This contemplation came to mind after reading Victory's Raconteur's story "Midnight". I really recommend you read it… its epic.
I'm going to take a break from FF for a while. Don't worry, it's nothing permanent.
I just have to regather my thoughts...
PSS. Although I said it already, Midnight made me cry a river... literally.
What Vinny did for the munks made me realize what my mom does for me... and how I almost tried to break her heart by killing myself...
I don't know how to express myself now... I'm so lost and confused about everything... even continuing my story seems worthless now...
You say I'm elite... I say otherwise...
For I have no talent whatsoever... I submit myself to nothing now... I've become so confused that I don't even know my worth in this world now... I seek out my answers, but only to end up hurting so many people, including myself.
I have nothing to gain, everything to lose. I lost so much and won so little. But, why am I still living? Am I nothing but a walking corpse now? I don't now... I've lost myself to my own depression now...
Soron and Max have become a part of my subconscious, they give me advice, and I share their insights with others. Now, I can barely hear them, much more myself. I've become something that I should not be... I deserve nothing... and yet I gain so much praise for the foolishness I do here on FF and in school. I've become nothing but a talentless wanderer, seeking the attention through worthless stories that give people false hope.
Is there anything left for a fool like me? I wouldn't know... some things I will never learn, much more understand...
I'm not saying I'm leaving FF, again, I'm just going to take a break to regather my thoughts... probably with some hard drinks here and there, some smokes, anything to drive this pain away from me...
Some say that intuition holds no bounds, but I think it just hit a really hard wall for me...
"I truly, honestly know now that I have no talent whatsoever..."
-Perry