Hae Soo was in a state of pure bliss. What other way could she word it, truly? Just complete and utter happiness, warmth and so very in love was the only way she could describe these new emotions still swelling up inside of her. She couldn't stop smiling. She lay in the arms of the one who stole her heart, Wang So, the 4th Prince. The thin sheen of sweat on their bodies had slowly dissipated, and all that remained from the throes of their passion were their hearts beating in unison and the sounds of their breath catching.
Prince So lay on his back, barren of clothing, and Soo also bare-skinned, the blankets of their bed pooled around their lower bodies. He had taken her once, twice, and the third time, she had found herself fully baring her soul to him in every aspect she possibly could manage. With words, without, filled with soft love and gentle promises. He was surprisingly gentle, careful, tender and slow with every single movement. She had seen him fight, she had seen that animalistic side that lurked, but when he took her and had her, he treated her like she was as fragile of the petals of a peony.
They lay together for what seemed like forever, Soo seemingly able to talk on and on for ages about nothing and about everything. Though there were things she'd have loved to speak of, such as the fact that she came from another time entirely, she truly couldn't. Instead, Soo told him of her happiness, her life in a metaphor of dreams, her fears, and her nightmares.
Prince So didn't seem to mind a bit. He lay there stroking her bare back, running his fingers through her hair while she babbled, giving her smiles and chuckles when necessary, and looks of concern and soft kisses when tears filled her eyes. It had been hours, and silence fell between the two of them briefly. Soo snuggled up into his chest more and shivered, goosebumps trailing down her skin. So noticed it right away and sat up, reaching for Soo's white sleeping robes.
"Soo-yah? You're cold," the Prince stated simply and helped her slip on a set of white, soft, pristine robes. "These will help you warm up."
"Thank you, Your Highness," Soo gratefully accepted, sliding her arms into the sleeves as So pulled her robes up around her body in a protective manner. He reached his arms around her to lift her long, dark curtain of hair while Soo tied up the front and he let it fall down over her shoulders.
"As always, you are so beautiful," his deep voice rolled in her ear, and he planted a tender kiss just below her ear. Soo shivered again, a smile and blush creeping up on her face, only this time from not being chilly. Soo gazed at him with nothing but love and adoration in her eyes.
No, Your Highness, you are beautiful. So beautiful.
So took it upon himself to slip on his set of black sleeping clothes, pulling his pants on and his robe over his bare shoulders and he lay back down, his chest still bare so Soo could lay back down on its warmth. Soo rolled over on her stomach, her fingers carefully tracing each clawed scar down the left side of the Prince's chest.
"So-yah," Soo began thoughtfully. "I've told you a lot about me tonight, and I know a lot about you, but…," she paused biting her lower lip. "Well… I wanted to know… I wanted to ask…"
Oh come on Soo, just get the courage to ask him. You have gone further with him than anyone else. You trust him and he trusts you!
"Hmmm? Soo-yah?" So hummed and glanced down at her worried expression with curiosity, those large eyes of her staring right up at him, almost as if she could see into the very depths of his soul. "What is it you want to know?" He sat himself up, pulling Soo up with him, tilting his head curiously. Soo could see that some of the cosmetics had come off his face, and she could see traces of his scar peeking out. "Ask me."
Soo reached her hand out tenderly and traced the scar on his face lightly with her fingertips. She gulped and began asking him the questions she had been burning to ask for a very long time. "Tell me, how did you get your scars?" she lowered her head as Prince So's eyes widened a bit in surprise, looking almost ashamed for asking him.
"I would've thought you already knew," he responded, his tone not shaken. "I'm sure you heard, didn't you?"
"Well, yes, I've heard rumors, but I never knew if they were true. I want to hear it from you. The one about your face, but the others, I've never heard a thing." Soo huffed and grabbed So's hand in hers, willing herself to look back at his face. "So-yah. Please tell me. I want to know everything about you. The good and the bad. I love you, and I want you to share it all with me. I want you bare your soul to me too. Please?" She pouted a bit, and So gave her a small, crooked smile. That smile of his he only gave to her, while shaking his head.
"Alright, alright. You'll find out someday anyway, and I guess I'd rather be the one to tell you. I'll start with this one." The Prince pointed at his face, his smile falling and his brows drawing together in thought.
"I was 5 years old. My older brother, Wang Tae, had just passed away. He was the second-born son of the King, and the first-born son of Queen Yoo, my mother. The King was going to marry that night for political reasons, and my mother wouldn't have it. She was… grieving the loss of her son, and-," So paused, his eyebrows furrowed and his closed painfully. "She tried to use me to get the King to stop his marriage because of their son dying. She was going to kill me. She grabbed me and held a knife to my throat."
Soo gasped, and So paused, glancing down, his eyes scanning the floor. Soo instantly felt terrible for making him talk about this, but maybe this was something that was needed, something that was necessary. Sometimes the only way one could truly heal was telling someone they trusted, and she wanted to know. This was the man she loved. She wanted to know everything she could. She wanted him to fully let her in so she could heal the wounds in his heart. So took a breath and Soo squeezed his hand reassuringly.
