Dez had just left for his date with Carrie, he had asked Austin to help him pick out a good outfit, wanting to look good for the girl. Austin helped, with a sad heart, but if it made the redhead smile that big goofy grin that he loved, he would help him. Austin knew what was likely going to happen on that date, only because his best friend wouldn't shut up about it. He was so in love with Carrie, it made the singers heart hurt every time the girl's name was mentioned, worse when spoken by him because he was so in love with the redhead.
Austin made his way home, walking as it started to drizzle a bit; it wasn't that far from Dez's place so he didn't care. Reaching home, he went straight to his room, closing the door behind him. He sat on his bed, pulling his legs in closer to himself, resting his chin on his knee as memories played through his mind.
It was the middle of the night when Dez tapped on his window, it made him groan a little at being awoken, but he gladly opened the window for his best friend to climb into his room. Austin had quickly noticed the change in the redhead's body language, he wasn't holding himself up as high as he usually did. He was slouched, making the singer frown.
"Dez, what's wrong?" Austin asked as he turned on the lamp by his bed, the little light that came from it made the shorter of the two see the redness around his best friend's eyes. Like he had been crying. "Dez, what happened? Why have you been crying?" He quickly asked bringing him to the bed to he could wrap a comforting arm around his best friend.
"T-There is something wrong with me Austin." Was Dez's reply before he buried his head into his friend's shoulder.
Austin's hand went up to run his finger's soothingly through the red hair. "What? Because as far I know, nothing is? Is it something bad?"
Dez nodded his head in response.
"What is it? Tell me please?"
"I…." Dez started but didn't finish because as started, Austin's door flung open and there was Mike, a scowl spread across his face.
"Dez, out! And Austin you should be in bed, asleep." Mike growled out, pointing towards the door, signalling for Dez to leave. But Austin stood up, confused by his father's actions.
"What the hell? You're kicking Dez out; he can just sleep here and go in the morning. Nothing new dad." Austin retorted back to his father, not wanting to see his best friend leave in the state he was in.
"No fucking faggot will be under my roof. Get him out Austin."
The singer's jaw dropped at his father's words. "How fucking dare you call Dez that!" He yelled at his father, his fist clenching.
"My roof, my rules Austin. I want Dez out, and if he's not out after I've gone to the bathroom, I will personally kick him out." Mike spoke in a firm voice before turning around to leave.
Once his father was out of his room, he grabbed his own backpack and started to fill it with a few clothes and shoes. Dez just sat on Austin's bed, knowing that his friend wouldn't kick him out, but he was scared of what Mike will do when he gets back. Austin has never seen his father this angry, what the hell happened while he was asleep. When Austin was done, he flung his bag over his shoulder and told Dez to follow him. They were going to go to a motel, both of them.
That was the night Austin found out that Dez was gay… well that is what he thought at the time, now he's realised it was pansexual. Austin listened to Dez talk about how his family didn't say anything when he said those words. How they just stared at him, not saying a thing making the redhead flee to his best friend's house after crying in the park. That was the night when Austin realised that he too, may not be straight either. They were in that motel for over three months, and every night Austin could hear Dez crying about a guy he couldn't even talk too and it pained the singer that all he could do was be there for him. Now, five years later, here was Austin crying in his own room at night because he too, was in love with a guy that he couldn't have. He was crying because what if his father found out and came to find him? What would happen if the media found out about the months before Dez meet Carrie? Who Dez was dating before that, who was exploring each other's bodies in ways they were new too?
Wiping at his wet eyes, Austin reached over to his drawers and pulled out the packet of cigarettes that lay in it. Shaking out one and the lighter, he sighed. He knew smoking was bad, but it gave him a nice stress relief from everything, plus he only picked up the habit a year ago, a year since Dez and Carrie have been dating. That's how he knows how long he's been huffing and puffing on these death sticks. The cigarette lingered in between his as he lit it up and taking in a nice long drag before laying himself down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Wondering why his life has gotten to this downward spiral.
