"Mothers do this?" So asked, a strange catch in his voice.
His mother had always treated him so cruelly and coldly, and his adoptive mother had whipped, beaten and starved him. He never understood why, or even what a mother's love could feel like. So's heart clenched in his chest as the desire for wanting to know how that felt just for once in his life tapped at him.
"Yes," Hae Soo responded, nodding her dark head. "They are a beautiful representation of a mother's love for her child," she smiled softly as her small fingers lightly touched the stones. "Myung Hee made this one just for me. Though my mother is, well, no longer here, Myung Hee is very much like a mother-figure to me. She takes good care of me. She makes sure I'm fed and dressed well, worries and fusses over me, encourages and helps me, especially ever since I hurt my head." Soo closed her eyes and smiled bigger. She sighed softly. "I am truly grateful to have Myung Hee's love."
The 4th Prince felt his heart squeeze even harder, and it took all he could not to reach up and grasp at his chest at the almost physical pain it caused him in that moment. He could feel his legs trembling under him. How wonderful it must feel to have that kind of love from someone. He would never know that kind of love or that kind of feeling. His mother would never give him that sort of affection much less build him a stone tower of prayers and wishes for him. Queen Yoo had thrown him away a long time ago when she adopted him out to the Kang family.
So could feel that horrible tingling sensation on the backs of his eyelids and his nose burned. He hurriedly turned away from the girl who was still smiling serenely and stubbornly blinked back the tears threatening him yet again. Ever since he'd arrived back in Songak, this was happening to him more and more, and yet he still wanted to stay here, no matter how painful it may be. The cold treatment received from his mother hurt more than he cared to admit, and the memories seemed to come back stronger than ever of the day his mother scarred him forever, but it was better than being trapped in Shinju as a political hostage.
Regathering his composure, the Prince cleared his throat. "Hmph. Wishes and prayers built of stones? Never heard of anything so ridiculous," he growled lightly, burying his feelings once more, before stalking off, leaving a very startled and confused Hae Soo behind. He didn't miss her words slip out though before he disappeared.
"What... could have happened to this man to make him so cold and angry all of the time?" she voiced her thoughts aloud.
So picked up his pace and walked quicker, trying to get away from her before his emotions completely overwhelmed him on the spot. A mother's love? How would he ever be able to gain his mother's love an acceptance? Not after all he'd endured did she ever show him affection. His nightmare flashed through his head again, only it wasn't just a nightmare. It was a past he had no choice but to endure..
The 4th Prince had been just a child of only 5 years old, tied to the palace walls, unable to move, a makeshift mask almost too big covering half of his wounded face. The Queen hadn't even allowed the wounds she'd inflicted on him, after trying to kill him, to be treated properly. It would definitely leave a scar. He was lucky it hadn't damaged his eye or impaired his vision. His tiny face had throbbed from pain as the salty tears burned the wounds, his small limbs were bound together. The little Prince couldn't even move. All he could do was scream, cry and beg his mother for help.
Prince So had been too young to understand it then, understand the feud between the Shinju Kang and the Chungju Yoo clans. He didn't realize how he was used as a hostage while the Yoo army attacked the Kang clan. His young voice with cries to his mother filled his head, and he remembered so clearly the Queen raising her hand to signal the attack, turning away from him in disgust while flaming arrows were all shot his way.
He could remember feeling the heat from the flames as they whizzed past and the fear that he might be burned on top of already having his face cut open. He begged and pleaded to be let down, to be saved. Back then, it had made no sense to him. Now that he was grown, he was certainly old enough to understand it now, and still suffer from the nightmares. What he didn't understand was why him?
Eomeoni! Eomeoni! Eomeoniiii!
The Prince climbed up on his favorite rock just outside of his brother's residence and sat down, resting his arms on his knees. He lowered his head, closing his eyes in an attempt to shake the miserable images from his mind and his jaw clenched. If his mother and brother were truly the ones responsible for the attacks on the palace that night, as he suspected they might be, something could happen like that all over again, couldn't it? Something horrible could end up befalling them and especially to the Queen.
Perhaps there was something he could do to stop it before it got that far? If only he could discover where the assassin's hideout was, then perhaps he'd get answers, and then after he got answers, he could get rid of the problem. He could dispose of them all and cover up the heinous plot she and his older brother, 3rd Prince Wang Yo, had planned.
After Hae Soo had informed him the leader was wearing fur, he was nearly convinced that Queen Yoo and Yo had plotted the assassination against the King and the Crown Prince as part of Yo's costume that night was fur. Nobody else had been wearing fur. What if, though, he could cover it all up and hide it to protect them? Not just protect the Queen but his brother as well? Would that make Queen Yoo pleased?
