I don't own Bleach! Yay! Wish I did. Anyway, it's late and I need to get up in six hours for a nice long day of work. My computer does basic editing for me but I can promise I missed something, so let me know. I noticed that although last years Homeless Trash got a lot of hits and that my one-shots don't go over too well seeing as, well, I don't put as much energy into them and they tend to be based on what could have happened rather than making up my own plot. I guess this fic could be for Grimmjow's b-day this year seeing as I did a long one last year and Ulquiorra only got a one-shot, this year I'll do the opposite (I hope fingers crossed). I've ranted enough, on with the story! Not that anyone will really get it and like it but that's okay!
I don't know what's come over me. I can't explain why I'm doing this, I guess it just seems right. I may have lived if I just lay there, but I could have died as well. So I might as well die doing something that I feel was right. I don't have time to go into details. I got defeated by Kurosaki, and then Nnoitra almost killed me. I blindly staggered away from their fight. Somehow when I woke up I found myself in the room of the Curtro. I felt him die. That pretty much explains why I am now crawling up to the dome of Las Noches, splattering blood, my blood, on my way up.
It was no secret that Ulquiorra was fascinated with humans, their emotions, their hearts, their way of life. And although I was no genius it was quite obvious that he envied them, that he wanted to know what emotions were, that he wanted to feel them. Not too long ago, when I had lost my arm and rank, I found a place in the World of the Living that allowed me to feel human. I knew it was addicting and that I wanted to hate it but I could only be pulled by the thought of what used to be. What had I been like when I was alive, what would it be like to be human again?
As I already mentioned I don't know why I have decided to do this, but I want to take Ulquiorra's body to that place. I have finally reached the dome, the place where his body should lay, finding something pure white against pure black should be easy. But I can't find it. Maybe he is still alive secretly watching, laughing, mocking, as I kill myself trying to look for his corpse. But that can't be, even he can't fake his own death, make his energy, his scent, just vanish.
Perhaps I am too late. Perhaps someone removed his body already. My senses are failing me but I swear I am the first to come up here. Maybe Kurosaki took it as some kind of sick trophy. There is rubble and debris, perhaps some bunt blood, other than that there is nothing, and I feel as if I am going in circles. My, my body can no longer carry my weight, I will lie here and die.
But I don't want to die. I want to live, I want to fight. But why, for what? Defiantly not for Aizen, I no longer need to fear regression, I can no longer get stronger. Perhaps I no longer wish to fight. I don't know why I fought in the first place, there is no meaning to anything, I am Hollow, and trying to create meaning is stupid, trashy. I wish I could just be like the sand and ash of Hueco Mundo, bleak, boring, never looking for a reason, always existing, never dying, never thinking. Just there.
Heh, it's kinda pretty. I think I've lost the feeling in my fingers, but it feels cool. What a funny thing, sand and ash….Ash? Ash! I have somehow found energy. The ash there is no ash in Hueco Mundo, this is Ulquiorra, the almighty fourth was reduced to some mere ashes! Haha, I win! I am king! I lived while everyone else died. But I was defeated too, I will die too. Stupid Kurosaki just wanted to take pity on me. I fucking hate him!
I manage to scoop up the ash into a small pile, it doesn't even fit into my fist, it is so small. Most of it must have blown away. I scoop up every last bit before me, taking it into my palm. I close both fists around what was left of my superior, for safe keeping. Closing my eyes I manifest the Garganta to the human world one final time. There is no need to look back, I am leaving nothing behind.
The walk is long. My body is growing tired again but I must press on for if I collapse this time I will not get a second wind, a burst of power, if I collapse this time, if I stop to rest, to catch my breath, I will die. The walk through the darkness feels like I am walking towards my death. As if I am a criminal on the death row and am walking towards my excision. I'm scared, I don't want to die, I don't want to die. My eyes blur with tears but they are not shed, shedding them would waste too much energy, the reaitsu under my feet is becoming harder to control, it is thinning, cracking. I need to focus. I press my fists to my chest , there, the tears are gone.
Finally, we're here. There's light, sunlight, real sunlight. There's plants, and trees, water, rocks, mosses, flowers, there are fish in the stream, dragonflies buzz in the air, there's life, everywhere. Who knew such a simple thing could be so perfect. It seems silent, perhaps it is my hearing going, but there is noise, I know there is noise. There is also a beautiful fragrance, wet earth, bark, moss, flowers. There are no sakara trees here though, it is winter in Japan, but here it is late spring. An assortment of flowers grow at our feet, violets, orchids, daisies, buttercups, lilies, and many I do not know.