Austin has barely kept a relationship since then, the only one he had lasted around two months because he would never let himself get that far into the relationship, he just couldn't open up to them, not like he could with Dez. Not even to Ally or Trish. He hasn't felt whole since Dez broke it off with him for Carrie, and there seems to be nothing that will ever fill it. His relationship with his parents is barely there, ever since that night he went with Dez, he hasn't even told his parents that he's bisexual, scared of his father reaction. Scared because he saw his father's reaction to Dez and he didn't want that heartache.
The singer, every time he's with the redhead, the smile he put on wasn't as full as it use to be, it's forced because his heart is breaking because he isn't with him the way they use to be. His smile has never been its fullest since the break up.
After he finished the smoke, he put it out and a new set of tears started to flow, he cried himself to sleep that night, for the second time that week, it was only Tuesday.
Dez did it, he proposed to Carrie, it made Austin want to scream out in frustration, out of hurt and pain. The redhead had come over to the blonds' apartment the next day to tell him the news. Austin put on a smile for the redhead, he was happy for him, he was, truly he was, but it still broke him that it was Carrie and not him. That night, Dez and Austin went out to celebrate it, despite Austin's protest against it, he still went along. Alcohol went down his throat, one shot after another, one cocktail mix after another. If he was offered it, he drank it down as fast as he could. He hadn't even noticed that Dez had left, until he was so drunk off his ass that he needed to be taken home and couldn't find the tall redhead.
After that night, it became kind of a regular thing for the singer. Dress up nice before going down to the local bar. He downed at least half a bottle of Jim Beam in shots one night, having to call Ally to come pick him up as he couldn't walk straight.
The liquid at first didn't feel nice against his throat when he would have it straight. But, he slowly started to love the harsh feeling the burning bourbon would give his throat. Some nights, it would be full of shots, other nights mixed drinks, others just a mix of the two. He would get so pissed that he could barely walk and was a giggling mess before he would dial the last number called on his phone to pick him up. It was always Ally, from the first night, the only reason he calls anyone any more is for them to come collect his drunken ass from the club, with his whiskey loathsome breath.
Some nights, he wouldn't call a soul; he would end up in the bed of someone else, fucking them till he sleeps it off. After one of these nights he staggered into his apartment after his one night stand dropped him off. He was wanting to crawl into bed, and just sleep forever, or just until the night came about again. But of course things weren't going to go as he wanted because as soon as he walked into his living room there was his parents and his friends, all sitting there looking worried.
"Guys, if this is meant to be a surprise party, it failed." The blond tried to joke, before his eyes looked around at everyone. He watched as Ally stood up and walked towards him. As soon as they were within arm's reach, he felt her hand go across his face, making his hand fly up to where she had smacked him. "What the hell was that for Ally?" He growled out in response.
"Where have you been Austin? You've been missing for three days without a call to no one. We were fine when it got to just one day, but three Austin. Where have you been?" Ally shot back, but as Austin looked into her eyes, he could see the worry in her eyes.
"I've just been out, guess I forgot to call. Sorry about it. Been with… someone."
"Who Austin?" Dez asked, but Austin decided to ignore it, causing the redhead to frown. This then made Carrie place her hands comforting over Dez's hand, giving it a light squeeze.
This action didn't go unnoticed by the blond who scowled and sat down on the empty lazy boy that no one was in. He was aware that everyone's eyes were on him, especially when he pulled out the packet of cigarettes and placed one between his lips before lighting it up. Dez asked how long has he been smoking but the singer didn't answer.
"Sweetie, when did you start this… bad habit?" His mother asked, concern filling her voice, making Austin feel a little guilty.
"'Round a year and half ago." He replied with a small shrug before taking in a long drag of the cigarette before tilting his head up a little, blowing the smoke up into the air above him. When Austin's eyes came back to look at everyone, he kept his eyes on a certain someone, wondering if they were able to make the dam connection, but it didn't happen. "Why are you guys here, I don't think it's for me being missing, you would be at someone else's house."
