It was monday morning, Jimmy arose from his slumber and stumbled into the bathroom. He turned on his Soulja Boy playlist and hopped into the shower. After cleaning his chocolate ice cream cone-like hair, he got out and started drying off. Goddard ran into the bathroom and Jimmy didn't notice at first, and Goddard got a good view of Jimmy's "downstairs." "What the heck Goddard," Jimmy sputters as he rushes to grab a towel to cover himself, though Goddard had already ran away with a short yelp of embarrassment. What Jimmy didn't hear in those few rushed seconds was the 'snap' of Goddard's camera implant. Jimmy quickly clothed himself and stepped out into the hallway, his face bright red. He trudged down to the dining room for breakfast, where his dad asked him a question. "How's it goin' Jimbo?" "Goddard walked in on me again today, this is like the 6th time this week!" Jimmy replied. Jimmy looked behind him to see Goddard peering at him from around a corner, licking his robo-chops. "Well Goddard's just a dog, and a robot one at that, he doesn't know any better," Hugh commented as he took a bite of toast. Jimmy rolled his eyes, "Well he should! I'm the one that made him!" Jimmy turned once more, and once again saw Goddard's soulless eyes staring straight at him. He shivered in fear. Jimmy bolted out the door in a hurry, hoping to escape the situation as soon as possible. He was wondering, just why was Goddard acting so strange lately? He boarded the school bus after waiting a while, as he left quite earlier than normal. As he took his seat next to Sheen, he wasn't acknowledged one bit; Sheen was staring horrified at his phone. "What're ya lookin at Sheen?" Jimmy inquired. Sheen didn't respond, all he did was get up and sit next to Carl instead. "Sheen is just absolutely disgusted by you Jimmy, a lot of people would have the same reaction," Carl told Jimmy. "Why's that? What's making everyone repulsed by me Carl?" Jimmy asked, with a bit of worry in his voice. Carl lowered his voice to a hush, "Jimmy I can't keep talking to you like this. Or at all." He then turned his head away, and wouldn't look Jimmy in the eyes again. A rush of thoughts began running through Jimmy's head. His face felt hot as he imagined what his friends might be looking at that's so awful. Once they made it to the school, Jimmy sat down at his desk and Miss Fowl called him to the front. "BAWWWK JIMMY, I'M AFRAID YOU'RE BEIN EXPELLED ON ACCOUNT OF YOUR ATROCIOUS ACTS," she said. Jimmy jumped up from his chair, "WHAT? What is everyone talking about!? I don't even know what happened and now I'm getting expelled!? What's going on?" "THIS," Miss Fowl said, as the projector turned on. Suddenly, an image of him popped up on the whiteboard. "What th e?!" Jimmy exclaimed. The picture was Jimmy, standing in the bathroom naked when he was drying off this morning after his shower, PEE PEE IN FULL VIEW! wEEEwOOO! "Dang Jimmy that rod is yuge! You make my Dad's seem micro in comparison!" Cindy yelled in a cat-calling fashion. "I can't handle this!" Jimmy exploded, the most flustered he'd been in his life. He ran out of the classroom in a huff, tears welled in his eyes, "How did this happen? Why me?" "Oh, are you Jimmy Neutron?" the school janitor asked. "Yeah," Jimmy sniffed, "What do you want?" "I got $50, how long will that get me?" the janitor said. "Excuse me?" Jimmy was wondering what he was talking about. He kept walking, without a destination. He just needs to get out of this situation, calm down, and find out who was behind it. He found himself walking into McSpankys. He'd forgotten about breakfast earlier because of Goddard's creepy behavior, so he wanted to get some food in his tummy. "I'll take a septuple McSpanky burger meal please, supersized, with the 128 oz purple flurp and 10 lb fry, cement mixer style," Jimmy barked at Skeet. "Yo dude I think you like need like to like calm down brooooo, and also that order is like 70,000 calories bruh," Skeet said calmly. "I don't care. I just need to gorge myself to forget my sorrows. Please just cook the meal and add extra sodium chloride." "I think you mean salt." "That's what I said, sodium chloride." Jimmy sat down while he waited for his meal. He was so hungry he was starting to hallucinate, seeing Goddard's dead eyes everywhere he looked. Suddenly Jimmy snapped out of it when he heard the shrill beeping of the cement mixer backing up towards him. The ramp came down from the cement mixer straight to Jimmy's mouth and started pouring tons of hamburger mixed with fries and purple flurp right down his throat. "AaaAAaAAAAYeyeyeeyyeahaahhahahha," Jimmy exclaimed, as the hoard of mush slid down his gullet. He no longer cared about what happened this morning. He no longer cared about what happened at school. All he cared about at that moment was the heaps of sodium chloride being absorbed into his bloodstream. Little did he know, the cement mixer's contents were riddled with microchips that were entering his bloodstream as well. "Ahhhh!" Jimmy felt so refreshed! He left McSpanky's feeling better than ever, he also had gained 200 lbs after that meal, meaning he was bigger than ever too. As Jimmy was making his way down the street to head to his lab to do some work, all of the sudden he felt someone hit him in the head and everything went black. He woke up strapped to a chair. As he came to, he realized that he was in fact inside his own lab! The only source of light in the room was his monitor, which was displaying the same image he'd seen in class earlier that morning. "Who is doing this?" Jimmy shouted, "Stop being a scaredy-cat and show yourself!" Jimmy then looked down at himself and realized he had no clothes on, it's a bit surprising he didn't notice earlier since his rod was so long it was touching the cold floor. Before Jimmy could blink, multiple cameras at different point in the room all took multiple pictures all at once, the flashes blinding him. Immediately after, multiple windows popped up on the monitor displaying the pictures