AN: This might turn into a full story later on, I don't know yet...
I might leave this as short one-shot and start a whole new story with this pairing and the same kind of plot, I haven't really decided.
Anyway I hope you'll enjoy this short drabble and if there are any suggestion you have for a potential next chapter, please let me know :)
"I would describe myself as a human being who could not, despite everything, become a complete puppet..."
Sasori had been obsessed with finding a way to attain eternal life for as long as he could remember. He thoroughly despised the human race for their extreme weakness in all possible aspects he could think of.
Granted, humans were capable to think logically and rational which made them superior to animals which could not, but as if mocking it's own ability, humans were often unable to act according to those logic thoughts because they let petty, misplaced or simply and unnecessary emotions get in the way. Pathetic.
Utterly useless and worthless, emotions.
In his short -human- life, Sasori despised these so called emotions, even more than waiting. They only seemed to cause pain, confusion and made someone vulnerable at the most critical moments, yes, they were truly unnecessary and irritating. They also made people lose their ability to think clearly, it was too tiring to get involved with lowlifes who couldn't suppress their own basic feelings. And maybe, deep down, he hated them because he simply could not deal with them like everyone around him seemed to be able to. It made him feel distant from others since his youth, it made him feel different. It almost made him feel like he was the inferior being, though Sasori knew he was one of the very few smart people, it made him hesitate back when he was younger, foolisher, weaker... Needles to say, this only fueled his aversion to "emotions".
So when he finally, after years and years of research, found a way to turn himself into a puppet, he grabbed the chance without hesitation.
He was painfully aware that his new found technique wasn't what he truly wanted, it still wasn't what he really longed for, but being born as a human, he'd never be able to become a true puppet. He'd never be able to seal off his human past. But this solution came so, so close, that he took the risk without thinking twice. He would finally be able to transform his very being into a puppet and would never have to experience the painful life as human ever again, finally freed from the shackles that held him down all these years.
Or so he thought.
Sasori scoffed harshly under his breath as he felt his core being pierced, it was a painful reminder of the fact that he was still somewhat human, an idea he utterly loathed. He also didn't like the rapidly spreading numbness tugging at his consciousness but didn't attempt to fight it, knowing it would make no difference in the end. He cursed again, as it was the only thing he could do while waiting for this to be over. He almost hoped everything would end already, he absolutely hated waiting and what was worse than waiting for one's own "death"?
As he slowly saw his vision blurring and felt his chakra disappear, Sasori couldn't help but wonder if everything would work out as he calculated it would. Even though he was confident in his own skills, he unfortunately never had a chance to test this technique since well, he never died before. As the pain spread through his body he wondered in the back of his mind if this was truly worth the risk.
He didn't have a clear answer for once. He wouldn't call it regret, but something stronger than his logic reasoning screamed in the back of his mind to struggle, to fight, to live. Not that it would matter anymore though, ready for this or not, it was too late to turn back. He'd either succeed in finally attaining eternal life, or he would die trying.
When his consciousness finally gave in to the tugging darkness he felt himself slipping away, surrounded by what felt like endless emptiness. Wondering if this was it, wondering if he failed, he suddenly felt something trying to grasp his very being, his very core, igniting a burning pain he didn't think he'd be able to survive mentally. It felt like his entire being was on fire, while being torn apart from the inside out. If he could, he would've screamed. But the pain crippled him to the point he could only wait and pray for this to be over. If it will ever be over that is. In that moment, and perhaps for the first time in his life, Sasori was truly afraid he would die, trapped in the burning agonizing pain for eternity.
After what could've been seconds or days, the burning pain slowly seemed to disappear, only to be replaced by an unbearable pressure. It felt like he was being forcibly pushed down, deeper into the dark emptiness that seemed to surround him.
