Missing pieces

Near

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, it belongs to two amazing japanese guys. And if I'd own it, it probably would be called 'The Matt/Near, Near/L, L/Light, Matt/Mello yaoi show'. Sorry all you yaoi lovers.

A/N: I got this idea some weeks ago, and wanted to make a story with it. I hope it makes as much sense as it did in my head. Enjoy:

I have always missed something in my life. Missing pieces. Missing the important pieces of the puzzle, so I couldn't finish the puzzle of my life. Who knows, maybe I'd turned out more normal, then. The missing pieces, leaving big holes in my life.

When I was a kid, and my parents still lived, I missed company. My parents were sweet and they loved me, but I needed someone at my own age. When I sat by the window and looked at all the kids who were laughing and playing some game, I wanted to join, but I couldn't. I couldn't talk to them, because I knew they would think I was weird, and turn me down. And the other, not so important reason, I couldn't go out whitout alot of sunblocker on. I had to put some one every ten minutes. So I just sat there, watching them laugh.

Then, my parents died, and I missed that piece. I went to Wammy's. But it wasn't the same. Not at all. I missed them. I missed knowing that someone loved you, and would sacrifice themself for you. I missed the loving words, the gentle touches. The caretakers were really nice, but it wasn't the same. They went home every night. And they didn't love you, you were just a job to them. They didn't show it, but you could tell.

Again, even at Wammy's, I missed friends. I didn't have any. Alot of kids wanted to be friends with me because of my grades, and they hoped a bit of the fame would include them, if they just became friends with me. They also hoped that I would help them with their homework. But, I wasn't number one for nothing, of course I looked through the surface, their fake smiles. So, I ended up alone. I would have traded my number one spot for some friends at any point. Some loyal friends, who would always be there. The kids didn't bully me alot, only when we just got our grades back. Then they would steal my toys, my clothes and try to pull pranks on me. Eventually that stopped. But I still missed someone to talk to, someone to rely on.

L visited sometimes, and with him I felt normal. He was like a big brother/ best friend. We could talk for hours, or just enjoy each others company whitout words. He took me seriously, unlike alot of the others adults. Because I was so young, they didn't believe it when I told them who stole Rogers watch. It was rather easy, though. L was different, and it made me feel like I was okay. That it was okay not to be like others. To be different. But then he died, and I was on my own. Again.

Watari had always liked me. I was one of his favourites. Maybe because I was so much alike L, who he saw like his son. He always had a gift for me, when he and L came on visit. He was like a parent or a grandfather. I trusted him. Sometimes, he stroke my hair, and it felt wonderful. Like someone loved me. Like I was back being five, and my mom stroke my hair. I also talked with him, plenty of times. He was also reallly smart and had been alone when he was a kid, because of his intelligence, so he had decided to make an orphanage for smart children. He understood me, along with L as well. He had also been bullied, and he told me to stay strong. To remember that they were just jealous. I was sad when he died. It was like losing my family again.

I talked to Matt sometimes. He was nice. Especially after Mello left. In those three years, we became close. He was 16 when he left. To go look for Mello. We could talk about almost anything, or just sit in silence, him playing his games, me playing with my toys. He eventually understood me. Sometimes he played with my toys with me. I began to fell in love with him, and we dated. He was my first crush, my first kiss, and my first time. He told me he had to leave to look for Mello, that they had promised each other to always look out for each others backs. So he left. And soon after, so did I.

I formed the SPK, and knew that Rester, Gevanni and Lidner was my new company. They didn't compare to L, Watari or Matt, but they liked me. They admired me, and just like Watari had told me, now people wasn't jealous of me, they just admired me. It felt nice.

I talked alot with Rester, since I liked him the most. I shared my ideas with him, told him more than he needed to know. I trusted him. He would protect me, I knew that. He was like a parent, or a big brother. I impressed him, and he also told me alot about his life. In return I told him about L and Matt.

Matt came visiting me every day. A few hours, in years. He told Mello that he had to buy cigarettes and visited me. Our love grew, and I truly loved him. Eventually Mello discovered, but he let us be. I think he was a bit jealous. I told Matt everything. Everything about my life, my past, and my dreams. One of them was to live with him. When I told him that, he just grinned and kissed me. I also knew, that wouldn't happen. That he was going to die soon. He had told me about Mello's plan, and we both knew the outcome. Then he died. I watced it on the screen, and I cried. Both Rester and Gevanni didn't knew what to do. I cried for hours, then I pulled myself together, and defeated Kira.

I ended up with both company and a sort of parents. But I still missed one important piece, the most important piece; Love. And I knew for sure, that one wouldn't return again.

A/N: I like the ending. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Matty had to die. Review please!