"We are concerned for you." Ally spoke up from where she sat now on the couch next to his mother. His father wasn't here anymore, and neither was Trish did they leave when he wasn't paying attention to the rest of them.
Another drag of his smoke before he replied with "Why, I'm fine."
The others in the room shook their heads "You aren't Austin, every night; you call me up to ask me to pick you up. And every single time you are drunk off your ass. You are so smashed, I don't think you even realise that you once told me about what happened about…" Ally didn't finish the sentence, just made a quick glance to Dez that only the blond noticed.
Austin's eyes widened but he quickly shook his head. "Don't know what you are talking 'bout. You are concerned about my drinking? Why? I like it, not hurting anyone am I?"
"Some nights you don't call, and we worry about you very much. That is hurting us, because what if one night, you decided to get behind the wheel, or decided to walk home and got killed, or what if you someone picked up and…. And did things to you. We are scared Austin for your safety." Mimi spoke, her voice trying not to break at the image of her son bloody and broken in front of her.
"Okay, so I know why Ally and Mum are here. What about you Dez, huh?" His question was snarky, his voice sending a harsh tone making the redhead flinch a bit as the question was sent his way.
"Because I care about you Austin. We've been friends since kindergarten, and I don't like how you are destroying yourself with all this drinking."
"Why, you did it. " Was Austin's cold remark to his best friend's words.
Dez looked at the ground, pulling his hand out of Carrie's hand so that he could fiddle with his fingers. "That was a long time ago Austin, and I was young and I stopped two months into it. I stopped because you straightened me out. And I want to do the same to you."
A cold laugh left Austin's lips, and he shook his head. "Yea, that musta been why you went out to the bar to celebrate your fucking engagement to Miss Princess over there. If you stopped, why didn't we just celebrate at home huh?"
"Don't take that tone with my Dez." Carrie finally said something, something which made Austin want to scream and lash out. But he just settled with a scowl.
"I talk to whoever I want, however the hell I want, Princess." His voice was harsh towards her, and he didn't care. The alcohol clearly still in his system because it was now making its way out through snarky remarks.
"Austin! What the hell is wrong with you? I thought you liked Carrie."
He scoffed and rolled his brown eyes, was Dez really that dense? "Are you fucking kidding me? Why the hell would I like her, you dumped me for her. Literally. You meet her, and then next day I know we are over. Does she know what we've done, the way you would hold me, the way you would touch me? does she know you fucked me in the bed she is sleeping in right now, that you fucked me that night you meet her in that bed?"
Dez stood up very quickly, taking hold of Carrie's hand before walking out. Carrie was out the door first, leaving Dez standing at the door, a few seconds went by before he spoke "We said we weren't going to talk about those months. You can no longer be my best man, you lost that."
"I already lost you to her; I don't need to see it done legally. So go fuck yourself!" Austin retorted, the next second the door slammed shut and that was when tears started to fill Austin's eyes and he broke out crying. God, did he really just say that to his best friend, just outed himself and his friend to everyone. Oh god, he screwed up, and now he has completely lost his best friend forever most likely. He sobbed and heaved as his mother and friend comforted him.
Days went by and every night, around six, Austin would call Dez to apologise, sometimes he would answer, only to hang up when Austin started to say those words over and over again. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, like a broken record, repeating one the same loop, over and over until you couldn't stand it. Last night the blond singer had went over to his best friends place, his eyes a little red but he didn't care because since when weren't they red any more. But when Dez opened the door with Carrie attached to his hip, all Austin could get out was a shaky 'I'm sorry, please forgive me. I want my best friend back. I'm sorry.' before he dashed off, not wanting to see the couple in his sight. He could have sworn he heard the redhead say that he was still his best friend, but that had to be a lie. It just had to be. As he drove home, he couldn't feel his heart any more, it's almost like its left him now.
