The hour was late. The case had been solved, the killer caught and yet Richard Castle was staring out the window of his loft, delaying the inevitable for as long as possible. These last few nights sleeping in their bed without her had been a bottomless pit of loneliness and sorrow. The sheets were cold without her body, the mornings empty and meaningless with the absence of her legs entwined with his, her mussed hair reflecting the sunlight streaming in as he would wake up to her natural face. She was at her most beautiful in the mornings, before she had applied makeup. When she was just Kate, in her natural state, smiling through sleepy, love-filled eyes to greet him, a smile that never failed to make his heart beat just that little bit faster. Their lips would join and both their mouths would be filled with the pungent taste of morning breath but neither ever cared, so consumed were they in seeking the warmth of their morning kisses.
He was pulled out of his reverie by a very distinctive knock at the door. He dared to hope, dared to dream...
It could be her.
Maybe his plan had worked, perhaps he really had managed to remind her of how great they were together, how well they could overcome any obstacle, just the two of them.
He jumped up and ran to the door eagerly. When he opened it, his wish was granted and there she stood, his wife, his lover, and regardless of her professional title, his partner.
"Kate," he whispered, taking a step towards his beloved.
Her hand was outstretched and stopped him cold, preventing him from holding her, kissing her, telling her everything would be alright, that he forgiave her. Rejection enveloped his heart with its icy, cold hand as she walked right past him, once again leaving the door ajar. He closed it, turning to face her at an extremely slow pace.
When their eyes met, she uttered the four most dreaded words in any marriage: "We need to talk."
Fear overrode the rational side of his brain, filling his thoughts with busy questions like, is she going to ask for a divorce? Why is she locking me out? Am I not enough anymore?
"You need to stop," she said. "You need to stop trying to work cases with me to try to convince me to move back."
He exhaled in relief.
Oh, that's all.
She was just here to tell him off. Well, he could work with that. He knew the steps to that dance.
"What makes you so sure that's my plan?" he asked.
She stared at him.
"Ok, maybe it was a slightly transparent plan," he admitted.
"There are two fatal flaws in this plan of yours, Castle. First: you're trying to win me back. You never lost me. I'm the one who's risking losing you. I'm terrified that when I'm done with what I need to do, you won't be here anymore."
He didn't risk trying to hug her again, to comfort her, to assure her, No, sweetie, no, I love you, for fear of being rebuffed. Maybe she needed something more from him. Something with conviction. Something that would let her know how ridiculous it was to push him away.
"That will never happen, Kate," he assured her. "If either of us gives up on this marriage, it won't be me. I'm fighting for us every way I know how."
"You don't have to," she replied. "I'll come back. I promise. You just need to trust me, remember?"
She made it sound so simple. Of course he trusted her, with his life, with his daughter's life. That didn't mean he should have to accept not waking up to her every day.
"How about you trusting me?" he throws back at her. "Whatever you're dealing with, you don't have to face it alone. 'Partners in crime and in life, always,' remember?"
Those had been her vows to him on their wedding day. Surely they still meant something to her. They meant everything to him.
"I do trust you, babe, but I've... Dragged you into too many of these messess, and I know - I know - you're happy to do it, but that's part of the problem. You don't know how to say 'no' to me. You either try to get me to back down or you go all in with me, and I can't keep risking your life like this."
"Risking my life? Kate, are you talking about Locksack? Because that's over..." He tried to put the pieces together, tried to understand.
"The less you know, the better," she said in the most infuriating way.
"I thought we said no more secrets," he said, unable to keep the accusatory tone out of his voice.
"I know," she said, burying her head in her hands. "I know what we said. I'm sorry. I will tell you, eventually. I just need to work it out first." She looked so tired, so weathered, beaten down by the world.
He wanted to say more to convince her to stay, but it was like arguing with a toaster. Once Kate Beckett put her mind to something, it was almost impossible to get her to back down. It was one of the very first things about her he had fallen in love with, but it could very well be their downfall.
"So what's the other flaw in my plan?" he asked instead.
She looked up.
"What?"
"You said there were two," he elaborated. He'd always been easily distracted but he also had great attention to detail. "What's the second?"
She took a deep breath.
"A little birdy told me you think working together will bring me back because working together is why I fell in love with you."
He sighed in frustration.
Can't a man say anything in confidence anymore?
"It wasn't exactly a huge leap to make, Castle. Anyway, you're wrong. Working together might have been how we fell in love but it's not the reason."
"Really?" Rick smiled in spite of his heartbreak. "You're going to play the semantics game with me?"
She stepped closer to him.
"You are the reason," Kate said. "Not solving cases, or building theory. I didn't fall in love with our partnership, Babe, I fell in love with you. With the man that you are."
Her words caused an aching in his chest. Was she deliberately taunting him?
"So, what can I do to make you love me again?" he couldn't stop himself from pleading with her.
"I never stopped," she whispered.
"Then why did you leave me?" he almost sobbed.
"I didn't leave you," she said, her voice breaking. "We're just taking... A break."
He laughed bitterly. She really thought that was any better?
"Well, I don't want to take a break," he insisted.
"I will come back," she assured him.
"Why not now?"
"I have to finish what I've started."
"Ok," he said. "So, do that. You don't have to tell me, you can keep it secret for now, I'll be ok with that, but you don't have to move out."
"Castle, it's more complicated than that - "
He had to look away from her now. This was when the tears started. He looked back at her.
"No it's not," he said. "I miss you. Come home."
She was crying, too, now. "Wait for me."
He couldn't hold back anymore. He needed her. Before she could protest, his lips were on hers.
"Please stay," he begged between kisses.
At first, she pushed him away, albeit halfheartedly.
"Castle..."
"You're not alone anymore," he whispered into her ear. "Let me show you, Kate. " He sighed against her skin, causing her to gasp. "Just let me love you."
She finally melted into his embrace and returned his kiss, the heat of them burning as brightly as ever as she carelessly disposed of her jacket across the room. Her hands were on the buttons of his shirt as they moved as one toward the bedroom. She pushed him onto the bed and straddled him as she had done so many times before, but never with this much raw desperation. He went up to meet her, intoxicated by the moment, by her, by them. He would never let her go, not without a fight. She was well worth it.
He fought to stay awake after their lovemaking, but her soothing kisses as she stroked his hair lulled him into slumber, content to finally be falling asleep with Kate back in his arms, where she belonged.
He didn't want to open his eyes when he awoke, but he finally forced himself to. His fears were confirmed when he did. She was gone. The faint smell of her on his pillow was the only trace that she had been here - at least, so he thought, until he found the note on his dresser. The message contained a single word.
Soon.
He collapsed back onto the mattress, crawling back into his pit. It would never be soon enough for him.