I Regret Nothing

Their boots clicked on the hard, grimy linoleum floor, and Natalya's heart jumped in her chest with every thud. Still aching from her last beating, she dragged herself over to the freezing iron door and tried to glean what fleeting snatches of conversation she could.

"…So may I consider myself a member of the Party now?"

Aha. So Vanya was trying to join the Communist Party, was he?

Ivan could just do what he liked.

A sigh. "You must understand, Comrade Braginsky, it is not all that easy for you nation-beings. It is not all done on paper, in words and ink."

"Why not?"

"Because, comrade, you are the representative of our great nation and therefore you must behave as such. You must treat the representatives of the other Soviet republics as the USSR would – they deserve nothing, you understand me comrade? Nothing! They work for the Soviet system and we give them their dues and rewards -"

She heard Ivan, her brother, sigh. Natalya's heart softened.

It was Vanya who sighed.

"Is anything the matter, Comrade?"

"Da, go on."

"But if we treat them with compassion and, and – that horrid, archaic thing – mercy, they will grow lax in their contributions to Mother Russia and consider themselves greater than the rest. United we are strong, Comrade! Other empires have risen, and fallen due to disunity and internal corruption – not our Soviet Union. We will not tolerate such behaviours and beliefs! And that is why you, Comrade Braginsky, must pass this final test!"

"What am I to be tested for?"

"Tested against, comrade."

"Against what?"

"…Disloyalty. Favouritism."

"I have every loyalty to my country," she heard her brother haltingly answer. "And as for favouritism, I believe you can hardly call what I did favouritism!"

"Comrade, let us not speak of that. I am giving you another chance, and I will not have you repaying my generosity by mentioning something that we both agreed to forget."

In the silence that ensued, Natalya's frostbitten ears easily picked up the sound of her brother's sigh.

A key turned in the lock.

Shivering but energised by the wings of fear Natalya scuttled off into the corner of her cold, cramped cell. She winced as the thin film of ice which covered the walls touched a fresh bruise on the small of her back.

She curled up into a ball until she was as small as she could force herself to be, not caring that the cold of the walls was enhancing the feverish pain of her injuries. Maybe this time they wouldn't see her. Maybe this time they'd forgive…

Forgive what? Natalya still didn't know. One morning she had simply been eating breakfast in her painfully empty but apparently safe apartment in Minsk – the next, armed Secret Police soldiers were hauling her by the handcuffed arms into the back of an old truck and she'd been brought here. Since then the days that passed had been like a bad dream that never ended. Beatings, pain, inquisition…

And pain again…

The door swung open on its rusty hinges, and the creaking of its oil-hungry protest seemed a ghastly wail, a plaintive sealing of her near fate...

Light, like doom, inundated the cell, and standing in it she could make out two figures. But her dark-accustomed eyes failed to match the faces with the name.

And then, in a flash of sweet remembrance like a summer breeze, prisoner 30144 remembered the name of the one on the right.

It was her brother, Ivan Braginsky.

"B-big brother?" she weakly groaned, trying to sit up.

"30144, have you forgotten the rules? No speaking unless spoken to?"

"I have not forgotten. But -"

Vanya's fists clenched. "You never mentioned my sister being involved in this! I didn't even know – when was she arrested, I was never informed!"

"We did not see the need, Comrade."

Stop calling him comrade, his name is Vanya! Natalya wanted to scream at the tall, gray-haired man by her brother's side.

But of course she didn't.

"Release her! What has she done?"

"We will release her…if you pass the test."

Vanya's voice lowered. "I still do not know what the test is, and unless I am informed -"

"Patience, Comrade. You will now be informed. It does involve your sister. We have…questioned her, and she has been found -"

Natalya's breath caught in her throat.

"- Loyal to the Soviet Union. There was no fault found…"

"Does that mean she will be set free?"

"Yes, Comrade, stop interrupting me. Now the test is not for your sister; she has already passed hers. The test is yours, as is the choice you make.

"Your sister, as we both know, is the representative of the area known as Byelorussia…and that has caused us to treat her with more severity than is usual. Our sincerest apologies, madam," the cold, heartless voice continued, turning on the charm.

Was she dreaming all this?

"But there is one last thing…"

No, she wasn't dreaming.

"The Soviet Union wishes to know where your loyalty stands. You know that your sister is immortal, being a nation-representative, yes?"

Vanya was all white, and his hands were shaking. "Da."

The old man pressed a pistol into his gloved hand. "Now, you can either shoot her, knowing she will eventually be fine…or you can shoot me. Do not think you can get away with anything…"

The door was open.

"Half the guards are watching," he continued in his monotone voice. "If the choice you take is the latter, I will die, but perhaps you do not wish to know the fate of yourself and 30144 that you will seal by taking it."

Natalya's eyes widened. She tremblingly stood up and, trying to look dignified, walked towards the old man.

"Please," she whispered, her voice wavering, "I have done nothing wrong, and neither has Va- my brother, C-comrade Braginsky…I should not be imprisoned and he should not have to do this…I am a good patriot and…"

"Comrade Arlenskaya, I have no control over the situation you find yourselves in, and your pleas will likely as not do nothing but worsen your situation."

"Th-this is, it's inhumane!" Vanya panted. "How do you expect me to…how can I…sir, I mean Comrade, this is completely meaningless and unnecessary!"

"I have the same answer for you, Comrade, as I had for your sister."

"But why…? It makes no sense!"

"To prove you would sooner obey the commands of your superiors than spare Comrade Arlenskaya, the representative of Byelorussia, due to familial favoritism- "

Without another word, Ivan lifted the pistol and fitted his finger to the trigger. By the ease with which he performed this action Natalya guessed immediately which of the two her brother had decided to shoot.

"Vanya, I will be okay! You know that; shoot me, and we'll both…" her voice broke, and she burst into tears.

"Natalya, you know that will never happen," he whispered, his eyes stony. He was no longer Vanya, but at least he wasn't Comrade Braginsky; now he was simply Ivan, as he had been when Natalya had heard his determined footsteps ringing out on their way to her cell. "We both know just how effective the Soviet system is."

Natalya screamed at him, "Vanya, you hear me? Shoot me, you idiot!"

A shot rang out.

Natalya's body felt no pain.

The next day, the brother and sister were sentenced to life in prison, in Siberia obviously. Natalya wouldn't have even cared, not as long as she could be with him; but the men's barracks were separate from the women's. And so, on the freezing train to Irkutsk, Natalya cried and cried, blond head buried in her threadbare coat.

As long as the Soviet Union lasted, she would never see her brother again – her Ivan, her big brother, the Vanya who wouldn't shoot her even to save himself from a lifetime of backbreaking work!

Never once did she feel angry at him for bringing the same fate on her…

Dear God, she prayed as the metal monster roared down the tracks on its way to Siberia, bring this crazed empire of suffering down, so that we can be together again…

The horn hooted.

Natalya regretted nothing…

THE END