"It's okay. You can keep going if you want to, but if it's too much, you can stop."
The Prince grinned and shook his head, but it wasn't the type that he usually saved just for her. It was unsettling, one of those types where someone smiles instead of cries. She didn't like it at all, but he seemed to gather himself and find his voice again.
"I… didn't understand what I'd done so wrong to make my mother want to harm me. If it hadn't been for Moo, I would've died that night." The Prince swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing and his eyes met Soo's. His words continued to flow, almost like he couldn't stop now that they were coming out, and they just kept coming.
"Instead, I was left with this." He pointed to his scar. "Moo saved my life. My mother permanently scarred me, in more ways than I think she honestly even cares." So took another breath. "The very next day, the King, my own father issued a decree that I would be sent to Shinju, adopted by the Kangs and to provide comfort to the woman who could become my concubine mother. She had lost her own son, and I was to be adopted by them in place of their son, or so I thought. I didn't understand why. I was too young."
"The King did…?" Soo asked him in disbelief. "He sent his own son to be adopted? Why?" she all but whispered. I mean sure, she could see his mother having him shipped off, but King Taejo was the one to implement it? Just how much suffering could one person endure? And she could see his suffering. It was raw in the purest of ways.
She could see it behind every jaw clench, she could see it in the way he closed his eyes, in the way he grinned almost pitifully, the way his hands clenched into fists, the way his body hunched over, and the look in his eyes. When it came to her, So was not that subtle with his emotions, and Soo could read him like a book. He was in pain. He was always in pain, no matter the smiles, the teasing, the playing, something like that didn't just go away. If only she had realized that much sooner instead of trying to push him away and only causing him more heartache. Why did he, of all people, deserve to live such a cruel and inhumane kind of life? Soo felt her heart clench for him.
"I wasn't sent there to be a son," So scoffed. "I was sent as a hostage, and the King knew it as did my mother." He sighed and shook his head. "I wasn't treated like a person there. Concubine Kang was insane. She'd gone crazy over the death of her son. There were times where she'd never let me out of her sight. She'd cling to me, and I was forced to go everywhere with her. She doted upon me, giving me gifts and nice clothes to wear, and even good food."
There was a faraway look in his eyes, a ghost of a memory, or perhaps a sense of longing before he snapped back to reality. "But it never lasted long. When she'd come to her senses, she'd beat me until I bled and was covered with bruises. She'd call me a beast, a disgusting and unsightly monster, and demand to know why I was here and where her dead son was. They'd throw me in a room and lock me up for days. I'd go without food or water. I'd finally scream loud enough for someone to come check on me, and then I might get scraps if I was lucky." Prince So shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.
Soo could feel her heart drop into her stomach. No wonder he'd been so cold and withdrawn when she first met him. Had nobody ever even opened their heart to him before and treated him like a human being until she came along? She wasn't sure, but Soo scooted closer and listened intently, her eyes never leaving his face. Her hand began absentmindedly tracing the memorized scars on his chest that appeared like claw marks. So grabbed her hand and stilled the movement, his dark eyes staring searchingly into hers.
"These scars…," the Prince began, and his voice trembled slightly. "Do you know why they call me wolf-dog? When I was old enough, the Kangs threw me into the biggest wolf den in Shinju. It got cold that night, and the wolves were beginning to gather. Their howls and snarls came closer and closer." So let out an odd-sounding laugh. "I knew they could smell me. I spent the entire night fighting the animals. They attacked me with their vicious, gnashing teeth, clawed at me, bit me, and chased me. I burned down my favorite tree just to stay alive. I fought them with everything I had learned and knew and burned down the entire mountain den. I killed every single wolf in there."
Soo flashed back to the day they had talked about naming the trees. She remembered vaguely So starting to tell her about that tree, why he burnt it down and wolves beginning to gather before he had stopped himself. Now she knew why.
Prince So drew a shaky breath, his eyes looking down at the floor again. "And I survived. They didn't want me to live, Soo-yah. They wanted me to die in there, but I lived." His expression tormented. "They all hate me because I lived. All of them. My mother included. My will to live was stronger than their hate. I defied them by surviving."
"So-yah," Soo began as she reached a hand up to cup the side of his face. "That night, by the prayer stones a few years ago… you destroyed them because of your mother, didn't you?"
So just nodded his head, still unable to look at her, but his lip began to tremble. "Her cruelty knows no bounds, and I never understood why she had so much hatred for me. I still don't. That night, she told me that I was not her son. She called me a beast. She said I was her shame, disgrace, and flaw…I can never forget that for as long as I live," his voice broke and he found the courage to look up at Soo, his vision becoming increasingly distorted.
Soo shook her head vehemently. "No, Your Highness. It's not true," she spoke in soft understanding to him as she stroked his face, and she could see the tears beginning to gather in his eyes. Her heart squeezed.
