Spine
Summary: After the incident in the locker room, Chase decides it's time to settle the matter once and for all.
Disclaimer: Do I really have to say it again? If I owned the show it would be ten times better because they wouldn't have replaced the hot guy with an old balding guy and some loser who keeps trying to electrocute himself!
Author's Note 1: As always, they are a bit out of character, but as usual I will also try and keep them as much in character as possible.
Author's Note 2: This is the first song fic I've ever written so forgive me for that. But the song was just too perfect for this situation.
Author's Note 3: This is the sequel to "Invertebrate" which is the sequel to "Backbone." If you haven't read either one of those, you won't get this story. But don't worry, they're funny. At least I thought so, but then again, I am biased on the matter.
Author's Note 4: Last one, I swear, the song is "If I Were Gay" by Stephen Lynch
And now onto the fic!
"This is Chase," he said into his phone without bothering to look at the caller id. Granted he shouldn't be talking on a cell phone in a hospital, but since everybody ignored that rule around here, he figured it wasn't that big a deal.
"Dr. Chase!" Immediately after he heard those words he snapped his phone shut and shoved it back into his pocket. It's been a month since Billy Ardent was discharged, a month since the psychopath kissed him in front of the entire clinic, and he's still calling!
Chase threw the door to the Diagnostics Conference room open and stomped over to the first available seat. He looked like a five year old forced to sit in the corner for misbehaving. His colleagues stared at him with concern (Cameron) and amusement (Foreman).
"What's wrong?" Cameron asked.
Chase just shrugged and went back to looking moody.
"Doogie's just having a bad day," Chase closed his eyes and took a deep breath, refusing to look at the man who just walked into the room. "He'll be fine."
House limped towards the table and took a turn staring at his three underlings. Foreman was casually leaning back in his chair strumming the table top with his fingers, a small grin stretched across his lips. Cameron glared at House for being so cold. Meanwhile, Chase's eyes were still closed and his head was tilted towards the floor. House smiled smugly.
It's been an entire month since he kissed the Australian man. Since then the boy hardly looks at him unless he has to. Of course, House – being House – decided to add to the torture as much as possible. The name calling reached an all time high, as did the sexual innuendos. In no instance did Chase remark.
Life was back to normal in Diagnostics.
"New patient!" He shouted brightly. He threw the files onto the table, and the other three doctors each grabbed one. "Ten year old girl," he rattled off the list of symptoms. "Differential Diagnosis?"
Immediately Cameron threw out Lupus. "Ok now, you're just saying that to be funny," House remarked. "None of her symptoms match Lupus."
"But it could still be autoimmune," Foreman stated. He quickly started listing off different autoimmune diseases. "Amiloidosis or sarcoidosis."
The pencil Chase was playing with snapped in half.
His pop star stalker had sarcoidosis. They saved his life the day before Billy kissed him. Sarcoidosis brought up very bad memories.
House smiled again. "I think Doogie misses his boyfriend." That earned him a glare. It didn't faze him. "Go get blood cultures, an MRI of her brain and Echo her heart." He turned around and started towards his office. "Oh, and Chase." The blond looked up to finally meet his boss' eye for the first time in a month. "Stay away from the patient. Don't need you kissing another dying girl." He added the last part with his back turned towards his team, but he knew Chase was shooting daggers at his back.
The Next Day
House was sitting at his desk in his office, his feet propped on the smooth surface. His Ipod blaring Journey as loud as possible. His eyes were closed and his fingers strummed his cane like a guitar.
He didn't even hear the door as it opened, nor did he see his second youngest fellow walk in with his two index fingers blocking his ears from the song. He didn't see the lackey bite his lower lip to stop himself from laughing at his boss' strange tendencies, or when he threw something down on his desk and walk out.
Finally the song ended and House opened his eyes and for the first time noticed something new on his desk. It was a CD. He tilted his head to the side like a confused dog and reached for the small square casing. Stuck to it was a tiny pink post-it note. A mischevious grin spread across his lips. He knew that writing, but he couldn't understand why it was written on a pink post-it. So he was gay, interesting.
