A Slightly Askew Christmas
or
How the Bitch Almost Stole Christmas
by
Astrid C. Giese-Zimmer
Notes: What was orignally supposed to be a cute little holiday offering turned into this pile of wackyness. However, it is only *slightly* askew, meaning that it will have some Who Askew type jokes, but it won't have all the Doctors, Masters, etc. running about. And as usual, it contains adult content. I swear this started out as a cute family offering! I'll never write Disney movies, that's for sure....
All forms of C&C would be great, including MSTings. I know ff.net won't allow them, but if you have a good MSTing you can send it to me at Coolast87@aol.com (dumb address, I know)
Disclaimer: Doctor Who belongs to the BBC. If it belonged to me, some stories would have been better.
*********
The Rani looked at her scanner. On Earth, it was December 20th. Snow fell and children were playing with joy. The Rani was not joyful, however. She thought about her childhood on Gallifrey. That one Christmas morning where her parents abandoned her because she was apparently too much to handle. She remembered the young boy who cheered her up and gave her her first kiss. That boy was....
The Rani's train of thought was interrupted by the Master entering the room. Not having happy holidays, are we? he said. She rolled her eyes in disgust. You should know perfectly well that the holidays bring nothing but disgust for me.
My dear Rani, you should know that I had always been neglected as a child. In fact it was on Christmas morning that the Doctor and I stopped being friends. The Rani wasn't interested in such pointless trivia. Do you know of a jolly old man who delivers presents to boys and girls? she asked. Yes. Santa Claus. Saint Nicholas. Father Christmas. Kris Kringle. What about him? the Master looked puzzled at the Rani, and then he spoke up again You're not thinking of kidnapping him, are you? Why not? Because it's been done thousands of times before. said the Rani But you must remember that he is also one of us. The Master looked intrigued. You mean he's a.... A Time Lord, yes. As if you couldn't figure it out. Of course, he's older than us. Much older. He's been doing this for centuries. The Master beamed. He's a Time Lord.... I could steal his regenerations! Yes, and then everyone else would be miserable! said the Rani. Just like us. said the Master.
***********
Ace watched as the Doctor sang and danced merrily around the TARDIS, decorating as he went. Now in his seventh incarnation, he was as full of life and exuberance as ever.
Deck the halls with boughs of holly!
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Tis the season to be jolly!
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Don we now our gay apparel-
The Doctor stopped singing. What a strange lyric. You might even say... it's a bit queer. he said. Ace rolled her eyes Professor, stop goofing off.. Why should I? I have every rright! he said, pulling a funny face. I sure am going to be glad to see Doughnut again! Hmm what? Oh right, Mel. said the Doctor, momentarily forgetting Ace's pet name for his former companion. When they met back on Iceworld, they became *very* good friends. And what about Glitz? asked the Doctor. Ace gave a sigh of frustration. What about bildgebag? Why should I care?. Well, they do say Goodwill to all men'. smiled the Doctor.
*************
Aboard the Nosferatu II (formally known as Iceworld) Melanie Bush was on top of a ladder placing the star on a very tall Christmas tree. At the bottom of the ladder was Sabalom Glitz. Hold the ladder steady, Glitz! said Mel. Yeah, yeah. said Glitz, while looking up her lovely red Christmas dress (why she was climbing a ladder dressed like that, we'll never know). Finally she got the star on top of the tree. Got it? asked Glitz. Yes, now hold the ladder steady while I'm coming dow.... WHOAAH! Mel lost her balance and fell, but she landed in Glitz's arms. Thank you. she said. Glitz blushed. So, when will they be here? he asked. You never know. replied Mel. Then they both heard a familiar wheezing, groaning sound. They smiled in delight.
The TARDIS materialized in one of the icy corridors. The Doctor and Ace stepped out. It's beautiful, Professor. Just like I remember it! beamed Ace. Yes, beautiful and seasonal. said the Doctor. Glitz and Mel walked up to them. . The two girls ran up to each other and hugged. I missed you, Melanie. said Ace, almost crying. I missed you too. said Mel. The Doctor walked up to Glitz, smiling, and opened his arms warmly. Glitz just shook the Doctor's hand. The Doctor frowned. So, what's been happening? asked Mel. A lot of things! We met the Daleks, and the Cybermen, and.... started Ace, but Mel interrupted her. How's the Doctor? is he still a big goofball? she asked. Oh, yeah. Still goofy. Well, actually, he's gotten a bit dark and brooding. I don't know if... Ace was interrupted again by the Doctor, who was once again being the entertainer. he said as the lit match turned into a bouquet of flowers. For you. he said to Glitz. Glitz accepted the flowers, but looked embarrassed. The girls giggled. said the Doctor Now, excuse me for a moment, there's something I must do. and he set off into the ice corridors. The others looked puzzled.
