"You're despicable."
"That same line again? Jeez Daff, try something new, wont cha?"
An indignant huff was his reply, that and Daffy rolling his eyes, leaning back against the expensive velvet seat. "Right," the duck reached across the table and snatched one of Bugs's carrots from his martini, holding it to his lips. "Tell me if you've heard this one before, pal." The duck straightened his posture, crossed his eyes and crunched loudly on the carrot.
"NEEEEEHHHH, WHUTS UP DOC?"
It took all of Bugs's restraint to not laugh.
Of course the obnoxious tone in Daffy's voice was not lost to Bugs, or half the patrons of the restaurant. The waiter certainly noticed. His indignant huff carried much more disdain then Daffy's had, and Bugs felt himself wince at it.
Two menu's were set before them, a blur of color atop each roll of sushi, and a price tag beside them that Bugs knew in a few years he wouldn't be able to afford anymore.
At this point Daffy was sitting back in his seat, looking as though he wanted to retract into some hardened shell that did not exist, anything to get away from the waiter's scrutinizing glare.
"Thanks, errr.." Bugs leaned foreword and squinted his eyes, making a show of trying to read the nametag he could see perfectly clearly. The waiter resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "It's Frank." "Oh! Thanks Frank. Give us a minute."
The waiter nodded, "Take your time."
Frank walked away, and what took his place next was something every comedian was terrified of.
Silence.
They say that it takes only four seconds of silence for a situation to become awkward.
Bugs was feeling it in two.
The quiet cold sunk under his fur, and the nursing sips he took of his carrot martini did nothing to warm his skin.
He wanted to tug at his neck, as though there was really a collar there to loosen the constriction he felt as he willed himself to speak.
"So, Daffy-"
"You know Bugsy, I never really thought about my name." Daffy didn't look up from his drink as he spoke; his voice was far too quiet, making Bugs resist the urge to lean in closer to hear.
"Daffy Duck. I mean, I knew it wasn't the prettiest name in existence, but I liked it."
He felt himself ask the question before even really processing it. "…Liked?"
Daffy seemed adamant on not looking up at the rabbit sitting across from him, instead he stirred the water in his glass, eyes transfixed to the little whirlpool it made.
"I looked it up in the dictionary. The word 'daffy' means, and I quote: 'silly, weak minded, crazy. Origin daff'"
He swirled his straw faster, and Bugs was unable to look away from the Duck's face as he continued. "So I kept searching. The definition of 'daff' is 'to make sport; dally; play. See daft.' The word daft literally translates to 'senseless; stupid; or foolish."
Daffy looked up at him then, stilling the straw in the glass and for a moment, Bugs had expected Daffy to be near tears, to portray the emotions so heavy in his voice.
But he wasn't, there was a lingering frustration in the Duck's body language, and more then anything Bugs wanted to change the subject. He hated awkward situations, there was no humor to be had in them, no acme brand anvil to fall atop the table and shatter the mood.
Daffy let out a breath of amusement and continued.
"So basically, when my feeble existence was concocted, the name that everyone felt would be appropriate for me basically equals to a weak minded, stupid simpleton whose only purpose in life is to make sport of."
"Daff…" His throat was dry, heavy, and more then anything he wanted to scream that it wasn't true, it wasn't.
But it was. It was a cruel joke and as much as Bugs had always tried to ignore it, this just proved how fabricated their existence really was. He knew he lived in denial, liking to forget that he originated from a sheet of paper and the imagination of man.
He wanted say something, anything. But before he could muster up the courage and swallow back the lump in his throat, the waiter came by and looked straight at him. "Are you ready to order, sir?"
Two seconds ticked by in silence, two more and Bugs would rip his ears off, but he couldn't will himself to talk.
The water settled in Daffy's glass, the duck sending him a little grin before speaking.
"I'm ready to order now."
The waiter seemed to dread turning his gaze over to the duck, he attempted to mask his disdain, but Bugs could read it, and if he could then Daffy easily could.
But instead of being put off by the look, Daffy smirked and made a show of sitting up straight, holding the menu in front of his eyes and bating his eyelashes at the waiter.
Bugs blinked a few times, and Frank seemed a combination of disturbed, perplexed, and annoyed. He pulled his pen and pad from his waist pockets. "C-Certainly."
