(Not so) Fun Kingdom Hearts Switches!

(PROSE VERSION)

A Kingdom Hearts fanfic by Raberba girl

Summary: Xemnas comes up with an evil plan to switch people's personalities around. So now Goofy and Demyx are engaged in an epic battle, as Sephiroth trains with his Dancers and Sora tries to summon Kingdom Hearts...

A/N: This fanfic has been altered to conform to FFdotNet's (very silly) anti-script rule. The original version, which I prefer, is on my MMO account - please see my profile.

SORA is acting like Xemnas; DONALD is acting like Leon; GOOFY is acting like Sephiroth; LEON is acting like Donald; AERITH is acting like Axel; CLOUD is acting like Goofy; SEPHIROTH is acting like Demyx; XEMNAS is acting like Aerith; AXEL is acting like Sora; and DEMYX is acting like Cloud.

o.o.o

Somewhere in the bowels of his castle in the World That Never Was, Xemnas was laughing villainously. "Mwahahahahahaha!"

"Eep!" Demyx squealed, leaping into Axel's arms. "Axeeeeel, the boss is scaring me again!"

Axel dumped him on the ground. "Get away from me."

"Kingdom Hearts, I have done you proud!" Xemnas crowed. "Behold, I have now produced: THE ULTIMATE EVIL PLAN!" He triumphantly brandished a purple potion.

"I'm out of here," Axel muttered.

"NOT SO FAST, MINION."

Axel turned to his boss indignantly. "Who're you calling a minion? Hello, I'm only one of the most popular members of this stupid Organization, yo?"

Xemnas was not listening. "You will drink this potion, Axel and Demyx. You will drink it NOW."

Demyx burst into tears.

"What? Why us?" Axel complained.

"Because you are the only ones around at the moment."

Demyx frowned in confusion. "I thought it was because we are the only Nobodies whose personalities knows enough to write about..."

"Oh yeah?" Axel challenged Xemnas. "Well, check this!" He opened a dark portal to Hollow Bastion, where Sora & co. conveniently happened to be consulting with Leon, Aerith, Cloud, and Sephiroth. Well, with Leon and Aerith, anyway; Cloud and Sephiroth were too busy trying to reduce each other to lots of tiny pieces.

Leon looked up in annoyance. "Would you guys either cut that out or take it somewhere else? I can't hear myself think with all that sword clashing."

"I think that there Dark Depths place is still clear," Goofy said thoughtfully.

"Yeah!" Sora said eagerly. "You can fight there, and we'll come watch!"

Donald chuckled with evil glee. "Heheh, watch Cloud beat the livin' daylights outta Sephiroth, that is."

Sephiroth regarded them coldly and decided that Meteor would do. "Fools. I will decimate you all."

"Oh no!" Aerith cried. "You can't destroy the town again, Sephiroth - Yuffie will be so upset, because we just fixed it."

"I don't think he cares, Aerith!" Cloud said.

Then Sora noticed the fact that they had just been joined by three Nobodies. He whipped out his Keyblade and leaped into a fighting crouch. "Organization XIII!"

"Wak!" Donald squawked in alarm.

"Uh oh!" Goofy exclaimed, holding his shield at the ready.

Demyx was not happy to see them. "Noooo, it's the little monster with the Keyblade! Axel, don't let him hurt me again!"

Axel edged away. "Demyx, has anyone told you lately that you are pathetic?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Just curious."

"Mwahaha!" Xemnas cackled ominously. "Protagonists, prepare to face my dreaded Plan of Ultimate Villainy!"

"Oh no!" Sora gasped.

"Quick," Leon urged, "someone bash that nut over the head before he-"

The bottle in Xemnas's hands exploded so that purple potion goop got all over everyone.

"Too late," Cloud muttered.

Strange things started to happen.

Goofy gazed at Cloud with icy scorn. "Now, Cloud, shall we get ta business? Or do ya want ta eliminate them Nobody fools first?"