*************
The Doctor looked at the ice coffins. Inside them were the bodies of four people who threw away their entire lives to serve Kane, the evil former ruler of Iceworld. Belazs, Kracauer, Bazin, and McLuhan. He felt sorry for all of them, especially Belazs, who had tried to steal Glitz's old spacecraft, The Nosferatu. He told her that her debt to Kane could never be paid back. She had tried to kill Kane with the help of Kracauer, but they both felt Kane's cold wrath. As for Bazin and McLuhan, they were killed after killing the that used to walk the icy corridors. They tried to take the Dragonfire, but a surge of electrical energy got them. It was the Doctor who found the bodies of them. He had made the ice coffins, although no one knew he did. Not even his companions. He was too wracked with guilt over how he could have saved at least one of these people, but he didn't. The Doctor took four roses out of his jacket. A single tear fell down his cheek, landed on a petal, and splashed onto the other roses. The drops froze to the petals. The Doctor placed a rose on each coffin. I'm sorry. he said. He took a deep breath, and then went to rejoin his friends.
*************
The Doctor ran into the room where Ace, Mel, and Glitz were admiring the big-ass Christmas tree. Where were you, Doctor? asked Mel. Oh, just revisiting old acquaintances. replied the Doctor. Mel looked at him, puzzled. What do you think, Doctor? asked Glitz. Oh, it's lovely said the Doctor I brrrought some decorations of my own. He took out a box of ordainments and hung them on the tree. One was a small, glittered Dalek; one was round with the Seal of Rassilon; and one was in the shape of the Doctor's TARDIS. Mel and Ace giggled. The Doctor stood back and admired the tree. That star... it reminds me of Adric. he said to himself. Did you say something, Professor? inquired Ace. said the Doctor, choking back tears.
**************
Back in the Rani's TARDIS, the Rani and the Master were laughing it up after kidnapping Santa Claus (what else). The Master took the Rani's hand.
And now, my dear Rani,Christmas is all ours. he said and kissed her hand.
Not quite. she replied.
Why not? At least everyone else is now as miserable as we are.
Yes, but what is Christmas without a tree? she said, pouring some formula into a glass of eggnog. She gave the glass to Santa. Drink this.
Thank you. those were Santa's last words before he transformed....
**************
Back on the Nosferatu II, Glitz was having trouble opening a bottle of champagne. Allow me. said the Doctor. He took out his new sonic screwdriver (his old one had an unfortunate accident) and used it on the cork. It popped off and champagne gushed out. Everyone laughed. said Ace.
Just then a pink pyramid shaped object materialized next to the Doctor's TARDIS. What the... said everyone.
The Master and the Rani stepped out and they were dressed like the Doctor and Mel. The Rani even wore the red wig she wore while trying to fool the Doctor after his last regeneration. The Master looked rather silly in the Doctor's outfit, especially with his beard.
Oh great, who invited these guys? said Mel.
The Master and the Rani stood back to back.
To fill the universe with devastation! said the Rani
To control each and every nation! said the Master
To screw up time at every turn!
To teach those snooty Time Lords a lesson they need to learn!
The Rani!
The Master!
They posed, holding each other in their arms, much like the Doctor and Mel would.
Team Renegade dematerializes at the speed of light!
Give up now, Doctor, or it will be your plight!
Mel, Ace, and Glitz sweatdropped. Oh no, not this again. said the Doctor, burying his head in his hand.
Oi, what do you want? asked Ace
The Master guffawed We have come to tell you that we have officially ruined Christmas.
So, why did you tell us? If you didn't, you would get away with it! Glitz said.
SHUT UP, GLITZ!!!! thundered everyone else.
Hasn't a popular children's book taught you anything? said the Doctor You can't steal Christmas! Besides, not everyone celebrates Christmas...
The Rani smirked But this time we've taken the one person that matters and gotten rid of him...
continued the Master
You destroyed Jesus? asked Mel.
You bastards! said Glitz.
The Master and the Rani fell down laughing. Uh, no said the Master, wiping a tear from his eye.
Father Christmas! said Ace.
said The Rani.
And what does the girl win? said the Master, jokingly. The Rani pulled out a gorgeously decorated Christmas tree that could rival Glitz's.
