A/N This is a short chapter just to give you what is to come. This will be a dark but somewhat humorous fic. I well post chapter two as well just so you have more. I am working on chapter three and hope to have posted by the end of the weekend.
I do not own Victorious or receive any money for the writings done on this site.
Circle the Drain
It has been six years since we waked the halls of Hollywood Arts. We were the kings and queens of one of the most sought after performance arts high schools in the country. That was six long years ago, and so much has changed. Cat and Beck moved to take New York on by storm and haven't stopped since. Cat, with her ever growing music career, and Beck has taken Broadway on with a vengeance and is making it his. Robbie has moved to London where he is top dog at the BBC. Andre has taken on the West Coast music business like it was made for him.
Then there is me lying awake late in the bedroom that had become cold and lonely with every minute that she is gone. The home we made together is like an empty tomb of sadness and anger.
The looks she gives me, with those empty eyes. Those eyes, that once had been so bright and full of life, have become dark and dead. At one time she would have done anything, for anyone. She was so nice and caring. I had fallen in love with her almost from the first time I saw her, but now, she is gone. All that is left behind is the cold hearted vessel of the person she was before.
We are left with the bitterly angry, cold person that had once made my days brighter and my nights louder with passion, which she would show with every touch of my body. Now I watch the woman that I love wash that passion away with every drink. I lose her even more with every push of the needle into her arm. I just want to take away the demons that make her turn from me to the drugs that she thinks makes her better. I was supposed to be her only drug; my love was all the high she was supposed to need. Not the pills she takes, that she washes down with booze. I was supposed to be all she ever needed, but now she runs from me to the white powder in a baggie and a spoon.
I know every time she tells me that she loves me more than life itself, she is not really pledging to me, but the idea of the next time she can tie her arm off and fill herself with that false love that she pumps in to her veins.
She stood with me in front of all of our friends and family and told me that she will love me through the good and bad, richer and poorer, until death do us part. Only to bring her own death closer every day.
At first I could still see glimpses of My Tori in the mess that stood in front of me, but now I can see that My Tori has died, and she left the body of an alcoholic drug abuser to take her place. I have always thought if I could just get her help, but it never worked. She would be dry and clean for a few months and then she would have to go back out on the road and it would start all over again. I would beat my head against the wall trying to find a way to help her stay clean, but then I realized that I can't help someone that doesn't want help, so I had to watch her slowly kill herself. I want to walk away, but I can't. From high school to now, it has always been Jade and Tori. But now it's just me. Tori is no longer mine, she belongs to the drugs.
It's not a question of if I will ever be enough for her again. The question is, why was I not enough for her to begin with? I lie awake, hoping for an answer, only to get silence and the feel of heartbreak. Knowing that only a few feet away, in the other room, is a little girl lying awake in her bed, wondering if her mommy was ever coming home. I feel the heartache knowing that our daughter cries herself to sleep calling for her mommy that will never call back.
Tori will never be the loving, caring mother she once was. My heart cracks into two every time I rub my baby bump, knowing that this child will never know the woman that brought so much light to my life. He will only know the dark hate that lives in her body now.
I waited all night for her, but she never came home. I wake our daughter up and get her ready. We grab the bags that are filled with our lives and we walk out of the house that was supposed to be our happy home. I left Tori behind. I left with our children, because we just can't watch Tori circle the drain anymore. I took the love I once had with me in my heart and left the heartbreak behind to raise my family alone. "I love you, Tori, but I can't be your fucking mother. And I can't circle the drain with you any longer," I said as I closed the door to our now broken home.