Robin's new job.

Chrom sat down on his throne and cleared his throat. Directly bowing down to him was his closest ally and most capable tactician Robin. Between them, all of their allies and friends stood in a circle, with exception to Sumia.

"Robin, do you know why I've called for you today?" the exalt said.

Robin had never heard Chrom talk to him so seriously before. As much as he'd rather be strategizing, Chrom was his closest friend and the king. Without a hint of sarcasm, he said, "No."

Chrom nodded and waved his hands. "Ladies."

All of the women stepped forward.

"Here's the deal, Robin: We've fought in wars together for how many years and the only people to have gotten married are Sumia and I. Not only that, but we have a set of children right now who refuse to tell us who their fathers are for various reasons."

Hearing this meeting become more idiotic than he imagined, Robin threw his head up high and said, "Chrom, what are you suggesting I do!?"

Chrom closed his eyes and said, "Well, you see, seeing how you're my master strategist, I was wondering if you would do us the honor of-"

Cherche chirped in and said, "We're tired of waiting, Robin. None of our kids will tell us who our future husbands, but have noted that things are taking longer than expected. Their existence seems to have affected something in our male allies..."

She gazed at all the men with almost a lustful look. The reaction was lukewarm.

Frederick looked away. "I have a duty to the kingdom."

Gaius sucked on his lollipop before commenting, "I can't have any competition to take my sweets away."

Lon'qu got bright red. "I… cannot possibly have a daughter… we'd both be miserable."

Donny frowned. "My ma would be awfully surprised at the news of being a gramma…"

Henry cackled maniacally while a bunch of crows began to pick him up and fly around the room.

Libra stared intently at Henry flying with the crows. "I must deal with the unholy things of this world."

Ricken looked around and furrowed his brows with twisted lips. "Wait, I'm confused; Do babies come from the storks or not?"

Kellam nervously raised his hand. "I have-"

"Why am I even here!?" Gangrel shouted. "I was repeatedly stabbed before dying!"

"It seems conquering death is not so unique a task as I first thought," Walhart said while bench pressing a cow. "Nevertheless, I will not rear a child who has never beaten a god."

Robin stood up. "Chrom, I repeat, what are you saying!?"

Sumia stepped next to her husband and announced, "You're going to become a matchmaker!"

"Elwind!"

Robin through himself out the window in one great, floaty, leap.

"I'll get him!" Henry and his minions swooped through the window and brought back an aggressive Robin.

"I don't wanna! I don't wanna!"

"Robin, you're being immature," Chrom noted.

"This whole thing is immature. I'm a tactician, Chrom, not some sort of cupid. I need to spend my time strategizing!"

"That's another thing I've been wanting to talk to you about." Chrom reached behind his throne and pulled out a bundle of scrolls, books, and single pages. "The wars are over, but you have triple the amount of strategy books."

"You never know when a war will pop up next," Robin said.

Stahl pulled up a shoe. "You've been awfully enthusiastic about throwing boots at us to test our reflexes."

Robin ran up to Stahl, grabbed the boot, and threw it at Henry. Henry raised an arm covered by 20 birds and slapped the boot out the window. "Henry seems to do well with my pop quizzes… unfortunately."

Ricken touched his cheek upon remembering the countless things Robin has thrown at him. "How can you even call that a pop- Ow!"

Robin smiled when the boot left a mark on Ricken's left eye. "You need to remember that shoes come in two, Ricken. Looks like you need to be tested more."

Ricken resisted the desire to cry. "Hey, no fair! I wasn't ready! Aaahh!"

Giving Ricken another boot to the face, Robin chuckled. "Never assume that I only have two boots, Ricken. Never!" He turned to Chrom. "Now, what were you getting at Chrom?"

Chrom looked over some of the maps Robin had created. "I understand your readiness for war, but do we really need to plan a strategy for when someone has a bucket stuck on their head?"

Robin raised and pointed a finger at him. "That last one happens a lot more often than you would think."

"That's because you keep throwing buckets at me!" Ricken shrieked.

"Take pride of your part in my experiments!"

Frederick chimed in and said, "You have an annoying habit of disturbing the dinner table with random war games with the food as the game pieces."

Henry giggled and said, "Don't play with your food, Robin!" Henry laughed as he knocked away another boot from Robin.

"What are you all trying to say?" Robin said.

Chrom stiffened his lips and locked eyes with Robin. "There are two reasons why Sumia and I decided to make you the official matchmaker for our army: First, you are a genius on how people think. Secondly…"

"What's the second reason?" Robin said in low voice.

"…secondly, I believe you have an addiction. An addiction to tactics."

"What!? Off all the things you've ever said, I've never heard anything so foolish in my life!"

Chrom turned to his right. "Frederick, where is Virion today?"

Robin snapped his neck to him as well. "That's true. Where the hell is that dastard? I have more, much more, new strategies to test out in our games."

He paid no mind to Robin. "Last I've heard, Virion was in hiding."

A snarky smile grew on Robin. "Heh, no doubt because he knows I'll finally win without losing a piece." He wiped the smirk away and glared intently at Frederick. "Of course, there's no way to know for sure until we play again. Where is he, Frederick!?"

Chrom continued speaking to his most loyal retainer. "How often do our healers need to deal with Ricken?"

"So often that we have to rely on… doctors for the unwell."

"How dreadful. How long do the maids spend cleaning up the table after Robin has had fun with his food wars?"

"Two hours, m'lord."

Robin crossed his arms. "I don't have a problem. Strategy will always be important and I am not going to spend my time making people kiss when I can be perfecting my strategies even further than before."

Chrom pulled out his falchion and stabbed the castle floor. "Well, I'm king and what I say goes! Now go make us some baby daddies, Robin!"

"Damn it!"