It's Not Nirvana But It's On the Way

by Jack E. Peace

She would never argue the fact that she was madly in love with Aubrey Posen. But she would also never argue the fact that Aubrey Posen infuriated her sometimes.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Title comes from the song "Summer in Ohio" from the musical The Last Five Years. Also, the premise of this story has been heavily influenced by the novel Revenge Wears Prada.

A/N: Okay so really, this story idea came completely out of no where. I was reading a book, just minding my own business, and I suddenly got the inspiration to write this. So I did. Oh well. Also, this story is for rabidnar, who wanted a sick-fic and even though this isn't the prompt you gave me (getting to that, I promise) maybe this will still count and might hold you over until then? I did a lot of Googling for this story, sorry if any of it doesn't make sense or isn't accurate. You can blame Google. (or you can blame me) This story is also for my muse, so there :P

"It's Not Nirvana But It's On the Way"

Aubrey winces and presses her palm against her side, momentarily pausing in her walk back to the poolside lounge chairs. The pain is sharp and sudden, passing quickly but still leaving Aubrey momentarily breathless. She shakes it off and continues walking back to where Chloe is sunning herself, unaware of Aubrey's troubles.

Even though Aubrey is doing nothing more than lounging by the pool and chatting with Chloe, the pain returns sporadically over the next couple of hours, feeling more like a mild annoyance than anything. Aubrey tries not to focus too much on the ache in her abdomen, because she's sure that it's nothing and she's really trying not to be a worrier and let the small things get to her like she might have done in a few years ago when she was in college. What could she possibly have to worry about? She's on the first real, luxurious vacation that she's taken with her girlfriend in years. They've done little weekend trips or trips with Chloe's family but Aubrey's work at one of Atlanta's top law firms and Chloe's teaching have kept them pretty much homebound for the past several years. But now they can afford to treat themselves to a real, honest-to-God vacation and one out of the country to boot. Aubrey isn't going to let a little annoyance keep her from enjoying her time in Puerto Rico with the woman she loves.

Since they're on vacation and therefore entitled to do anything they want, as long as it involves doing nothing at all, Chloe and Aubrey spend all day laying out by the pool, leaving their chairs only to go to the poolside bar and order drinks or appetizers. Chloe occasionally reaches for her hand, lazily twining their fingers together as they talk or read and it's almost enough to take Aubrey's mind completely off the pressure in her stomach. Almost.

When they finally decide to go back to their room and change for dinner, Aubrey gets up and nearly doubles over from the pain that flashes through her body. She sits back down on her lounge chair and tries to fight down the urge to vomit.

This time, Chloe definitely notices. "Bree, what's wrong?" She sits down next to her girlfriend and puts her arm around Aubrey's shoulders.

Aubrey shakes her head and forces a smile on her face. "Nothing." She gives Chloe a quick kiss but it doesn't manage to distract them both from the fact that she's lying. "I probably just stood up too fast."

Chloe looks at her doubtfully. "You don't look like you're okay." She can see it on her girlfriend's face.

"I'm fine." Aubrey assures her, getting to her feet once more. She manages to swallow the groan that threatens to escape her lips. Chloe continues to remain skeptical. "I promise." She lies. "Let's get ready for dinner."

Chloe isn't oblivious to the way that Aubrey winces almost every time she takes a step or the way that she keeps one hand pressed to her abdomen and her lips pressed together in a thin line. Chloe slides the keycard into the lock and holds the door open for Aubrey.

"I really wish you would tell me what's bothering you." Chloe remarks, going out to the balcony and draping their towels over the railing. She kicks off her flip flops and turns back to the room to find Aubrey sitting on the edge of the bed, her face wane. "Stop being so stubborn."

Aubrey shakes her head. "I'm fine, I promise." She looks over at Chloe. "It's probably from drinking too much and not eating enough." She's not sure if she's trying to convince Chloe or herself. "I'm sure I'll feel better after we eat dinner."

