Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men, Family Guy, or this song.

I have absolute no knowledge of how football works. I'm just winging it. The ending is borrowed from a scene in an episode of Billy & Mandy. Enjoy.

X-Men Evolution: Shipoopi

Starring

Roberto Da Costa

"Dammit, where the hell is Da Costa?" Coach Logan growled. It's the day of the big game. Our home team is made up of Ray Crisp, Sum Guthrie, Bobby Drake, Fred Dukes, Glob Herman, Lance Alvers, Santo Vaccarro, and a bunch of others.

On the sidelines the cheerleaders are getting restless in their red-and-black uniforms. Jubilation Lee, Amara Aquila, Tabitha Smith, Alison Blaire, Selene, Laura Kinney, Jean Grey, Madelyne Pryor, Opal Luna Saturnyne, Amanda Sefton, December Frost, and Illyana Rasputina, when Madelyne sees something in the distance.

"There he is, coach!" She says.

Indeed, golden boy Roberto has just driven onto the field in a new, sleek, convertible.

"Da Costa! What did I say about showboating?!" Logan yells at him.

"Relax, Coach. I'm here, now we can get this party started!"

The coin is tossed, the whistle is blown, the game starts. Opposing quarterback Duncan has the ball, he throws it. Then, out of nowhere, a Japanese schoolgirl with long brown hair has just appeared on the field.

"I'm late!" Schoolgirl Miyuki cries. "I'm-"

Suddenly she catches the ball.

"What the-?"

Then, she gets swooped up over Roberto's shoulders, despite her screams, and he makes the touchdown by slamming her in the ground! Everyone cheers.

"Not bad, Da Costa." Coach Logan says, surprised. Then Roberto starts doing a victory dance. "Dammit I said no showboating!" Logan growls.

"This calls for a victory tune!" Roberto calls.

The happy, big band beat begins, and Roberto starts grooving to it.

"Now a woman who'll kiss on the very first date is usually a hussy."

"And a woman who'll kiss on the second time out is anything but fussy."

"But a woman who'll wait 'til the third time around,"

"Head in the clouds, feet on the ground!"

"She's the girl he's glad he's found, she's his Shipoopi!"

He starts dancing to it.

"Shipoopi! Shipoopi! Shipoopi!"

(The crowd: "The girl who's hard to get!")

"Shipoopi! Shipoopi! Shipoopi!"

(Cheerleaders: "But you can win her yet!")

Roberto walks around cheerleader Jubilee.

"Walk her once just to raise the curtain. Walk around twice and make for certain."

Moves over to cheerleader Tabitha.

"Once more in the flower garden, she will never get sore if you beg her pardon!"

Roberto jumps up in front of the stands and leads them.

(Crowd: "Do re mi fa so la si do si la so fa mi re do!")

He starts dancing in front of them.

"Squeeze her once when she isn't lookin'. Get a squeeze back that's fancy cookin'."

"Once more for a pepper-upper, she will never get sore on her way for supper."

(Crowd: "Do re mi fa so la si do si do!")

Roberto begins marching in front of the line of cheerleaders, waving their pompoms, including poor Miyuki, who still has no idea what the hell is going on.

"Now little ol' Sal was a no-gal, as anyone can see. Lookit her now, she's a go-gal, who only goes for me."

Begins leading Rahne, who follows him from behind with her hands on his chest.

"Squeeze her once when she isn't lookin'. Get a squeeze back that's fancy cookin'."

"Once more for a pepper-upper, she will never get sore on her way for supper."

(Cheerleaders: "Do re mi fa so la si do si do!")

Roberto starts dancing with Rahne in front of him.

"Shipoopi! Shipoopi! Shipoopi!"

(Crowd: "The girl who's hard to get!")

Roberto's on the jumbo screen.

"Shipoopi! Shipoopi! Shipoopi!"

(Cheerleaders: "But you can win her yet!")

The half-time band starts to pick up the beat and Roberto dances down the line of cheerleaders, shaking their pom-poms.

"No! NO!" Logan screams, which isn't helped as Glob and Fred start dancing along with Roberto.

The referees blow their whistles. They throw in towels.

The players make touchdowns. They dance when they're done.

And Roberto is doing a ballerina spin as the other players are on the ground like synchronized swimmers.

Then, Berto's dancing in step with Rahne next to him, as do the other cheerleaders in the back (with poor Miyuki), the referees, the other football players, and the guys in the band. Until, everyone's singing.

"Shipoopi! Shipoopi! Shipoopi! The girl who's hard to get!"

"Shipoopi! Shipoopi! Shipoopi! But you can win her yet!"

Now everyone's dancing! Except Logan.

"YOU"

The cameramen.

"CAN"

The opposing team.

"WIN"

The newsman in the box.

"HER"

The people in bars. In the bathroom. Professor X, whose walking!

"YEEEEEEEEEEET!"

On the field, they've spelled

"SHIPOOPI!"

"Alright. I made a touchdown." Berto says.

…

In the real world, Roberto has his head down on the desk as the other students snicker.

"Oh look Scott, Sunspot's dreaming." Jean says.

"Ah look at him." Scott says. "So innocent. So precious."

Then he takes out the megaphone.

"WAKE UP DA COSTA!"

Roberto jumps out of his seat and is shaking like a rabbit.

"So precious." Scott says again.

"What's that smell?" Jubilee asks.

Fin