Screams rips down the halls of the Republic City police station. The shrieking amplified and echoed by the metal walls was blood curdling. Citizens and criminals alike found themselves awestruck and frozen in terror as the reverberation of screeches and cries of pain went unheeded. The police in the building seemed to be oblivious, going about their business scarcely unnerved by the escalating cries of pain and requests for salvation. For what seemed like an eternity the shrieking continued and then as abruptly as it began the cries stopped. As the yelling subsided a collective sigh of relief became audible from the citizens in the police station, and a hushed awe resonated from the criminals. The police still maintained their professional demeanor, stances unchanged, it was business as usual…
Then the building began to vibrate, and the vibration turned to shaking, the shaking into rocking, and soon the whole building was rumbling as if it were being ripped in half. The officers finally relented and gave into the fear and panic that sent the public running and had criminals harping for salvation. Ryku the most senior officer began to order his men as per Republic City Police protocol. As the rumbling and shaking worsened and the building started to crumble, Ryku stepped into action. He ordered his immediate subordinates to evacuate the building, citizens first, criminals second urging them to make hast but maintain a level head and professional demeanor. The new recruits were ordered to the support structures to maintain the building and prevent a collapse. Intermediate soldiers were tasked with finding and eliminating the source of this disruption. Ryku was no stranger to battle and could recognize earth bending attacks in an instant. He directed the men to stay near the building as he could feel the vibrations closely, using his knowledge of bending patterns he informed his men to look for seven to ten benders in a central area. As quickly as he gave the order his men dispersed and he ran to get his commanding officer, the woman with no fear and no bending equal. He made his way to her chamber and could sense the bending getting stronger as he neared the room the scream came back, this time with resounding bass and conviction. Ryku knew that voice; Sokka was the one screaming, Sokka was the one being tortured. He had the sickest of feelings that if Sokka was being tortured by benders what happened to TOPH! TOPH would never let anyone harm Sokka. As he relinquished that thought to the back of his mind he burst through the door…
As soon as he entered he saw Sokka encased in rock on TOPH's desk; TOPH squatting over his face in her most fundamental earthbending stance, and as he was about to speak TOPH unleashed the rankest most explosive fart in the history of Republic City, right into Sokka's nose. There was so much force behind that gas TOPH declared herself the first dual bender to not be an Avatar. Air and Earth.
The shaking subsided and Ryku stood in total shock as to what he had witnessed. He finally spoke. "Chief Bei Fong" he exclaimed.
TOPH cleared her throat and turned her face away from him.
"Forgive me, Chief Melon Lord"
TOPH returned her gaze.
"Was t-that what I, what I, t-thought it was?"
"Thank you for addressing me properly Buttercup."
TOPH looked to Ryku and in a calm moderate yet firm tone told him to gather all the men, media, and citizens in the square outside, she had a grand announcement to make and needed the world not just republic city to hear this urgent message. TOPH went on to tell him to fetch the scribes as her news will be sent to the leaders of the world; she requested he signal Aang, Kitara, and her daughter Lin as well as all the important people in her life. Ryku teared up, nodded and bolted off, not only because of his orders but because of the smell that was emanating from the room.
45 minutes later the podium was set and the media gathered. Many of the citizens stayed to find out what had happened earlier that day. The confusion from the prior events compounded as dignitaries of the city and the Avatar arrived and joined the crowd in speculation.
TOPH had become quite the public speaker and had she not enjoyed her position so extensively she would have made a great politician. The crowd teemed with anticipation to see what she had to say, Aang and Kitara had a funny feeling that things were about to get interesting.
It was late afternoon; TOPH always addressed the people in the late afternoon because the sun shines on the podium and reflects the light off her uniform like a giant spotlight. TOPH slowly emerged from the Police Station and walked intently to the podium. She could feel the people directly in front of her raise their arms to shield their eyes. As per usual she had wall of officers behind her all in uniform, all the officers were being blinded by the afternoon sun, and the collective reflection from their uniforms was blinding the audience. She thought it was funny.