Austin spent the day wrapped up in his apartment, curtains shut, and lights off, no music or TV going. He was sitting in the violent silence, as his mind just kept his bad thoughts on repeat. A broken record just like the words I'm sorry that seem to only fall from his lips when he spoke to anyone. It was now nearing six and Austin was about to reach for his phone when there was a knock on his door, letting out a sad sigh he stood up from his bed, wrapping the blanket around his shoulder's to open it to see a the redhead he was about to call in front of him.
"What are you doing here?"Austin questioned his voice groggy, like he's just woken up not long ago, which in fact he just did.
The redhead fiddled with his fingers before his blue eyes rested upon his friend in front of him "How are you Austin?" He asked as if though he was just searching for something to start the conversation, like he was told to talk to him.
"I'm fine." The blond lied, of course he wasn't fine. He was cooped up in his apartment, crying and doing nothing as all his photos were scattered across the ground. No more drinking because it was all taken away.
"No you're not Austin." Dez spoke with a light frown, he always knew when his best friend lied, and he knew all the tale tell signs. The little look off to the side, and the tiny shift in Austin's stance that told him that the other was lying.
"I'm fine, Dez." He huffed a little, raising an eyebrow towards him, his eyes rested upon the Dez's freckles upon the bridge of his nose before they lingered just a little bit longer upon his best friends' lips. God he missed when he was able to kiss those lips, when he could taste them upon his.
"You need to move on Austin, from me. I've found Carrie, I'm sorry; it just didn't work it between us okay."
"I can see that Mr Engaged." He was now fighting the tears that started to brim his eyes. He took in a deep breath before he spoke the biggest lie he has said to date "There will be somebody else, I understand. Goodbye Dez." Austin spoke before closing the door on his friend before he could say anything else and make Austin feel any more worse then he was. His hand went up to cover his mouth, trying to quieten the sob that left his mouth as a new flood of tears over came him. Even with this fighting, he still loves that dam redhead. Why did this have to happen to him, why can't he just get over Dez? He just didn't understand it. The singer threw his head back, making a thud noise against the door, "I still love you Dez, and how I do not know that." He spoke aloud, "I still fucking love you, but you don't love me back. Why? Why is this happening to me?"
The words that Dez spoke ran through his mind, over and over. A new broken record for his mind to play him. Wiping at his eyes, he took in a deep breath. Maybe he should take a walk, so he went and grabbed one of his jackets and a cigarette. The smoke rested between his lips as put on his jacket before he walked outside, lighting up the death stick and taking a long drag. He walked with his head down, taking in long drags of his cigarette and letting it out. It was clear that he wasn't paying attention to what was happening around because, when the screech of tries sounded, Austin looked up, but it was too late and he was slammed into the front of the car. Sending a big mass of pain throughout his body as it flew a bit. His head impacted with the ground, making him groan but soon he was starting to get tired and couldn't open his eyes. What was happening? Was he dying?
Waking up, he felt very groggy and he tried to move his hand to rub at his eyes but someone was holding it. Wait… where was he? Opening his eyes fully he saw a blinding light against a very white ceiling. He survived getting hit? As he was getting more awake, he started to feel the slight pain within his body. His head pounded, much worse than those days he woke up with a killer hangover. He could feel the bandage that was covering his side. "Who's in here?" He asked his voice husky and his throat dry a bit making him cringe a bit. He would have turned his head to see but the pounding in his head was telling him, if he did, it would just worsen.
"We all are, me," Ally spoke up and coming into his line of site, a weak smile upon her lips. "Your parents are with a nurse, and Dez is next to you. Trish is with another singer. Wanting to manage them. Said she really needed too."
Austin scoffed "No, she just didn't want to see me. I know it; I've fucked up really badly. Said stupid shit, done stupid shit."
"Yeah, like not looking where the fuck you are going. Jesus Christ Austin, what the hell where you thinking." Dez's voice spoke before the redhead came into his vision, Ally had decided to help Austin to sit up by propping up the pillows; he winced a bit, but thanked her.
I love my best friend but he's getting married is what he was thinking, all he was thinking was about his best friend, about everything that had happened within the last 24 hours before he got hit. "Clearly I wasn't. Like I haven't been. I'm sorry." The blond murmured "Where's Carrie, or why aren't you with her?"