Cloud answered him with a cheerful laugh. "A-hyuk, I think yer talkin' to the wrong guy, Goofiroth!" He pointed at Demyx. "I think that's yer man!"

Goofy turned to Demyx. "So, it's you who so foolishly thinks that ya have any hope of escapin' the darkness in yer heart."

"I'll never lose to you, Sephi...Goof...whoever you are!" Demyx snarled. "Dance, Buster Sword, dance! Or whatever my attack phrase is now!" The two of them picked up where Cloud and Sephiroth had left off.

Xemnas looked on a little anxiously. "Oh dear, Demyx and Goofy are fighting, the poor boys. I shall clasp my hands together and fervently will that they stop."

"Forget that!" Leon yelled. "Fight, Demyx! Bonk that dummy on the head! Oh, wait, I'm supposed to be cheering for Goofy, right? Or...wait."

Axel looked over at him, confused. "What?"

"GOT IT MEMORIZED?" Aerith said forcefully, then laughed. "Heh heh, I've always wanted to say that!"

Donald raised an eyebrow. "You have?"

"I don't have anything memorized!" Sephiroth whined. "I don't get what's going on. Suddenly, I want to go swimming, and now I'm getting glomped by Dancer Nobodies instead of fangirls."

Xemnas giggled. "Tee hee, but the little Nobodies are so cute! When they're not, you know, attacking the town or my friends. Except that they never attacked my real friends." He paused, then shrugged and bent down to pet them. "In any case, they're still cute!"

"Oh, wow, this is crazy!" Axel groaned. "Hey, Leon - or Donald, whatever - should we go find Merlin and ask him if he can switch us all back to normal?"

"No way!" Cloud yelped. "I like bein' happy for once, a-hyuk!"

Aerith rolled her eyes. "You know what, Cloud, that is kind of pathetic."

"Yup, yup, yup!"

Donald shook his head. "Leave him alone, Aerith, he's had a rough time of it in ALL the Final Fantasy VIIs and in Kingdom Hearts. At least you're, you know, not dead in this universe."

Aerith grinned ruefully. "Heh, true. Got it memorized?"

Axel looked over at her. "Hey, you're making fun of me, aren't you!"

"No, just your senseless catchphrase," Donald assured him.

Xemnas was wringing his hands a little. "Well, I think I'm going to try to find Merlin before Goofy and Demyx hurt each other too badly."

"Mwahaha!" Sora cackled. "Not so fast, minion - I hold the power now, and I shall erase people's memories and fanatically release hearts until my dream of being a real person again at last comes true! Mwahaha!"

Axel tilted his head, frowning. "Well, that's kind of silly, seeing as how you're the only Somebody who's still alive..."

Aerith looked disgusted. "For crying out loud, Xemnas, I can't believe you were stupid enough to switch your OWN personality, too."

Xemnas smiled. "Don't worry, Aerith, everybody makes mistakes. I will always forgive you, and I'll be waiting until you find your light again!"

Leon blinked. "Huh?"

Xemnas hurried away to find Merlin as Sora drifted around, joyfully killing Heartless and eating their hearts. Sephiroth had started coaching the Dancers on a routine to his "One Winged Angel" theme. Donald, Leon, Cloud, and Axel went to watch Goofy and Demyx fight, as Aerith leaned against a wall with folded arms to observe the proceedings with a smirk.

Axel watched the two figures flashing around the battlefield. "Oh man, you think Goofy - I mean Demyx - can beat him?"

"He'd better!" Leon snapped.

Cloud looked worried. "Gee, I hope he don't get hurt or anythin'...maybe we should help?"

"This is Demyx's fight," Donald said authoritatively. "Leave him be."

Axel scratched his head. "But that's kind of weird, seeing as how you're supposed to be on Goofy's side, since you're his friend, though I guess you feel like you should be on Demyx's side because he's actually got your friend's personality. And I feel like I should be on Goofy's side even though I should really be on Demyx's side, but I don't really like Demyx anyway...wait, I'm confused..."