Maybe then he might get some appreciation from his mother for the very first time. Maybe he would feel just a touch of his mother's affection. Even if it was only just a bit, it'd be worth it. Maybe if he covered for her, they could make a prayer stone tower together. Maybe things might change. Things could change, right? So had made up his mind. Yes. He would be the one to protect her. He would find out the truth, find out who was behind it and take care of it on his own. If he did this, then his mother would finally show him the love and affection he had always longed for, wouldn't she? Would she be proud and concerned if he'd been hurt? Would she finally accept him and appreciate him? He had been waiting so long. If he protected both her and his older brother, then yes. Maybe she would finally let him into her heart.
***The Very Next Evening***
It was all damned pointless. It had all been for absolutely nothing. The killing of the monk assassins, the burning down of the temple. She hadn't accepted any of it. Instead, she had called him a beast, told him he stunk of blood, informed him that he was not her son and that he was her shame, disgrace, and flaw. That was why she sent him away. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, or how far he went for her, he would never ever receive his mother's love and affection or acceptance, even though he tried to cover for her to keep anything from being lead back to her. He had tried so hard to protect her in hopes it would make her proud, and it didn't.
Even when he tried to tell her of his suffering over his years spent in Shinju living with abuse, starvation, and misery, even telling her of the Shinju clan throwing him into the biggest wolves den in Shinju, the Queen had not cared. She regarded him coldly. She was harsh and cruel. Her words repeated themselves over and over again in his head, pounding miserably and echoing loudly.
"Did you think I would tell you that you did a good job? Did you want me to ask you if you had injured yourself? You're like an animal. Leave! You stink of blood, and I cannot sleep!"
"It was for you, Eomeoni."
"Eomeoni eomeoni eomeoni! Hearing you call me "Eomeoni" makes my skin crawl! I do not wish to see you, so go! Go now!"
"I have always been curious. Why doesn't Eomeoni feel pity for me? If you were my mother, you would care if I were injured. So, why doesn't my mother look back at me? I waited so desperately for it. Not once..."
"You are not my son. You are the son of the Kangs in Shinju. A mother only recognizes a son who will make her shine. You are my shame, disgrace, and flaw. That's why I sent you away. Thanks to you, I felt a sense of love and justice. I will thank you for that."
She had officially thrown him away, and despite that, he most definitely declared that he would not leave and that she would have to look at only him. He would see to it.
Prince So found himself wandering back to his 8th brother's home, still covered in the drying blood of the monk assassins. The tears on his face freezing from the night chill. He found himself in front of those cursed prayer towers. He smiled at the very nerve of those towers that had been built, his body beginning to tremble before he could feel a horrible fury fill him from the inside out. He wanted them gone. All of them. All of those stones, all of those wishes and prayers he'd never get from his own mother. He wanted all of it to disappear. Maybe if he made them all disappear, the ache in his own heart might lessen.
The Prince's body coursed with white-hot rage, and before he knew it, he was throwing himself into the towers of stone, tearing them down, destroying them with everything he had left in him. He ripped them down with bloody hands, kicked them down clumsily with unsteady feet, voicing his rage with each cry.
"All of it! Be gone!" So cried out, digging his fingertips into the stone and pulling down the piles until they all lay in pieces at his feet. It was almost strangely satisfying as they all tumbled.
Prince So's cries caught the attention of Hae Soo who had been nearby and was now desperately running toward him, grabbing his waist and begging him to stop. She threw her arms around him from behind, and he shoved her off of him, laughing as she stared at her hands in shock, the blood streaking them.
"B-blood!" she barely whispered out, and So laughed maniacally.
"Yes! It's blood! It's the blood of those I killed today!" He didn't care anymore. What did he have to hide anyway? None of it mattered. Not a single bit of it mattered anymore. Let the whole damn world know he murdered a temple full of assassins. He did not care. So gestured his hand toward the stone tower that was now torn halfway down thanks to him, and he did not feel a shred of remorse for doing so.
"Mothers build this for their children? She shouldn't come to this thing! She should come beg to me!" and he meant every word as he threw himself once more into the tower, determined to bring all of it down.
Soo grabbed him once again from behind, pleading for him to stop, holding hard onto his arms and pulling him backward, the fact that he was covered in sticky blood not even seeming to phase her. This tiny, little girl, that Eun recently said was the size of a rice grain, holding him back? No. He could easily turn around and break her in half if he wanted to. It wouldn't be difficult. He could kill her just as easily as he had all of those assassin monks.