Aubrey showers first and is glad for the privacy because she ends up sitting down on the shower floor with her forehead pressed against her knees, trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with her. If anything, she's feeling worse than she did a few hours ago and the urge to throw up right there in the shower is almost too strong to fight. But she manages and stands up again, getting out of the shower without even bothering to shampoo her hair. No one will notice if she just wears it up anyway.

Chloe comes out of the bathroom after her own shower to find Aubrey still laying on the bed in her towel, having apparently made no effort to get herself dressed and ready for dinner.

Chloe crosses her arms over her chest. "That's it, I'm calling the doctor." She walks over to the desk with the hotel phone sitting next to a guidebook and suggestions for what to do in Vieques, both of which were provided by the hotel.

"No, I'm fine." Aubrey sits up and, once again, forces a smile. "See. I'm just tired. Aren't you supposed to be lazy on your vacation?"

But Chloe just shakes her head. "Stop being stubborn, Aubrey." Chloe says again. "You're clearly not fine."

"I am fine." Aubrey assures her. "How could I not be fine? I'm on a fantastic vacation with you."

Chloe still doesn't look convinced. Aubrey just walks over to the closet where she hung up all the clothes that she didn't want to get wrinkled in her suitcase and grabs the first sundress she can get her hands on because she really can't focus on picking out an outfit right now.

"I'll be ready in a minute and then we can go, okay?" Aubrey says with forced cheerfulness.

Chloe rolls her eyes toward the ceiling and shakes her head. She would never argue the fact that she was madly in love with Aubrey Posen. But she would also never argue the fact that Aubrey Posen infuriated her sometimes.

They decide to just eat at the restaurant in the hotel lobby, which has a huge patio that over looks that beach and the ocean and the temperature is pleasantly cool because of the breeze that comes in from the water. The sun is finishing its daily decent and the sky is streaked with hues of violet and pink and orange and it really does look like paradise from Chloe's vantage point.

But Aubrey really doesn't notice any of it. She's too busy focusing on not laying her forehead on the table or throwing up over the side of the balcony. Somehow she figures that would really ruin the beauty of the whole set up. She's gotten to the point where she can no longer deny that something is wrong and it's probably something that a bottle of water and a good night's sleep isn't going to fix. But is it really too much to ask just to have a nice night with her girlfriend before throwing in the towel and retreating to the hotel room?

Aubrey finds that, in spite of eating very little throughout the day, she has almost no appetite. She sips her water and picks at her salad and is honestly amazed at her ability to contribute as much to the conversation as she does. Chloe talks animatedly about things they should do tomorrow, including leaving the resort and exploring the markets and scenery of Vieques and Aubrey feels guilty about her previous thoughts of just staying in bed all day and trying not to throw up. She needs to pull herself together before the entire trip gets ruined. This is their vacation, they deserve this. Aubrey is not going to let a single moment of her time with Chloe go to waste, regardless of what's wrong with her. She can slog through until they get back home and then she'll go to a doctor, first thing.

Of course, Aubrey's mental determination to power through whatever is bothering her can't quite combat the fact that her body has other ideas. After dinner, Chloe doesn't even suggest that they take a walk along the beach, which has been their nightly ritual for the past few days, and puts her arm around Aubrey as they ride the elevator back up to their room and Aubrey leans against her, grateful.

Aubrey honestly doesn't mean to fall asleep as soon as they get back to the room. But that's just the way it happens anyway. She lays down, intending to just take a quick break from being upright before she changes into shorts and a tank top, but when Chloe comes to lay down beside her and starts stroking her hair and murmuring comforting words, Aubrey closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep.

The room is completely dark when Aubrey wakes up several hours later and as she rushes to make it to the bathroom before throwing up, she hits her shin against the side of the desk but it barely registers. But the noise wakes up Chloe, who sits up just as the bathroom door slams shut and Aubrey starts retching. The sound isn't unfamiliar, given Aubrey's penchant for stress-vomiting but after leaving Barden and starting to distance herself from her father, the vomiting has become a thing of the past. But Chloe knows that this doesn't have anything to do with stress.

