"How can it by my fault? I'm the one that's injured."
Ianto Jones had his arm wrapped tightly around the shoulders of Jack Harkness and was limping severely. His left pant leg was shredded and bloody from the knee down. The two men were followed closely by Gwen Cooper-Williams who was trying not to laugh at the two of them. All three were dripping wet after being outside chasing weevils in a heavy downpour.
"If you hadn't distracted me my shot wouldn't have gone wide and I could have brought down that weevil before it dove at you and bit your leg."
"I distracted you? I don't know what you're talking about" Ianto tried to look innocent but failed.
The group moved to the autopsy bay and Dr. Martha Jones looked up from her work bench where she was fiddling with an alien looking box.
Jack feigned anger. "Having your lover start to lick and bite your neck? Yes, I would say that that was a distraction"
Catching Gwen's eyes the two women smiled at each other and Gwen headed off to her own desk leaving the two men in the caring hands of the doctor.
"You looked damn good in the rain. I just wanted to know if you tasted as good as you looked."
Martha saw the look that passed between the two men and quickly took Ianto from Jack.
"Okay you two, break it up. Ianto, let's get you up on the table so I can take a look at that leg, and Jack, go away. I can't have you ravishing my patient until I get him patched up."
"Listen to the doctor, Ianto. She said I could ravish you later so don't make any other plans."
Martha rolled her eyes and shooed him out of the room.
"Okay let's see what the damage is."
She threw his wet coat onto a chair and pulled out a pair of scissors to cut away the ruined pant leg. Ianto sighed.
"There goes another perfectly good suit."
The doctor wasn't listening. She had gotten some gauze and antiseptic and was busy cleaning the wound. "Did I hear you say this was a weevil bite?"
"Yep. The thing dove at me out in the park. Hurts like hell."
"Huh."
Martha pulled an overhead light down over his leg for a closer look then reached out and grabbed the box she had been working on when the group had walked in. It was small, about the size of an old fashioned TV remote control with a small display screen and a number of colored buttons in different shapes. She pointed it at his leg and pushed a couple buttons. A short antenna with a sharp end emerged from the front of the box. It looked vaguely sinister.
Ianto cleared his throat nervously. "What do you have there?" He hoped she wasn't planning to stick that thing into his leg. He was in enough pain as it was.
She brought the antenna close to his leg and pushed another button. There was a slight humming noise and Ianto could feel the pain in his wound slowly melt away to be replaced with a warm numbness. Amazing.
"I like your new toy."
Martha pushed another button again, turning the box off apparently, as she set it back on her work bench and went back to cleaning up Ianto's leg.
"It's not new. It's an old toy but I found some new tricks. Remember the L.F.A.T?" At Ianto's confused look she laughed. "I was calling it the 'life force age thingy' until I could come up with a cool name for it."
"I remember. You scanned my ears and told me they were twenty five years three months and two days old. That must have been, what, ten years ago? What made you bring it out now?"
"I pull it out every once in a while and play with the buttons to see what it can do. You should be happy, I found the anesthetic button just today. You came at just the right time for me to test it. "
"Lucky me." He relaxed back on the autopsy table with a tired sigh.
"Are you okay?" Ever the doctor, worrying over her patient.
"I could use a pillow?" He smiled. "It's nothing. I was just up very early this morning and have been running ever since. So what else have you found out about your new-old toy?"
Martha's eyes lit up with excitement as she picked it up again.
"Besides the age thing and the anesthetic, there is an alien microbe reader, a heat detector and a trace-metal detector."
"Does it have anti-missile capabilities?"
"Oh ha-ha." She aimed the box at him again. "Careful or I'll tell you your life force expectancy." Her laughter died out as she looked at the readout on the display screen. She pushed another button and pursed her lips in thought.
"What? What is it?" Ianto sat up on his elbows.
Martha ignored him. "Gwen, would you come here a minute?" She fiddled with the buttons again, mumbling to herself and pointed it at Ianto.
Gwen appeared at the top of the stairs. "What do you need?" She spied the box in Martha's hand and held up her hands. "Oh no. I don't want to be your test subject for anything new."
Martha waived her hand. "I think it may be broken and I need to test it on someone. It's just a scanner. Nothing bad ."