"Stop it now," she told him more gently, and he glared at her over his shoulder.
"Do you want to die too? Let me go!" the Prince snarled, hoping to put enough fear into her that she would let go. He wanted to scare her off and make her run the other way screaming, just like everyone else did. Just like the vicious wolf-dog he was.
"You're injured!" Soo cried out, finally grasping his attention.
He was? Honestly, he hadn't realized it until the girl held up his hand, showing the fresh blood seeping from underneath his sleeve. She grasped his upper arm, inspecting him carefully. "Do you have any other injuries?"
Nobody had ever, once in their lives, ever been concerned over his injuries, except for his half-sister who treated his shallow sword wound just mere days ago. When it came to something like this though, not that he could even begin to recall had anyone cared if he was hurt. His mother sure didn't. He made another attempt to scare Hae Soo, but his composure had already failed him, and now he was barely keeping it together. Remorse was flooding him, and heartbreak was taking him. His voice shook as he grabbed the girl by the front of her hanbok, glaring down into her face.
"I told you that I killed people," his voice very unsteady now.
Hae Soo did not look at him with fear in her eyes. Her voice did not tremble from being afraid. Instead, her expression softened as she stared up at him in a way he didn't understand. "Then, tell me why you killed them," her voice spoke softly, compassionately.
Prince So gasped, his menacing expression fading as he searched her face, looking for a sign of fear, disgust, shame, something that people usually always threw his way, and he found nothing but almost gentle understanding, those large, dark eyes penetrating him.
"Did you... do it for fun?" Soo asked gently.
The Prince's lips began trembling, his vision was becoming blurred and disturbed under her empathetic gaze.
"Go," was all he could manage to get out before he pushed her back, letting go of her robes. "Go!" he repeated himself, turning away from her now, his head hung low.
So couldn't bring himself to continue looking at her face anymore. Nobody had ever looked at him like that before. Nobody had ever shown him compassion. Nobody had ever made him feel this strange way he was feeling. Nobody had ever just simply asked him or concerned themselves over him. Is this what it was like to have someone care for him? Care for his well-being and wonder why he did the things he did? Was this what it felt like to not reprimand him over his actions by calling him a beast or an animal, and telling him how shameful and disgraceful he was?
"This is that kind of place, isn't it?" Hae Soo's voice called out to him, stopping the Prince in his tracks. That same tone of empathy still there for him. "You have to wield a sword at a very young age. You have to kill others if you want to live." How perceptive this girl was because she was not far off.
So's jaw clenched, his teeth clamped down as he tried to control this new flood of emotions.
"What can you do?" the girl continued, her voice sounding almost desperate. "It's not a crime to want to live."
The Prince couldn't hold back anymore. His back still turned to her, head still low, and listening, the tears he'd been holding in, finally slipped out silently and uncontrollably, sliding out from under his mask and rolling down into his lips, dripping off the tip of his nose.
"You probably won't be forgiven," Soo told him truthfully. "Still, I understand you."
This girl understood him? Her? Of all people? Nobody had ever told him they understood him before, and he almost wanted to turn back to face her and tell her that no, she didn't. She didn't understand him at all. She didn't understand the pain of being unwanted. She didn't understand the torment of abuse and suffering, she didn't understand that longing for his mother's love so badly that he'd go as far as to killing an entire temple of assassins in hopes he'd gain her acceptance, and she had no idea of the remorse he felt for taking lives like that, only for everything he'd hoped for to completely decay at his feet.
The 4th Prince didn't want her to see him this way. He didn't want anyone to ever see him this way, in tears and defeated. He'd held it in for so long, created this facade of being cold, cruel and fearsome while building walls around his heart, that he never expected her of all people to begin tearing them down in nearly the same manner as he began tearing down the prayer towers.
"How you're feeling right now... it must be so miserable." Hae Soo's compassion was nearly overwhelming him, he could hear the emotion for him in her trembling voice. "I think I can relate," she all but whispered.
Prince So felt his heart twist painfully in his chest, as he barely glanced over his shoulder toward this girl. Who was she? How could she know just how much he was suffering? How did she relate to everything he was feeling? But there was something warm and welcoming about it, that it nearly made the Prince want to let her in, and yet he still couldn't bring himself to look toward her or speak. He tried to sniff back more tears, turning away from her again and letting out a shaky breath in an attempt to compose himself, but it was not working. The dam he had spent years so carefully constructing was on the verge bursting, and he could feel Soo's eyes on him. There was no more holding anything back.
