Kanda
By: Klutzilla01
Summary: Is a goldfish.
Genre: Humor/Parody
Setting: Hopefully, preteens, no actual seriousness
Warning: Kanda's a goldfish
Disclaimer: I don't own -man.
When Lavi went to Allen's house to play, he had not expected to enter the home in silence; much less cleanliness….
Yes, definitely the cleanliness.
"Honey…?" Lavi called out nervously, carefully stepping about. He was too used to the mess made by Cross and Allen and their constant spats. "I'm home…?" he offered lamely as he looked around the house.
Finally, Lavi reached the kitchen, and the sight before him took up so much emotions…. That his face became blank. He found Allen, mind you. But he also found a fish.
And the two were having some sort of glaring contest.
Slowly, Lavi snapped out of his random daze and then moved to Allen's side. "Allen….?" he called out curiously, trying to look at the fish.
He wasn't even given a side-glance.
Lavi cleared his throat. "Allen." he said, a bit firmer.
No response.
"Allen!"
Nothing.
Lavi puffed his cheeks out and crossed his arms. He hated being ignored! He cupped his mouth with his hands.
"ALLEN WALKER!" He shouted. But instead of his desired response, he got a weak, drunk 'SHUT UP' no doubt from a hung over Cross in the next room. He had a weak resolution to respond but before he could….
"It's glaring." Lavi perked up and turned to Allen.
"What?"
"The fish. It's glaring at me." It took Lavi one minute to register this fact.
"NO SERIOUSLY! LET ME SEE!" The red-head shoved Allen to the floor and then smashed his face to the side of the glass bowl.
It was true; the fish really was glaring at Lavi.
Maybe even ten times more than with Allen!
Lavi was having an orgasm.
"OMGALLENWTFIZZATAGOLDFISHMADEOFWINORSOMETHINGCUZIFSOITISSOFRIGGINAWESOMETHATIWANTONEHEYALLENISITYOURSCANIHAVEITCANIHAVEITP;EASEPRETTYPLEASEIPROMISETOFEEDITANDTAKECAREOFITANDALLTHATOTHERJAZZZBECAUSEYOUALSOHAVETIMCAMPY"
Lavi then proceeded to point at the golden dog that barked in the corner,
"ANDITWOULDN'TBEFAIRTOHAVETHISAWEOSMEGOLDFISHMADEOFTOTALWINANDTHENALSOHAVEYOURDOGSOCANIHAVEITCANIHAVEITPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!"
Allen was slightly blown away with Lavi's no breath speech, but then, slowly returned to his lightly pissed off face that was originally directed at the fish.
"It's not mine." He said and stood up, brushing off the dirt on his pants. He pushed Lavi out of his chair and resumed his previous position. "It's Lenalee's. His name is…" Allen trailed off and searched for the fish's name. "Oh, yeah! His name is 'Bakanda'."
The fish in the tank began to swim furiously around, not really knowing how to express it's anger.
The two watched it silently. "…Is it retarded?" Allen asked, knowing why it was doing this. Lavi, with his one eye, observed the fish expertly; liking the way one of his fins (I think) looked like a ponytail, and how his side fins looked like a sword (Lavi named it Mugen).
"Yu-chan is so cool!" He beamed, not catching Allen's look of confusion.
"What?"
"Yu-chan!" Lavi exclaimed once again. "Yu, although it can be masculine, is usually a feminine name in Japanese that has the characters for Beauty Or something like that!" He started to whistle, enjoying the glare Bakanda gave him.
"….You think its beautiful…." Allen stated, after taking in the newfound information. Lavi nodded.
"Isn't she?" Allen did a double take.
"'She'!"
"Yes! Of course Yu-chan's a girl! No male fish could ever be so beautiful!" Lavi took the bowl and hugged it tightly. The tiny "female" fish inside was frantically swimming inside, ramming its head to the side of the bowl and hitting its sword fin to where Lavi's chest is, as if hoping to stab him.
"Aww, she likes me!" Lavi Cooed, hugging it even tighter (if possible).
Allen had a face of skepticism as he put his finger inside the water. Immediately, Kanda (for that was its actual name) swam up to it and started hitting it with its sword fin, as if it thought it could slash him.
"I don't know Lavi…" Allen took his finger out and the fish resumed its previous activities (Trying to stab Lavi) "He seems kinda …hostile to me…"
Lavi glared at Allen. "Not he; she." The one-eyed boy said, matter-of-factly.
Allen said nothing. I still think it's a boy.
Lavi then kicked him in the shin.
Immediately, He cradled his shin and started spouting out curses that he learned from Cross. "D-DAMMIT LAVI! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!" He screamed angrily for he was in pain.
Lavi huffed. "I can read your mind!" He said. Allen knew this meant Lavi could read his face. Allen caught the smirk/glare Kanda was giving him; and immediately, he knew what to give Cross for dinner tonight.
"Don't insult Yu-chan!" Lavi stuck out his tongue and held Kanda as if he was shielding it from harm.
Allen could still see the glare.
"Why do you even have Yu-chan anyways? If she belongs to Lenalee, wouldn't she be at Lenalee's house!" Lavi accused.
"She can't do her homework with Bakanda glaring at her every second." Lavi thought for a moment.
"So is she home?" He asked.
"Yes."
Lavi set Kanda's bowl down gently…. Before running at full speed out of the apartment building and to the one next door. The Lee's and the Walkers lived next to one another.
Allen, for a moment, was speechless, but soon recovered and went away to watch T.V, Leaving Kanda by his lonesome.
Lenalee was just minding her own business and doing her math homework when Lavi came.
The young boy broke her door down, screaming his lungs off, flailing his arms, and then ran over to Lenalee in his spazztastic manner.
Of Course Lenalee screamed.
And of course, Komui her elder brother, ran into the room with a war cry. When he got there, he saw Lavi screaming at his dearest Lenalee and then began to yell and kick him to get out.
Soon, chaos erupted in Lenalee's room with 3 people screaming their heads off, and then having two others physically fighting one another.
During all of this, Allen sat on top of a drunk Cross (who was too hung over with beer to even care) eating popcorn in a bag while Kanda the fish swam in his bowl, held loosely by the boy.
Honestly, Allen could care less if he dropped it, he was too busy watching his favorite show ever (it was called -(wo)man and the characters Allison and Kana reminded him of Himself and Bakanda strangely enough).
Allen, Cross, Timcampy, and Bakanda decided to ignore the screaming's and yelling's as well as poundings on the opposite side of the wall.
After all, they didn't want to get caught in the cross-fire.
A/N: FINISHED! If you want anymore of the Kanda Series just ask… He won't be a goldfish though (Maybe if you ask enough I might get to it though.
I'll work on everything when Summer is done. Dang Play, But I guess it's pretty fun….
Review plz? Constructive Criticism appreciated.