The Doctor and his friends gasped. You didn't!
We did!
The Doctor was furious. You bastards! This is the most despicable, evil, disgusting, and.... rrrediculous thing I have ever seen in my life!
shouted The Lurker, sitting in a chair that said
Producer:
Notorious JNT
The Lurker'
I'm sorry. said the Doctor It's just that...
I know the script isn't too good, but you've lived through worse than this said the Lurker.
I know, it's just... kidnapping Santa Claus.... it's so cliché! said the Doctor.
Glitz took a puff of his joint Hey, but turning him into a Christmas tree hasn't been done before! he said.
That's very true. replied the Doctor.
Can we hurry this up? Doughnut and I have a date! yelled Ace.
All right, all right! Let's get on with it! shouted the Lurker.
The Master smiled I quite like the new producer!. That's because you're sleeping with her. scoffed the Rani. The Master blushed.
**WE NOW CONTINUE WITH YOUR REGULARLY SECHULED FANFIC**
Professor, is there something you need to tell us about Santa Claus? asked Ace
Yes, yes there is. Sit down Mel, Ace, Glitz. said the Doctor. His friends sat down as he began to tell the story.
Many many years ago, a little bit after the beginning of the Time Lords, there was one Gallifreyian who believed that giving is the best thing ever. He was the kindest man on Gallifrey. Of course, back then there wasn't all the corruption there is now. Anyway, the people on Gallifrey called him a saint. He gave and gave and never took. But he was so unfulfilled. He wanted to give to other races than Gallifreyians, but the High Council wouldn't allow it. So, he highjacked a TARDIS and basically exiled himself on earth, but it was worth it. He decided on the night of December 24th to give to people around the world, since it was the night that the Christian lord was born and everyone was filled with joy. Of course that was a long time ago. Now it's all commercialism, but he doesn't buy into that.
The Master and the Rani were fast asleep.
Wait a tic, Father Christmas is a Time Lord? asked Ace.
Well that explains how he delivers all those gifts in one night. said Mel But what about the elves and reindeer and...
The Doctor cut in There'll be time to talk about that later. We have to save him now.
How? He's been spruced! said Glitz.
The Doctor slapped The Master and The Rani awake. He paced around them for several moments, then stopped. I think I know what the problem is. he said. Everyone looked confused. He look the Rani straight in the eyes. My dear Rani. You remember that Christmas you were abandoned? That Christmas you were all alone?. The Rani looked bitter. He continued Remember that boy who brought your hopes back. The one that gave you your very first kiss?. The Rani got angry Yes I do! After that there was nothing else between us.. Because of your treachery! Yes I remember! said the Doctor That boy was me!. The Rani looked downcast, surprisingly able to keep her rage in. Yes, even though was the one who gave you hope, you threw your life away with your evil experiments! I DID NOT THROW MY LIFE AWAY! I DID WHAT I LOVED DOING!!! she thundered. The Doctor turned away from her, and turned towards the Master You saw it. You saw the kiss. I was jealous the Master said. Yes, but not of me. You were jealous of her! said the Doctor. Mel, Ace, and Glitz gasped.
Professor, you're gay? asked Ace.
Not entirely. replied the Doctor, winking And neither is the Master.
The Master spoke up You were the only companionship I ever had. We were best friends, but..... I grew to love you. I couldn't tell you, because I was afraid the Time Lords would find out and be angry. When I saw you kissing her.... I felt betrayed. he turned his head down. The Doctor nodded So because of something that happened hundreds of years ago, you hated me and spent your whole life trying to destroy me. You used up all your regenerations and took to stealing bodies. How does that make you feel?. The Master said nothing. The Doctor suddenly pulled the Master forward and kissed him full on the lips. The Master was shocked at first, but then he gave in and wrapped his arms around the Doctor's slightly chubby waist. Their tongues massaged each other. Everyone else had their mouth hanging open.
It's amazing was feelings of betrayal can do to a person. said Mel.
Ace nodded And how big an impact they can have on a person.
Glitz turned away. Not in disgust, though. He ws jealous of the Master! He and the Doctor had a fling before, but he spent the rest of his days deeply admiring the Doctor from afar. Though why he was cheating on Dibber was anyone's guess.
The Doctor and the Master broke the kiss and looked into eachother's eyes for several minutes. Tears welled up in the Master's blue eyes. I love you, Doctor. I love you too, Master. the Doctor smiled. The Master turned away But.... the Rani and I.. we.. I understand. said the Doctor, putting a hand on his friend/enemy/lover's shoulder.