"Uh, I think we all are, Axel," Cloud said reassuringly.

"Got it memorized?"

"Shut up, Aerith," Donald grumbled.

"Seriously, you are mangling my catchphrase!" Axel insisted.

"Oh, for crying out loud, it's a stupid catchphrase to begin with!" Aerith said in exasperation.

"Don't make me go over and hit you with this Keyblade! I mean, these chakrams! In fact, since I'm really a member of the villainous Organization XIII instead of the virtuous hero of the story, I think I will!"

Aerith grinned and whipped out her materia-laden staff. "Bring it on, kid."

Axel brandished his weapons, then paused. Leon and Cloud watched him anxiously. Finally, Axel slumped in defeat. "I can't do it! I can't hurt my friend! Even though you're not really my friend!"

"Ha ha, loser."

"Say that again!" Leon squawked indignantly.

"Loser, loser, loser. Got it memorized?"

"Argh!" Axel yelled.

"Argh!" Demyx yelled at the same time. Everyone looked over and realized that Demyx, battered down to, like, 5 HP, had just been impaled by Goofy's...shield. Somehow.

Axel, Leon, and Cloud gasped hugely. "DEMYX!"

"Come on," Donald sighed.

A silent manly wince crossed Demyx's expression.

Goofy laughed coldly. "Hyuk hyuk hyuk. Ya thought ya could overcome the darkness in yer heart, didn'tcha. Now ya know that you'll never beat me. Prepare ta face yer doom."

"No, Demyx! Don't give up!" Axel cried.

"Yeah, you can't throw in the towel, you're a hero!" Leon insisted.

"Remember your friends, Demyx!" Cloud added. "Remember the power of the light! Here, have some sparkly happiness!"

Donald reached to stop him. "Cloud, you are not a Disney character, no matter how much you may think you are at the moment. You do not have any sparkly happiness to dispense."

"Aw, shucks."

Still, the encouragement seemed to have helped, for a look of determination came over Demyx's face. "Raaagh!" He wrenched free of the shield. "I won't lose, Goofy!"

Goofy laughed sarcastically and raised his shield to attack again.

"Dance, Omnislash, dance! Or whatever!"

"Yow!" Goofy glowered as he assumed his magnificently dignified Dying Pose. The effect was pretty much ruined since he is a goofy dog-thing rather than a gloriously beautiful one-winged swordsman.

"Yeah! Way to go, Demyx!" Axel cheered.

Leon was jumping up and down. "Hooray!"

"We knew ya could do it, Demyx!" Cloud said triumphantly.

Demyx gave them a small manly smile.

Sora chose that moment to butt in again. "Mwahahaha!"

"Oh great," Donald sighed.

Everyone turned to find that Sora, in AntiForm, was snuggling an armful of panicked Heartless and had heart crumbs scattered around his mouth. "Kingdom Hearts! Take these last hearts, and make me real at last!"

"Delusional idiot," Aerith grumbled under her breath.

Sephiroth, happily oblivious, was crooning at his new Nobody pets. "Dance, little angels, dance! Hey, ominous Latin chanters, tone it down a notch, no one can hear me singing!"

Aerith applauded sarcastically.

"Oh look, a fangirl!" Sephiroth exclaimed in delight. "Would you like an autograph?"

"No."

"Don't worry, you can have one anyway!" He scribbled his name (Sephyx) on a scrap of paper and presented it to her, beaming.

Aerith looked at it. "...Oh well. At least I can sell it on eBay for a million munny once this personality-switching craziness blows over."

Xemnas hurried back with Merlin in tow. "Look everyone, I brought Merlin! I hope I didn't take too long convincing him that I wasn't going to gobble up his heart, steal all his magic spells and blow up his hometown. I'm sure he can switch our personalities back!"

"Uh, problem?" Donald pointed at the maniacally-cackling Sora.

"Oh dear," Merlin murmured.

"Sora, come on down!" Cloud called up. "Yer actin' all confuzzled!"