"My friend;" He gave Bugs an obviously sexual wink, who felt himself tremor under his fur, resisting the urge to laugh, trying to ignore the Goosebumps on his arms.
"Will have the Clam roll with shredded carrots on top, extra carrots on the side. And I'll have these three rolls." He pointed to the sushi rolls on his menu, which was out of the waiter's eyesight, and since Daffy didn't seem willing to move, Frank had to lean over and get within close proximity of the duck to see the rolls he was pointing to.
"Thank you, Jeeves." Daffy bat his eyelashes at Frank again, who swallowed back a comment and nodded. "The sushi will be right out, sirs. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"Yes, another carrot martini for my friend."
"Right away."
Frank turned on his heel and nearly stomped off.
Once the man was out of earshot, Bugs glanced over at his friend who resumed stirring the water in his glass with a straw. "Nice, Daff." Though his tone was more amused then anything else.
Daffy grinned a bit. "Eh, That guy's a douche bag."
"Agreed."
A random waitress came by with Bugs's drink, she set it down in front of him with a smile. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
The rabbit gave her a flirty smile, taking a carrot in his hand and holding it up to his face, wiggling his eyebrows at her, doing an impression of a man she was too young to know.
"Nah, we're good doll."
She laughed politely and shook her head, heading for another table with the rest of the drinks on her tray.
Bugs teethed gently on the carrot, feeling Daffy's eyes on him.
The rabbit, for once was at a loss for words. For all his clever humor and fast ones, his true wit always left him when something serious popped up.
It was that silence, making every second stretch out, and by force of habit he counted as each one past. His first lesson of show business, taught to him far too many years ago.
Three seconds, and out of force of habit, he spoke before the 4th ticked by.
"So, seen any good pictures lately?" Stupid. Stupid question, and the way Daffy looked at him seemed to ensure that fact.
"I thought I taught you better then that, rabbit." The tone was biting, but there was no real malice behind it. Still, Bugs felt his shoulders ache, his back stiffen, unable to relax.
"You also taught me that a silence gets awkward after four seconds."
Daffy grinned lightly at him. "You remember that, eh? Do you remember to count?"
Bugs felt his muscles start to relax, grinning a bit himself. "Every single time."
It seemed right as the air between them started to thin, Frank the asshole waiter returned with a tray, the moment he set the sushi down, Daffy was devouring it, no chopsticks, no forks, just black feathers (or were they fingers? Tricky animators) moving like a blur.
The waiter was disgusted; Bugs didn't bother holding back his snicker of amusement, and grinned a little bit when he saw Daffy wink at him.
Frank set Bugs's sushi in front of him, and the rabbit smiled sweetly up to him, "Eh, thanks a lot Jeeves. Is dat the check? Give it here, we wont be staying for desert."
At this, Daffy looked up, faking a despaired annoyance. "But dearrrrr, what if I wanted some Ice-cream? You're soooo cruel."
Bugs smirked at Daffy then, and shook his head. "Nope. No ice-cream for you. You've been naughty."
"D'awwwwww, but dadddyyyy."
"No butts young man!"
"FFFFFIINNNNEEEEE."
Frank was about ready to vomit, and Bugs was about ready to break character and burst into laughter, cheeks aching as he kept his mouth clamped shut. He glanced at Daffy, the picture of self control, if he was holding back any sort of amusement then it wasn't noticeable.
Even after all these years, the duck was still a better showman then him, and Bugs had to wonder why in the world he got all of the attention instead.
Daffy put everything he had into every role he played, his acting was so perfect that it didn't feel like acting at all. It was as though in his day to day life it was normal for anvils would fall from the sky and mentally challenged hunters to shoot him straight in the skull.
As for Bugs? Well, he felt like in every role he was just acting, like it was obvious to the world that he was reading lines from a script instead of living out the experience.
But nobody ever seemed to notice his folly. The curtains would fall, Porky would stutter his line and crowds around the world would cheer. And in his staged euphoria Bugs would glance over at Daffy, who was not applauding, who was not smiling. He'd stare right through Bugs's façade, and undo all the masks he'd worked so damn hard to create.
Before his ego took the best of him, there was always Daffy to push it back down, to show him what true performers were like, and how callous and blind the world populous was to them.
The idea of being alone on that stage, with Daffy undoing eyes nowhere to be found, scared the shit out of him.