Chloe gets a bottle of water out of the mini-fridge and opens the bathroom door. Aubrey looks absolutely miserable crouched in front of the toilet, her forehead resting against her arm and she doesn't even look up when Chloe sits down beside her. Chloe pulls her hair away from her face and just rubs circles across her back.

"I'm calling the doctor." Chloe informs Aubrey after Aubrey spends the next few minutes retching. Given the fact that she hasn't eaten much recently, it's just a lot of bile and dry-heaving.

Aubrey shakes her head. "I'm fine." She insists, lifting her head. Chloe gives her a look, which Aubrey chooses to ignore as she takes the bottle of water from her girlfriend. "It's probably just food poisoning."

Chloe arches an eyebrow. "You do know that you need to eat in order to get food poisoning, right?" She remarks.

"From the night before." Aubrey protests. "I could have been that-"

"We shared that, remember?" Chloe interrupts. "And I feel fine. It's not food poisoning, Bree. I'm calling the doctor."

Aubrey shakes her head. "I don't need a doctor." She mumbles, sounding extremely convincing. Not.

Chloe rolls her eyes but continues to rub her back. "You need to get over your fear of going to the doctor." She chides. "You're acting like a little kid."

"I'm not afraid of going to the doctor." Aubrey protests. "That's idiotic. I'm an adult." Any further protesting is cut off when Aubrey starts retching once more.

Chloe rolls her eyes at her girlfriend's words. Aubrey is clearly afraid of the doctor and of hospitals and anything that has to do with needles and scalpels and examining rooms and antiseptic. Aubrey still subscribes to her father's philosophy that any illness can be cured with determination and refusing to baby yourself when you get sick. But Chloe doubts that even Marc Posen would refuse to take his children to the doctor if they really needed to go. And she doesn't know why Aubrey is so against seeing a doctor or going to the hospital because she has yet to admit that that's actually the case. But Chloe really doesn't care about Aubrey's irrational fears at the moment, because she is most definitely going to be calling a doctor.

Eventually Aubrey feels well enough to let Chloe help her out of the bathroom and it takes twice as long to get to bed as it did before because every single step sends a jabbing pain through her abdomen and she honestly thinks that she's probably dying. Why else would she be in this much pain? It's just not fair. She's on her vacation!

"I think you're running a fever." Chloe remarks as she helps Aubrey get back into bed. She rests her palm on her girlfriend's sweaty forehead and wrinkles her nose. "You feel hot."

Aubrey sighs. "Stop babying me." She mumbles. "I'll be fine in the morning."

"Oh stop babying you?" Chloe smirks as she goes back into the bathroom to wet a washcloth. "So you want me to just leave you alone when you're like this?"

Aubrey nods, closing her eyes. "Yes. Let me die."

"I thought you were fine." Chloe lays the wet cloth across her forehead and Aubrey sighs. "Now you're dying?"

Aubrey nods and reaches for Chloe's hand in spite of her previous words. Chloe kisses her knuckles and feels her heart constrict at the sight of this person that she loves more than any other person clearly hurting and clearly miserable. And there's nothing she can do but stand here and hold her hand.

When it starts to seem like Aubrey is going to drift back to sleep, Chloe gently pulls her hand free and walks over to where the phone is sitting and she dials the front desk. The concierge who answers seems wide awake and far too chipper (even by Chloe's standards) even though it's past midnight but he seems appropriately sympathetic when he assures her that he'll send a doctor up to their room right away.

"Thanks." Chloe says, feeling a touch relieved. Aubrey sits up in bed suddenly, one hand pressed over her mouth, the other clutching her abdomen, and she scrambles toward the bathroom once more. "Please hurry."