House, figured you'd enjoy this song.
It wasn't signed, but again, House had seen that handwriting a million times.
Without even thinking he opened the case and slid the CD into his stereo. He only had to wait a few moments for the song to start playing.
Here we are, dear old friend,
You and I drunk again
Laughs have been had, and tears have been shed
Maybe the whiskeys gone to my head!
He threw his head back and closed his eyes. It was actually pretty catchy. But the next part definitely threw him.
But if I were gay I would give you my heart
And If I were gay you'd be my work of art
And if were gay we would swim and romance
But I'm not gay
So get your hand out of my pants.
He straightened himself as he listened to the rest of the song. Did he really just say that? Did Chase really just get him this CD? Damn it, please say his damn backbone isn't coming back!
It's not that I don't care, I do,
I just don't see myself in you
Another time, another scene
I'd be right behind you
If you know what I mean!
It was at that moment that the three of his lackeys walked in, Cameron at the head rambling about something or another. House quickly turned the song off before she or Foreman had a chance to hear another word of this song. He brought his head up enough to see the blonde one coughing into his hand, his eyes gleaming like a kid at Christmas.
Damn, the spine was back.
He listened to the three of them argue about possible illness, Chase actually participating more than he has in the last month. Sadly all of his ideas were the good ones. House was impressed, not only did he suddenly grow a backbone, he also grew a brain. He was finally smart! Only took him four years, but those are just a few minor details.
He sent them off to test for every good idea they came up with (or more specifically Chase came up with) and the three of them headed towards the door.
"Chase," all three of them stopped and turned around. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I hired three people named Chase. Boy that's gotta be awkward." Foreman and Cameron rolled their eyes and left the room. Chase stepped closer, tossed his lab coat off his hips and replaced it with his hands.
House pointed to the CD he was just listening to, "What's the occasion? Did my birthday pass and I totally forgot, or is it some weird British holiday where you get gifts for your boss."
Chase just shrugged nonchalantly, the evil grin back on his face where it belonged. House was really starting to hate that grin.
Ok, he hated the effect that grin had on his pants.
"Just figured you'd like it." He took a step back and headed straight for the door. "Keep listening," he called over his shoulder. "The ending is really pretty good." And with that the Australian man left the room, and House wouldn't be able to stand for the next few minutes.
He picked up the phone and dialed Wilson's number. He noticed this time he didn't need to think about the number for a second when he was dialing. That's when he finally realized just how many times he had to call his best friend since the first encounter with his Sexual Fantasy Guy in his office.
"Need more ice?" Wilson said immediately. House mentally kicked himself. He was growing more and more pathetic as time went on. He realized now he had two options; 1.) keep letting Chase try and fuck with his libido, or 2.) fire his ass!
"Thanks Wilson." He hung up the phone and waited patiently for the younger man to walk through the balcony door. When he finally did, he had a nice size bag of ice in his hands.
"You realize he's making you pathetic right?" He said as he threw the bag in House's lap. The older cripple moaned in pain, but Wilson didn't seem to notice.
"He made me a CD." House muttered as he shifted the ice bag more appropriately. He immediately started to feel better.
Wilson looked at him incredulously. "Seriously?" House nodded before putting the song back on. He tried his best to hide his smile as Wilson toppled over in his chair as the words of the chorus echoed through the office.
Cause if I were gay I would give you my soul
And if I were gay I would give you my whole-being
If I were gay we would tear down the walls
But I'm not gay, so won't you stop cupping my…
Hands.
Wilson was able to right himself right before the final verse of the song. But when the final line shot through the stereo, he just toppled over again. House had to stop and think, normally he always thought Wilson had more poise than that. Apparently he was wrong.
"Did he really just –" Wilson started before House cut him off.
"Yup." He stared down at his stereo, not sure if he should be in shock or happy.
"Why would Chase get you that?" Wilson asked. "Unless he wanted you to ignore that last line. The rest of it works perfectly." He stopped to think about that for a second. "Sort of."