The Rani left for her TARDIS. Rani, wait! yelled the Master. She turned around. I'm going to set things right. She went into her TARDIS and came back out with a vial of some strange formula. She poured it onto the Christmas tree. In a flash of red and green smoke, it turned back into Father Christmas himself, looking dazed. Ace and Mel gasped. Fa... Father Christmas? said Ace. Yes, I think so. joked the jolly old man. My parents told me you weren't real. she said. All parents say that. They're just afraid to believe in something so unbelievable. replied Santa, and he put a hand on Ace's shoulder. Ace smiled. Glitz walked up to Santa and said Hey, Saint Nick! How about staying for our Christmas party?. Ho ho, no. I gotta get these presents delivered! replied Santa. But it's only the 20th! said Mel. Mel, if Santa says it's time for him to go, then it's time for him to go. said the Doctor.
**********
And so, they waved goodbye as Santa took off in his sleigh, with tears forming in their eyes. Wow. I don't believe it. Meeting Santa! said Ace. When you're with the Doctor, anything is possible. grinned Mel.
The Master and the Rani started leaving. Where are you going? The party hasn't even started! said the Doctor. The Master sheepishly turned around Well, since we almost ruined Christmas, I didn't think we'd be invited, so... And since when has that stopped you? replied the Doctor It's the holiday season! Peace on earth! Goodwill to all men! Unlimited rice pudding!. Everyone looked at him strangely. Uh, anyway. Come one, come all! he extended his hands towards his best enemies. The two evil renegades looked at each other. Aw, what the hell? said the Rani, taking the Doctor's left hand. I concur! said the Master, taking the Doctor's right hand. Everyone smiled in joy
**********
The party went on, as most parties did, with everyone getting shnockered out of their skulls. The Master, in a rather festive mood, put glitter in his beard. Everyone laughed.
Finally, it was time for the show. Mel promised she would entertain the guests, but no one knew what she had in store. Ace, Glitz, and the Doctor took their seats and saw Mel walk up to the icy stage. She turned on a CD and a rather funky tune started playing. She danced and sung along.
I'm gonna spend my Christmas with a Dalek
And hug him underneath the mistletoe
And if he's very nice,
I'll feed him sugar spice
And hang a Christmas stoking from his big left toe!
Ace and Glitz cringed. Oi, not this! said Ace. The Doctor just smiled and said Oh, come on! It's only campy humour!
And when we all get up on Christmas morning
I'll kiss him on his chromium plated head
And take him in to say How do, mum?'
And frighten daddy out of his bed!
As the song reached its chorus, Mel surprised everyone buy taking off her red dress and revealing two red tassels covering her nipples and green sparkly knickers. Finally, the audience was interested (including Ace). Merry Christmas sang Mel along with the campy tune, and she reached her hand out to the audience. Glitz reached back, but it was too late. Ace took Mel's hand and was pulled on stage. Ace was normally shy about her still budding sexuality, but she was drunk at the time. She and Mel provocatively danced with eachother and even started kissing eachother. Glitz's jaw dropped, but the Doctor remained cool and calm. They... they're lesbians? asked Glitz, incredulusly. Not entirely. said the Doctor with a sly wink. The Doctors thoughts went elsewhere as he wondered Where are the Master and the Rani?
**INCOMING SEX SCENE**
In the Ice Gardens, the very drunk Master and Rani were making out passionatly. The Master's gloved hands roamed around the Rani's supple body. Then the Rani did something she would never do while sober: she giggled. The Master chuckled his sexy evil chuckle and the Rani lay down on the cold ice floor. The Master started undoing the Rani's top with his teeth. Oh my flower. Whose petals are too delicate. Whose bloom is evernesant! said the Master, not sure exactly what he was saying, but it sounded damn good. Suddenly, the Rani say up and pushed the Master down to the floor. Ehh... wha? was all the bearded one could say. The Rani smirked Did you really think I'd be the submissive? You really don't know me, do you?. The Master just grinned. The Rani took off all her clothes and sat on the Master's face. Lick me! she commanded You may be the Master, but I am your Mistress! her voice softened and you want to please your Mistress, don't you?. The Master, not wanting to disappoint such a powerful and beautiful woman, did as he was told. His skilled tongue licked around her labia, his beard tickling ever so slightly. The Master licked and licked, and then he found it - the clitoris! The Master's tongue gently flicked it. The Rani was moaning and moaning, fondling her buxom breasts. Finally, the Master's tongue darted inside her vagina, and tasted her sweet Time Lady love juices. The Rani came and got up. The Master's beard was covered with her juices.