Chloe sits with Aubrey on the bathroom floor while she dry-heaves and Aubrey doesn't even look up when there's a knock on the hotel room door. Chloe lets in the hotel's doctor, who is a middle-aged woman with kind eyes and sharp features. She introduces herself as Dr. Williams and listens patiently as Chloe explains Aubrey's symptoms and then they both go into the bathroom, where Aubrey is standing by the sink, rinsing her mouth out.

As soon as she sees the doctor, Aubrey gives Chloe a look of pure betrayal. "You called the doctor?"

"I had to." Chloe replies. "You're really sick, Bree."

Aubrey protests this decree as she lays back down on the bed, insisting that she's starting to feel better, honestly. Her protests are cut off when Dr. Williams sticks a thermometer in her mouth and wraps a blood-pressure cuff around her arm.

"You do have a low fever." Dr. Williams says as she checks the reading on the device. "Can you show me where the pain is exactly?"

Aubrey lets out an exasperated sigh. "All of this is really unnecessary." She informs the doctor as she points to her right side. "I'm honestly starting to feel better."

Dr. Williams presses on her side and Aubrey lets out a cry of pain that has Chloe stepping toward her on reflex, desperate to help. Dr. Williams pokes and prods her twice more and Chloe strokes Aubrey's hair and wonders if making things worse is really part of the medicinal process.

But finally Dr. Williams just nods. "It's your appendix." She says, her tone authoritative and leaving little room for argument. "We need to get you to a hospital so they can remove it. Then you'll start to feel good as new."

Aubrey shakes her head. "I…is surgery really the only option? I mean, it can't be that serious right?" She protests, her expression bordering on desperate.

"It is serious." Dr. Williams assures her, pulling a phone out of her back pocket. "You most definitely do not want your appendix to rupture because that can cause infection and lead to even more serious problems." She informs Aubrey. "The surgery is routine and low risk. I'll call ahead to the local hospital so they know to expect you."

Aubrey's eyes go wide and she looks from Dr. Williams to Chloe and then back again. "Wait, now? We're going right now?" Chloe just pats her on the shoulder.

"It's impetrative that you get your appendix removed as soon as possible." Dr. Williams says as she scrolls through her contacts and finds the number she's looking for. "The sooner, the better." She steps out into the hall to make the phone call.

Aubrey looks entreatingly at Chloe. "I can't just have the surgery. Not just like that, with no planning or warning or anything." Her gaze is pleading. "Let's schedule it for when we get home."

Chloe shakes her head. "No. You heard Dr. Williams. It's serious Aubrey." She's trying not to sound worried. Because she's not. Well, not really. It's just appendicitis, after all. And it's a routine procedure, happens all the time. But, of course she's a little bit worried, since it's Aubrey and surgery. And that combination makes not worrying impossible.

"But…this is our vacation." Aubrey mumbles.

Chloe can tell that Aubrey is trying not to cry and she sits down on the bed beside her girlfriend and puts her arms around her. "Well, you still have to get the surgery, Bree." She kisses Aubrey's temple and rests her chin on her shoulder. "I'll be there, okay. So you don't have to be scared."

Aubrey manages a half-hearted scoff and an eye roll. "I'm not scared." She assures Chloe. "It's just an inconvenience."

Chloe smirks and shakes her head and kisses Aubrey's cheek again. Infuriating. But she wouldn't have it any other way.

Dr. Williams comes back into the room and informs them that the hotel ambulance is waiting downstairs to take Aubrey to the hospital. Both Aubrey and Chloe are still wearing their clothes from earlier so there's no need to waste time trying to change into something more presentable. Plus, Aubrey is pretty sure that she wouldn't be able to handle the process of undressing and then dressing herself again. Even the idea of having to get out of bed and walk to the elevator bank and then across the lobby sounds impossible. And, for the most part, nothing sounds impossible to Aubrey Posen. But she thinks that she's finally met her match.