Ianto lay back down and relaxed. "It's French-Alien. It's called a L'Fat. It will tell you if you are carrying atomic weapons in your pockets or have tiny aliens living in your ears."
Martha pointed the scanner at Gwen and pushed the buttons. A look of worry crossed her face and she repeated the scan on herself. She turned away quickly and started pulling out computers and sensors. She stuck sensor leads to Iantos forehead and started to open his shirt. Mumbling to herself the whole time.
Gwen caught a few words, "Deterioration rate… life force strength…" and didn't wait to hear more. She turned and ran, calling for Jack. As she burst into his office he looked up from his phone call. Her worried expression prompted him to tell the person on the line that he would call them back and he dropped the phone.
"What is it? What's wrong?"
"Martha's mumbling to herself about deterioration something and life force and she's got Ianto hooked up to all sorts of machines and running scans."
As soon as Gwen said Ianto's name Jack was out the door.
"Doctor? Talk to me Martha! Ianto are you okay?" He practically jumped down the stairs into the autopsy bay and stood in front of the doctor. He reached out towards Ianto and relaxed slightly when he felt the warmth of his hand as it slipped into his.
"Oh good. You're here." Before he could open his mouth to speak she stuck a group of sensor leads to his forehead and the back of his neck and turned back to her computers mumbling to herself again.
"Elevated rate…" She turned back to him. "Is that normal?" she asked.
Jack opened his mouth to ask a question of his own but she waved him silent and turned back to the computer.
Jack looked a Ianto who was back to relaxing on the table and touched his lovers cheek.
"I don't think it's anything bad." Ianto said with a smile. "She mumbles when she's intrigued but silent when it's serious. She's been doing a lot of mumbling."
"Gwen, Come here." Gwen came down the stairs hesitantly and Martha stuck a number of sensor leads to her forehead and back of the neck the same as Jack and Ianto. No one dared move with all the sensor wires strung between the machines.
"Hmm. Normal." Martha checked another computer. "Jack, hug Gwen."
He complied.
"Nothing. Okay, kiss her."
He raised an eyebrow but followed orders and gave Gwen a chaste kiss on the lips.
"Still nothing. Try again, but this time put a little life into it."
"Should I be getting jealous?" Ianto asked mildly.
"Good thing Rhys isn't here or we'd have to scrape Jack off the floor."
Jack kissed Gwen again trying to put a little heat into it. It wasn't bad, but since she was his friend and she had a big husband he didn't feel right doing it.
"Still nothing." Martha unceremoniously ripped the sensor leads off of Gwen causing her to wince and rub her forehead, then stuck the leads to herself. "Okay, now kiss me."
"I'm starting to enjoy this experiment"
Martha hit his arm. Jack kissed her with a little more heat than he kissed Gwen. Martha wasn't married.
She broke the kiss and turned back to her computers pulling the sensors off.
Jack was starting to get impatient. "Well this was all very interesting. May I take Ianto back to my office now?"
Martha was still entranced by what her sensors were telling her. "Okay, now kiss Ianto."
"That's what I plan to do once I get him back to my office."
"Oh just kiss him. You must be the most frustrating man I know."
Jack laughed and turned to Ianto.
"I was wondering if I was going to get a turn."
"I'll give you a turn just as soon as I can get rid of these two women and all those sensors."
Ianto gave him a wicked smile. "Maybe we should leave the sensors on. I've never tried to overload computers like that before."
"Oi! Get on with it."
Jack smiled and bent over to kiss Ianto. As usual as soon as their lips met Jack knew that one kiss would not be enough. He moved in closer for another one.
"Amazing. Do it again." Jack didn't know what Martha was looking at but he willingly gave Ianto another kiss.
Gwen cleared her throat in embarrassment as Iantos arms started to slide around Jacks waist.
Jack pulled away to look into Iantos eyes.
"Amazing. Do it again." Ianto mimicked the doctors order.
"Okay you two. Experiment's over." Martha started pulling the sensor leads off the two men.
"Ianto, stay there so I can finish bandaging your leg. Everybody else go away." She unceremoniously pushed Jack away from Ianto and up the stairs. Gwen followed, laughing at the abrupt change in subject.