In his musings, there was silence. And he counted the seconds to himself, while his eyes were transfixed somewhere far, far away. One…two…three…fou-
"What're you staring at rabbit?" Asked Daffy, licking his fingertips clean, and it was almost disturbing how effortless the duck's acting was.
If Bugs's his pride wasn't always in the damn way he'd say; 'You. I'm staring at you. Daffy, you're amazing.'
Instead he spoke the first thing that came to his mind.
"I just don't know what to say, Daff…" Stupid. There was so much he wanted to say, so much but he wasn't sure how.
"Lets cut the bullshit, eh Bugsy? I know why you brought me here."
Bugs hesitated for a split second, and he knew that Daffy's trained eyes had caught it. He inhaled, trying to make the breath seem normal, ignoring the pounding in his chest as he tried to be smug, tried to get into character.
"Course you do, Daff. You know you can't quit. You can't."
Daffy smirked, swirling his water in his glass again.
"Maybe YOU can't, but they've proved time and time again that they don't need me."
"…I'm not talking about them, and you know it."
"…"
It was time to cut the bullshit, time to get honest, and real because his chest was aching and he knew, he knew he couldn't survive without…without…
"Daffy." His throat was burning. " I need you. I can't do this crap over and over again without you. You're the only one that makes any of it worthwhile."
There was silence again, and as always, he counted.
One…two…
"….So what now, Bugsy old pal?"
Bugs nearly had a heart attack, and Daffy looked him right in the eyes as he spoke.
"You say some kind words, and invite me to your penthouse? We laugh a little, cry a little, you give me some grey goose vodka and get me drunk so we'll have an excuse in the morning?"
The duck leaned in across the table, dropping his tone to a scrutinizing and seductive whisper.
"Then what? Do we fuck again, old pal? Do we fuck and fuck until you make me promise to come back into work again tomorrow even if we both know we're a dying breed, buried underneath the Spongebob's and Johnny Tests of the world? You tell me, Bugs. Give me one good reason why I should come back with you."
He had to say something, to at least pretend he was calm and sure and in control, because his reply would shape their future in ways he didn't want to imagine.
Bugs willed himself to speak, to try and breathe, his entire body felt constricted, with warmth and arousal and fear, such terrifying fear.
"Because…Because you want to, Daff. That was the only reason you agreed to come to dinner tonight. Because you knew exactly where it would lead. You just proved that."
Inwardly, simultaneously, they counted the seconds of silence.
One…Daffy swirled the straw in his drink again, a wry smile stretching across his face.
Two…Bugs swallowed down his entire glass of liquid courage.
Three…The overwhelming urge to grip his ears and rip them off was becoming quite hard to ignore.
Fou-
"Heh. Maybe you're right, Bugs. Maybe I can't quit."
His relief was so paramount that Bugs hadn't even heard what Daffy said. He just knew that he spoke and Bugs replied with the question that had been on his mind for the last week.
"So will you come back to work?"
The sound of Frank clearing his throat beside them made Bugs wish, more then anything that Elmer could magically poof in and blast this asshole's face off with his 12 gauge.
"Your check, sir."
Daffy was utterly silent, and the rabbit managed to tear his eyes away from his companion long enough to sign the check, and stuff it down the waiter's shirt pocket.
He gave no tip, of course.
Frank huffed his little huff and walked away, and when Bugs looked back at Daffy, the duck was standing and ready to leave. He took the hint and stood himself, both of them making their way out of the restaurant.
They arrived in front of the valet, and Bugs could see the headlights of his limo approaching. Daffy's voice had been a welcome surprise.
"Under one condition."
The rabbit's eyes widened as he faced his oldest friend, relief flooded him and he didn't care what the condition was, he would do it. Anything, anything at all and he couldn't refuse, he needed Daffy there, he needed him.
"What's the condition?"
Daffy's grin was anything but innocent and the rabbit felt goosebumps rise under his fur.
"I'm topping tonight."
Finding his confidence once again, Bugs felt himself smirk as he put an arm around Daffy's shoulders.
"I wouldn't have it any other way, Daff."
-END-
That's right, I went there.
I have no regrets. I've loved the Loony Tunes since I was a child, and I feel like this fic does those boys justice.
This is based a bit on the Loony Tunes "BACK IN ACTION" film, but no completely.
Also, the line from that film
"Daffy always comes back, I just tell him how much I need him" is what really inspire this.
iThat's all, Folks.