You're Not Her
Disclaimer- I do not own Glee or any of it's characters.
A/N: This is just a one-shot from Quinn's POV and loosely based on canon events, though it doesn't really matter here. It's sort of written in the same way as In the sappiest songs, with no dialogue. I know that it's short, but it's Faberry in the end.
Summary: Quinn is at Yale, happy, carefree and heading towards her first winter in New Haven. She has a boyfriend, but as perfect as he is, she cannot seem to stop thinking about a certain someone from her past. The title is from Ed Sheeran's Sunburn.
Chris...Chris is the kind of guy that walks into a room and captures all attention without meaning to. He just has one of those kindly attractive faces. All it took was a bright smile and a question, "Is someone sitting here?" to snap Quinn out of her focus on her work in the library.
After that day, he came back, regularly, asking that same question until he mustered up enough courage to actually ask her out. She found him cute...so she obliged, thinking nothing will come of it.
Little did she know she'd found such a great catch in him (all the girls on her floor say so). And he's proved to live up to her now slightly lowered expectations.
Like being so nice, picking up her coffee for her and bringing it to her daily. Pretty much whenever she wants. She should be happy. He tells her she's doing great even though she sometimes doesn't feel that way (her playwright class is pretty tough). He even treats her to dinner every Friday like clockwork, at seven, any restaurant she chooses. She's not one to turn down free food.
She doesn't even have to call him, he just shows up at six thirty every Friday with his gleaming smile that'll light up a room. It's hard to say no to that smile, it reminds her of someone else... No. He's all she needs, he's wonderful to her.
Every girl on campus and even the professors fawn over him and his hazel eyes, Quinn sees hazel in the mirror every day, nothing special there. His eyes paired with his chiseled body, tan skin and sandy blonde hair probably have more to do with their obsession with him. They keep telling her "He's so hot!" or "You're so lucky!" He's the lucky one in her book. She could have anyone she wants...well, anyone except for...
No. She can't keep doing this to herself. It's about time she move on, isn't it? It's been almost six months since she's seen her, and back then she was all mixed up in some mess with Finn and her current boyfriend. It was weird and unbelievable how much she'd changed. Her hair, clothes, makeup...all seemed like some sort of disguise. She was playing a part… of whom, Quinn doesn't even know. Maybe she's just trying to fit in, but it wasn't her. The girl Quinn fell for.
Yeah, she fell in love with Rachel in high school and now that it's over, they never see each other as much as they used to (every day). It's a hard pill to swallow, but she has to move on. She has to. Chris is really nice, he holds her hand when they walk down the street (although his palms are a little too sweaty and rough), he pulls out her chair for her at restaurants, and he rubs her back when it gets sore and stiff, (his hands are useful then). He's a good boyfriend. He is. He is.
But...
He's not her.
So what if he's not? He's been there for her through some tough times, she even cried in front of him before and he tried to soothe her by just holding her in silence, it was enough. It's okay if he didn't know what to say. It's sort of the norm for him, not talking, he is a soft spoken man.
Not everyone talks a mile a minute, or tells everyone how they feel at any moment's notice. So what if he holds his cards close to his chest? Maybe he's just afraid of getting hurt, she gets that. She doesn't get why he disappears for days without a call, not that she's worrying. It's just funny.
What's not funny is the fact that she broke down recently when he was gone and called her. Rachel. She said she was having a crisis and Quinn talked her through it. Quinn accidently wished out loud that she could be there with her. She thanked God when Rachel said she would finally take that trip and put that Metro North pass to use.
It's Friday and Rachel's on her way to New Haven. She had to cancel with Chris tonight, feigning sickness, but he automatically understood and didn't question her. She likes that about him. The clock said 5:45 pm when Rachel called to say she was boarding. It's almost seven thirty now.
Usually she and Chris would be at some Asian fusion restaurant or something waiting to be seated. It's been that way for the last six months, and now...
Wow. She looks good, still a little over the top, but it's her now. Everything else...it was awkward at first, but then she loosened up and started talking. And boy did she talk. Quinn missed her voice so much. She sort of wishes she could secretly record her just so she could hear her voice after she's gone. Apparently, a few months ago she broke up with that guy, Brady or something...whatever. So she's single.
But Quinn isn't.
Dammit Chris!
She has to talk to him, he has to know. It's over and he's probably not going to like it. Or he may not mind at all. He's very hard to read. Most guys are easy, but Chris has been an exception.
