A Ronin Warriors Fanfic by Kosaku Mitsuko
As always, the characters belong to their creators and not to me...regretfully...
So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn, there's vultures and theives at your back.
Storm keeps on twistin', keep on buildin' the lies that you make up for all that you lack.
It don't make no difference escapin' one last time.
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness, that brings me to my knees...
~~~
It was raining the day Sai died.
The rain was chilling, drenching his form, each drop like a cold knife, peircing his skin. He was dreadfully cold, but trudged on, helping suppoart the one next to him. Kento had gotten drunk. Again. He'd been acting quite odd for the past days, and always came home drunkenly furious. Sai sighed, as Kento muttered choice curses, as they trudged through the muddied grass, the rain unrelenting. Sai's fingers grew numb, and he had lost feeling in his toes, but they were almost home, where it would be warm.
Rowen and Sage, both reletively sober, walked behind Sai and Kento, slowly. Ryo had waited at home with Mia. No doubt, they had fallen asleep by now, probably in each other's arms. A soft growl escaped Sai, and he scolded himself for it.
He was jealous and knew it, but wasn't sure why. Neither Ryo nor Mia was the person he wanted. Perhaps it was because they had each other, when he had nobody. All he had were his wishes...He gave a small glance behind him, a half smile crossing his face, as he spied Rowen, his blue tassles matted down upon his head, water droplets dripping down upon his nose.
Sai's looking back wasn't the best thing to do. He tripped on the front step and lost his balance, releasing Kento, and dropping him hard upon the steps.
" Ah, Kento! Gomen..." Sai reached down to help the other up, but, instead, yelped, as he was pushed backwards into the door, which opened, sending Sai on his back on the carpet.
" 'Swat you get fer droppin' me, bastard!"
" Kento, knock it off." Rowen said from behind, as he and Sage stepped into the house, Rowen reaching down to help Sai up. Sai stood, and shook his head.
" A-arigatou..." And, for some reason, this angered Kento.
" Ah, sure! When little Mr. Pansy-ass whimp here falls, ya help him up without a secon' thought! Bu' me? nah, nah..." His speech was slurred, a drunken glaze over his eyes.
" I...I'm not...." Sai stuttered, his eyes tearing up, as he edged backwards. " Stop it, Kento..."
Kento smirked, mimicing Sai " Stop it Kento!" He made some feminine geastures, before returning to his drunken state. " Why? Ya gonna cry, baby?! You're such a whimp! No good ta any of us!!" Kento wobbled a bit where he stood, and pointed accusingly at Sai, who backed away more, silently. He turned quickly, and made for the stairs, a hand gripping tightly upon the banister.
" Yea, th't's right! Go upstairs and cry, ya little pans-"
" Kento, knock it off!! " Rowen screamed at him, before showing him and knocking him upon his back. Sage merely rolled his eyes, and walked into the kitchen.
* You're no good to any of us!* Sai thought to himself, before running quickly up the stairs and to the bathroom, where he closed the door behind him hard, and clicked the lock, before slumping down upon the door, and crying.
* That's right...* He thought to himself. * you're no good to any of them. You're weak...pathetic...* his thoughts faded off, and he stood, tears sliding down his pale face. He stomped over to the sink, producing a razor that had so carelessly been strewn upon the procelin, and gripped, with difficuty, as his fingers were still numb from the skin peircing rain, which still beat heavily upon the windows.
He pulled up the moistened sleeve upon his arm, and stared at the pale, damp flesh for a moment, before he clumbsily brought the razor to his arm, and dragged it across the flesh. The skin was torn, and blood slowly seaped its way from him, but pain didn't register. His consiousness of what he was doing escaped him then. It didn't hurt. But wasn't it supposed to? It had all the other times he had done it. Everytime he had been neglected or ridiculed, it had hurt, and now..He stared at his arm for a moment longer, before, again, dragging the razor across his arm.
Still no affect. More blood dripped down the pale flesh, and the sea green hues just stared blankly at it. Perhaps he was dead, he thought. Perhaps he had died without knowing it. He shook his head. There was blood. A third attempt was about to be made, before a soft knock was heard at the door, followed by a soothing voice.