It's pleasantly warm, well, it should be I can no longer feel the air, it looks warm, smells warm. Your hands are cold though, it feels like there was still some snow on the ground and I scooped it up. What is that, I don't recall ever seeing it before, some type a tree? A willow you say, a weeping willow? My hearing has gone but it seems to be calling to us, don't you think? Let's go.
Yes it is beautiful isn't it, shall we die here? Yes, yes, let's lay down, you can lie on my chest. Here now, here we are, together. What will happen to us when we die Ulquiorra? Will we go to Hell? No you're right, you wouldn't go to Hell, you are to perfect for the, the universe wouldn't allow it. Will we reincarnate then? Perhaps we will become Shinigami even, some reason it doesn't seem too bad now. I want to stay with you.
Did you know all this time, all my energy I spent fighting you was a plea. I was trying to say "Hey, look at me! I'm here! I'm worthy of your attention." I always thought I wanted to die with you, a tie, a draw, where we killed each other, but I think this is better. Just us, together, in this beautiful place. You look like a fucking angel. Did you know that?
I'm hardly an angel.
Yeah, fine, but you're an angel to me, you're my angel, how about that?
Grimmjow why are you doing this?
I don't know, I said that already when we left your room.
I feel strange.
Me too.
Is this death then? I never figured it would feel warm.
It's my body heat dumbass. The last of it too, savour it, my heart is giving the last of everything to you.
The heart, I do not have a heart.
Well I'm feeling something from you. You're finally warm, I feel thumping, now maybe I'm going delusional, you know, seeing as all I can really do now is see, but I'm sure it's your heart. Yeah, do you see it? It is your heart!
Yes I-I do. I can see it, what my eyes cannot see does not exist so it exists! It exists Grimmjow! But…what is reflected in my eyes means nothing.
Does it, does it really? I brought you all the way here so you could finally see your heart and now you are going to call it trash? You can see yourself can't you, just as clearly as you can see me, but you're not trash, your heart is a part of you, so it isn't trash either.
No, I am also trash, you however, I am starting to believe otherwise.
Then it can't be your heart because it would be trash, and it can't be mine because I feel it beating in your body.
The same beating comes from your own chest.
Then it's our heart! We'll share it!
Ours, sharing, it is a miracle what one can discover.
See I told you this place would do the trick.
I believe that the place has little to do with it, I believe it is you Grimmjow.
We fall silent. There is nothing to fill the silence, our hearing long past gone. My vision is growing darker, I wonder if his is as well. I can no longer feel my broken bones, my tired body, my seeping wounds, my sweaty hair, nor the weight that is Ulquiorra on my chest. But I can feel the warmth, the beating of his, no, our heart.
Grimmjow is this…
Is this what Ulquiorra?
"Is this what the humans call love?"
"Yeah."
"It's beautiful."
"You're beautiful, my angel…my angel of death. Hey! Why-why are you crying?"
"I-I d-on't know. Y-you're crying t-too."
"S-sh-it, I am. I-I can't lift m-my arm t-to wi-pe you're t-tears, sor-ry."
"It's-" he coughs a bit, "It's okay."
Again we fall into silence, my vision goes completely black, all I can see, all I can hear, is him. But I know I can only do that in my mind, in my heart.
"G-Grimm-jow! I-I ca-n't see! I can't s-see!"
"Shh, i-it's okay. I lo-lost my sight a f-few minutes a-ago."
...
"I think it's time."
"Yeah, let's go together." He nods. "I love you Ulquiorra, no matter what happens, I want you to know that."
"I love you too, Grimmjow."
Death was like walking out of my body, which shouldn't be possible seeing as it was my spirit body, not a living body. This time I turn back, because I am leaving behind all I know, all I cherish, all I love. The world is still silent, but I can once again smell the sickly sweet scent of flowers, flowers are brought to funerals, flowers mean death. I see my battered sprit body, sitting in a pool off its own blood, finally relax, free of my control, I watch sadly as ash scatters against the bloody chest. Suddenly the body cracks and breaks. It turns to dust and as that happens I am pulled away.
The wind blows one final soft sigh, causing the willow branches to flow and the ash and dust mingle, become one, before blowing away together. The world starts up again. The stream flows and fish leap, bees buzz flower to flower, trees creak in the gentle wind, leaves rustle, freshly hatched dragonflies skim the water and the air. This area is full of young life, and old life, it general this place is very much alive. There is no sorrow here for this is where the heart lives. And the heart knows that there really is no such thing as death. The two lovers will return here in due time. For now they shall be one with the earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.