"Silence, emo-bish-turned-cheerful-dog-thing!" Sora commanded. "My dream is about to come truuuuuue!" At that point he began to be filled with light so blinding that everyone had to cover their eyes. He slowly descended to earth, where he was revealed to be...Sora. "YEEEEEESSS! I AM REEEEAAAALL!"

"Uh...but haven'tcha always been real, Sora?" Cloud said cautiously.

"Somebody shoot that idiot," Aerith said.

Axel smiled a little and shook his head. "Oh man, I'm glad Roxas isn't around to see this...heh, he's probably cowering somewhere in Sora's mind, terrified of getting involved in this loony bin."

"Hm, yes, I see the problem," Merlin was saying. He clapped his hands to get their attention. "All right, everyone! I want you all to join together and hold hands."

"But we're in the middle of practice!" Sephiroth protested.

"I am NOT holding hands with HIM." Demyx pointed accusingly at Goofy, who had not quite died yet and was ignoring him.

"I'm too cool to hold hands with people," Aerith asserted.

"MWAHAHAHAHA! KINGDOM HEARTS! KINGDOM HEEEEAAAARRRTTSS!"

Looking fed up, Donald went around threatening to beat people up if they didn't do as Merlin said. "I want my real personality back. That is, Leon does; I think it's kind of interesting not being the comic relief for once."

"All right now," Merlin said, "everyone concentrate very hard on your true personalities. Are you concentrating?"

"No!" Sephiroth wailed. "I like being strong and sexy and so scary that no one can ever make me do stuff I don't wanna dooooo!" He burst into tears.

Goofy glared daggers at him. "CONCENTRATE ON YER TRUE PERSONALITY OR I'LL CHOP YER HEAD OFF."

Sephiroth whimpered. "Okay."

"Nooooo, I want to keep being a reeeeaaaall person!" Sora insisted. Aerith impatiently whacked him on the back of the head with her staff so that he crumpled to the ground, unconscious.

"That felt good," Aerith said with satisfaction.

"As Axel hitting Xemnas or as Aerith hitting Sora?" Leon asked interestedly.

"None of your business."

Cloud added thoughtfully, "Or it could be as Aerith hittin' Xemnas or Axel hittin' Sora..."

"I SAID, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Actually, I'm not even sure myself. GOT IT MEMORIZED?"

Eventually everyone got serious enough to concentrate, and their personalities were finally restored.

"Eep! I didn't do it!" Demyx flung himself through the dark portal back to the relative safety of the World That Never Was.

Goofy winced. "Yowch...I think I need a Hi-Potion."

Cloud stalked off in a mortified huff.

Axel bowed his head for a moment, thinking sadly to himself. 'Man, now I miss Roxas more than ever. Stupid Sora.' He disappeared without a word.

Xemnas was quite unhappy. "...All that work by the boy who had my personality, and yet I am still not real." He dramatically flung his arms up to Kingdom Hearts. "ONE DAY, I SHALL GET MY REVENGE!"

"Shut up." Sephiroth skewered him and flew away.

Aerith winced. "Ouch...that brought back some bad memories. Which I technically shouldn't still have in this universe."

Leon released a breath of relief. "Looks like we're back to normal."

"Yay!" Donald cheered.

Goofy, however, was more concerned. "Uh, Sora? Sora...?" He and Donald anxiously revived their friend as Saïx showed up to drag his unconscious leader's butt back home.

"Oh, what a shame," Merlin sighed. "I'd hoped to be able to have a captured Nobody to study."

"Oh well!" Sora said brightly. "At least the original plot is back on track, right?"

"Unless I get an idea for a sequel," Raberba girl suggested.

"Noooooo!" everyone howled in a panic.

THE END

Author's Notes: When I first wrote this story, I'd only played Kingdom Hearts II, so I knew Organization XIII a lot better though other people's fanwork than through canon. I apologize for the OOCness. Ftr, I've now played five of the currently-released six games and have watched all the cutscenes for Chain of Memories, so I'm much more familiar with the Org.