It's definitely slow going, even with Chloe's help and getting into the ambulance is just as difficult. Sitting upright has proved to be the most uncomfortable position (at least, for the moment) so Aubrey lays down across the bench seat with her head in Chloe's lap and Dr. Williams sits down across from them, having elected herself their official translator and facilitator, should they need the extra assistance. Chloe plays with Aubrey's hair and sings softly to her girlfriend, hoping to distract Aubrey from the less than smooth ride. The roads to the hospital are unpaved, which leads to a lot of bumping and jostling.

As soon as she gets out of the back of the ambulance and sees the hospital, Chloe knows that they're going to have problems. As miserable as Aubrey has been over the past fifteen minutes, Chloe is sure that she will rather climb back into the ambulance and drive to the other end of the island than step foot inside the building in front of them.

The hospital is small, no more than two stories, and looks like it's in desperate need of some TLC. And a new coat of paint. And some new shingles. There's a small parking lot in front of the hospital entrance with only three cars parked in the spaces. It definitely doesn't look like any of the hospitals that Chloe has ever seen and it doesn't exactly raise a feeling of confidence in her.

Dr. Williams sees the expression on Chloe's face and gives her a sympathetic smile. "I know it doesn't look like much on the outside, but the inside is definitely up to standards." She assures Chloe. "They have an excellent surgical team."

Chloe nods and tries to look comforted and reassured, but she's not entirely sure that she pulls the look off.

And, just like Chloe predicted, Aubrey is most definitely not happy. She looks at her girlfriend, an expression of desperation in her wide eyes. "Chloe, please, we can't go in there. It doesn't even look like a hospital." She holds onto Chloe's hand tightly, her knuckles going white. "I can't have surgery here."

Chloe musters a much more believable smile. "You'll be fine, Bree." She assures her girlfriend. "Dr. Williams says they have an excellent team here."

But Aubrey looks far from convinced. "No, this is ridiculous. I can't let these people operate on me. The building looks like it's going to fall apart."

"Dr. Williams says it looks nicer on the inside." Chloe assures her half-heartedly.

That look of betrayal is back on Aubrey's face and Chloe can't even meet her gaze. "Chloe…" She tries one last time. And in that single word, Chloe can hear everything else that Aubrey isn't saying out loud. Chloe, get me out of here. Chloe, help me. Chloe, don't let them do this.

And, of course it kills Chloe not to be able to give Aubrey what she wants, even though it's completely ridiculous and she's exaggerating and everything is going to be fine. But the tone of her voice nearly does Chloe in, no matter how logical Chloe is trying to be about the whole thing.

"It'll be okay, Bree." Chloe smiles at her. "You'll see."

Aubrey sighs and doesn't say another word about it. She doesn't say much of anything at all. She just tries to walk into the hospital with as much dignity as possible, something that proves to be difficult when even thinking about walking hurts.

Thankfully, the hospital does prove to be much nicer inside. Everything looks clean, shiny and new, including the tiles laid out on the floor and the paint on the walls. The man behind the front desk greets them in Spanish and Dr. Williams steps in to explain the situation.

Aubrey is lead to an examining room and given a paper hospital gown to change into. Chloe manages to get her changed without too much difficulty and then holds the trashcan for Aubrey when she starts retching again. Chloe isn't sure this time if her nausea is a result of her appendicitis or the stress that she's surely feeling right now.

The doctor is a silver haired man who speaks passable English and has a bedside manner that slowly makes even Aubrey feel slightly more at ease. They run a blood test and do an x-ray and quickly confirm Dr. Williams' diagnosis.

"We'll get an operating room prepped for you right away, Miss Posen." The doctor says with a smile. "You'll feel much better once we get your appendix out."

Aubrey looks far from reassured when she nods. Chloe can feel Aubrey shaking slightly beside her and she wraps her arms around her and presses a kiss against the side of her neck. "Think of how much better you'll feel once all this is over." She says in what she hopes is a confident and reassuring tone. Normally Aubrey is the one who does the reassuring, who faces each situation head-on and without hesitation or fear. That's obviously not going to be the case right now.