that had just been taken, with a progress bar under each: "Uploading…" "No! Stop! Please God no!" Jimmy screamed, rattling the chains that tether him to his chair, but it was all in vain. "Upload Complete." his computer said, "Would you like to make this album public?" "NO!" screamed Jimbo. "Photo album made public." the computer stated, sealing Jimmy's fate. "O . . . only I didn't say "fudge," I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F dash dash dash" word!" jimby nutron said somberly. He knew his life was truly over; that one picture was bad, but to have so many… he was losing all hope inside. "Maybe they can be deleted…" he murmured to himself, before glancing up to the monitor once again. [Miss Fowl liked this image] [Goddard liked this image] [Hugh Neutron liked this image] There was no going back now, everyone had already found the pictures. Even his own father liked it, I guess he couldn't stand the mysterious allure of Big Bimmy. Jimmy made a realization, if everyone had seen his junk on those pictures, and they have, and he remembered, Cindy even said that it was a yuge rod! He knew what he had to do, he had to become a male sexual performer. The monitor suddenly shuts off and after a flick of a switch, the room is illuminated. Jimmy's chair spins around for him to see Goddard, sitting in a throne of Jimmy hair. Now you see… Jimmy hears from the inside of his head. Could this be Goddard speaking to me? I knew all along the power of your schlong. The Mythical Big Bimmy. Knowing you'd not be on board, I secretly took an image of you walking out of the shower after barging in about 6 times a week for the past year, and uploaded them to my blog, Jimmy's Bimmy. My blog has become a global phenomenon after becoming public yesterday. Your schlong is on billboards Jimmy. People can't stop thinking of your Bimmy, Jimmy. A worldwide poll taken at 11am today showed a 70% favorability for a Bimmy 2020 campaign. Now that you know, only you can unlock the full potential of your Bimmy, Jimmy. "Goddard...I…" Jimmy was speechless. "Why would you do this? Why are you obsessed with my giganto slobber barker?" At that exact moment, Cindy burst down the door. "Woman, you will let me at that Bimmy of yours, or I'll show these pictures to everybody," she ordered. "I don't know if you should Cindy," Jimmy warned, "You might get injured, there's a 99.9% chance you'll get paralyzed from the waist down." "I don't care!" Cindy exclaimed, "After tasting the Big Bimmy Blizzard, the Blizzard of the Month only available at participating Dairy Queen® stores during the month of December starting at the low price of $2.89 for a mini Blizzard, I need to try the real thing!" Goddard started growling, I haven't done all this work for nothing, I won't let the Bimmy be stolen by some bimbo bLitch! "Dumb metal mutt," Cindy said angrily, "Don't growl at me like that! I'll kick your robo-chops all the way to Pluto!" Carl and Sheen walk through the door, "Hey Jimmy, we just wanted to apologize for how we treated you on the school bus, we just had a bad case of Bimmy envy, a newly discovered condition now present in the DSM VI-wait, what's going on here?" "I want that BIMMY!" Cindy retorted. "Well that's what I'M here for!" said a voice in the doorway. Stepping out of the darkness, everyone laid their eyes on the school janitor. "Cmon Jimmy, let us at that Bimmy!" Everyone said in unison. "No guys you don-" all of the sudden Jimmy locked up, he was grabbing his chest. Jimmy was having a heart attack! "The sodium chloride! It's clogging my veins!" As Jimmy takes his last breath, everyone lunges for an opportunity to have their way with the Mythical Big Bimmy before it gets cold and decomposes. "Tastes like my dad's" says Carl. "Let me get a piece of that, Son." Carl's dad casually strolls over to get at that BIMMY. "Reminds me of cheetos" said Sheen. "Uh blicky uh Jimmy got the STIFFY BIMMY BICKY STICKY RICKY UH" "Who could that be?" Cindy turns around to see who just walked in. "Woah, it's 6ix9ine!" "SCUUUUM GAAAAAANG" 6ix9ine yells as he rushes for the Bimmy. 6ix9ine had arrived at just the right time as rigor mortis was setting in. "Wow guys," Carl remarked, "I never thought that wet dream I had back in kindergarten would come true. Slobbering on dead Jimmy's bimmy with all of my best friends, my dad, and 6ix9ine is my idea of heaven." "You had a wet dream in kindergarten? That's pretty late, I had my first at the hospital just moments after I was born," exclaimed 6ix9ine. Hugh Neutron stormed into the lab, "I heard the news, I made sure to get surgery on my nostrils to make them big enough to fit the Bimmy!" Hugh then touched Jimmy's body, it was still warm but the heat was fading. "Quick, we gotta get to a hospital! I didn't get this surgery to have it be used on a cold Bimmy!" he yelled. Everyone had their turn with the Magnificent Big Bimmy before it got cold, and mourned his death soon after. His funeral was held the next day, and the loss of Bimmy was felt around the world. It was televised internationally, and subsequently achieved the highest viewership of any television broadcast in history, with 7.5 billion people tuning in. Many people close to Bimmy spoke at the funeral, including Carl, whose words rang out throughout the globe: "Bimmy wasn't just a schlong, he was an icon. A lifestyle. An example for all of us to follow. We all strive to be like Bimmy. His loss does not mean the end of the world, but the start. A new, fresh start, with Bimmy's effect on the world embraced by all." Carl, Sheen, Skeet, Goddard, Hugh Neutron, Carl's Dad, 6ix9ine, Cindy, Miss Fowl, and the school janitor committed mass suicide the next day during an acid trip under the belief that their sacrifices would earn them a spot in Bimmy Paradise similar to Heaven's Gate. Did they make it there? Who knows. But we do know one thing: that freaking Bimmy will hold the Guinness world record for biggest schlong for centuries to come. The Bimmy Era has officially commenced.
The End