An officer ran up to the podium and handed TOPH a piece of paper informing her it was a note from a dignitary. She asked if he was blind and upon her uttering that phrase he realized his mistake. He said no. She then asked if he was illiterate, to which he replied no. TOPH commanded to look into the reflection of her armor and describe his physical traits; and he did. TOPH faced the crowd and thanked the officer for letting her know what a dumb ass looked like. He began to tremble at which point TOPH jabbed him in the chest with her elbow playfully and said she was joking. At that time TOPH nick named him Strawberry Girly Milkshake and sent him on his way telling him to not be so sensitive.
TOPH stood there in silence for almost a minute before she spoke into the microphone. She cleared her throat and began to address the crowd.
"Mellon Lord Proclaims that-!"
Aang interrupts from the crowd, "No more melon Lord TOPH, you promised, that was a one-time thing about a decade ago you are TOPH not Melon Lord."
"You dare interrupt Melon Lor-"
Katara interupts "TOPH no! Give me the melon helmet"
"TOPH does not have a melon helmet" said TOPH in a booming voice.
TOPH did in fact have a melon helmet. This was nothing new to the people of Republic City as Aang and Kitara had to do this every time TOPH made a speech in front of 10 or more people. Ususlly Sokka is right behind her encouraging the behavior making it harder to take her melon helmet. Usually TOPH is wearing the helmet and Kitara has to rip all the water out the melon before she will begin her speech. The crowd never seemed to mind because they loved the theatrics of it all, besides its just politics.
"Avatar Twinkel Toes and Madam Fussy Bitch, I mean, Britches fear the power of the all mighty Melon Lo-" TOPH began to exclaim.
And with that Katara destroyed the melon and TOPHs speech could begin. Though TOPH preferred to speak in the third person she would switch back and forth to the dismay of many journalists.
"Today people you may bear witness to TOPHs greatness and see unto yourselves the power and determination of your police chief. An hour ago an earth bender managed to airbend, and she did it fantastically. That earthen airbender is none other than Chief TOPH Mellon Lord Bei Fong!"
TOPH was standing at the podium smiling and pointing at herself as the crowd stood in silence…
One voice rang out,
"Only the Avatar can bend more than one element"
Followed by a resounding "prove it" from all those in attendance.
TOPH stepped from behind the podium and stood slightly to the side. With her body facing the crowd she turned her head to address her men and told them to disperse. The crowd could finally relax their gaze from the blinding reflection. They looked to TOPH in utter disbelief waiting for her to prove her own accusation. With a slight snap of the wrist a block of rock came jolting out of the upper floor landing softly on the opposite side of the podium. In that block of rock was Sokka gasping for air.
"Here is the proof TOPH is an Airbender, perhaps the greatest airbender of all time!" she said.
Sokka angrily looked to the left and shouted "YOU FUCKING FARTED IN MY FACE TOPH! OH MY GOD IT WAS THE WORST THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU, IT WAS LIKE A NOXIOUS TORNADO OF RANCID DOOM, I WILL PRAY TO THE MOON GODESS THAT YOU BUTT CHEEKS BE BOUND TOGETHER SO YOU WILL NEVER FART AGAIN AND THEN YOU WILL EXPLODE FROM THE BUILD UP."
Gripping his boomerang with his index finger and thumb he flicked it at TOPH. She looked amused as it only managed to land a few inches away.
Sokka gave a mean look and then TOPH released him before returning to the podium.
Addressing the crowd once again, in a very serious and calculating tone…
"I, Chief TOPH Beifong, has just farted the greatest fart of all time. This fart will be remembered for many generations to come. It will shape and change the standards by which we reference all other farts and all other practical jokes. All the elements were there: Build up, I attached my friend forcibly to a table and told him my intent. Initiation, a series of smaller farts really set the tone for what was to come. Execution, I spread my cheeks for maximum airflow and fecal dispersal should there have been any. I also gagged the victim so as to stop his screaming and cries for help and to force him to breathe through his nose. Smell, I vomited in my mouth a bit and Sokka passed out, my second in command Ryku teared up a bit as he entered the room. And finally recognition; this press conference is so that all of you could share in this glorious event. Your welcome!"
The crowd stood stunned at the news slack jawed at the fact that they had all assembled and waited to hear about how TOPH farted on Sokka. Quiet shock turned to a simmering indignation towards TOPH from her staff to the citizens standing in front of the steps.
As soon as TOPH was out of sight Sokka exclaimed that he would get her back epically but first he needs some props…