"He told me it had a really great ending." House was forced to agree with the young man. He was also forced to shift the ice bag again.
"So, what are you going to do?" House just stared at his friend with a giant smile.
Later That Night
He limped to the door as the pounding started to grow louder. He threw the door open and standing on the other side of the threshold was his favorite employee, scowling. "Is there a reason I had to rush over here in the middle of the night?" He asked exasperatedly. House just smiled at the younger man.
He stepped out of the doorway and jerked his head inside, ushering him in. Eyeing his boss carefully he slowly stepped into the disheveled apartment. He's only ever been here twice before, once when he was breaking in with Cameron, and another time to give House the great news that he wasn't going to die. Though since House had stolen another patient's file to claim he had cancer, it kind of wasn't as nifty as he thought it would be.
"Care to tell me what this is about?" He shoved his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. House found himself following the movement. And quickly dropped down onto the couch.
Just when the hell would he get his damn libido under control again, this was getting ridiculous!
Ignoring the new tightness in his loose pajama pants, he grabbed the remote for the stereo and clicked play. Immediately the song started playing, and he watched his young lackey carefully. He was moving his lips along with the song.
"Seriously, why did you give me this?" He had to ask again, preferably before the end of the song.
"Why did you hire me?" House mockingly flew back, almost off the edge of the couch.
"Where did that come from?" Chase just shrugged.
"I'm curious." House smirked in that creepy way of his.
"You already know."
"Because Cameron told me, I want to hear it from you." He was getting ballsy again. Now, normally that would have pissed House off, but he had the upper hand, this was his environment.
And the song was nearing the end, so if he wanted Chase to focus he'd have to tell him the truth and quickly.
"You're father called and praised you for being a great doctor," he started, he casually watched the younger man to peg his reaction, but he got nothing. "And because out of everyone applying
you were the best applicant." He paused again, noticing this actually got a reaction. "And because you are extremely pretty." That just got him an eye roll.
"Will everyone please stop saying I'm pretty? I'm a guy, guys aren't pretty."
"You are." Chase was just about to respond when the final verse finally started. The two men stared at each for what seemed like forever after the music finally subsided. "That's a good song." House finally mentioned as lightly as possible.
"Told you you'd like it." The younger man added with a smirk.
"I especially like the ending. Very interesting." He really wanted to stand up, but that was still a very big problem, at least in his opinion.
"I figured you would." He was cocky again. Damn it, House was seriously getting tired of the damn cockiness. He's supposed to be mush! Blushing, embarrassed, something!
House finally decided to stand up, and Chase burst out laughing. "Did I catch you at a bad time?" He said when he finally caught himself. House looked down at himself, and then just shrugged.
Slowly he limped towards the younger man and pinned him against the door. A part of him couldn't believe he was actually doing this. Chase was his employee, and trying to seduce subordinates was usually a big no-no. And yet, here he was, seducing.
He pushed as close as possible to the blond doctor and maneuvered his arm between Chase's arm and hip. Then he turned the lock till he heard the click.
"You're stuck here now you wallaby. Better figure out a way to pass the time before I let you go."
Chase tilted his head with a look of a confused puppy. "Did you just call me a wallaby?" he asked his older boss.
House pretended to think about that for a second, and then he nodded his head once. "Yeah."
Now it was Chase's turn to nod. "Just checking." Then he grabbed House by the back of the neck and pulled the older man down onto him.
Inside, House could feel himself doing a victory dance, but refused to ever let the blond know that. "But just so you know," Chase muttered between kisses. "There's no in hell you'll get me to be the bottom." The older man responded by shoving his tongue through the Aussie's open mouth.
A minute later they were forced to come up for air. "Yeah," House said as he gasped. "Not gonna be an issue." And he pulled Chase in again.
Ok, maybe it's not a bad thing that the invertebrate grew a spine.
We've never hugged, we've never kissed
I've never been intimate, with your fist
But,
You have opened brand new doors
Get over here and drop your
Draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawers.