Annoyances of Dragonborn
Sorry, I got to thinking that ever since that Diablo 3 One-Shot, I should try a Skyrim One-Shot on all the things considered annoying.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, that belongs to Bethesda Games Studios and any other company affiliated in the making. I do, however, own any and all OCs, as well as twisted plot/Canon.
Now, for the love of God, let this Fanfiction begin!
-= *Boredom* =-
No matter how long the Dragonborn lived, no matter how many hits Dragonborn received, no matter how annoying Dragonborn's life could be, the Dragonborn swore everyone was planning things directly so when the Dragonborn would show up somewhere it would happen.
"You know..." the Dragonborn said, swishing a half-full mead bottle while talking to Inigo. "I think that everyone's got this planned..."
"How so?" the blue Khajiit asked.
"I once heard around that there was going to be an execution in Solitude for some guy who opened the gate for Ulfric when he killed Toryyg," the Dragonborn started, getting into the story and leaning over towards Inigo over the table. "And you know what?"
"What?"
"I come a month later after the execution date to avoid all the rabble about it, and they're doing the execution right as I'm walking in. I'm like, 'What is this crap?!'"
"I know how you feel," Inigo said. "I was called for the mercenary job to kill Dupan's brother when I walked in for a job. The officers didn't expect mercenaries or jobs for a week!"
"Finally!" the Dragonborn yelled, slamming a cup on the table. "Someone understands me!"
"Why wouldn't we understand you, Dragonborn?" came Saadia, tempting the two to get angry. She really hadn't done anything over the past year and a half.
"Honestly," Inigo whispered to her. "Are you going to be staying here for the rest of your life?"
"I'm used to it," she said, giving them another mead bottle and getting some gold from the Dragonborn. "And plus, old Hulda wanted the help until Ysolda takes over..."
"We understand..." the Dragonborn said. It took Saadia to leave them for what was said to sink into the mind. "See?" the Dragonborn asked Inigo. "We understand people, but they cannot understand us!"
"I know..." he said. "Akatosh help us all. Seems like everyone is off-time to force us into positions we don't want to be in."
"Like Bandits," the Dragonborn started. "Like wolves," the rant began. "Like Forsworn, or even your average Khajiit who aren't as honorable as you-"
"Thank you."
"-then there's corrupt guards in Riften who won't stop being corrupt. Then the Thieves Guild needs help from me, Dragonborn, to help their guild back up on their feet. Then the Dark Brotherhood need a Listener, ends up it's me. Then the war is going on, both sides are begging for me. I get captured at the gate as I'm walking in because they think I was a rebel...gah! Everyone either wants to kill me or use me! There is nothing I can't be in forever!"
"Don't worry," Inigo soothed. "I think we were destined to do this. It is depressing."
"Depressing indeed," the Dragonborn said. "Otherwise I wouldn't be waking up most mornings with a freaking hangover."
"Or you wouldn't be high sometimes, screaming Shouts at people who either burn to a crisp or freeze solid," Inigo finished for him.
"Exactly!" the Dragonborn took another swig of mead, but upon realizing it was empty, smashed it on the ground. "Another!"
"Oh, the Dragonborn is drunk again..." some said. "Saadia...Code Dragonborn."
"Understood..." Saadia said, coming down with a tray of mead. "I'm starting to understand why Dragonborn worries about me so much..."
A belch came from the Dragonborn, and Saadia could hear it from there.
"Honestly?" she asked herself.
The Dragonborn dropped some Moon Sugar on the table to eat, and like a cat, Inigo's eyes dilated and reached for the Moon Sugar. Only for Saadia to come up and snatch it. "Hey!" Inigo pouted.
"Moon Sugar is illegal in Whiterun. Just be glad you're allowed in here. Ri'saad and his people are so nice. I wish they could come in..."
"Yes," Inigo said, taking some mead instead. "But Nord mead tastes stale to us. I want some Moon Sugar!"
"Moon Sugar is the main ingredient to drugs! Just drink some ale or something..." she said, dropping a few mead bottles for the two no-longer-paying-drunks.
"Then there's the Daedric Princes," the Dragonborn said as Saadia walked away, continuing to rant on and on about their misfortunes. "They're either always demanding something or constantly looking out for us."
"And the Aedra," Inigo went, drunk as well. "Who probably do nothing all day and use us for their entertainment."
"The Daedric Princes definitely use us for their entertainment..."
"Only a few," Inigo said. "And I think a few like you."
"What like, like-like?"
"Yes," he said. "Azura, maybe. I'm still thinking about Sheogorath...he's insane but isn't crazy...it's hard to understand..."
"Ugh..." the Dragonborn said, obviously not liking either one of the two, but refusing to tell Inigo so he wouldn't get any ideas and changing the subject in the process. "I think the people of Markarth is also corrupt. I had to clean it out because of the soldiers there cleaning everything up and killing Talos worshipers."
"Aye," Inigo agreed. Everyone in the Bannered Mare were wondering how the two could still hold complicated conversations even when they're drunk. Then again, they're ranting about how annoying their lives were.
"Then we have to go raid a dungeon for someone's old trinket, or we have to cross half of Skyrim because someone's belongings somehow got there."
"Then someone like you wants to take over the world and you're there just in time."
"Or some vampire and her parents are having a falling out and I have to kill one of them..."
"Hey!" Inigo said, pointing at him and spilling a bit of mead in the process. "Serana is the nicest vampire you'll ever meet! Don't insult her!"
"I know, I know," the Dragonborn chuckled. "But her complaining about the weather is incessant!"
"That is her only flaw I see so far, maybe you fancy her?"
"No..." the Dragonborn sighed. "Maybe Frea, or-"
"So you are-?!"
"No!" the Dragonborn yelled, covering Inigo's mouth to keep his perforation of the opposite sex.
"Miraak, then?"
"No!" Dragonborn yelled yet again.
"Who then?" Inigo said. "You beat the crap out of Hermaeus Mora to save Miraak's life, the same for Frea because Mora killed Storn!"
"Neither," Dragonborn said quickly, masking the blush behind the Morokei mask instantly put on.
"I saw that blush, friend," Inigo smiled.
Dragonborn didn't really like this subject, but had to find out one way or the other. "Inigo?"
"Yes?"
"Do I have a chance with anyone?"
"No."
"What?!" Dragonborn yelled. "I have plenty chance with anyone!"
Saadia came by. "Oh, I'm sorry, Dragonborn," she said, knocking over the mead bottle that was being drunk.
"See," Inigo said. "Everyone hates you yet loves you at the same time."
"That makes no sense..." Dragonborn said, slumping back into the chair and reaching for a new mead, not even bothering about the spilled one.
"They're using you," Inigo reiterated.
"And yet I get no compensation?!" Dragonborn retorted.
"They think compensation is old trinkets, heirlooms, things they don't need and money. That's all they have. They don't have time for love," Inigo replied flatly.
"Oh..." Dragonborn said.
A moment of silence passed by other than the other conversations in the Bannered Mare.
"Serana?"
"Bethesda says no."
"Frea?"
"Bethesda says no."
"Miraak?"
"Bethesda says no."
"Isran?"
"Bethesda says-what? Why him?"
"Just speculating."
"Bethesda says no."
"Ugh...whyyyyyyy?" Dragonborn pouted like a child.
"Nobody likes you that way."
"And why not?!"
"You flirt with them too much."
It was true. The Dragonborn was a womanizer...even to men...then again, I haven't mentioned age nor gender.
-= *End* =-
Don't you think this is soooooo true?! Serana is bae. Then again, so is Frea.
Then again, they aren't bae. Want to know why?
Bae translates from Danish as "Poop." Don't believe me? Search it up!
Now, for the love of God, let the next Fanfiction begin!