Diclaimers.

This story was inspired by the wonderful story "devoted" by Hades'queen.

English is not my native tongue, so forgive any spelling mistake.

I knew something was wrong when he hadn't shown up in a week

"Where is that stupid bull?" I remember asking my sister.

She had looked at me with surprise; as if I wasn't aware of something the whole court in winterfell knew,

"He is getting married Arya…I thought you knew"

My heart broke in that instant but my face remained the same "The brotherhood had taught me well"

"Well, good for him" I said with indifference, but inside I was bleeding.

No, he couldn't do that to me. He was mine, only mine.

I never questioned his loyalty; he was always there besides me, even when I mocked him or showed disdain for his efforts to serve me.

I realize now that it wasn't love what I felt for Jaqen H'ghar. He could come and go out of my life whenever he pleased; he had no "pack" mentality. I respected him because he accepted me for what I was and what I wanted, freedom from the rules and conventions of society.

On the other hand Gendry was the only constant in an always changing world, always following me even if I was younger than him. He had given so much for me and asked nothing in return. I knew that in the end I could always count on him.

Now I know I took him for granted; now my eyes always travel to him when no one is watching, though his eyes never stare back. Instead, he thinks of her. No longer he spares a look at me with his deep blue eyes

When I follow him to his home, I notice how his eyes brighten as he sees her waiting for him. The passion they show to each other whenever they touch. I notice how he always whispers in her hair, embraces her and laughs with her.

He loves her, and only her, and I resent him for it. I resent the fact that they are experiencing true love, the one thing I have never felt in my life. I resent how she gets to lie in his bed, make love to him, and I do not. I resent how his eyes always linger on her when they do not even spare so much as a glance at me. And I especially resent how his heart is completely hers.

Does he know that whenever he passes me, I just want throw myself into his strong arms and weep? Weep and tell him how sorry I am, that I love him

Does he know how I envy his wife every time he smiles at her on the rare occasions she comes to court to visit him? How I wish He would look at me with that love and desire.

I know he loved me but those feelings faded slowly by my own hand