Part 1 – Fractal Patterns
In chaos theory there's a thing called the butterfly effect. Basically it states that a small change in initial conditions can result in large differences to a later state.
A butterfly can flutter its wings over a flower in China and cause a hurricane in the Caribbean. However, it would be definitely difficult – if not utterly impossible – to track such a connection.
How can we say what caused the storm, if it could be something as slight as a butterfly? And even then, should we hold the butterfly responsible for what happened thousand of miles away from it?
Contrary to popular belief, Patrick Jane had no answer to either of those questions.
What if his mother hadn't died young, leaving him at the mercy of his scoundrel of a father? Perhaps he wouldn't have ended up earning a living from psychic trade, and therefore got his wife and daughter killed over his own selfishness.
But then, he might have never met Angela either. His mother would have probably insisted that they settled down at some point, leaving behind the carnie life she loathed so much.
What would have happened to him without Angela at his side? She'd been the one who'd tried to turn him into a better man, though she couldn't quite succeed in it.
Given what he'd been told about his fugue state, he would have surely wasted his life sleeping around and conning people in the meanwhile. While Angela would still be alive, maybe as someone else's wife.
She would have surely deserved a better man for an husband. Sadly such a thing meant that little Charlotte would have never graced this world, if only for a short while.
This thought made his stomach churn. He couldn't imagine the world without Charlotte, not even for a second. Were he to live a thousand years, his precious daughter would always hold a place in his heart.
If only he'd kept his big mouth shut, he would be celebrating her sixteenth birthday in a few months. We would be teaching her to drive, and trying to scare off her boyfriends.
Not that he'd have managed to do the latter, for he was positive that his lovely little girl would have turned into a most beautiful young woman by now.
He would have liked Lisbon to meet her. Though he wouldn't have met Teresa himself, had not been for the tragedy that had befallen his beloved family.
After being partners for nearly a decade, he couldn't imagine his life without Teresa Lisbon either.
Had they met under different circumstances – no Red John, no quest for vengeance, no burden of guilt from his past – he might have fallen in love with her at first sight.
However, that meant he would still be married to Angela, and he'd never have cheated on her and their daughter. Not on his life.
And he was pretty sure that Angela wouldn't have cheated on him either. Grown tired of putting up with his crap perhaps, but never betrayed him.
Now it occurred to him that maybe his marriage had never been entitled to a happy ending after all. What if Angie had eventually decided to give up on him and asked for a divorce? What would have happened to their daughter then?
He felt sick at the thought, and forced himself to calm down by taking some deep breaths.
Different possibilities about his past kept on branching in a fractal-like manner, and yet they weren't actual possibilities at all. There was no way he could turn back the pages of time and undo what was done.
All he could do right now was go downstairs and have a good cup of tea. And maybe take a nap on Lisbon's couch after that.
Her office had always had a soothing influence on him, after all.