"My best friend was hit by a car; you think I'm going to not see you?"
"You seemed to hate me, so no; I didn't think you would come." Hell, he was kind of hoping he didn't survive because that would have made his life so much better, he wouldn't have to see Dez and Carrie together ever again. Austin felt his hand being squeezed a bit.
"I don't hate you Austin. Even when you told everyone about what happened between us."
Austin looked away from Dez, shame and guilt over flowing him. "I-I'm sorry, I truly am. I was, just so fucking pissed, and hurt and… I was wrong to do it, despite how I feel for you, I should be happy for you and Carrie. But, you want to know something?" Austin asked, raising an eyebrow at him. At the corner of his eye he saw that Ally was leaving but he waved at her, signalling that she didn't need to leave, because he was scared that if what he said made Dez go away, he would need someone else with him. Once he saw Dez nod his head he took in a deep breath. "I fell in love with you Dez, I did. And I did before we dated, when exactly, I am unsure but I did. My heart did flips when you asked me out. To know that you had finally gotten over that guy you were always talking about to me with. So, when you broke up with me, to date Carrie, I broke. Every night, I cried myself to sleep. I thought I wasn't good enough for you, that you found something better than me in her." Austin took a deep breath, needing to slow down his talking as he was picking up pace in his speech. "I hated myself; I tried to move on from you, but… I couldn't and… I haven't. I still love you, and I don't care anymore. If you hate me for it, go ahead, I already do. I know you have Carrie, and if she makes you happy, I will try and be happy for you, I will because I'm fucking done caring about how I feel because it seems to be no use to anyone anymore."
Tears had formed in Austin's eyes, great, not even five minutes from waking up and he was already ready to break once again. He closed his eyes and took in a few deep breaths and letting them out slowly. When he felt a pair of lips pressed against his forehead, he opened up his eyes to see the redhead pulling away. "Please don't hate yourself; you are a wonderful human being who I screwed over. And you know how you all think I'm dense, you are too Austin. I was talking about you to you. I was hoping that you would catch on, but you never did, then I finally, finally did ask you out. But then yeah, I did meet Carrie, something in me wanted to ask her out, so I broke it off with you, I thought that you wouldn't care. I think I asked her out as more to appease my parents then anything else. She reminded me of you. Hair, the round square face. You both have this energetic laugh."
"Dez…. You shouldn't be saying that, or talking about me like that, not when you are engaged. I couldn't do that."
"Good thing I'm not engaged then."
Austin and Ally's jaws dropped "What?" They both exclaimed, Ally adding on a 'Since when'.
"Since I dropped everything to come to Austin's side. It was the last straw for Carrie. She had said, 'If you walk out that door right now, consider our relationship gone. Austin can wait till the morning' but I couldn't just go to sleep knowing Austin was here, and could possibly die. She had called me, in the morning, telling me that when I get home, all her stuff was going to be gone."
"I'm so sorry Dez; it would be my fault, and those things I said. I screwed it over for you." Austin apologised, licking his a bit.
"It wasn't your fault. It's because, I think she's known that I've been in love with you for a while." Dez replied, giving Austin's hand a quick squeeze.
"Y-You what?" The blond asked, his jaw dropping once again, did he just hear his best friend correctly.
"Yes Austin, I'm in love with you. I love you too"
Austin didn't know what to do, cry tears of joy, or break out in a huge smile. He would lean up to kiss the other if it wouldn't send pain throughout him. Using his other hand, Dez, brushed some of Austin's hair behind his ear before leaning in; pressing his lips so gently against the other male's lips. Austin returned it just as gentle. As the taller pulled back, the blond smiled widely. He wasn't dreaming, or maybe he was and he was dead, but the yelling of outrage from his father told him otherwise. He watched as his father was escorted out by his mother who gave him a big old grin, telling him that she was proud of him. This wasn't a dream and his best friend liked him back, only bad thing now was that he was stuck in the hospital.