Very good she said Now it's my turn. she paused No, wait, *our* turn.. The Master looked puzzled, until she turned around and sat on his face again, this time her head was also pointed towards his crotch. She undid his velvet trousers, and had to back away a bit at the size of his cock. She turned around and smiled at him, before going to do the job, as it were. She took all 8 1/2 inches into her mouth, licking her tongue around the head and along the shaft. The Master had an idea. He took his TCE out of his shirt pocket, and took out the batteries (better safe than sorry). The Rani wondered why the Master wasn't licking her. Then she felt something long and phallic shove into her pussy. I know this isn't a Time Lord body he has, but that ain't right. she thought. What the hell are you doing? she yelled. The Master was moving the TCE in and out of her love tunnel. Do you want me to stop? he asked. she said, enjoying it. The Master started to lick her clit as well. He groaned I'm going to cum soon. The Rani pulled out a test tube Good, now I can study the DNA of a Trakenite.. The Master climaxed and the Rani caught what she could in the tube and put a cork on it. She soon climaxed too, and the Master pulled out the TCE and licked it clean. As soon as they got their clothes on, the Master put the batteries back in. I wonder if we missed anything. he said. Probably not. replied the Rani. They walked out, not noticing that the ice was melting.
**END SEX SCENE**
The Master and the Rani walked into the room where Glitz and Ace were unwrapping presents. Where'd those come from? asked the Master.
Santa must have left them. replied Ace. She finished unwrapping hers. It was a picture of her when she was very young, and her mom and dad were there too. She held back the tears inside. She hated her family, and yet she felt so sad looking at them. Her train of thought was interrupted by Glitz (the loudmouth).
Oh boy, I hope there's something worth a few grotzits in here! he said with excitement. He opened it, and there was a gallon of carrot juice. Wait a tic... he said with confusion. Ace started laughing. What's so funny, Sprog? said Glitz.
Where are the Doctor and the girl? asked the Rani.
Oh, they went to the TARDIS to do something. replied Ace Probably talking about old times and stuff.
**ANOTHER INCOMING SEX SCENE**
The TARDIS Observatory was one of the most beautiful rooms in the TARDIS. It was bigger that the main starchart and you could see all the planets and stars of every galaxy. There was a black leather couch in the middle where the Doctor liked to lie down and just observe the universe.
... gosh, I've missed you. said Mel, entering.
And I've missed you. said the Doctor, entering. Mel had never been in the TARDIS observatory before, and when she looked around, her jaw instantly dropped. It's beautiful, Doctor. It's like nothing I've ever seen! she exclaimed. Yes, this is the most thurrrough observatory in history. And only my TARDIS has it. said The Doctor.
How did you do it?
The Doctor just smiled. Let's just say I have hidden talents. He reclined on the couch Speaking of talents, you put on a very good show. Thank you said Mel. You gave Glitz the shock of his life. Yeah, well, at least I'm keeping him in shape, But I don't care for him much, now that I've got to know him. said Mel. Well, nobody's perfect. sighed the Doctor. I know began Mel But I want someone who doesn't complain all the time. I want someone who really seems to care. I want.... I want you, Doctor.
The Doctor smiled. The lights dimmed until the stars were the only illumination.
Come here, Melanie. purred the Doctor. Mel sexily walked over to him and dropped her dress. They kissed slowly, passionately. All those bad things I said in my previous incarnation? I didn't mean them. said the Doctor. It's okay. replied Mel I knew you cared when you saved my life on that spaceship with the Vervoids. The Doctor's hand reached down her panties, fondling her moist petals. Mel moaned and took off her panties. She lay back on the couch and the Doctor's face went down to her crotch. He brushed her red pubic hair out of the way, and began licking. Mel was in ecstasy. She thought of all the other men she'd loved: Ikona, Pex, Glitz..... none of them could ever compare with the Doctor. She then thought of Ace and whether or not the Doctor was taking good care of her. She then stopped thinking and was caught up in the throes of orgasm. With both hands she clutched the Doctor's head, her hands running through his short dark hair, as if to force his face closer and closer. She came and the Doctor licked it up eagerly. His tongue licked upward, over her navel, and up to her small but cute breasts which he also licked eagerly. he said Tastes almost like.... carrot juice?
Mel frowned.
I'm just kidding, of course. said the Doctor, and Mel smiled again.
The Doctor took off his coat, his question marked sweater, his shirt, and everything else.