As she walks to the coffee shop her mind wanders, she thinks about her. Rachel, her eyes up close are so beautiful...her lips, so soft, especially when pressed against her own. Her hands maneuvering shakily up Quinn's sides. She shivers at the memory. She also remembers her scent; she doubts she'll ever forget. Her voice after, it was a little above a whisper, the way her tone softened. Her ears burn, she misses it...her already even though she only left yesterday.
The entire weekend was a blur, it seemed shorter for some reason. Rachel stayed, they talked, they ate and then things progressed rapidly after Saturday night. That night, Quinn couldn't hold it in any longer. Rachel was going off on a tangent about what he put her through and she couldn't not tell her. She practically yelled at her, "Rachel you're beautiful, he didn't deserve you!"
She shocked the girl. Into silence. Followed by a tuck of hair behind an ear, a blush and stuttered speech. Quinn took that as an in and ran with it. She showered her with praise, trying to convey what she'd been feeling in as little words as possible.
Rachel caught on soon enough, but Quinn knew she had to be patient and allow her to make the first move.
It took place Sunday, their first kiss. Rachel pulled her in, and Quinn has to admit she was caught off guard, but she returned it as soon as her brain began to function again. Rachel's lips were like satin, the way they would just glide across Quinn's. She gets a chill as she remembers Rachel's tongue, hot and flexing on her own, and swirling...much like her head is now.
Later that night, Rachel reluctantly boarded the train back to New York with a promise to call when she arrived home. But she called during the ride and they stayed on the line the entire trip. It surprisingly wasn't all that awkward, they've been through it before, and Rachel managed to find something (anything) to say to fill in the bouts of silence.
Now, here she is Monday in the chilly pre-winter air standing in front of her favorite coffee shop preparing herself to meet with her soon to be ex-boyfriend. It's never been easy, breaking up, he's going to be blindsided. She knows that feeling oh too well.
His face, she never knew it could look like that, he never cried in front of her before, always a poker face. She's a little uncomfortable trying to soothe him in public like this. He asks why. She tells him she has feelings for someone else. He slams a fist down on the table and she jumps, startled at the sudden movement. He tells her to go and she does after apologizing profusely some more.
The cold air stings in her lungs as she rushes back to her room. Once inside, she calls her up. She tells Rachel about it all and she reassures her. She did the right thing. It was better than cheating and waiting for it to blow up in her face like before.
She visits New York for the first time in almost seven months. She's seeing Rachel for the first time since they're both single and free and willing to give them a try. It seemed impossible but then it didn't, it wasn't just a fantasy. It was real. It was hers. Rachel was hers.
Rachel is hers.
But…they live two hours away.
Two hours. A little more when there's a crowd. It's hard to maintain and schedule visits around classes. Sometimes it's unbearable how much she misses her. When they do get time to see each other, Quinn makes sure to hug her as much as possible. Tell her how beautiful she is and kiss her. Kiss her as if she'll never get to again until their lips are swollen.
Rachel made them a schedule and she has it programmed into her phone. She loves how organized Rachel is. It makes things a little easier to handle.
Chris hates her. She expected that. She didn't expect almost everyone to take his side and stop inviting her to parties. Some girls have asked her what her problem was, as if she had to have been wrong in breaking up with the hottest guy ever to exist. Idiots. They don't know her and they think they know him. Hell, she didn't even really get to know him all that well in the six months they'd dated.
For all she knows he could have been a Dexter wannabe, killing people on weekends. It fits with his little disappearing acts he'd pull every once in a while. She sort of hopes he is, it'll show those girls a thing or two.
He was sweet to her though. He was handsome. He was good for her.
But…he wasn't her. He'll never be her. He couldn't measure up to her.
Rachel is sweeter, kinder, so forgiving. She is very beautiful. Her hair is made of silk, her skin feels smooth and flawless under Quinn's fingertips. Uncovering her for the first time felt like a blessing. Quinn loves her so much. She knows Rachel loves her back, too. She tells her so.
Chris loved her, she sees it now. The bags under his eyes, with the sunken cheekbones. People side-eye her everywhere she goes. They call her heartless. She has a heart, but it only belongs to Rachel.
He wants her back. She refuses. Because she didn't love him. She never did. He should've been enough for her, he should have.
But...
He wasn't her.