" Sai! Sai, you in there?" It was Rowen, concern edging into his docel tones. " Kento passed out." He stated, as an attempt to relieve the other. " He was drunk. You shouldn't let what he said bother you." Sai blinked, as the knob was jostled. " Sai?"
Sai's eyes stared vaguely for a bit longer, before he blinked at the razor dissapprovingly, and tossed it behind him, into the trash, and pulled down the moistened sleeve, hiding the arm behind his back. He wiped at his eyes with his free hand, before unlocking and opening the door, stepping into the hall with his head downcasted.
" You okay, buddy?" Rowen placed a hand on the British boy's shoulder, and stared, as his head rose...and he smiled. Or almost smiled. Sai's eyes scared Rowen then. Though his tones seemed joyous, his eyes were full of contempt of... Himself? Kento? He wasn't quite sure.
" Of course I'm okay. He was only drunk. I shouldn't let it bother me. " He then slipped under Rowen's hand, and slowly made towards the direction of his room. Rowen quickly grabbed him by his hand and pulled him into a quick hug, which was meekly returned to him.
" I'm here if ya need to talk, ya know." Sai broke away, and nodded, before quickly walking to his room, and closed the door. There wasn't much sleep from Sai that night. He stared, futilessly at the ceiling, as the rain pounded upon the roof, lightening cracking the air, sending deep flashes of light upon that pale face. Tonight had been the last straw. Sai was dead.
~~~
The silence in the room was somehow unbearable to Sai. Just the sound of teh storm raging outside filled the air, sending an eerie vibe throughout him. The dishes, now cleaned, were set aside to dry, and Sai quickly rinsed off his hands, before turning, and watching Kento for a minute.
* I'll bet he doesn't even remember...* Sai blinked, watching him eat. Ah, he had prepared that food. He'd cooked for the one who so hated him. A quick shake of his head was made, before he headed to the doorway, and turned. The room was lit by candle light, as was the rest of the
house. The storm had knocked out power, and the bleakness of the sky made it impossible to see other wise.
All the better for Sai.
He gave a half smile, before calling out softly. " I hope the foods okay...It was hard to in the dark..." Kento grinned and nodded.
" Perfect as always, Sai! " Sai sighed dully.
* Yep...he doesn't remember...* A short shrug, unnoticable in the almost blackness, was made, before he walked the rest of the way from the kitchen, and sauntered to the livingroom where Rowen sat, leaning back against his favorite chair, the one Sai had laughed at him about for still owning. The covering was designed with various cartoon characters, the seat was deformed, and the recliner refused to tuck back in. But nonetheless, Rowen kept it, claming it was as good as it always was.
The halfsmile upon Sai's face grew, as he walked to the couch, and lay down upon it, yawning. It was just past 5, but with the dreary weather, Sai still felt sleepy.
Sleepy was one of the only things he could feel as of late.
Rowen blinked, the yawn rousing him from his reading. " Oi, Sai." He rubbed at his eyes, before marking his book and closing it, setting it aside him.
" 'ello." Sai replied flatly, scratching at the flesh of his arm. When had it become so itchy?
" Think the storm'll blow over any time soon?" Rowen glanced over at the other, and snickered while watching him, mildly amused.
" I'm not sure. That's more of your area of ex-ow..." Sai's sentence was cut of as he blinked, looking at his sleeve. The blue cloth darkened with crimson streaks. A quick shake of his head was made, as he placed the arm behind his back.
" Somethin' wrong?"
" N-no, I'm fine..." Rowen stood then, and walked to the couch, kneeling aside of it.
" Here, let me see." He held out his hand casually, and became puzzled, as Sai grew defensive and stood, taking a step away.
" I said I'm fine. I may be weak, but it's not like I'm a baby or something." And Rowen stood as well, blinking.
" Sai? What're you talking about? I asked if I could check your arm. What's this abou-" And then a scream was heard from the kitchen, just as another crackle of thunder filled the air. The scream was followed by short gargles, and a sound of something hitting the floor. Rowen, with Sai's arm momentarilly forgotten, ran to the kitchen, Sai following behind him. And when he got there...