It had been said that every time a Time Lord regenerates, his cock gets bigger. Well, after his sixth regeneration, the Doctor now had 11 full inches. He sat down on the couch and said in a voice deeper than his current incarnation's usual Here. Sit on my lap. Tell me what you want.
Mel walked over and lowered her self onto his cock, sitting on him as if he were a chair. I.... only want you, Doctor.. The Doctor kissed her neck and started thrusting Are you sure that's what you want?
The Doctor fondled her breasts with one hand and was stimulating her clit with the other What you really really want?
The Doctor licked her earlobes and buried his face in her lovely hair All that you really want?
YES!!! I WANT YOU, DOCTOR!! I LOVE YOU!!! Mel was once again in the throes of ecstasy.
I LOVE YOU TOO, MEL!!! yelled the Doctor.
They climaxed and lay in a naked heap on the couch.
Merry Christmas, Mel.
**END SEX SCENE**
The Master and the Rani staggered to the Rani's TARDIS. I told you you've had enough! she shouted. They ran inside.
Urg. I don't feel so good. groaned the Master, doubling over in pain over the console.
No, don't....! shouted the Rani, but it was too late. The Master threw up onto a button on the console and the time rotor started moving. The Rani grabbed the Master by the collar and slapped him several times. You fool!
The Rani's TARDIS dematerialized. No one knew where it would go.
*********
In the Observatory in the Doctor's TARDIS, the Doctor was eating jelly babies (some things never change), and Mel was basking in the afterglow, while wearing the Doctor's jacket. Hey, Doctor. she said.
He looked up.
You are getting along with Ace okay, right? she asked I only want the best for her.
The Doctor sat up Ace is a very complicated person, but we are working things out.
Mel say down next to him Have you made love yet?
Yes. But I prefer talking to her. Learning what makes her tick.
There was a loud shout of from the console room. Mel and the Doctor got dressed and ran there.
*********
Ace hid the picture of her family behind her back. She was planning on putting it in her room, but at the same time she wanted to smash it. The Doctor and Mel ran in. Oi, where were you? she said.
In the observatory. said the Doctor.
Oh, okay. said Ace.
Mel has something to announce. said the Doctor.
I'm rejoining the crew! said Mel.
Ace's face lit up and she ran up and hugged her friend. Oh, Doughnut, I'm so glad.. They looked up at the mistletoe, shrugged, and kissed. The Doctor smiled.
Oi, what about Bildgebag? asked Ace.
Oh, he'll be all right. said the Doctor.
The TARDIS dematerialized.
*********
Glitz sat in the control room of the Nosferatu II. He was usually a strong man, but he was about to cry. All of his friends were now leaving. He knew he wasn't the greatest guy ever, but why....?
Suddenly, the words Incoming transmission flashed. Glitz hit the button, and the screen flickered before showing the image. It was Dibber!
Hey, Glitz.
Dibber, old chum! How's life as the ruler of Weetabix 3?
It's not so great. I've missed you!
Well, don't worry. I'm coming for Christmas!
Great. See you there! the transmission ended, but then Dibber came back on the screen. Hey, how's the Doctor?
Oh, he's changed. nodded Glitz.
*********
The Master and the Rani stepped out of the Rani's TARDIS. They seemed to be in a white void. Where are we? asked the Rani.
We're probably in the Matrix. replied the Master.
How would you know? scoffed the Rani We could be anywhere!
I'll prove it! retorted the Master Snow, please. Instantly, the scene changed to a snowy hill, with lovely flakes falling everywhere. The Rani smiled. Oh my, it's...! she was so happy she couldn't finished her sentence. She ran up and hugged the Master.
mumbled the Master. Mistletoe floated over their heads. The Rani enveloped the Master in a passionate kiss. The Master broke the kiss and mumbled Chairman of the Board..
Frank Sinatra appeared and sang Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.
Let's stay here for a while. said the Master.
What if the Time Lords find out? said the Rani.
Who cares? We're happy here.
They kissed again.
*********
The Doctor watched this on his scanner. I think even they deserve a happy ending this time he said.
*********
And throughout the universe, they say
That everyone's heart grew three sizes that day.
Yes, throughout the universe, Christmas was being celebrated. And those that didn't celebrate Christmas, celebrated Hanukah. And those that didn't celebrate Christmas or Hanukah, celebrated Kwanzaa. And those that usually didn't like celebrating, celebrated anyway.
It was a new beginning for everyone.
THE END
(Incidentally, Season's Greeting to you at home! And a Happy Who Year!)