"Tell me, Soo-yah," the Prince's voice unsteady, his throat tightening. "Now that you have seen all of me, do you think me an unsightly monster? A beast? An animal? A wolf-dog? Am I shame and disgrace to you with this flawed form of mine? Do I shame you in the way I shamed my mother?"
So had averted his eyes, his head lowered and away from Soo now as his jaw clenched hard, and she watched the first tear break free from the corner of his eye, landing on his lip and then another clinging to the tip of his nose, followed by a light sniffle. She couldn't help herself now. She had seen him cry before, but something about it made her insides twist painfully. It physically hurt her heart to see him like this, but not in the way her palpitations had caused her pain. This was something different. That day when she'd found him in their place, filled with grief and remorse over the fact that he'd taken his brother's life, or thought he had, it was just like then. She wasn't going to let him sit here and suffer alone any longer. She placed her hands on his arms and gave them a squeeze.
"No, never. You could never shame me. You are not a disgrace, and everyone in the world is flawed in some way. We are people. We are not perfect, but that doesn't make you a shame or a disgrace."
Soo pulled him forward, gathering the man into her arms, and So went willingly, resting his head against her arm and the tears came unbidden.
It's two years later and you still cry so easily, don't you?
Soo held his trembling body, feeling the burning of tears pricking her own eyes, having the urge to cry along with him herself over the suffering this man had endured almost all of his lifetime. A life without love. A life without any kind of genuine care, kindness and trust had molded him into what he was when they had first met. How he had managed to hold himself together for so many years and not completely lose his humanity was astounding to Soo. Most people would've completely cracked and lost their mind if they had went through half of what So did.
At that time, he had become very adept at hiding what was inside though Soo could always see something brewing just below the surface, and that night by the prayer stones showed her as much. Back then, she had been so confused as to what would make him act out in such a manner, and now it all made sense. Many things made sense to her now that hadn't before, and how he'd slowly started to come around and begin to let her and his brothers in a little more, particularly Baek Ah, and even made an attempt to understand people better. Nobody deserved to live a life like that, and definitely not this man. She had been what touched his heart.
Soo rubbed his back tenderly in soothing circles, only stopping to run her fingers through the silk tips of his ponytail and let him cry, as it was all a part of his healing process. He wept silently, his breath hitching here and there, and she only hugged him closer, her catching and brushing away stray tears. She controlled her own tears while listening to his soft sobbing, his body jerking with every sob, and she gathered him as close as possible to her, resting her cheek on top of his head, finding her voice.
"So," Soo began gently. "Your mother, Queen Yoo, she is not worth all of this pain. She is not worth all of this suffering, and she is not worth your tears. She is no mother. She never has been. She's cruel and she revels in it. Don't let your heart ache anymore because of her. Please," she whispered into his hair, gently kissing his head. "You have me to fill your heart with as much love, care, kindness and trust as I can give you. I will not be cruel to you in the way that she has been. Let me heal your scars."
So sniffed, blinked back more tears and sighed leaning into her embrace, closing his eyes. "Soo-yah. I never knew what this could feel like until I met you. I didn't understand what it was that I was feeling, but I know now more than anything. I never knew what it felt like to be understood, to feel like I mattered, like I was a person and not an animal. I never knew what it felt like to be truly loved until now."
He opened his eyes, not really looking anywhere. "I am only a person. I'm not an animal. I can make mistakes, be vulnerable and bare my soul because of you. I never knew what any of that was like until you came into my life. I might be a Prince. I might have spilled blood, but I'm still human."
Soo slowly lay herself down on their bed, pulling the prince down with her, his head resting on her stomach now and resumed the stroking of his hair. "If you are ever in doubt, I will always be here to remind you, Your Highness. Never lose sight of that again. I will be here to remind you of just how human you are," she told him tenderly, and So raised his head, looking up toward her. Soo was relieved to see his tears had slowed, the last of them rolling down his face and she brushed them away much like he had for her many times.
So scooted closer and reached a hand out to cup her face, his thumb tenderly rubbing over her plump lips and down to her chin. Soo smiled and kissed his thumb. "You've already proven to me that you are a person. An amazing person, and more than what people have seen you as. You have more humanity in your little finger than many of your brothers. As you said, you might be a Prince and you may have had to shed blood, but at the end of the day, you are a man. Despite your scars, you are not a shame, or a disgrace or a flaw, or even a beast. Your scars show just how human you are. You are just a man. A man that has my whole heart." Her eyes searched his. "And always will forever."
So felt his heart flutter in his chest, and after all of those words, all of his pain and his heartache became lighter, as if it were almost never there. As long as he had her, it would stay this way. He was certain of it. To be able to pour his heart out to her, to share his past, and to have so much love and understanding from her was overwhelming in a good way. He wanted to feel it more. She always made him feel better, and how she did it was beyond him, but he was truly grateful to have such a trusting, loving an understanding woman in his life.
"I love you, my Soo-yah," Prince So all but whispered as he gathered his person into his arms and captured her lips gently with his own. She was all his. His person, his love, his everything, and she would be here every day to remind him of that.