" Kento...? " Kento lay sprawled on the floor, face down. His back heaved with his breaths, yet aside from that, he lay motionless. The breath itself seemed wrong...it sounded clogged, fluidly.. " 'Ey, hento...?" Rowan walked aside the other and knelt, before turning him to his stomach...and staring, aghast.
A lathargic amount of blood seaped from hardrock's lips, obviously the cause of the fluid breathing, and in the puddle upon the floor...
Lay a solitary shard of glass.
"Kento...!" He stood quickly, before looking around, and spying a plate of food. It had been in his food...But Sai prepared it..." Sai, go get Seiji!!" But Sai just stood there, looking down at the other, at the crimson fluid running from his lips. The green hues held emptiness, his arms were held limply at his sides.
" Sai!!" The boy, at the repeated mention of his name, blinked himself into reality, and nodded, rushing upstairs, and returning soon after with Sage and Ryo, who were immediatly helping the fallen Ronin. Sai, again, just stood there for a moment, he kept hearing his name repeated, yet the tones were meshed, and no word was understood. He took a step back, and then another, and then turned and ran upstairs.
~~~
" Kento'll be fine, Sai." the bluehaired boy stated, sitting upon teh floor next to teh couch, and staring at the other. This seemed uncomforting to Sai, who blinked, and sat up.
" What...?"
" Sai, what happened?" Rowen continued staring. Sai blinked, and waved a hand defensively.
" I..I'm not sure. I must've gotten a shard of glass in his food...It was dark..."
" Acidentally?"
" Of course, acidentally!" Sai replied, outraged. " I wouldn't do something like that on purpose!" He crossed his arms tighter across his chest.
" Alright..I just don't see how you could get one shard of glass in someone's food by accident..." A pause. " Sai...If you did, ya know, you can tell me. I wo-"
" What the hell do you keep saying that for?! I wouldn't do something like that!" He blinked. That didn't sound like him. He hardly ever raised his voice. " And I don't want you to think I did, Rowen...." He tried to reclaim what little reserves he had left. Tears began to sting his eyes, and he felt himself shudder. The thoughtof Rowen thinking him a bad person...tore him up. Rowen was the last person he wanted upset with him...
Rowen shook his head and stood, turning away from Sai. " Why not?" He stated flatly. Sai, clumbsily, stood quickly, and embraced Rowen from behind. It was now or never...If he didn't tell him now, he might never....
" Because I....I love you, Touma!" His arms were tight about the other's waist, and he buried his head in the other's back, his tears moistening the other's shirt. And then he paused. Touma stiffened.
" Let go of me." Sai felt his grip fade, and he staggered a step back. " Right now...with all of this happening...I'm...not sure I feel anything for you like that..."
Sai winced visibly, and took another step back. " Touma..."
" Don't call me that." Rowen remained facing away from him, his voice cold. Sai shook his head. He didn't want Rowen to be mad at him...He wanted Rowen to tell him everythign would be okay, like all the other times he had. He wanted him to hold him and say he could tell him anything...But Rowen stood there, his voice like a barracade keeping Sai out of what he once thought was home.
A moment, before Sai turned, and ran to the door and threw it open, running out into the rain, letting the ice cold water again peirce him, letting the sounds of the thunder and the crash of lightening embrace him, coating him in his element.
~~~
Rowen sighed. Sai still hadn't come back, and the weather had worsened moreso. He knelt in his room, going through his clothes, sorting them, for lack of anything else to do. If he didn't come back soon, he was going to go after him...
Kento was resting in his room. He was resting after his near death experience. Again, a sigh. Had Sai done that purposely...? He wanted to believe the other didn't...but, even if it was dark...what were the odds of one shard of glass getting into someone's food...? A blink then, as he pulled up a shirt from a few days ago.
Kento had been mean to Sai that night...He had gone upstairs to see if Sai was okay. He said he was...but the way he had embraced him...Sai's embrace had been empty. It was obvious the other was hurting...but he didn't complain or confide in anyone, even if they asked.