The pain overwhelmed him, his legs trembled underneath him as the Prince leaned forward, placing his hand against the halfway demolished stone tower, trying to hold himself up, but all strength in his legs were gone. So collapsed to his knees, hung his head and sobbed so hard that not even a sound could be heard. He no longer cared if she was there or not. All of the grief that brimmed the surface of his soul found it's way out, and So had crumbled beneath the weight of it all. All he could do now was just cry.
He cried for the love of a mother he'd never have, he cried for everything he'd become and done, he cried for all of the suffering he had endured for years with nobody there to show him concern or compassion, and he cried for the soft understanding and the empathy from this strange girl known as Hae Soo, because it was all he could do now.
Someone understood him, someone could relate to his pain for the first time in his life. He'd never known what that felt like until now, and it was something he'd easily welcome again if he ever had another chance to have that. Maybe this was why he'd felt so oddly drawn to her.
As he wept by the prayer stones, he thought of his own wish. A wish that this girl, so understanding, so kind, and who could actually see him for who he was and not a beast, animal or a monster, could maybe show him more someday. Maybe someone like that could help ease the consistent ache ever growing in his heart.
***The Present Evening***
"What is it?" Hae Soo questioned the Prince, glancing back in his direction, breaking him from this thoughts. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she demanded with somewhat of a pout on her lips.
So blinked a few times, before averting his eyes. "Oh...," he mumbled, followed by a short, amused huff. "I just remembered you said you weren't scared of me," he added, a smirk lifting the corner of his mouth and he glanced back down at the girl. The Prince let out another short laugh and smiled, looking away. "How can you not be scared of me?"
And in truth, he really did wonder. After all, he had threatened to kill her a few times now, she had found him covered in the blood of the monk assassins after he'd slaughtered every single one, had actually done his best to scare her away that night and when it didn't happen, it shifted something inside of him. He rubbed at his hand almost shyly with the tip of his thumb and fingertip. Did she really no longer look at him as the fearsome wolf-dog Prince?
"I'm most scared of myself. Not you, Wangjanim," Soo told him causing him to glance her way once more. What about herself did she have to be scared of? He wanted to ask but chose not to. He opted to just listen to her instead.
"Even though they're my feelings, I can't figure out where they're headed." She tilted her head slightly. "No matter how much I try to change direction... it's not working."
That was something he could definitely relate to, especially now every since he had met her. His own feelings were something very foreign to him as of late. What direction were they headed? What was it about her that seemed to ease the ache in his heart every time he was near her? How did his own issues seem to become lighter when she was around? Is this what it was like to have a friend? Someone who cared for him? Was she something different than a friend? Friend seemed like too simple of a word to refer to her as. Just who was she? His person, right?
Hae Soo sighed, her face turning upward toward the sky. "They wouldn't worry about things like this," she stated, referring to the stars that filled the black empyrean above them. So found himself being pulled from his thoughts to look up as well. She let out a sound of amazed awe. "Now that I'm in Goryeo, there are a lot of stars here!" she exclaimed, a smile broadening her features.
So smiled as well, though more in surprise at her sentiment. "What do you mean there are a lot in Goryeo? You don't believe you can only see stars in Goryeo, do you?" He snickered as Soo continued to stare upward, her eyes sparkling just like the stars. "Ji Mong would pass out if he knew."
Without warning, soft snow began to make its first descent from the heavens, flakes landing gently on the Prince and his small companion.
"It's snowing," Soo said with the same tone of awe in her voice, and So found himself smiling again at the white flakes. "It's pretty," the girl breathed out, and the Prince looked her way yet again. Soo lifted her head and closed his eyes as the small, white flakes landed almost carefully on her face, clinging to her forehead and eyelashes.
So found himself thinking that she was just as a fragile, but just as pretty as the snow as he watched the girl enjoying Goryeo's first snowfall of the season and shocked himself. He'd never really looked at anything as pretty before, much less a girl. She was making him see the stars and the snow in a different way than he had before. How was she doing that?
The two sat there, enjoying watching the snow falling, catching one another looking each other's way before quickly glancing in the other direction. There was just something different and almost otherworldly about this girl, about Hae Soo, as he studied her, the simple way of catching snowflakes with her hand. Never in his life had he encountered someone with so much purity, kindness, understanding, and compassion the way this girl seemed to wear like a cloak.
Nevertheless, the Prince enjoyed that first taste of it, and he found himself wanting more from her. It was strange, and So believed he might just be starting to understand this new shift and feeling inside of his heart that he hoped would never go away.