Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or Bayside. This is my first FF. Please send in reviews- criticism is welcomed.

They Looked Like Strong Hands

So, this year, I got more on my plate then I expected. But…I'm not sure if I'm happy. I'm not sure if this is really what I want. With something as big as this, I could fail at any second. I could lose it all so quickly.

This isn't who I am.
From confidence to self doubt in 60 seconds.

This record deal means everything to me. It's what I've always wanted. I've been dreaming of this moment since…forever. But it just doesn't feel right.

Storming stages and stereos from here to there, trying to prove that I belong.
Trying to win approval from people that I don't know.

I never expected it to be this much work. The music I wrote…what we recorded…it's not me. It's not what I write. And I don't like it. They changed me. That's not what I wanted. It was no use trying to argue- it was either live my dream under a mask, or not live it at all. But, my friends and family don't have to know that. They can't know how fake I am.

And I look so strong when the weight of all the world don't take it's toll.
And I'd choose my sides if I believed in what was right, but I'm all wrong.

Touring is a pain. I never get time to call my family. Or Manny. Or Ellie. They would treat me like always. These people I meet…they think I'm the next Elvis or something.

I'm not larger than life, I'm not taller than trees.
Do I mean what I say? Is it just this disease where I never go home.

This is killing me. Who said my dream would be so hard? It's music. You feel it. Why is it killing me?

Never telling the truth how this life eats away.
Not admitting I'm fake and I'm questioning whether this whole thing was worth it to die poor and all alone?

I wrote songs about Manny because I convinced myself she was the right person for me. But she's not. That's not how it is. It was Ellie all along.

And I look so strong when the weight of all the world don't take it's toll.
And I'd choose my sides if I believed in what was right, but I'm all wrong.

When I saw Ashley at graduation that day, I talked to her. Alone. She told me Ellie liked me. And I knew it. And I should've followed my intuition earlier. So of course, when Ashley reassured me, I felt like everything was falling into place.

Just don't tell me this doesn't mean the world, 'cause my ears would bleed and my heart would hit the floor.

Then Ashley left and Manny came. She kissed me on the cheek and said she was happy to have me back in Degrassi.

"Manny…I have to tell you something."

"Me too Craig…I love you."

And that was it. That's why I'm still with Manny. I couldn't break her heart. I always said she was like my kid sister, and I meant it. I would never hurt her. That's why, every night, every bar, I introduce the song as being for 'the love of my life' and I look at Manny and smile. But really, I'm wishing it was Ellie.

And I look so strong
when the weight of all the world
don't take it's toll.
And I'd choose my sides
if I believed in what was right,
but I'm all wrong.