Crossroads of Self-Destruction I-Alone in the Host Club
Kyouya has always been watching over me and guiding me. I feel like I am invincible when he is by my side. He is the wall that keeps me standing, but I fear that he will disappear one day and leave me behind… I fear that I will fall back into the insecurity and loneliness that he rescued me from that day some years ago. It seems like a life time had passed since then.
As we are nearing our graduation day, I am starting to panic. I am starting to cower. There stands the possibility of us losing connection… Of him finding another object for his affection. What if we go our separate ways? He might gradually forget me and replace me. Should he ever stop caring for me, what will I do then? I have not ever thought about a life without Kyouya at my side, and now that it has occurred to me that it might one day happen…I'm deathly afraid.
So it seems…our days at Ouran together in the Host Department are quickly coming to an end. My mind has been preoccupied for days now, I hope he does not notice, but he always notices. I cannot talk without choking, and I cannot listen without spacing out. This self-destructive mess sitting in this French style chair gazing blankly out the window is Ouran's king. Ha, pathetic.
As I hold my head in my hands, I can feel the emptiness return to my heart, and the tears just won't stop rushing to my eyes! Oh, Kyouya, if only you knew how happy you have made me all these years… But what good will that do us now? Time seems to be accelerating as my sadness grows. With time so limited on our hands, it would only hurt us both if he were to know now how I feel. But still, I cannot help but to hold on to these last few days of high school. These last few days of the kingdom of our youth will surely be the most painful memory I will ever endure. The counting down of my destruction begins…