Again, a sigh, as he brought the shirt to his face and hugged it...before pausing. Twin streaks of discolored crimson rest on the back of the shirt. For a moment, this puzzled him, before he blinked.
* Here, let me see.
I said I'm fine. I may be weak, but it's not like I'm a baby or something!! *
He had said his arm was fine...
He had also said he hadn't dropped the glass in purposely...
But, then, what he said didn't seem to matter. It hit Rowen then, strongly. Something was definatly wrong with Sai.
The shirt was left upon the floor, as the room was emptied, and Rowen ran out into the storm, Running blindly through the darkness, chasing after the essence of water itself.
~~~
He glared at the tree then, with utter contempt. The tree was sturdy, and was surrounded by people like itself...But he....was surrounded by nothing, by an endless void of darkness threatening to overwhelm him. Sai was no longer Sai. Sai had been killed long ago.
Another long glare was made at the tree, before his arm rose, and he brought his wrist, repeatedly, against the tree, over and over, in hard bangs. Just as the other day, the pain was not felt. This seemed to enrage Sai more. He wanted to feel pain. He wanted everything tearing him inside to go away and leave him with the dull throb of his physical wounds. Physical wounds would eventually heal.
The vein in his wrist had long since ruptured, and the flesh was a dark purple, the bone's about the joint broken, yet he continued slamming his arm against the tree. The skin was torn, and a bit of crimson slid down the flesh of his wrist quickly, with the freezing droplets of rain thinning the blood, streaking it upon him. He cried audibly then, the sound chocked, gnarled.
" Stop crying, you weak bastard!! You're no good to anyone!! You're a pansy, you're-"
" Sai!!" Sai stopped his banging, and blinked, before wiping at his eye with his good arm. It was Rowen. Rowen had come after him...Rowen soon was seen by the British boy, and he edged back, the blood quickly seaping from his veins, onto the foliage he was standing upon.
" Sai...It's storming, why are you out here?"
" Leave me alone, Rowen..." He replied, his arm in clear view of the archer, as he raised his other arm, and began hitting it against the tree. Rowen saw the blood on the first arm, and swiftly took a step forward.
" Sai, you're bleeding...please, stop it...come back home..." Sai took anotehr step away, continuing.
" I said go away...."
" Sai...."
" Stop calling me that!!" Rowen was taken aback at the other's scream, and just watched, helplessly. " I'm not Sai anymore, damn it!! There is no god damn Sai!!" Rowen, again, edged closer.
" Damn it, Sai, stop it now, or I'll-"
" Or you'll what? Hurt me? Stand there and do nothing?! Tear out my heart AGAIN?! Wait, A person can only loose their heart once!" The other wrist was punctured, and a crimson flow drained down the pale skin. The stormed was pulled up a level, the rain pattering dangerously against the trees about them, the trees themselves swaying about in the unrelenting wind. Rowen couldn't stand it then. He leapt at Sai, screaming.
" Stop it now!" He managed to pin Sai down by the wrists, getting the other boys blood upon him. " Do you really think this would make any of us happier?! Damn it, Sai, I care too much about you to let anything like this happen!! I l-" Rowen fell forward hard, as Sai kicked him hard in the back, knocking him away from him.
Another flash of lightening filled the sky, and the low rumble of thunder was again heard. The clouds roiled softly, and the rain became sharper.
" None of that matters any more, Rowen...Not anymore...." And then, Something was drawn from Sai's possession...
" S-sai...?!" And then, the storm didn't mean anything. The world, in one swift motion, seemed to shatter about him. The blackness of the sky was reflected upon Rowen's face, a whimper escaping him, before the blade came down...
And the foliage was watered by blood.
~~~
The storm had ended two days ago. The ground was muddy, trees were uprooted...damage had been everywhere...but that didn't seem to matter now. Nothing did. The boy stood, drawing blue tassles away from his eyes.
" Ai shiteru, Sai..." He whispered sullenly, before he turned, and headed for home.
~~~
In the arms of the angel, fly away from here.
From this dark, cold, hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear.
You are pulled from the wreakage of your silent reverie.
You're in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here.
You're in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here...
~ Sarah Mclachlan