While he was not able to form coherent thoughts, a small part of him just wanted everything to be over, the hellish torture seemed to rip his very being apart and it truly is not worth it. He didn't know how long he'd be able to keep up with this, the emptiness, the pain, the crushing feeling, the uncertainty if it ever would stop, yet another, far more dominant part of him felt the undeniable urge to fight the pressure. He didn't want this to be the end, he refused to even accept the idea he would die such a meaningless death. Further more, he refused to fail, not after coming so close to finally find a way to live for eternity.
He refused to die, to fail, to give up, to leave the brat behind...
As these thoughts became stronger and stronger, Sasori suddenly felt something, himself?, move, while the darkness and pressure began to fade to the back of his consciousness. He felt something move again, and this time he noticed a terrible sound, something close to a strangled gasp. While the darkness slowly vanished, a sharp pain shot through his whole body, almost as if his nerves were on fire. As the pain got worse and worse his head started pounding more and more, so much he felt like he could pass out any second. With a final pound it suddenly stopped when his eyes shot open, the sudden brightness welcome after the nothingness that had surrounded him for god knows how long. The pain from is nerves slowly subdued and he noticed he instinctively gasped for air, seemingly in desperate need of more as his lungs were burning. He automatically clutched his chest, something was aching painfully in a rather unfamiliar yet very distinct way under his hand.
Sasori couldn't help but wonder, how long has it been since I last felt my heart beating?
After what felt like an eternity his breath finally steadied a little and his chest stopped aching, it finally hit him; He was alive.
He felt like he went through hell and back but he made it in the end and that was all that mattered, his technique was a success. After all these years, he'd finally found a technique that granted him an eternal life.
This realization made every second of suffering had to go through it absolute worth, and for the first time in his -temporary- human form, Sasori felt something close to happiness.
"Fine art is the beauty of that single fleeting moment before the explosion"
Deidara was cursing so hard inwardly he'd put Hidan's foul mouth to shame if he were to ever hear him like this. He fucking hated what was happening right now, Sasori no Danna could be dying this very moment and he couldn't do anything about it. The frustration of that realization only fueled his anger even more, he should have never left Sasori behind. Not that he had much of a choice, again, as this was frustratingly enough necessary for their plan. Deidara mentally forced himself to move forward, he had to distract the nine tailed fox but especially the copy ninja as long as possible, but it was difficult to do so when every part of his mind screamed at him to turn around and go back to the cave. back to Sasori.
Out of sheer frustration and to escape the feeling of complete helplessness, Deidara started to detonate random bombs, hoping to find some form of relief in seeing his artworks explode. And while at any other moment the sight and thrill of seeing his enemies getting almost blown up would've left him in an ecstatic rush, now it barely helped him lift his mood, his mind too occupied to truly enjoy his masterpieces.
He couldn't stop thinking about the irritating and impatient red head whom was rushing towards his "death" this very moment. Deidara himself felt close to do the same by blowing himself up with a final grand explosion, he hated this uncertainty that kept messing with his head almost enough to do it. But he couldn't. Not without knowing if everything went well. But the worst thing was that he had no way to contact the reckless puppet master to see if he succeeded or not, a sudden wave of anxiety hitting him as he thought about the "or not" option. Not that he doubted his Danna's ability in the slightest, but the fact that Sasori himself had admitted it was a big risk he was taking with his "final" technique only fueled Deidara's worries.
"Katsu!" An explosion close to his two pursuers almost made him grin, even in this situation he felt he should appreciate seeing his art, as there was no explosion the same, no way to bring that one fleeting moment back, ever again. It was what gave his art meaning.
Deidara decided to indulge himself in the fight, he'd take any opportunity to take his mind off his -as Sasori would call them- pointless worries.
When the fight would be over he'd have enough time to be anxious while waiting for news from his partner. He'd have to patiently wait for a sign, a sign, a message, something, that would tell him everything went well and that Sasori had survived everything. He'd have to wait for a sign that might never come, an idea he did not want to consider for even the slightest moment, yet it was taunting him in the back of his mind, whispering softly as his anxiousness grew. But Deidara vowed to patiently wait till the end of time if needed, in hopes of hearing from his Danna again.
And for once, Deidara truly understood Sasori's hatred of waiting.