"Unless I die in some shady Puerto Rican operating room." Aubrey mumbles.

Chloe scoffs. "You're not going to die." She assures Aubrey. "You're getting your appendix taken out. No one dies from that."

Aubrey gives her a doubtful look. "Are you sure?"

Chloe shrugs. "Yeah, of course." She's not, because she's not exactly an expert on appendectomies but it's a pretty common surgery right? People do it every day. "You'll be fine."

They sit there in silence until the nurse from the front desk comes to retrieve Aubrey to take her to the operating room. Chloe holds onto Aubrey's hands tightly and gives her a quick kiss. "I love you, okay?"

"You're not making me feel better right now, Chloe." Aubrey informs her. "Stop acting like you're never going to see me again."

Chloe just rolls her eyes. "Don't be silly, Bree." She smiles at her and blows Aubrey a kiss as she gets wheeled down the hall.

In the waiting room, Chloe ignores the sign on the wall that reads, both in English and Spanish, that cell phone use is forbidden, and Googles whether people have ever died from having their appendix removed. Apparently it has been known to happen, though very rarely and that little bit of information does not make Chloe feel any better or any less anxious.

Chloe paces the length of the waiting room so many times that the idea of stopping and sitting still seems completely foreign. In reality, a little over an hour passes before the doctor comes out to tell Chloe that everything went smoothly and Aubrey is resting in one of the recovery rooms on the second floor. Though, if asked, Chloe would have insisted that she'd been waiting and pacing for at least twelve hours. At least.

Aubrey is still under the effects of the anesthetic when Chloe goes into her room, so the redhead just pulls a chair up next to the bed and makes herself comfortable. She puts on the television and finds herself sucked into some dramatic Spanish language soap opera and even though she doesn't understand most of what they're saying, she quickly becomes invested in what she believes to be happening.

When Aubrey finally wakes up, she gives Chloe a sleepy smile and reaches for her hand, but quickly discovers that coordination is a little difficult and just hits the bedside table instead. But Chloe quickly rectifies the situation and grins at Aubrey. "How are you feeling?"

"Weird." Aubrey tells her. "But my side doesn't hurt anymore so…"

Chloe figures that now's probably not the time to point out that it will probably start hurting again once the painkillers wear off. They'll just cross that bridge when they get to it.

"Good." Chloe says with a nod. "Told you. Good as new."

Aubrey gives her a sleepy smile and manages a nod. "Yep, you were right." Her eyes close briefly but she manages to open them and fix her gaze on Chloe once more. "I'm sorry I was over-dramatic and I'm sorry I acted like a child. I just really hate hospitals."

Chloe arches an eyebrow. "Oh, really Bree? I didn't know that about you." She teases.

But Aubrey just ignores her. "And I'm sorry that I ruined our vacation." She looks down at her hands as she adds this last part.

"You didn't ruin the vacation." Chloe argues. Aubrey gives her a skeptical look. "It's just not going to be exactly like we had planned. And it's not like you got sick on purpose."

Aubrey sighs. "Still. I'm sorry. I know you were looking forward to this."

Chloe shrugs. "Yeah, but so were you. And I'm not the one who just had one of my organs removed." She points out. "And, anyway, I was mainly looking forward to being able to spend time with you without worrying about work or anything else. So we can still do that. I mean it's not perfect but we're still together." She kisses Aubrey softly.

Aubrey leans in for another kiss and thinks that maybe Chloe is right. Maybe they don't have to have the perfect vacation, as long as they're together. Granted she would have preferred that their vacation not involve a surgery and a stay at the hospital, but, you know…togetherness and all that.

"Plus we have a really great story to tell people about our vacation." Chloe adds, smiling at Aubrey.

Aubrey wrinkles her nose. "Maybe we should just make something up instead."

end.